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Topic: The Female Time Sponge
I write this mostly for the younger guys.
One of my jobs involves flying planes. I’m mostly a ferry pilot which means I fly for agents.
When I was a slave I had to keep my trips to short haul so I could be back home to slave for longer.
This in turn led to my agency giving me the dregs of work. I was given the s~~~ others laughed at.
All this was very draining on my soul.
When she finally fkd off I was devastated and only survived by throwing myself at work so … well .. I wouldn’t try and kill myself … AGAIN.
I worked all the hours and jobs they gave me.
A few years down that road I’m offered contracts with big carriers and my agency invested in conversions for my licences.
I basically went from moving broken planes from airport to airport … 737s and 318/19s to long haul big bucks a340 and now training on a350s.
Also when home I have a few ventures that are growing and will keep me going after retirement.
I’m debt free, own 2 houses. Have a lovely boat and if it all stopped tomorrow I can still live a good life.
I cannot stress enough how females drain EVERY resource a man has. Both physical, mental and financial.
Don’t fall for the ‘behind every man is a good women’ crap. Women made that up. If they are behind you … its to get your wallet.
I’m sorry girls … you’re now only good for one thing now … and I pay you by the hour for that.
I never believed the ‘if you try hard you’ll succeed’ .. some of that is luck … but … you have a 100% better chance without a female sponge in tow.
Build your empire young men. Build without females but don’t worry … they will come jump your dick …. BY THE THOUSANDS … when you’re king.
Just remember to us the Henry VIII method immediately after.
DON’T FALL IN LOVE …there are more females lining up for you. Younger, firm, athletic and dumb for resources.
THEY have reduced themselves …. don’t let them reduce you.
You’re a MAN. Look around you.
YOU BUILT THIS S~~~ …. EVERTHING.
What an awesome fking place we have made.
Every time I sit in a flightdeck Im in awe of what MEN can do.
We are fking amazing and you young guys will forge a new more awesome world.
I can’t wait to see what you create.
JUST DON’T HAVE A SPONGE IN TOW.
Sorry guys it’s long but interesting (like my dick):
I am female. I support equal rights for all human beings. I am strongly against interfering with another human’s perception of gender which I feel feminism is presently involved in.
I would never have understood MGTOW if I hadn’t been doing research on the phenomenon of female emotional dysregulation during divorce. What you will find in researching this area is that women in increasing numbers are starting to display behaviors associated with personality disorders in their marriages and during and after divorce.
Women who are otherwise psychologically healthy are now becoming emotionally dysregulated.during their marriages, often leading to disordered behavior towards their spouse.
People who work in family law have had to become familiar with the practice of female domestic violence and abuse towards their ex-spouse, parental alienation, criminal accusation during divorce proceedings, custody revenge, abuse of the family law system to attempt to destroy their ex financially and carefully carried out plans to ruin the future lives of their exes after the divorce is finalized.
Because those outside of family law still assume that women are not capable of engaging in this level of violence, criminality and anti-social behaviors toward their family members, especially when they are in other parts of their life meek and mild law-abiding citizens, any attempt to publicize this phenomenon is routinely met with derision.
To accept that this kind of behavior is common in women within domestic environments shakes our core beliefs in two ways.
One, it causes the liberal or feminist part of the Westernized population to question the long-held notion that patriarchy is the cause of female oppression. We now have the unique vantage point to find out what women do after they are freed from oppression.
In hindsight, we find that abuse of power is a human, not a male tendency. For the first time in history we now see that females are equally capable of abuse, violence, oppression and revenge as men.
The second way in which the crisis in female emotional dysregulation shakes our core values comes from the conservative part of the Westernized population. Personality-disordered behavior in women flies in the face of the conservative notion of the pureness and sanctity of women, particularly in areas of sexuality and the role of women in society as a protector of the family.
With the advent of the Internet, men who have found their family and personal lives destroyed by emotionally dysregulated spouses have been able to connect with other men who have been through the same experience. They have compared notes and realized this is a very common social phenomenon.
Early on the men’s rights movement made an attempt to educate others on this crisis, but because of peoples’ unwillingness to let go of their belief about women as a class that must be protected, attempts at education about a new generation of dysregulation in females was met with ridicule and from feminists was met with political attack.
The men’s rights movement was unsuccessful in getting anyone to believe that a considerable portion of the female population was engaging in behaviors associated with Cluster B personality disorders behind closed doors.
It is no surprise that men who have had their family life destroyed by personality-disordered women and have talked to hundreds of other men across the internet who went through the same experience are now willing to go underground to try to warn other men of this crisis in mental health through anonymous forums and blogs.
But it is very sad that the only way for men to stay out of psychological harm until these laws and precedents are changed is for men to say no to the institution of marriage and romantic entanglement. However, it is perhaps the only way to send the necessary signal that this crisis is a real problem that although painful for those who cling to old beliefs, must be addressed.Topic: The Weight Has Been Lifted
Greetings everyone, I wanted to start my first topic by mentioning that I’ve been lurking here for months now via my cellphone, and finally decided to join the discussion (which is unusual for me because in the past I have only become a member of other forums in order to troll). With that being said, prepare yourselves, because I have a long spiel to get off my chest:
In childhood, I never really got along with my younger sister. We would often play together (considering that we shared a bedroom), however our interactions would typically end badly (with her tattling on me over dumb s~~~ like most kids do, or with physical/mental pain being inflicted upon each other). In fact, I think it is worth mentioning that I accidentally cracked her skull open during a tug-of-war over a blanket, not really too sure why we were even fighting over it in the first place… The rare occasions we didn’t brawl was usually when we were both distracted by something like a TV show, movie, or video-game.
Also, before I move-on to my teenage years, I want to bring-up the first time I ever got in “serious” trouble at school (circa first grade). A girl with pig tails on the playground bothered me to the point where I would sneak-up behind her and yank them as hard as I could (honestly can’t remember what she did to provoke me, but I wouldn’t retaliate like that without good reason). And I did this not only once, but multiple times until my teacher talked to me about it one-on-one. Was this a premonition of my future troubles with women? You decide…
I was a late-bloomer, and didn’t intentionally masturbate for the first time until my junior year in high school (before that it was all wet dreams). As you can probably guess, my father never gave me “the talk.” Instead, one day I found a book on my bed explaining the mechanics and biology of sex from a very clinical and scientific perspective, and I have to admit that it never really fostered that much of an interest in me; I glossed-over it until I grew bored, and then proceeded to continue playing whatever video-game I was working on at the time. With that being said, I was always somewhat of an outcast (mostly by choice because I didn’t agree with or like a general majority of the people my age, especially women, who I found immature and fixated on drama like it was some kind of addiction), and thus never went to prom.
Fast-forward a year and I’m working at the Albertsons directly across the street from my high school while also juggling several university courses part-time. This is where my one and only girlfriend asked me out, so to speak (I found many girls attractive enough to proposition for a date in school, but surely enough their personalities always killed whatever romance I had envisioned in my head). Let’s call her “B” for the sake of simplicity and anonymity. She was a tomboy, and because of this her and I were like two peas in a pod due to her views on other females and we also shared many common interests. Needless to say I was stressed as f~~~ working a crappy supermarket position as well as trying to grasp material I could not devote enough time to fully comprehend (JavaScript programming), so throwing a girlfriend into the mix definitely did not make it any easier.
Some background info on B: she had two older sisters plus an older brother who suffered from Asperger syndrome (really upstanding guy, I actually knew him since elementary school where most of my colleagues would tease and belittle him, something I never agreed with even at that age). The relationship her parents shared was built on a broken foundation. She revealed to me early-on how her mother cheated on her father for years (and how her and the rest of her siblings were all bastard children), and yet the guy either didn’t know about it or ignored it. Her real father was a piece-of-s~~~ scumbag who fled the country to the United Kingdom to escape from the child support payments (which must’ve been extremely expensive, considering that he knocked her up four times in a row). When B attempted to establish contact with him via Facebook she discovered that he started a new family across the Atlantic and it was her half-brother who eventually messaged her back saying that their father wanted nothing to do with her and to stop this at once.
Needless to say she was heartbroken, and vowed that she would never cheat on me because of how much her home life had been wrecked by her mother’s decisions. Of course, we all know that AWALT, but at the time I was enraptured by her false promises and delusions of grandeur. We even talked about getting married at some point, how many kids we would have, what types of pets we would own… However our relationship was not perfect, and it almost came to a grinding halt because I spent some time with a coworker of mine at my university (she was attending a community college across the freeway) and B got jealous. Nothing happened between us (and we’re actually still good friends to this day), although B was convinced that I was cheating on her and gave me a proposition: if we were to continue dating I had to drop all of my female friends. I told her this was unfair, considering the fact that (being a tomboy) a majority of her friends were male, and I never accused her of cheating on me, so she was forced to drop it and we resumed as per usual.
I lost my virginity to her during a vacation to Australia that we both split down the middle (which was quite cheap because we stayed at my grandparent’s house, so we pretty much only payed for plane tickets and events we wanted to go to). It was probably the worst way we could have possibly done it, we were in their cramped-as-f~~~ downstairs bathroom so that they couldn’t hear us (they put us in separate bedrooms upstairs next to theirs) and although I got it in just fine I never lasted very long in the sack both then and later because I was really nervous. In hindsight, I actually realized that I was severely depressed at this point in my life because of all my other obligations (having never been depressed in my life I didn’t recognize the signs), and there were several times she wanted to get it on and I wasn’t feeling up to the task (spending hours at school and then working an eight hour shift afterwards really drained my energy, and the only time I got to see her was at the end of my long-ass days). I attended her prom (which made me happy, since I never went to mine), and she got accepted to a university that was about an hours drive from our hometown.
This is where our relationship developed a serious kink: she wanted the (very expensive) “college experience” of living on-campus, and since she was going to a private university it would run her close to $50K a year. I purposely avoided this by commuting to my university, which added to my stress while at the same time saved me a lot in student loans. We decided to turn our SDR into an LDR, although I had neither the time nor the energy to call her every night (didn’t own a cellphone at this point in my life), and thus we slowly drifted apart… Looking-back, this is where I should’ve ended the relationship, but I was naïvely hopeful. I took the weekends off from work so that I could spend several days of the week with her, and would drive-up to her campus once I was off the clock on Friday nights. Week after week of endless commuting and lackluster sex followed, consuming so much of my time that it began to affect my studies; I didn’t care, because I would sacrifice anything and everything for the one I loved.
Something else I didn’t notice until I got more sexual experience was that she almost never bathed regularly, so the two times I attempted to go-down on her it both smelled and tasted horrible, leading me to believe that all pussy was like that and to thus avoid cunnilingus at all possible costs. On top of this, I think part of the reason why it was hard for me to go for round two of sex was because she was the textbook definition of a dead fish: she never made a sound whenever we were doing it, and that wasn’t exactly a turn-on. One day when we were chilling at my house (which was rare, because I was usually at her house or dormitory), she broke the news to me: she wanted to break-up with me. This saddened me, but what truly shattered my heart was that she didn’t have the nerve to tell me why, she just broke-down crying which made me start sobbing as well. I didn’t press her for answers, I figured that if she wanted to do this she must have her reasons. I was later told by my friends who were friends with her on Facebook (something I avoided like the plague) that she updated her profile as being in a new relationship with some guy who was also attending her university less than a week after the break-up. This was after dating her for two and a half years.
This was the only point in my life that I seriously considered suicide, there was no escape from my depression and although it slowly got better with time I knew my wounds would never heal. My parents and friends told me the usual BS, that I would find someone new who would love me more than she ever did, but I knew that this wasn’t true. How could I possibly trust any woman with my heart ever again if the person who I thought was my true love could drop it like a hot potato and move-on to the next person lined-up (probably via Facecrook) only a few days later? Not only this, but the likelihood that she more than likely cheated on me while we were still together makes her whole life a self-fulfilling prophecy in my eyes: she loathed and despised her mom so much for what she had done to her father, vowing to never do that, and yet it still happened regardless. I made the mistake of continuing to be her friend afterwards, although I had no hopes of getting-back together with her, I just wanted to spend time with her once more, despite the fact that this was killing me from the inside. Thankfully I never met my replacement.
My failure at “being a man” in bed alongside our cracked relationship obliterated any confidence I thought I once had, and I continued to spiral downwards into a deeper and darker depression. My libido, which was already somewhat suppressed before by my stress, dropped to nil for the next several years that I was attending my university, and I missed-out on many sexual encounters out of a fear that I wouldn’t be able to sexually satisfy the lady in question, just like my ex. Several friends thought I was crazy while some even got mad at me for not “performing my duty” as a “man,” mostly because they would typically try to sleep with them after I “rejected” them (although in all fairness it was more like I was rejecting myself) and wouldn’t get anywhere with them. For several years I believed that I was actually asexual and lurked the forums on a website known as AVEN (the Asexual Visibility and Education Network), reading thread after thread, slowly convincing myself that I was this sexual orientation. In other words, I just gave-up, although my lingering masturbation habits still puzzled me to say the least.
While lurking AVEN, this is when I slowly grew-apart from their sexless viewpoints and discussions, and started seeking new information. Typing question after question into Google, I discovered many new and interesting viewpoints from the Manosphere, including the red pill and once ingested my life had never been the same. I saw the true nature of women and the laws of hypergamy in a new light, and suddenly everything that had happened to me made complete and total sense. I still felt like something was off though, and it was not until I had an experience with a drug commonly known as ecstasy last Halloween that I came to the conclusion that I am undeniably straight as f~~~, and apparently also horny as hell. I always thought that MGTOW was somewhat of an extremist group prior to this, but after reading many topics over the past several months I think that this is perhaps one of, if not the most eloquent and respectful forum I have ever seen on the internet. We are all gentlemen here, equals in the eyes of one another, which is something that I fear most, if not all women, cannot seem to fathom due to their rose-tinted SMP glasses.
Whew! If you made it all the way to the end then crack-open a because you have most definitely earned it! I never trusted a shrink with this kind of information, both because I refused to ever go to one (much to my mother’s chagrin) and also because they’re simply being paid to listen to your troubles, they don’t or can’t actually relate to your situation, they would rather just shut you up with medications that make you “feel” better. I never needed them regardless, by taking this metaphorical red pill my confidence is now through the roof and probably won’t be diminishing anytime soon! I am now all about self-improvement and completely devoting my spare time to hanging with close friends and enjoying my hobbies; one of my New Years Resolutions is to start a work-out routine, and although I haven’t been as dedicated as I want to be, I am also going to be moving-out from my parents house in roughly a month and start my new life outside of the “nest.” I feel as though I am now in complete control of my life and ready to grab it by the horns! May good tidings and positivity be with you my brothers!
I love this website! After a few weeks of taking the red pill I made this website my home page in my web browser! Once I get my financial situation under control, I’m also going to upgrade my membership to Galt! Because, who wouldn’t want a @mgtow.com email address?!
(Also, sorry for the long post, after I finished writing it, I didn’t realize it was this long)
Ever since I was little, I was raised to be your very stereotypical white knight. I was always taught to hold the door open for women, never hit women, even in self defense, lift heavy objects, and to never call women whores, sluts, c~~~s, etc. And, whenever I was around hot women I wanted to f~~~, I was essentially Raj from the show “The Big Bang Theory.”
Whenever I were around those types of women, I’ve always got nervous to the point I could barely talk around them. I was also raised to believe that being a “nice guy” would get you laid. I was raised to believe that, if you liked that woman and wanted to “keep her” you had to “put a ring on it,” pay for expensive dates, buy expensive flowers and gifts, and be chivalrous at all times. I’m just glad I never wasted that much money on dates. I think the last date I went on with a woman, I spent about $40 dollars.
I’ve seen what relations~~~s do to the men in my family. Granted, those men dug their own graves, but even so, it’s hard not to have sympathy for them. Most are working themselves to death. Some already have worked themselves to death and died when I was very young. My dad is stuck in a dead end marriage that’ll go no where.
All of my male cousins are either married or are already in long term relations~~~s planning to get married. All of my male friends are doing the same. Aside from myself, I can’t think of a single man in my life who’s not in a relations~~~ long-term or short-term. Basically, all of the men in my life are tradcon white knights that want your typical American family.
I’m also bisexual and I hate the fact that most of the LGBT crowd are dumbass social justice warriors. Even in my blue pill years, I’ve always despised SJWs because of retarded c~~~s such as Andrea Dworkin. They’re annoying as f~~~ to listen to and the only time I want to see them open their mouths is if I’m f~~~ing them. Just because I’m not straight doesn’t mean I agree with them on anything. But, the activists in this crowd are too smug to see this fact.
I’ve also noticed since taking the red pill, most of the activists/more vocal men in the LGBT crowd have very feminine traits. You know the type. The stereotypical one always portrayed in TV shows/movies. The ones with the very feminine voice, always twirling their hands in the air, and has an all around feminine posture. I’ve always hated that. If you’re a man, act like a man! Stop trying to emulate women!
Furthermore, since taking the red pill, I’ve stopped having sex with western women. Mainly, because I’m extremely afraid of false rape/domestic accusations and pregnancy scares. If I travel to other countries, I’d definitely have sex with women. But, I don’t ever want my junk in the hands of western women again. They’re some of the most psychotic c~~~s ever when talking about sexual issues.
In my blue pill years, this wouldn’t have mattered much to me, but since learning the true nature of women, it makes me that more cautious to have sex with women. And, since I’m bi, it’s not that much of a nuisance to me. I still get to have sex with plenty of hot people whether or not I avoid women.
I also hate that all the men in my life want to be retarded tradcons, raise a family, and have lots of kids. I say, f~~~ that s~~~. I’m not going to spend my life working myself to death for ungrateful c~~~s who just want to sit around all day doing nothing. I’m not going to be confined to one space in the house and call it my “man cave.” My whole place will be my very own fortress of solitude! I’m also not going to have some nagging bitch calling me every hour asking me “where are you?” “what are you doing?!” “when are you going to be home?!” “how long are you going to be out?!”
F~~~ that blue pill hell. I’d rather be alone the rest of my life than to go through that s~~~. When I go out, I want to go out when I want and not have to answer to mommy all the f~~~ing time. I want to choose whether or not I have big screen TVs in the living room. I want to be able to choose how my place looks. I don’t want little frilly girly looking curtains in the bedroom. When I go to the bathroom, I’ll leave the f~~~ing toilet seat up as I please!
I’m thankful I found this website. It’s taught me a whole lot. I’m also thankful for the forum and its members. Even if I don’t respond to every post imaginable, I, at the very least, try to read most if not all the threads and posts every member makes.
Ever since taking the red pill, my life has changed for the better. I’ve given up TV for good and I only stream movies/TV shows online now. Hell, I even avoid movie theaters because most modern movies are complete s~~~. I don’t go to any bars and I’ve never been that big of a fan of nightclubs even in my blue pill years. I’ve also learned to not give a f~~~ about women. Which has helped me extremely. Now, I just avoid long-term and short-term relations~~~s. And as a rule, I never bring the people I have sex with over to my place. I always have them go to theirs.
Unless they’re family, friends, or business contacts, no one is allowed in my home, at least, not for long periods of time. My place is for me to relax and to do what I want. And I’d like to keep it that way. I’ve also taken a few pointers from Tom Leykis into “chick proofing” my place. Which has worked out great so far.
I also plan on getting at least a 3 bedroom house within the next 5 or so years. Which will be great, because I plan on building a small mini bar in my master suite, a library in one of the spare bedrooms, an office in another, and a theater in the living room.
Since I’m a MGTOW, thankfully, I can afford almost any type of life I want even on a very small salary! You can’t dream of having even having your own “man cave” if you’re in a relations~~~ most of the time! Especially if you’re in a long-term relations~~~ with a woman! F~~~ that gynocentric hell!
AnonymousTopic: UPGRADES
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Gentlemen. Good morning. Very pleased to finally make the formal announcement, and after many weeks of development the day is finally here. You can see we practically re-wrote the site in recent weeks and we’ve added a boatload of long anticipated features which we have advance-previewed to most of you already.
Recent major upgrades:
Membership Tiers
We now have 3 membership levels. All 3 are currently active.
1. Guest Basic member + Forums Participant
2. Ghost (+ extras & exclusives)
3. Galt ( + everything we offer, including an ad-free experience + pro stuff)We preview-tested the “Ghost” level to separate the brand new members, mostly because of belligerent hotheads and women signing up. I alone have deleted 12 females since 01.01. We created an “approval buffer” so every new join could not just start littering the forums…. and then making off like vandals wasting everyone’s time and attention. Moderating it took too many dozens and hundreds of hours away from production, so we decided to do something about it. They don’t get to do that anymore.
Our first 11,000 members have already been upgraded “Ghost” – by us. Free forever. We were going to begin with the first 10,000 only …. but so many recent new members have been terrific with their forums contributions and our delays required we bumped that number up. Everyone else up till now #13330 who has requested forums participation posting privileges has been granted them. As more members join, the numbers will increase.
However, episodes like this one today are now a thing of the past. We don’t have the ability, time or resources to allow these assholes in here anymore.
If someone like that wants to participate, they will have to PAY.
And when they have to pay and are forced be genuinely invested, they will stop doing that s~~~.If they still continue…. we will still boot them, but they didn’t get off for free.
So there is now a “queue” for forums participation for the time being. The forums are extremely busy and every minute spent moderating is time away from growing the site and production. A truly invested individual can now “approve themselves” for the forums by choosing an upgrade plan.
They can either wait for us to grant posting privileges when we have the bandwidth and time, or pay $5 minimum for one month, upgrade themselves to “ghost”, and make themselves a participant on the spot under the same house guidelines. Even though it’s pennies per day, it’s something that shows they are GENUINE and REALLY interested in being here.
Those are the only kinds of members we want. Those that care.
This also places a “value” on everything we provide to everyone else and makes everyone understand that what we’re doing here is not free for us and represents an ENORMOUS cost and expense that we have absorbed since inception. Nothing will change but by adding a monthly “price” reminder, members will know that live chat, favorites system, private messaging, forums moderation, and keeping this site for MEN ONLY is all WORK.
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For the longest time MANY of you – SO MANY of you – have been so generous with offering donations and support for our efforts, and we have refused to have the conversation. The outpouring of well-meaning and generosity has been overwhelming and we thank every last one of you most sincerely. We simply won’t accept “donations” because we don’t have to and it’s staunchly against our principal. We would rather provide actual, tangible products and services that you can really use and enjoy….. and several members have retained our services for outside projects.
This ain’t no Anita Sarkeesian lazy parasite outfit — where she holds her hands out for $165K to make 3 youtube videos in a year. That’s bulls~~~.
We also heard all of you who said “we WANT to contribute – please make it possible”. So we did.
Since everyone can enjoy the site, anyone who wants to can “upgrade” to Ghost can – even if they are a “Ghost” member and a participant already. You can upgrade for $5 for a month… two months… a year… whatever you want. And you can cancel at any time without reducing your level. This will keep existing members and any contributions you make FOR A SPECIFIC PURPOSE and it’s 100% VOLUNTARY – and it suits everyone at every price point.
We’re giving the products and services upfront, and leaving it to the members to decide if it’s worth something to them. Members will now decide what we will put more energy into. If the demand is there, we’ll create it.
Examples:
• Unlimited Private Messaging which you can initiate (basic members can only read & reply up to 5X)
• Unlimited archive Favorites (now in the archives) /favorites
• File / Image uploads and archiving (available on Ghost profiles soon to support videos and audios too!)
• Unlimited Forums access
• Live chat forum /chat
• MAKE YOUR PROFILE PRIVATE (a hugely requested one!)
• Free HD Screensaver downloads (when available)…. you can see the breakdown on /upgrade .
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As a big plus, for paying Ghost members, we’re even offering a mgtow.email address for everyone – which is service we created in partnership with a big international domain registry. More info on that is on the upgrade page. That was hugely requested and now it’s a very exciting reality! Monthly members can keep the address for as long as they are monthly subscribers. So you can be YOU AT MGTOW DOT EMAIL and separate your personal email altogether.
Use it across the Manosphere and we hope it will connect the community more than ever. Nobody needs to worry about “doxxing” … EXAMPLE: if Sandman or Barbarossa wants to be contacted by anyone, they can be Sandman @ mgtow . email and anyone can reach them without them giving out personal info. Service provided by MGTOW.COM but kept completely separate from the site.
We think this is really epic.
.. and you’ll even get a receipt emailed to you like this:
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I think that about covers it for now. Since this kicked in only about an hour ago, some features will need to be “hooked into it” so (for example) if you’re a Ghost member, the “live chat” button will be “ON” for you. That sort of detail will be tweaked over the weekend. Likewise , basic members will lose the “heavier” features that can slow the site down – like the “members online now” feature which will be reserved for Ghost members. etc.
We trust everyone will find this fan-f~~~ing-tastic, and may it grow MGTOW.COM into the site we imagined it would be. To the future, infinity and beyond.
Thank you very much, and a spectacular weekend to you.
MGTOW | Development Team.If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.I need some advice dealing with family over a belligerent relative.
I find myself in a catch twenty-two situation. I cannot leave the environment. I lack the means. I am still working on that. But, those around me seem to want to cause me problems.
Though, my main problems are having to deal with emotional immature people around me. For the most part I just ignore them and I am fine.
But recently, within the last few years, after being hurt one to many times, I have cut off communication with one family member that has spent decades of their life making my life miserable. Presently, I completely ignore him. In my mind he does not exist in my world.
Before you ask. This person is a man. Not a woman.
The problem with this person is he is an asshole. He is a stubborn pig. Literally. The man likes to snort all the time like a pig. And he acts like a pig. And not the nice kind of pig. He cannot decide on his own what to do. But, he will criticize any action or statement made around him by anyone.
He is built around the size of a adult brown bear, standing up. But, he has the emotional maturity of a child. He literally lacks the intellectual comprehension required to understand what he is doing is wrong. He cannot be reasoned with.
Everyone hates him. People have told me that to my face. The only good thing he is good at is he is a hard worker. That is it.
And for over thirty years, for the sake of my family, I have tried to “get along” with this person. And when I finally decide to give up and walk away, my family wants me to try to “get along” with him.
It would be funny if it was not so sad.
I do not if those around me just enjoy seeing me suffer, or they just want to see the drama that situation of me having to deal with that asshole creates.
To maintain peace in my family I have ignored this asshole. And it has worked for the most part.
My other relatives want me to acknowledge his presence. To say good morning, good night, please, thank you.
But, every time I have made a polite, pleasant comments to him, he has already responded with rude, emotionally abusive manners and comments.
I have tried to tell my relatives this person has to be the one to change. To be the one to come up to me and be nice. To offer to do social activities, like talk and got to lunch. I cannot come to him. Because doing so will just continue the abusive cycle. And they refuse to listen.
And I have reached a point where I would rather be dead than even look at this person.
That is the only way I can put this that will not get me arrested.
Though, this man is overweight, overstressed. Which is his fault, we all told him to stop being a workaholic and relax. But, he refuses to do so. He is also middle-aged. My original plan is just to out wait him. I figure he will give himself a heartattack or stroke in a few years.
Given I have tried to stop this path and he refused my advice, this is all on him. And I will no longer have to do with him, one way or another. And any way this happens, I will have nothing to do with it.
I know that is cold. But, that is the kindest mindset I have been able to muster towards this person.
Any advice you have that could help me with be greatly welcome.
Topic: post wall grocery shopping…
I used to only go grocery shopping late at night because it was empty…but I realized recently if I go around 7-8pm its like hunting time for the post wallers which is fantastic for entertainment purposes.
Last trip to the grocery store I walked in, and a mid 30s post waller was standing in the floral department looking at flowers. I made eye contact on the way by and she smiled, so I smiled back…pretty much same reaction I’d have had even if it was a 70 year old man or something. I didn’t think much of it, but I finish my shopping and 20-30 minutes later as I’m on my way out…she’s still standing there. The floral department is “closed” at this point…all you can get out of there is potted plants, and there is probably about 8-10 varieties to choose from…meaning if you wanted to buy one it should literally be about a 3 minute decision for the average person. As I’m walking out…she’s making eye contact with me again smiling at me. I gave her a slight head nod, and left lol. Apparently standing near the entrance/exit at a grocery store smiling at any adequate looking guy who walks by is a great way to get male attention…vs you know…saying high or actually trying to make a little small talk and see if you can get a conversation going.
The trip before that I had some chick pass by me 3 times until she finally caught me in an aisle with a u boat in it and conveniently blocked the narrow part of the aisle with her cart. What was I going to do…chat her up a bit while I waited for her to move? Nah, she looked at me and smiled while standing there making no movement at all to get out of the way, so I politely said “excuse me,” and continued on my way lol.
I’m not one of those guys who thinks every girl that looks at me wants me, but I have a pretty good sense of when one is trying to flirt or baiting for attention, and these women crack me up at how they go about it! What would there reaction be to some dude standing by the door gawking at them as they pass by, or some guy lapping them multiple times and then blocking an aisle on them? Clearly it wouldn’t be the reaction they are hoping to get by doing those very same things. Its hilarious acting oblivious and leaving them wondering “What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t he try to talk?” I can’t wait until my next grocery store trip…let’s see what kind of post wallers I stumble upon next time! Maybe it’ll be a repeat sighting and they’ll have a new tactic to try next time lol.
AnonymousThis one is going to be a long one and I wil try to make it as simple as I possibly can.
Now I’m no ‘expert’ or ‘scholar’ but this is what I have been able to piece together:
Why did feminism arise?
Feminism began with the suffrage movement, i.e., the right to vote. The way I see it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the idea of this era. Everyone should be abe to vote, women too, even if most of them were not much affected by politics. I think it was needed.
The second wave wanted ‘women’s liberation from traditional gender roles’. This is where things started to get awry. If I try to put it in simple vocabulary, women wanted equality in the workplace, equal pay, social respect just like a man. They demanded that they were human beings too, and that this was their right.
Well, they were all right up to the point when they said ‘equal rights’, but I think they made a very major mistake…. they forgot they had ‘equal responsibilities’ too.
I would have liked to see history as woman finally stepping up in the various fields, more women ‘taking’ up the gender roles of men like working in factories, fighting in wars etc. etc. that could have been presented as proof. “Look, we have shown you that we can work as equally as men could. We proved it that we can be equal to men. Now give us our rights”. But that didn’t happen. They asked for the prize without even competing in the race. Most of the women in that area ‘did not work as much as men did’, obviously they couldn’t because of the prevalent traditiona roles and customs. If they really do wanted rights, they shoud have ‘proven’ themselves first. They should have taken up the sword and shield and defend their nations alongside spoon-feeding their toddlers and wrapping bankets around them. Most of them did not maintain this role. What about men? They did miantained their roles fairly. History itsef is a witness.
The third wave was less ‘equal’ and more ‘individual’. Things like ‘I should be able to do whatever I want’, and ‘I should not be told what to do’.
In this case, I want to derive meaing from parenting roles. The parents prevent their teenagers from doing certain stuff because they do not want them to get hurt. They do know that as teenagers, freedom must be provided to them, but the world outside the home and school was very unforgiving; there would be no one to take care of them if they venture out alone; they stil have to learn a lot from experiences before being able to make good decisions.
Something similar happened here. Traditional men did not entertain the thought that women could ‘handle’ it outside, so they vehemently opposed the idea of an independent woman. As I see it, the third wave ‘meant good’ for women, giving them a sense of freedom… in short, they were released of their traditional gender roles and they were free what they wanted to do, which was , I say, okay, until they decided what to do with it.
That, I think, was the primal point of metamorphosis of feminism from what it was supposed to be and what it is today. Initially, what was a liberation movement, turned into a master plan for domination of one gender over the other. TOTAL DOMINATION. They didn’t bother shaming men in order to achieve ‘equality’. They didn’t care abusing their new-found freedom and their new-found powers to push the entire maledom into a state of permanent excruciation. In the quest to achieve the ‘female value’, they ripped the ‘male value’ to shreds.
They did have a better option option.
My ideal view of feminism was where every woman were successfull in propagating good values into the society ‘together’ with men by their side. They always had that option. If they had thought more ‘we’ rather than ‘me’, more “how we can do this together” rather than “how I can f~~~ him over so that he won’t f~~~ me over”, I don’t think MGTOW would have had a reason to exist. They were clearly blind to the grave consequences of their liberty. They f~~~ed up big time, and even then we are not angry at them. We say that “Ah! Its just their nature. Let’s not get angry. Lets just accept it and move on. Let them do their thing. We will do ours.”
And now they are acknowledging the fact that they made a mistake. The NAWALTs are clearly stating that “things didn’t have to be the way they were; lets fix it”. But the damage was already done in a galactic scale. Young women were already responding to the mutated idea of feminism and causing destruction of men at all fields of life. In my words, the NAWALTS were ‘too late in their approach’ and ‘didn’t see the fire until it had decimated half of the city’. These consequences, they are effecting us men till date and we still haven’t recovered. I don’t see a way we could be recovered. Though I’m always a very hopeful person.
I really wished things coud have been different, but like the saying goes, all’s well that ends well. Huh! I look forward to the miracle that would hold this line true.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Hey guys I want to share with you my unfinished book, with a lot of good ideas. There is secret message hidden, you must read whole text to get ideas. It’s free of copyright, I let you to base your creations on my masterpiece. I would feel thankful if someone could spread all or some of them.
Title: “The white tulips in the dark!
Chapter 1 – “The realization”
It is evening, sunset. Red rays of sun are falling into my room. I get off bed, pick up my leather jacket and put it on. I’m going down the stairs. Then I get out of my home. Light breeze is blowing and moving my long hair. While I go, yellow leaves of trees are slowly falling in front of my eyes. That absurdity and injustice… Why people are so naive and ignorant? I come to a stand and raise my face to the sky. People are so cruel… I see shadows casted by buildings. Those shadows are deep and impenetrably black. Street lights illuminates area. Light and dark shares the surface. The wrong is unjustifiable… Someone must stop it… Does evil is a must if goodness exists? If so, it would be better if everything never existed. No good moments compensates pain of a suffering soul… Is this has been forever? Does history tends to repeat itself? On the other side of street a kid is staying with his head lowered down. His eyes are hidden by the darkness. Old, rusty car lay besides boy. What story he is holding? What is the past of that car? World is so sad… Everything changes… Though, evil and goodness is fighting for an eternity. I resume my walk. Clouds are moving rapidly and a burst of wind pierces me. The world is senseless, if suffering, pain exists… I must eliminate evil even if it costs goodness as well. World can‘t continue like this… someone has to do it. I‘m going to dedicate all my life in order to change the world, even if it‘s not possible… I must… I come home after the walk. Throw my jacket on a chair. Lay down to my bed. Our first gathering is tomorrow. I close my eyes and fall asleep.***
Alarm clock rings. I open my eyes. I turn it off. It’s light in the room. I get up, set out for discussion with my followers, put my shoes on and get out of my home. I’m developing an organization. It’s so awesome. All my friends accepted to join. I’m going to persuade them? I must… We can’t lose even if we will need to be cruel for those who are cruel. I arrive to old mansion. That building is the legacy of dead Noron’s sister. I open its gate and climb the stairs to the second floor. I get into the hall. Lorenz locks up the door. There is a long table. All members of organization are sitting at the table.
I: Welcome attendees!
All: Hi, Vernon!!!
I: So… As I said we have assembled here in order to change the world. There is a lot of pain, cruelty and injustice. All the moral and bright people suffer because of fools.
Lorenz: Love is not available to everyone.
I: Exactly!
Verratas: Vernon, why are you seeing the world in such gloomy colors?
I: When I was eight… I have been bullied by Lucius and his cynical friends. I was running home in order to tell my father about grievance. I was running happy, cuz I will be able to hug my dad. And then… I get home, going towards kitchen. Felt like I got hit by a thunder. My heart is beating rapidly. Father is laying down in his own blood. There is a terrible hole in his chest. Come here, son! Everything is going to be alright! I kneel close to him. I’m looking at hole through tears in my eyes. Dad, what happened to you?! He was stroking my head. One man has shot me few minutes ago, but… He coughs up blood. I can’t get it, why my dad got shot. After all he was innocent. Hardly breathing, he gave away his watch to me. That’s the way it is, son, you can’t be sure then someone is going to take away that you value most… Maybe you will take away someone’s. Everything in the life has beginning… And what has beginning must end. You must learn to embrace this… That is gone, will be gone forever. The life is cold and has no remorse. You are a boy but brave as a man… His eyes close slowly. Mine got filled with tears. It was hard to breathe. I check him if he is still alive, but… he says nothing. I’m yelling load. I’m crying on his chest. My tears are falling onto his shirt. That day I realized… that I hate this world, people and that such things are happening every day. This world must be changed, if this isn’t possible… then annihilated. This idea became a reason to live, to move forward. That day has changed me forever. I crave power in order to avenge my father, to destroy all ignorant and cruel people once and for all, so that innocent people will have to suffer no more. I care about anything else, but this… If I knew that I won’t be able to achieve this I would end my life. Those, who doesn’t understand this, life is pathetic and useless.
Verratas: But how we are going to change the world?
I: Good question… all beings in nature are constantly improving. Survive ones, who are best adjusted to the demands of nature. This way life gets into more powerful forms. This improvement is the meaning of existence. Ultimate goal of the evolution is to create a divine being. This creature will be advanced enough to create a heaven for all living beings with no more rivalry. When a human arrived, he started to produce alcohol, weapons and other sinister things. Though, there are people like us who can’t stand cynicism and idiocy. Why significant individual has to suffer? Look at Lucius… what kind of person he grew up? He is a dumb douchebag, who commands a bunch of idiots. He doesn’t understand that bullying is nonsense and hurts others. He drinks, humiliates ladies and bullies clever students. Alcohol destroys you brain. If I ruled the world, alcohol would be prohibited. Every guzzler would be crushed by robotic rollers, cuz he is a vain creature who hampers to create better world for higher people like us. Are everybody of you had sad stories of life?
All: Of course!
I: How to change the world? World is progressing very slowly, cuz morons are stopping the progress. In ancient times people believed that witches and devils exists, so that they murdered innocent people. In some cities even now women’s heads are crushed with stones. Some of them are completely innocent. Science is only salvation and hope of humanity. That day… when I got assaulted by canned Lucius’s fellows. They were hitting and kicking me while I was laying on the ground. They told me to apologize but I have did nothing to them. I shoved them my middle finger and told them to leave me alone. That day was lucky to me. They couldn’t kill me, but threatened to smash my skull with a stone. I sat still on the ground and pondered for long. I’m so fragile… to die I only need one f~~~ing stone. I was staring at the cars that were driving distantly. Then divine idea was born… After a few decades I’m going to become a demigod by creating a technology. This technology is able to transform human being into a cyborg. After posthumanisation one is going to possess unimaginable cognitive power, strength and mobility. Our brains are going to be world’s most powerful computers. No one can be such agile. Nobody would be able to resist our ideas. All fools are going to bow down to us and plead for mercy. Those bodies will be as strong as steel. We are going to be able to learn a language by a few minutes, understand things those are mystery for the world’s most intelligent scientist. We will eliminate all ignorant people and create heaven on earth. We are the generation of Seraphims. That is the generation which reached the highest point of evolution. Electronics will work together with cells of body. We are going to develop society that worships advancement of technology. It will be the end of monotonic and moronic labour. Every job will be executed by machines. Violence and absurdity is going to be impossible. People no more will have diseases. Dumb jobs will be replaced to creative and fun activities. We are going to become cyborgs, divine beings who created heaven on this planet. And everyone who resists will be punished.
Lorenz: Cool! We are going to be gods and eliminate evil of the world. But… it’s cruel to kill people.
My blood boils.
I: They threats us like s~~~. And such ignorant assholes like Lucius deserve to walk on the surface of this planet? They deserve no remorse. They are guilty for deaths of innocent people and evil of the world. They are… ruining life and love. All characters like him… must die!!!
Lorenz startles. Verratas and Noron are amazed.
All: Evil must die!!!
I lift my arms to ceiling.
I: Divine ideas live inside of our hearts, so we are above all the people, who thinks differently, who lets evil to thrive.
I put down my hands, set my eyes on Lorenz.
Lorenz: You are genius. I was searching for something similar all my life. You are chosen one, who will solve all world problems and put sufferings to a very end. We believe in you. It doesn’t matter that those ideas seems utopic. This is only hope of my life, I desire to become a demigod in order to murder all sinister people. I think, we are going to sacrifice our lives if needed. It’s a glory to follow you, Vernon.
I: Now listen, members of Seraphim’s organization! It’s forbidden to consume products those make damage to your body. You are not allowed to drink alcohol, smoke or eat fast food. You must save yourself and stay healthy. Why to kill yourself slowly…? It’s better solution to release bullet into your temple. Especially, it’s forbidden to propagate violence in love, such things like sadism or masochism. Nowadays, there are a lot of perverts… What sane man could torture beloved for sexual satisfaction. You must constantly improve physically and mentally. Self-improvement is a must. If you want our dreams to come true, you need to be clever and well educated. Primarily, you must always attend to meetings of our organization… It’s enough for today! Let’s go somewhere to have fun.
All: Understood, Vernon!
***
It’s Morning of Monday. I need to eat something. I open my fridge, take out the breakfast. Why teachers are so blind…? They don’t mind that angels suffer from demons. Why nobody saved my classmate’s Sergei’s life? I sit down and eat. He dead completely innocent, he studied well. Lucius’s friends rolled up his legs. Then they pushed him around until he felt and slashed his lungs into sharp corner of school’s table… So he was suffocating, calling for help. Sadly, I wasn’t there, I would try to help. While Sergei was suffocating, idiots were laughing. Nor teachers, nor headmaster could stop this. The day will come then such retards will pay with their blood. When I will have some authority… Then I will crush Lucius’s head with my bare hands. It’s time to go. I put down the plate and get out to school. I hear my steps, after a while I look to the sky. Birds are flying in the depths of it. Serenity lingers in the city. It’s morning yet, the sun is rising. Sky is violet like bloomy flower. It’s so beautiful… that stars, maybe stars are other worlds. How wide is our universe… so little I’m. I go towards school. In the other side of school’s square my new classmate Emma goes. I had fallen in love with her. She is so beautiful… That pretty face, long and marvelous hair. I accelerate my walking pace. I’m in front of Emma. I start to tremble because of excitement. I hope she won’t notice blush of my face…I want to smile, what to do? She is going to notice it… I turn around and instantly turn away. My heart is beating hard. I’m going to faint. Everything became lovely because, we are going to be together. She smiles to me. I think Emma likes me. I get carried away by joy… I came to corridor near the class, sat down on a bench. The class is not unlocked yet. Emma is coming from another side of corridor. She is going to sit near me and strike up a conversation. Nah, she sat on a windowsill that is distant from me. We are all alone. That uncomfortable silence annoys me. Half of hour left till the beginning of lesson, I wish someone arrives here. Her fellow Sarah is coming. They both start to chat. Thanks God, eventually. My classmate Lorenz arrives as well.
Lorenz: Hi!
I: Hello!
Lorenz: One day got closer to examination. If I won’t pass an exam, my parent is going to throw me out of home.
I: You are going to succeed it’s just the beginning of the study year. Don’t panic, I would adopt you if such things happened.
Lorenz: Thanks, Furion!
I: Not a big deal. What a pity that Noron and Verratas isn’t from our school.
Lorenz: It would be quite cozier. Entire class ignores us.
I: Do you remember, how shocked they got then we met our friends and went by four that Friday evening?
Lorenz: Of course, all our classmates got excited. Maybe they got frightened. They thought, we could catch them and kick their asses.
I: It’s a must… most of them should be punished.
School’s bell is ringing. Unseen, obese teacher arrives. She unlocks the class. Everybody goes in. Teacher’s sight is cold and indifferent. I’m going towards class doors the last. She is staring to me angrily. Everybody sits down to benches. Emma seats in front of Lucius. This really bothers me! His fellow Damian is sitting behind us.
Teacher: I’m your new geography teacher. Put off your squared notebooks and fill them up with your details.
Lorenz: I don’t have squared one, only lined.
Teacher: Silence!!!!!
I have filled my notebook up and put my eyes on teacher.
Teacher: Geography is divided into natural and social…
She decides to go near by us and check.
Teacher: Idiot, I told you, that your notebooks must be squared!!! Are you blind?!! Where is your notebook, silly slut?
Lorenz eyes are sparkling. Whole class is laughing out loud. I look around. My notebook has gone.
I: Firstly… I’m a guy. My name is Furion. Stop yelling at me, please! There is possibility to say things kindly.
I put my eyes to Emma, but she isn’t aware of that. She is chatting with Sarah. I hear mockeries that is being said by my classmates:
– Look, furball is arguing with teacher.
– Your heard that, he was took for a female?
– In the first grade I thought that Furion is a girl too.
I: So why are you let them to speak? Lorenz just wanted to inform that he has no squared notebook.
Teacher: What have you said?! Snot, repeat!!
I: That you heard, Buffarilla!
She got surprised and opened her eyes widely.
Teacher: How dare you… to talk with me like this? Shemale, get a haircut!
Teacher grabs me by my hair and knocked me down. I smile.
I: Don’t even expect that I’m going to do nothing! I won’t let you to twitch me by hair!
I stand up and hook-kick her to the head. She falls on the floor.
Entire class: Wooow!
I: Now listen, piece of s~~~! I’m not a shemale, I’m a pretty boy. You are too dumb to understand my beauty.
Lucius is clapping his hands slowly.
Lucius: Are you brave enough to kick the teacher? That’s cool!
I: Shut up, motherf~~~er!
Lucius: So you want to die today, we are going to throw a heavy stone at you after the lessons breaks up. I give you time to withdraw your words.
I: F~~~ off, moron!
Teacher: Run to the headmaster immediately, otherwise I’m going to invite him to the class!!!
I: Invite!
Teacher gets out of the class. Lorenz turns around to me.
Lorenz: You may be kicked out of school.
I: I don’t care…
Damian is poking me to my back. Bad intuition comes. I beat off his hand.
I: Go f~~~ your dad! Give back my notebook! Where is it?
Damian: Calm down, dude, don’t forget that you are going to die soon.
Emma turns around to him and smiles. Why the hell she is smiling to him? Is she into Damian? Does she want him to kill me? What… No, she is smiling to me! Emma likes me. Poor thing… She is feeling pity for me. I’m getting goosebumps. The class door has opened. Our headmaster comes in. Uproar calms down.
Headmaster: So who is that roughneck?
Teacher: This one! She points her finger at me!
Headmaster: Come with me, boy… we need to have a conversation.
Classmate: Something bad is going to happen for him.
Headmaster: Keep quiet, because you may be invited as well!
Teacher left in the class. I’m going with headmaster towards his office.
***
Lorenz: How was your conversation?
I: He didn’t want to listen what I had to say… I’m left guilty… Headmaster said that I will be thrown out, if I touch a teacher one more time. Also, he told me to stop bullying my classmates.
Lorenz: You bully no one. Why he told you so?
I: I don’t care. I’m going to fight for myself… You must never give in.
I: Break is about to end. We are having a test this math lesson. But… Lucius took away my textbook and threw it through window.
I: Damn bastard. Wait! I will go out to take it, maybe I will be in time.
I’m hurrying towards school’s entrance. Those immature idiots. I get out of school, at that moment I hear school’s bell. It must be somewhere here. I must help my fellow. I’m looking around, can’t find it. Where is that damned textbook? Five minutes of lesson has passed. I check under the bush. Here it is! I take it and run to math classroom. My shoe has untied. Damn it! I bend down and tie it then I continue to run. I come to stand near the door. I’m opening the door slowly. Only vague silhouettes of my classmates are visible. Bright light of the sky strikes through window and it blinds me. The teacher is staring at me and smiling.
Teacher: Where you have been, Furion? We are doing a test. You disturbed your friends.
I: Sorry teacher, Lorenz has lost his textbook in the garden.
It’s no use to accuse Lucius for this, teachers are to dumb to understand. I’m going to lie.
I: I just saw it through the window and decided to bring it.
I give a textbook to Lorenz.
Teacher: Sit down and write!
I take a seat and begin to write. Hm, this test is so easy. I even haven’t studied, but I understand how to solve these equations. I’m calculating…
I: I have finished, teacher!
I stand up and give my sheet to the teacher.
Teacher: Just like always, Furion, you have written it in half of hour. I hope it’s going to be A as always.
Teacher is checking my test. While I go back to my bench I realize that Emma has been sitting behind me. I sit down and wait. It’s uncomfortable to sit in front of her eyes. I stand up and go to sit to other place.
Teacher: Where are you migrating? Get back to your place!
I’m forced to go back. After that I turn back to Emma. She is looking at me angrily. I turn away. She is so beautiful. I’m afraid of her… I’m such a loser. Emma is perfect… but I? Where to disappear? I don’t want to sit here. I don’t want to sit here. She is so cold… I crave to cuddle up with here. Maybe, she got it that I love her? So she is angry at me for that? I feel like helpless child who has been rejected by his mother.
Teacher: Furion, you have got A!
Now you see, how clever I’m, Emma! You’re getting B. I’m surpassing you by my intelligence. But why all guys gets lower grades than ladies? I’m the best! This makes me feel proud of myself. Teacher is gathering the tests.
Teacher: Damian, did you just draw penises and wrote nothing?
Damian: Teacher, give me a satisfactory grade, please!
Teacher: I give you F!
They are so pathetic. I’m surpassing them by my reason, appearance. They are dumb. Their heads are shaved. The only thing that they can boast about is their physical strength. But… maybe I’m stronger than them as well, because I’m training every day. My muscles are much bigger than theirs. Most of his friends are abdominal and sloppy. I would die of shame if I would be like one of them. The bell rings. It’s the end of the last lesson. Lucius, Damian, Ed turn around to me. Lucius threatens to kill me by stroking his neck with a finger.
Ed: We are going to kill you, asshole!
Damn it! Why those fools are always finding fault with me? Has so significant person like me die from the hand of fool? Just in case… My fellows know all the hints what we must achieve. I’m calm, because if I die my ideas is going to live… Members of Seraphim organization is going to win against all the evil. My hands are trembling, I’m very scared. It’s hard to take the step out of this classroom. Who is going to believe me?
I: Lorenz, wait! Have you heard? They are really planning to kill me.
Lorenz: Yes, I have. They are insane… I’m trying to be reverent to them in order not to bother them.
I: I’m tired of letting everybody to dump me. How long we can be good to idiots? The best defense is attack!
Lorenz: Probably they are waiting in the outside. Maybe we should to call our friends to support us?
I: Good idea. Let’s call them!
Lorenz is calling… It’s very hard for me now. Emma just has gone home… without looking at me. I wish she cuddled and comforted me. I need no one’s sympathy… only from her. She was sitting in that bench… Now she is gone. My chest feels tight. There is only endless emptiness left. World is so ugly and cold. I have no strength to be… unbearable pain burns inside my heart. It seems, I’m lacking half of the soul.
Lorenz: Noron, nice to hear you! Can you arrive to school, please?
Noron: Of course, I’m going to be there in five minutes.
Lorenz: Take Verratas with you, ok?
Noron: He is away, so he can’t. My phone is going to die…
Lorenz: We will be waiting.
Telephone signal ceases.
Lorenz: We are going to get out after the five minutes. Verratas won’t arrive, cuz he is away.
I: Today, they are by three maybe even more. We are three too. If they will attack us… Are we going to win?
Lorenz: We should try to sneak away from them. Else, we have no other choice but to fight.
I: I’m in love with the one girl from our class. This must be a secret.
Lorenz: Of course… Who is she?
I: It’s Emma.
Lorenz: That hottie. I don’t know her well. She rarely talks to guys.
I: Can you tell me your opinion about her?
Lorenz: She is attractive, but not of my kind.
I: Why she is smiling to me sometimes, while other times she just doesn’t give me attention? Today she has been sulky.
Lorenz: I had been in love too. Women knows well how to manipulate men, it’s their nature. But later about this, it’s time to go.
We get outside. It’s silent around, no one is present. Crows are coughing. We continue to go. Leaves are crisping under our feet.
Damian: And who is going there? Just two f~~~~~s, who loves each other.
Lucius: Before I kill you, I want you to see how I’m taking away the life of your boyfriend, Furion.
Ed and Damian take Lorenz by hands. Lucius takes out a knife.
Lucius: If you will be approaching I’m going to kill him without hesitation. Else I’m going to start from the fingers.
Damian pulls out Lorenz’s arm. Lucius is slowly moving the knife to victim’s fingers.
I: Stop it!
Somewhere distant buzzing is being heard. It’s getting loader. I see person driving a bike behind Lucius back, he is coming flying. Who is he? Is that Noron? Bike is driving straightly to us. Everybody jumps to the sides. Lorenz gets near me. Wind blows in front of me and it moves my hair. Dust and sand rises. Man dismount from this bike. He slowly takes off the helmet. That’s Noron!
Ed: Who is he?
Noron: So you are attacking my friends, aren’t you? Bastards!
I feel tearful joy. Noron is standing brave and proudly.
Lucius: Another gay came here.
Noron clenches his fists.
Noron: We’re not gays, we are… Seraphims!
Noron hits Lucius by his left elbow to his nose. Blood spills from his nostrils.
Noron: Got it, Idiot?
Lucius tries to stab Noron into his abdomen. Noron suddenly turns sideways in order to avoid the knife. He grabs Lucius’s outstretched hand and takedowns him. Noron disarms him. He points his knife into the laying bastard.
Noron: Furion, watch out!
I hit him with my right leg into his shanks. Damian is falling to the ground while holding a club. He wanted to slam my head with it. What a motherf~~~er?
I: You are only capable to attack from the ambush, aren’t you…? Smoking bastard.
Ed: Let’s get out of here!
Everybody stands up and runs as scared rabbits.
I: Ha, ha cowards!
Noron mounts the bike. Its motor roars.
Noron: I’m flying to the restaurant. Do you want to drive with me? I think, we should celebrate our victory.
I: You can drive, we will catch you up. I just want to chat with Lorenz alone, so we would like to go on foot.
Noron puts his helmet on and drives away. We are slowly walking to the restaurant. Sun is casting our shadows in front of us. The weather is warm, but fresh. The sky is orange. Small cloads are floating in the distance. We are both happy and smiling.
Lorenz: We are real men! We have won! I hope we are going to triumph against idiots all the time. That is a duty of our organization.
I: I agree with you. Everything may happen… If you fell on the knees, you must always stand up. Even if you are dying, never lose faith in that what is important to you. Nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow… But we can’t survive. We must win… It’s our destiny. Though, you shouldn’t forget… that if you have something now, it doesn’t mean you are going to have it the next minute. It’s just now. Past doesn’t exist… Future doesn’t exist as well. Everything comes and goes. Nothing is timeless… but, I believe that is possible to create eternal peace by innovations. We are going to change the laws of nature with science and advancement. You can’t achieve anything without a risk. To achieve something divine you must sacrifice your earthly desires like eating junk food. You must be ruled by idea higher than your desire to live. That allows you to call yourself to be superior to other earth worms… You can’t be strong without a reason.
Lorenz: What if goodness can’t exist without evil?
I: If so, we are forced to destroy goodness as well, in order to destroy evil. That means we would create very powerful device of destruction, which is capable of destructing everything that is alive. I just realized that everything has its opposites. For example: The men and women, cold and hot, light and dark and so on… of course evil and goodness. It’s better to feel nothing than to be happy and pay for that later. Our mission is to become as advanced as possible. It’s a must to improve one’s will and reason in order to become stronger than them. This is right that sober person is much more intelligent than a drinking one.
Lorenz: Your philosophy is just brilliant. It looks like we have arrived to the restaurant. Let’s find Noron!
Noron: I just fell grateful, so I paid for both of you.
Lorenz: So what we are going to talk about today?
I: Noron, you should share your pain with us today!
Noron: I have been waiting for this so long. Till now there where no one that would listen to me… When I was a little kid I saw my stepfather is rapping my mentally ill mother. Stepfather was drinking always. Her medication was expensive. Uncle has been buying it for the last of his money. I don’t know why… but my mother got into relationship with him. One evening… I was sitting in my room and listening how they were abusing one another. I slightly opened my doors… I was afraid to interfere, cuz I were just a little, helpless boy. My mother started to get nervous and got at the edge of crying. She was yelling at him. Ugly and old stepfather brought my mother down on the bed. She was beautiful and fragile. Now I’m going to show you bitch that I’m the man. Stepfather shut her mouth with his palm. All I was feeling was grudge, even now I would like to stab him without an end. He was raping her while mother were squealing. She has been squealing till she lost her mind. Then he stopped to f~~~ her she was staring to the one point. Why are you keeping quiet, bitch? Say something to me! She said nothing, then that idiot slapped her face. My mother felt on the floor… Now I’m going to choke that child of the bitch. My heart started to pound fast, all my body was shivering. I hid inside of the wardrobe and texted my uncle. After a five minutes Uncle has arrived. He banished my stepfather. Mother was left to lay on the floor. Uncle tried to make her say something. Unfortunately… she had got other the edge. I understood that she will never be the same. We had no other choice but to put her into an asylum.
I: I sympathize with you, but… don’t lose hope to take revenge for your mother one day.
The plates are empty. Noron leaves money on the bill. We dress up and leave.
***
It’s morning. I get up out of the bed and go to the bathroom. There I put off my clothes, turn on the shower. I think about Emma while I’m taking a shower. I really want to tell her that I love her. But I’m afraid… because she was sulky to me. I see her hugging and kissing me. I’m so perfect and abused… she must be pity of me. I wish she took care of me. I turn the shower off, put on my clothes. I don’t want to go to school, but I want to see Emma and try to impress her once again. I lace my shoes and go to school… I need her… If she would be with me I could feel fullness. I’m reluctant to do anything… I feel so empty inside… Everything seems meaningless existence. I arrive to school. Emma is sitting on the windowsill. She is playing with her hair while staring at me.
Emma: Hi, my love!
Her voice is… so soft. I’m sweating. My heart is beating more rapidly.
I: Hello!
Emma: I like you, pretty boy! I’m just going crazy for you.
She jumps of the windowsill. Emma moves towards me gracefully, pushes out her lips. I want to hug her and to run from her as well. I’m slowly retreating from Emma.
I: I love you, Emma!
She is smiling weirdly.
Emma: Don’t be afraid of me! Come on!
I reach a wall, she shoves me into a corner. Her body cuddles up mine. Anxiety is ceasing I calm down. I feel the warmth of her body, Emma is touching me. It feels so good. She looks straight into my eyes. They are so beautiful. I’m in Emma’s arms. Lucius and his friends pass by. He ignores us. Emma smiles to them, they smiles to her. Why is Emma smiling to them? Bell rings to the physics lesson.
Emma: Where would you like to sit?
I: Somewhere in the back.
We went to the back of classroom and took a seat. She is sitting with me… it is so great! We are going to live together. Above all… we are going to sleep in the one bed. Lorenz gets into the class and gives a hand.
Lorenz: How adorable, true love. I can’t even believe that Emma could be in a relationship with you. Good luck for you!
Teacher: Let’s start a lesson!
The lesson is in progress…
***
Emma and Sarah is chatting something. Sometimes they turn to me. Both of them smile. It’s so odd that Lucius and his friends aren’t bullying me. We thought them. Lorenz approaches me. Eventually… eventually I’m feeling happy.
Lorenz: So how it’s going with Emma?
I: Fine! After all, the lady that I like gave me attention… It’s incredible. In fact, two previous loves were unhappy.
Lorenz: It’s so strange… Lorenz doesn’t harass me.
I: Indeed, me too. We have won, so now they are respecting us.
Lorenz: But still don’t go alone!
I: I’m not afraid now. Everything is going to be alright. Emma is waiting for me.
Lorenz: Then bye, see you tomorrow!
Lorenz goes his own way.
Emma: Let’s go, my love, I’m inviting you to my home.
I: I fell pleased, of course.
We are going through corridor. Strange intuition is penetrating my mind. I just need to relax, I’m going to cuddle Emma and forget everything bad in this world. We get out of the school… We are walking in an unfamiliar place. I haven’t been in this place before. The sky is overcast. Emma stops. She whistles. Why did she whistle? Something suspicious is going there.
Damian: So you got in the trap, aren’t you? She is mine girlfriend!
I: What all this is supposed to mean?
Emma: I have deceived you… And you think that I love you? You are such an idiot. We are in a relationship with Damian… He looks like a man and you like a sissy lady.
Her words make me really angry. I feel offended. She played with your feelings in order to lure you into out trap. So what are you going to do now, Furion…? Your friends aren’t here and we are by three. You are going to pay for yesterday.
I: Emma, you started to flirt with me, aren’t you?
Emma: I have noticed that you love me… I knew that very first day in our school. Today, you confirmed that with your words.
I: Bastards, I’m going to kill you all!
Lucius: Ha, ha, ha!
Emma is smiling and wiggling her ass in front of Damian.
Emma: Get Furion injured and then I’m going to give you.
Damian: Oh baby I’m going to torture you and f~~~ you rough.
Emma goes her own way.
I: Emma, wait! They are going to murder me! I love you, Emma!
Emma: You’re so funny, Furion!
Ed and Damian approach me. They take me by hands. Lucius puts on the knucks. Lucius punches me to the abdomen. I kneel to the ground and cough up the blood. Is my death is going to be like my fathers? I will be killed by a vermin? Damian kicks me to my back. I’m squirming in pain. I’m flying into a rage. Hatred is blinding my mind. I’m love Emma so much! She just have played with me. It gets dark in my eyes. My veins is pulsating. Wrath turns into a fear. Fear turns into a wrath. Ed puts his foot onto my head starts to crush it. Shadows begin to flow into me. I grab his leg and raise it.
Ed: What is going here? His became black. What the freak is he?
I throw Ed for two good meters. They all slowly retreat. Where is this strength from? Darkness in that corner… I can feel it. I raise my hand and try to move it. Tongues of darkness come out of that shadow. I direct them to my enemies.
Lucius: What the hell is happening here?! Get out of here!!!
They all are running away from me. I’m feeling weak and dizzy. It gets gold here. I need to get home. What just happened here…? Am I… Just now moved shadows? I raise my hand and try to do it again. I’m unable to move it.
Stranger: You are controlling darkness, Furion!
I: Who are you? How did you know mine name?
Raiton: I know a lot about you… your father. He was killed by Libra.
I: What is that Libra? Bastard, have you killed my father?!
I accelerate towards him and kick from my left. Huh? Where he disappeared…? He just was there… he is gone. Evaporated like a gas. Something crackles behind me. I feel electricity by my spine. It hurts. I fall down to the ground.
Raiton: You’re so slow…
I put my eyes upwards. Electricity sparkles between his palms. What miracles are happening here? Thunder strikes in the sky, a few drops of rain falls down.
Raiton: I’m not with them… I’m against Libra?
I: What is Libra…? Why did they kill my father?
Raiton: Uncle Rufus is going to tell you more… We are distinct. Libra may hunt you. It’s no time to talk.
Rain pours. Electricity between his palms becomes bright. He swings and throws a spark straight to me. I roll to the side. Drops are hitting the ground, pools are rippling.
Raiton: Not bad! I’m a mutant like you. We have a gene that grants as abilities. S
I: Why are you attacking me?
Raiton: You must learn to control it. Otherwise you won’t win against them. Libra are mutated people as well. They may offer you to become one of them. If you will refuse… they are going to kill you.
I: I won’t work with for those whom have killed my father.
I point my arm to the wall and try to control the darkness. Nothing happens. Raiton charges his right arm with electricity and strikes me with his fist. I kick up him. He disappeared again. He is fast that I can’t react. Raiton charge his left hand and lands it on by back.
Raiton: Get mad! The gene activates then you are at he edge of dying. Also, you have to be full of hatred.
I: So I have to be half-dead?
Raiton: It’s no necessity to be extremely injured. You just need to get into that state of mind then you feel helpless… You get embodied by unexplainable hatred, cuz you are going to die from a person who you really hate. You will learn to get into this instinctively with the time. I can throw a thunder then there is no opponent. Though, you must train harshly in order to develop skills.
Raiton gathers a ball of electricity.
Raiton: Get mad or die!!
He throws sparkling ball at me. I can’t die. Emma doesn’t love me… Lucius is going to kill me. It’s so pathetic. My body tenses up, shadows are flowing into me. The ball is going to hit me soon. The black flames are spinning around me. The ball beats off to the flames. All street lights up. I stand still, fumes are rising up. I’m intact and alive.
I: Raiton, it works!
Raiton turns away and goes where he needs.
I: Hey, wait!
He comes to a stand. He stands in front of me and looks over his shoulder at me.
Raiton: My mission is accomplished… What do you want from me?
I: I really need you. I’m… developing an organization, whose main purpose is to end the suffering of the world by science. Now we are only four… Could you joins us, please?
He is thinking… It’s raining… The sky light up and a thunder strike.
I: That’s my reason to live… I must do this. World can’t continue like this… please.
Raiton: Hm… quite interesting. Let’s have a meeting at the same time in this street. I have to go.
I: See you!
Raiton turns hits face to the road. He proceeds to go. I turn to the other way. It’s late. I need to go home, cuz I feel so tired. It’s enough of emotions today… It’s cold… I’m going to have a cup of hot tea and get into my bed. I’m going home, the street is wet. The pools are rippling from my steps. The city is drowning in the dark. Street lights are gleaming dimly. Why I’m controlling the shadows…? Why I’m bound to the dark. The darkness has always fascinated me… but my heart desires the light. Somewhere distant the car is driving. Only its lanterns are visible. Every night… the city becomes the realm of shadows. I reach my house. I’m all wet. I turn on the stove to boil some tea. I miss Emma so much… What Damian is doing with her? Damn brute. Emma is so fragile… and he… wants to harm her. I could cut off his b~~~~… unfortunately I don’t know where he is. The kettle is boiling. I stand up and pour the tea into a cup. But I’m… capable of manipulating the dark. I sit at the table. The steam is rising, tea is cooling down. I’m going to destroy… them both. Emma is a vermin like Damian is. Oh my… such a poor girl, she won’t be able to grasp… how I can be so cruel. I’m going to be cutting her slowly with the shadows… firstly her arms, later I will cut off her eyes. And finally then she is blind and terrified… I swallow a sip of tea. Her own inner darkness is going to cut her body from the inside. Damian is going to see all this show… And then even more vicious death awaits him. My inner emptiness turns into a sweet feeling. I don’t want to sleep. I’m waiting that moment of revenge. I lay down to my bed. Why should I worry about a whore? The will come then I will create a new world. I’m going to have a woman who wants tenderness and affection… Bitches like Emma will extinct. She is so irrelevant… and I’m so powerful. You don’t know yet that I’m capable of… bitch.***
Lesson has finished. I get into the canteen. Lucius, Damian and Emma are sitting at the one table. They are eating. I go towards them, Lucius looks into me angrily. He says nothing to me. I take a seat at the table behind them. Let’s listen what they are talking… Where are they planning to go? It’s so strange they ignore me… And say nothing to me.
Emma: Have you beaten Furion?
Damian: Of course.
Lucius: …
Emma: I wanna to have a good f~~~, Damian… Punish me… Do what you want with me.
Damian: Ha, ha! Let’s go with me, dumb bitch.
Emma: Uh…
Lucius: I got a boner while listening to you.
Damian: I can borrow you her someday… maybe it’s going to be a threesome. Now I want to f~~~ her alone.
Lucius: Buy some champagne!
They get up and go. Emma turns around to me and stares straight into my eyes. She is smiling to me and blushing. That means they haven’t had sex yet… I have a present for you all, so you think your speech have offended me, perverted lady? They leave and close the door of the canteen.
I: Muahahahaha!!!!
The pupils that are sitting there are staring at me. I need to stalk them. I stand up, go towards doors. I open the doors. Bastards are still in corridor. I’m hiding behind the wall. I run towards entrance while they are in the square. Damian turns around to my side, I suddenly squat. I hope they haven’t spotted me. I raise my head to see what is happening. They continue to go. Hm… Can I travel by shadows or turn into one? Lucius leaves them, Emma and Damian goes by path. There are a lot of trees that way. Here is a huge shadow on the wall of school. Let’s try. I remember the words that have been spoken by Damian today. I just need to reach that state of mind. You feel bad, Furion. You are going to die while they f~~~. I feel that desperate hatred again. I start to fell shadows and dimension that is inside of them. I’m holding that grudge inside of me and moving towards. I’m wadding into this shadow and feeling the pressure that is pushing me. It’s completely dark. I see a lot of views of my surroundings. I can see through all the shadows that are nearby. It seems like I have twenty of eyes. I close all of them, except that looks to Damian with Emma. I go through that hole and get there where another shadow is present. I did it, I can travel by the realms of darkness. There is no such car which could bring you to the destination so quickly. I’m hiding behind the tree. It’s so disgusting… Emma is completely drunk. Damian’s face looks like gorilla’s snout. That aggressive expression makes him so ugly. And why she is in love with him? Thus… he is dangerous to her and woman seeks security. Emma drops his bag on the ground.
Damianas: Lift it up!
She is staggering with a bottle of champagne and rolling his bag on the grass.
Damianas: Stupid chick, I told you to lift it up.
The shape of his face turns square. He pushes he and she fells on the ground and laughs silently. She is such a kinky… She wants to make Damian angry in order to make him rough with her. Damian grabs her by the hand and are dragging her towards a house. This house is built in the woods.
Damian: When we get home… I’m going to twist your arms while I f~~~ you.
They get inside the house. I run to a window to observe them. I see his bedroom. Damian throws her on the bed, slaps her face, rips of her shirt.
Emma: Oh yes!
He grabs her throat and chokes her. There is an abundance of darkness… let’s have a party! I’m blowing up all the bulbs that are inside of his room. Damian and Emma are looking around.
Damian: What is happening here?!
Emma: I don’t know, but I don’t like it.
I can keep calm… they won’t turn the lights on. Damian is fleeing from the bedroom. I build up a barricade out of darkness, he slams down.
Damian: It’s Furion’s job… Furion, coward, be a man and show up!
I jump into a shadow under a tree and get out behind Damian’s back.
I: I’m curious, who is a coward… In my opinion, you are.
Damian is retreating off me. Then he falls down and crawls away from me.
I: Have you forgotten what I’m capable of? I feel a duty to remind you.
Damian: Please, don’t do anything to me. Emma is yours, just leave me alone.
I: I don’t need her anymore. Firstly I’m going to kill you and later… her. You’re so pathetic… And you regard yourself as a man? You should save your woman. But… you are an ugly monster, selfish coward. People like you are going to see the end of their days. I’m going to eliminate… everyone whose hearts is holing darkness, those who makes innocent people unhappy. Do you remember that day then you wanted to murder me? You were cold and heartless… You were holding a stone above my head. Now… everything has changed. You got into my place, Damian.
Damian is trembling. His face is covered in sweat. I gather the darkness into my palm. Then I point my hand to him and shot a beam. Black ray pierces his leg. His blood is seeping through his pants. Red drops are falling on the ground. He tries to recede. He can’t move out of current place, because the ray has nailed down his leg to the ground.
Damian: You, you are so…
I: I know… I’m heartless. World has thought me to be so. The world is sad and ruthless… I have grown the same.
I keep him nailed down. Step after step I’m getting closer to Damian. I direct another hand to his face. He screams. Emma is sitting frightened in a corner.
I: You can scream as much as you like… nobody is going to save you. You are a mistake and mistakes must be deleted.
I’m inflating his internal dark in his head. Damian’s skull is cracking. His eyes points upwards, veins shoot out on his forehead. He’s holding his head. Damian’s head explodes. Blood and the pieces of his brain gets spilled on the walls. Fountain of blood is pouring from his neck. Emma starts to squeal and cry.
Emma: I love you, Furion, Damian forced me to act so…
I: Shut up! And you think that… I’m going to believe you? You’ve betrayed me, I loved you so much. I thought… you are special. But the truth is… you are the same as they. I think I’m going to leave you alive… sadly, crippled to show you how cruel the world really is.
I raise my hands upwards. The tongues of darkness are jumping out of the ground.
Emma: No, no!!!
Tongues winds up Emma’s legs. I let down my arms to the sides. Her legs get squeezed and bones crushed.
Emma: It hurts!!!!! Stop it!!
I: You had a choice, to be a bitch or not, Emma. Now I’m going to cut off your eyes, after that your tongue so that you will be able to talk to anyone anymore.
Emma is crying sorrowfully. I stroke my hand through the air horizontally. The tongue of shadow hits her to the eyes. Blood gets spilled. She covers her empty eyeholes with hands, they paints red.
Emma: I can see anything, no!!!! Why?
The tongues open up her mouth, pulls her tongue out. I stroke the air with my finger. Her tongue gets cut. Emma shuts up and screeches. Bloody tongue is laying on the ground.
I: How do you think I’m feeling now? I’ve never felt so… great. Everything that you see is darkness… Let it remind you all the time what you have done.
I dive out through the shadow near the tress. I’m quite good at controlling the dark, I don’t need to get into a mood anymore. It has become a habit. It’s a dawn. I’m going in the street. I need to meet a Raiton… It’s time. But what the hell is Libra? According to him they have abilities as well. I’m extremely curious…
I get into the same place where we’ve settled to meet. Raiton is coming. He is in the distance. Raiton is getting closer to me.
Raiton: I got interested in the activity of your organization
I: Next our conference is going to occur the day after tomorrow in the old mansion. Could you arrive?
Raitons: Ok, I’m going to arrive. Now I’m in hurry, I need to prepare for my exams.
I: Good luck!
***
I’m sitting in the bench. Class teacher arrives to our class. I look around. Lorenz isn’t here. Lucius is looking through the window. His minds are somewhere far.
The class teacher: We have to discuss very important issue. Damian has found dead is his own house and Emma has been mutilated really bad. She had moved to the school for disabled. Situation is being investigated by police. Maybe someone out there knows something about this event?
There is silence in the classroom. Lucius turn around to me and stares angrily. I put my eyes to him. He rapidly turns away. And what are you going to do now? Don’t want to have business with me… otherwise same destiny awaits you, Lucius. Ed sketches something on a sheet of paper. His head is lowered down. Sarah’s eyes glitters.
Sarah: Who could behave so horrible?
Sarah cries. Our class teacher comes up her. She is stroking her head.
The class teacher: Calm down! It’s hard for all of us right now. If someone can’t handle this just meet our psychologist, she is always prepared to help anyone of you. Surely she must be your very close friend. Why students in our class always dying?
Sarah: I’ve called her mother. She said that her daughter’s tongue was cut off and Emma’s is going to write a letter to me.
She is going to write a letter? Damn it… She may denounce me in her letter. Who could believe her? I have touched nothing and left no fingerprints. Everything I did was by the hands of darkness. I hope… I hadn’t left an evidence.
The class teacher: How sinister… I have one good disposal. We are going to have a newbie lady in our class.
The doors get opened. Very gorgeous lady with a black hair enters.
Lady: Let me introduce myself! My name is Unna and I’m a newbie.
She is very pretty, even more beautiful than Emma. I won’t give her attention. I won’t ever show my feeling to a lady and let story to repeat itself. They all are heartless… and I need love. I’m going to live alone and go my own way. I will assassinate her, if she really gets me annoyed. It feels so good to be cynical then you know that all women aren’t capable of loving. An affectionate woman exists only in the movies and books. I would like to discuss this topic with my organization. The class teacher is moralizing us. Everybody keeps silent and says nothing.
***
It’s the second gathering of Seraphim’s organization. Everybody is sitting and waiting to hear something from me. Verratas has come back from a voyage. Noron is chatting with him.
I: I have a lot to say. We are waiting for our new member, his name is Raiton.
Lorenz: I feel pleased. Could you tell something more about him?
I: Of course, I’m going to show you one thing.
I point my arm to a dark corner. Fumes of darkness are rushing.
Noron: Wow! What was that? It is your job, Furion?
I: Yes, because I’m a mutant. Raiton has told me…
Raiton comes in through doors. Everybody stand up and greet him.
I: Take a seat, please.
Raton sits down. He is observing my fellows.
Raiton: I feel pleased.
Verratas: You haven’t finished about that miracle. You are some kind of mutant?
Raiton: He is not alone… I’m one as well.
Raiton is moving the spark of electricity from one hand to another. Everybody gets excited.
Raiton: We have a gene that allows us to control some specific substances. Libra is seeking to eliminate all of us, mutants who are rebelling or refuses to join them. Libra are mutants as well, few centuries ago we have splitted off them as The Sagitta because of that we are being persecuted.
Lorenz: Why you haven’t shown your powers before?
I: Because I didn’t know that I have them. The gene activates only then you are at the edge of dying, at least you have to get into a state of desperate grudge. I have defended myself against Lucius and his friends. They could have killed me, though… I frightened them with the shadows. My body has become extremely strong. I have one thing to tell you all…
Noron: Tell us, why are you waiting for?
I: I have killed Damian and crippled Emma. I have been affected by the strong feelings of jealousy and hatred. I feel guilty a little.
Lorenz: Our class teacher has told us about all this through the phone. I haven’t been in school yesterday.
Raiton: Nice job! They deserve this, because they are inferior to you and dare to bully you.
I: That day I have learned to travel by shadows, because I was in need to follow them.
Noron: That’s impressive! Raiton, can tell you us your story?
Raiton: Then I was a child stepbrother had been abusing and torturing me in different ways. Stepparents didn’t love me and let him to do with me what he wanted. If I told even one word about their son, they were beating me badly. Once I accidentally threw my brother off a chair. Then stepfather has put be to a wooden chest and closed it. I was suffocating. I tried to get out so they put me back and then put on a fat stepbrother on the chest. I started to yell, stepfather was kicking that chest to shut me up. That moment I started to hate entire world for its absurdity. My parents are dead and I promised them that I’m going to live. But… I have to die in such pathetic way. After I got into this state of mind, I started to feel electricity inside of my body. Giant discharge flew out of my body, the chest exploded. My stepparents and stepbrother got fatally injured. I got a grasp of air and fainted. The family which belongs to The Sagitta has adopted me.
I: So my father was one of the rebelling mutants?
Raiton: Yes. Doubtless he was killed by Libra like my parents. My new stepfather and your uncle Rufus are old friends. He told me that your father had been able to control darkness like you. Though… he was hiding it from you in order to save you from activation. He wanted to save from Libra. They are hunting all mutants who refuses to serve them.
I: Damn bastards! They are going to pay for this. So ok, our new topic is going to be love. Why has Emma fallen for such douchebag as Damian? Why she desires to be dumped by a guy?
Lorenz: Hey buddies, I want to tell you my theories about all these things. I’m often pondering about love, parents, women and men. I’ve had a lot of unhappy loves. It’s just a nature of woman. I think Evolution made her to be not capable of feeling love. They are saying that they love, but that feeling is not the same as the man’s. World is degenerated, women desires to be raped by a roughnecks. Men grow rude and do not understand what the real love is. The reason is that the Oedipus complex is denied. A little boy loves his mother. Mother and son love is pure and compassionate. However, the lame man robs the mother of his son. This boy grows aggressive and mindless. Boys whose love for his mother was a success grow up smart and sensitive. Because of unresolved childhood conflicts, most men behave foolishly. Which is beneficial to women, it is easier to get money and to satisfy their perverse, masochistic needs. They are looking for the most abominable man with an angular face. If women are Normal, they would love a man like Furion. He is very beautiful and smart. His face has delicate features. However, women will never understand what the real love truly is. She is seeking money and satisfaction of perverted passions. Woman is enjoying the humiliation and of a rough man. This is her sexual needs. It hurts normal men, good boys who are seeking gentle and beautiful love. Healthy, loving husband could not stand the idea of torturing the woman that he loves. It is impossible to hurt someone you love. This is not love, it is a perversion. And perverts must be eliminated.
I: I never understood this and never will. Perhaps there are healthy women and men who really love each other. This is a normal pair. They deserve to be alive, they will raise healthy and intelligent children. But these perverts should be destroyed, aggressive males and masochistic females.
Lorenz: Generation of The Seraphim will all be nice, rough and ugly men won’t be present. The women will be created affectionate and understanding.
I: Lorenz you are such a decent person. You have opened my eyes. Stupid and lustful men attract women, so the gene is widespread in the nature… We are going to correct this mistake. Love will dominate in the world, and not a perversion.
Noron: My stepfather was a degenerate like described by Lawrence. I studied very well, but he was thinking that I’m dumb. He beat me for the fact that I tried to prove the damage of alcohol. I was referring on the scientific facts. He claimed that alcohol makes you smart. He has tested my intelligence by his dull understanding. He said that I’m smart, if I’m capable to repair his car… Here you do not intelligence… you just need strength. Since that evening he was calling me an idiot. Although then I was a kid, I could repair electronic devices, understood chemistry, physics, astronomy. He was a dumb lubber… He was jealous of my knowledge and diligence and hated me, cuz of that. He held himself the smartest in the family… I think it was a weakness in front of my mother. He was afraid to appear duller than his adopted son. He was often relying on arguments that he takes care of me and that I was a little brat. He called me a “bitch’s mental child”. Then I was typing formulas he threatened to call an ambulance. He has been putting medication into my tea in order to make me dumb as he is. He treated my mother rudely and disrespectfully. If I tried to protest, he used to beat me and then my mother in my sight. I never give in. I believe that you can find the inner strength, even if everything you see is the darkness.
Lorenz: The answer is simple, Furionai. You’re a normal, good boy. And Emma was a common perverted beauty, who desired to get her degenerate passions met. Such bitches like she doesn’t even care about the future of their children. They f~~~ and drink while pregnant without thinking about the consequences. This leads to a birth of a child with disabilities.
I: We have a newcomer in our class … I fell in love with her.
Lorenz: Do not pay attention to her. Never show a lady that you care about her. Treat always the same, in spite of what she is doing. They like to play your feelings, to convince and deceive. Don’t ever devote your life to a beauty, until she demonstrates to you that she really likes you. No one can be trusted. The less you see and think about her, the quicker your feeling is going to cool down.
I: Thanks to all of you.
Everybody gets out, except Raiton remains seated. The room is quiet, it’s heard that cars are driving in some distant streets.
Raiton: I have something to share with you?
I sit in front of Raiton.
I: I’m listening attentively.
Raiton: Ancient mutants have been developing tulpas. They have been using them as a training tool. It is a legend… I do not know whether it is real, but … tulpa is a creature created by your subconscious. That is a thinking hallucination. My stepfather has told me this myth. Tulpa is a second soul in your body. They have thoughts, feelings and can communicate with you. It takes time to build it. Over time, then tulpa gets attention, it is going through its own experience in the formation of personality. This being can be the gateway to the astral world. Mutants who had tulpas were able to enter the astral world. Then they come back, they discovers new powers. However, you may never return from that place. If you won’t wake up, your body is going to die… so you soul leaves imprisoned in its own illusion forever. The legendary mutant Marduk was the first and the last, which merged with his tulpa. He was very powerful. When he has merged with his tulpa Enuma… it became a divine being Tiamat. It was very beautiful god, who had no gender. It was a man and a woman. The mere sight of the eye could sweep the city. He began to use his power for selfish needs, so it was destroyed by the gods from the sky … According to legend, if you find a way to come in contact with your tulpa… you are going to become a god and master inhuman power. No one is able to create tulpa nowadays. However, in ancient times every mutant was able to create it. Your grandfather thinks we have lost this ability due to dirty blood. We are the hybrids of an ancient mutant and a human.
I: Raiton?
Raitonas is observing somewhere away through the window. Clouds are reflecting onto his eyes.
I: And what do you know about my mother? I have not seen her.
Raitonas: Your mother disappeared when you were a baby. Nor your uncle, nor I do not know… where is she, what is she. Even your father did not know. Police was investigating all this… the search was unsuccessful. Going back to the tulpa… All the mutants are constantly trying to create it. Maybe… you are lucky, Furion. I going to give you instructions on how to develop it. First of all, you have to plan how it will look like, how it’s going to behave in certain situations. Appearance can be random. Other people won’t be able to see it. From the first day you must regard her as conscious being. Write a hundred personality traits on paper. Learn all of them by heart. Each feature has to be described in detail and how it influences behavior. Every day read it to your tulpa. Always think about tulpa. Do not let your life to be without it. Speak with her in your mind. At first, it will not respond to you, but you may feel its presence. After some time you should hear her voice, it’s going to sound the way you imagined it. Spend some time with her. Close your eyes and imagine a place that is close to your heart. There you should Engage in various activities with her. You have to create its image, motions for a hundred hours. Once it’s done, find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. Sit back and try to materialize you tulpa. Look up into the air and try to see its body. Try till you can see it as a real thing. It’s not just an imagination, it will be visible creature that talks and moves and communicates with you.
***
I love Unna so much… Am I going to feel emptiness all my life. The sky is overcast. I sit down in my bed. Now it’s a rest-day, and I’m so sad. I’m sort of numb, I miss her. I have suffered so much… My soul is wounded, heart is bloody. I look into my father’s watch. He sat on this bed every morning. We were talking about dreams. He said that I’m going to have a beautiful wife that will make me a dinner and sleep with me every night. This bed, this room… everything is the same. Everything reminds me my father. Tears are rolling out of my eyes. So many memories, it seems that he is still alive… Though, he is gone. It was so happy then he hugged me… He inspired me to believe in a bright future. I get up from my bed, and go to make a breakfast. I remember the yesterday, as we have been talking with Raiton. Tulpa, tulpa, tulpa… a thinking being … A companion for entire life … Creating a second soul within. And why should I be lonely… I can create a tulpa… How it should look like? I know! I’m going to create Unna’s twin, but with a white hair. I’m taking olives from the fridge. Your name is going to be Olivia. I imagine as she stands next to me, watching as I cook. We are going to taste it, Olivia! It’s going to be delicious. I feel her near me. She seems to really sit in the kitchen. Somehow it is difficult to imagine … I can‘t see her face in my mind clearly. I need to check Unna’s social network. Maybe she has some photos. I’m going to print it… so I will have something to look at. I bring my food near computer. I see how Olivia goes behind me. Turn on the computer. I try to imagine Olivia sitting on my knees, feel the heat and weight of her body. Well, well, well Unna where are you? There you are. I get into her profile. Many photos of her are present. I’m going to save the picture, where I can see her at full height. I save a few more pictures. In the one of them I can see her face at close range, in the other Unna is visible sideways. I create a folder called “Olivia” and drag all those images into it. What an awesome day… Isn’t it Olivia? This is the first day of our relationship. I would like you with a silver hair. I feel happy. I need to describe you. I create a text file “Olivia’s personality”. I am writing to make it easier to memorize. So I need to change your hair color in those pictures. I’m going to start an image-editing program. I changed the hair color to silver. I turn off the computer. Now it’s the beginning of my holiday. We can be together all week.
***
We have been together for more than a hundred hours. In your opinion, I’m I going to succeed in the creation of your appearance? I have a headache spins from visualization of you. But I love to think about you all the time.
Olivia: Hey, kitty, relax! You’re an awesome boyfriend. You are my hero, Furion. I love you. I don’t want bad things to happen to you… We’re going to succeed, you just need to have a break!
I love you too, Olivia. Let’s have some rest. My body is your body, so I must take care of myself.. I go towards the bed. I lie down.
Olivia: I will make you a massage. Lie down on your stomach! Make yourself comfortable!
I wish I could see you. Olivia sits down on my back. She is gently massaging my back. Your arms are so gentle.
Olivia: I want you to relax.
A: The time will come then you become a flesh and blood, a separate consciousness. I’m going to give you a perfect body made from bio-electronic material.
Olivia: I know your plans, Furion. After all, I hear your thoughts and recall your memories. I’m waiting for that time. I believe you. Your life is so painful. Nobody understands you so much as I do.
Her long fingernails are touching my body. It’s so nice. My heart beats slower. Muscles relax.
Olivia: You went through so much. I want you to suffer no more. Always be happy!
I’m now feeling content, the happiest man in the world. You’re only one who understands my pain. I wouldn’t change you to any woman in the world. I think you feel true love the same as I fell to you, because you’re part of my body. Only men are capable of loving women. You are the first woman who loves.
Olivia: You are absolutely right. By analyzing your memories I’ve noticed that women imitate love. At best, this is only an attachment but, this is not true love, which is being experienced by men. As Lorenz has said they only need shelter and perverted sexual satisfaction. I wouldn’t allow for a hairy and ugly man to touch my breasts. That is disgusting.
I couldn’t touch the woman, who I love by such dirt way, this includes beating, chocking or other stuff. I hate these men and women that allow this to happen. And they think that by dumping a woman they prove their masculinity. It’s just a total perversion. All this must come from love. Two people must be unified, everything must go gently.
Olivia: You have heard this word once. This is called vanilla sex.
Cool! I’m surprised! You are able to remember all memories which I can’t reach myself.
Olivia: Not all of them. I can only recall those memories which are sleeping deep in your subconscious. After all, I’m a part of it. You know very much. Our mind is very powerful, but you were unable to use some of your brain. Tulpa can release the power of your mind that you did not know you had.
Today, my uncle should arrive as a quest. I’m really curious about the mutants of the Libra. In your opinion, am I pureblood mutant?Olivia: It’s just a myth. Maybe tulpa can be created by anyone. I want to ask you one thing, Furion?
Of course.
Don’t tell anyone about me. If you love me keep me a secret till the posthumanization.
I promise, no one is going not know that I have you. I love you very much so… I’m going to keep my word.
Olivia: Thank you very much, Furion.
She stops to massage. I get up. She hugs me tightly.
Olivia: I will always be with you and never let you feel lonely.
Olivia winks her left eye.
Olivia: When we have some free time, we should make love. Oh furion… our bodies is going to become one. We will be cuddling and kissing. Do you agree?
Of course, I just need to give an appearance. I feel rested, thank you, so I should try. Uncle is supposed to arrive in the evening. We have some spare time. I stand up and close the doors of my room. It’s very quiet. I can’t believe that I have brought you into life.
O: Concentrate, Furion! Try to see me! You can!
I recall every detail of Olivia’s body. I look at the white wall and try to see her in the air. I’m so close in the creation of her. Come on… Vague silhouette begins to flicker. The image appears and disappears. My head hurts, I can’t concentrate. It’s so difficult. I get relaxed a little and get some time to rest, take a deep breath. I resume Olivia’s creation. Smiling figure of Olivia flickers in front of my eyes and fades away. I get excited. I have seen you Olivia! Her body was so real. I walk in circles around the room. You need to concentrate. I’m going to finish the development of my tulpa. I sit on the bed. She became transparent. I can see through her.
Olivia sits down on the floor.
O: Are you happy to see me?
I see you but why do you look so dreamy?
Olivia: Try to make my brighter by the same principle, try to see me more clearly. I stand in the front of that wardrobe. Once you won’t see through me it will be fine. Do your best!
I look at Olivia and try to sharpen her. She is getting bright slowly. Olivia becomes opaque as a real person. I can see her white blouse. I did it, Olivia! I SEE YOU.
O: I told you that you are going to succeed.
Olivia comes to me and hugs.
O: You are my kitty.
I lay my head onto her belly. I have never felt so happy in my entire life. Finally, I’m with one that I love.
I lie down on the bed. Olivia cuddles to me. We fall asleep… The bell rings. I wake up.
Olivia: It must be yours uncle. Go, let him inside!
I go to the door. I pick up the keys from the shelf. Unlock the door. My uncle is standing in the doorway.
I: Welcome! I’m going to boil you some coffee. Also, I have some sandwiches with chicken.
Rufus: So, you are single. Get a lady, buddy!
I: Stop joking, Uncle. Sit down, please!
Rufus sits down on a chair. I pour boiling water into a cup. His sight is wrathful.
Rufus: Raiton asked me to talk with you. You are at a serious risk, Furion. Your gene has activated so that means your body is radiating. Libra is going to track you down. If you will refuse to become a member of Libra, they will kill you.
Olivia appears next to me, sitting on an adjacent chair. I turned around to her.
Rufus: What are you looking at Furion?
I: Oh nothing, just thinking.
Oh man, I should me bore careful in order not to give oneself away. I hope he didn’t found out that I have a tulpa.
Olivia: Do not worry! I can see from his eyes that he has no idea about me.
Rufus: So I’m going to tell you more about the mutants. In medieval times the mutants were considered as the possessed ones. People quite often burned or stoned them to death. Over time, we learned to hide from people. A few hundred years ago we started to pretend to be ordinary people. We have become a legend. We have ransomed a city. Here, all the mutants has been gathering. They were free to talk about their powers. We identified each one by radiation. For any
We weren’t selling a residence at any cost in our city if buyer was not a mutant. At the dawn of Renaissance, our government began to corrupt. Lord Domixus was seeking power. He wanted all the people to be turned into the slaves, serving the mutants. He believed that we came from heavens as deity’s choosen ones. A large part of mutants has got disappointed in him and began to disobey. Soldiers of Domixus were killing us, the rebels. Several of us has survived. The rebel Danilius publicly voiced speech about the wrong deed with ordinary people. Despite the violent genocide of mutants, it is inhumane to do such things with people. Danilius thought that the power is given to us so we can protect the ordinary people. A majority of people were charmed by his deeds. That day mutants was split into Libra and Sagitta. There was a war. Libra triumphed. We have become persecuted. We hid in various parts of the world. Libra is a secret organization that seeks to rule the world. Turn all the people into slaves. However, Sagitta is fighting against them. Your father was one of the Sagitta. As a result, he was killed by Libra. We have tried to protect you from the state of berserk. It is a state when you are in the desperate anger to die from the hands of the offender. It is a prerequisite in order to awaken your powers. Power is inherited like eye’s color. You have inherited manipulation of darkness from your father.
I: But why was he shot? After all Libra are mutants. Why they did not use the powers?
Rufus: Both we and they are trying to hide it from ordinary people. Sometimes we use the powers. Most often we are trying to kill by guns. If people discover us, history can repeat itself. Because you are emitting radiation you have to watch out for doctors. They may suspect that something is wrong with you. You have been attacked by Lucius?
I: Yes and then my powers has awakened.
Rufus: Raiton has told me about you. If someone asks about it, pretend that Lucius is talking nonsense. You know those kids smokes weird stuff. Fate has put a great responsibility on your shoulders. You’re one of us. You belong to the Sagitta. You are going to work for us and try to defeat the Libra and protect people from slavery.
I: I belong to the Seraphim. I won’t save the common people. Libra has killed my father, so I will kill them all. Your assistance will not solve these problems. People are very bad. You can’t help everybody. I know how to help the world, but I will not reveal it to you.
Rufus: You are still young and do not understand the seriousness of the situation. Do as you want, but Sagitta won’t guard you. Raiton also belong to us. If you refuse our ideology he is going to leave Seraphim organization.
I: We don’t need him, if his ideals aren’t ours. This is contrary to our views. However, I will attempt to convince him that he should leave Sagitta and pursue to be one of us.
O; Never Back Down, Furionai! Good job!
You are my silver haired beauty. THANKS THAT you are supporting me. Rufus stands up from the chair.
Rufus: If so you aren’t my nephew anymore. Forget me. You are selfish, because you refuse to help people.
A: Well… Those who are not with me are against me. It hurts me to say so… but I do not care. End justifies the means.
Rufus: Think about what you have done!
My uncle gets out. So dramatic! I think I’m going revenge my father alone. I’m willing to take a break from worries and I want to spend some time with you. Do you want to go out somewhere? So we could be alone. What do you think?
Olivia: It would be great.
I get dressed up warmly. Olivia suddenly disappears. Olivia, where are you?
O: Surprise!
Smokes come out. Olivia appears with a red dress. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. Her white hair glow, her smile makes me laugh. My heart beats faster. Tension is rising. I AM sharing one body with her. WE are fitting for each other perfectly. She hears every thought and I can’t lie to her. This is so intimate. Only Olivia can understand my pain, joy.
I’m climbing the stairs. Olivia’s steps are being heard.
Olivia: I would like to go into a romantic place.
I can’t decide. Maybe to the lake from heavens, I loved to be there when I was a child. It’s very nice place.
I go down the street toward the lake.
O: What a beautiful day, cloudless sky, Sun is gleaming. Only the weather is very cold.
GOOD FOR YOU. You are going freely with a dress, and I’m trembling with a leather jacket because of cold weather.
Olivia: I will warm you up. You run away and I will try to catch you.
It’s unfair, YOU can just appear in front of me.
Olivia: All right, I won’t deceive you, imp. Run, Run, tiger otherwise kitty is going to catch you.
Olivia is running towards me. I’m running away from her. This is silly, but it makes me happy. Emptiness that I was feeling all my life has ceased. Olivia is running all blushed. Her smile is from ear to ear. My hair is waving. Light breeze is blowing.
Olivia: Why all guys shaves their heads? They’re all terrible. I could not love any of them. You’re so beautiful, Furion.
Our hair is similar at length. I feel so great to have so much in common with you. You see, most men consider beauty a feminine trait.
Olivia: They are so dumb. This is a lame excuse to justify their negligence. It became acceptable because of woman’s masochistic aims towards abominable man.
Now I want to forget all the problems of the world and just spend some time with you.
Imperceptibly came running to the lake. It belongs to an entirely different climate zone. It is very warm. Palms are growing here. It’s evening already. The sun is going down. I take off my coat and throw it on the stone. The sky is violet. The water takes on an orange tint. Olivia sits on the sand. The wind is blowing. Waves of the lake are rolling. I sit down next to her. Olivia puts her hand on mine. Her arms are soft like silk. She turns to me, smiles. Her eyes are very bright green.
Olivia: It’s so vivid here!
Olivia puts her head on my shoulder. What a strange place! Even then it is snowing outside, summer is always in this lake. No scientist can explain the climate of this place. Many believe that this is a little piece of PARADISE on our Earth.
Olivia: If you have noticed above the lake clouds never form. I think this is because of very small hole in the atmosphere.
I would like to know, what are your hobbies? You must really wish something, aren’t you?
Olivia: Yes… when I get my body, I would like to create my own instrument. Then I would learn to play it and finally teach others. I want to design a very beautiful house in which we will live with our children. I want very much, I want to create…
My baby, you very nice dreams! That day then we will create a new world.
Olivia gets up. She leans over to me, closes her eyes. Her lips are touching mine. We are kissing…
You know about me everything and I know… very little about you.
Olivia: After all, I’m your subconscious. I could talk about you for ten years, about what you are and what reasons led to your every personal detail. Poor kitty, you are so afflicted just do not remember it!
The sun is turning crimson red. Stars are flickering in the sky.
***
Unna and Lucius are hugging each other. They are chatting about something. It seems they are in the relationship. For me, it doesn’t matter anymore. If I wouldn’t have Olivia I would be offended. Lucius got lucky… I won’t kill him, because a suspicion can arise that someone is killing students. What do you think Olivia? Olivia shades them by standing by my side in order to hide Unna from me. Her eyes are pointing to the ground.
Olivia: You are right! One thing is bothering me…
What is it?
Olivia: You remember the radiation that Uncle has told you about. After all, you are going to get chased by Libra.
Don’t worry, Olivia, I’m going to do something. I must beat them to revenge my father. I won’t allow myself to die, not then… I have you. Lorenz comes toward me.
Olivia: You are bold and confident, that’s what I call the real manhood. You won’t allow yourself to die, because we would die both.
Lorenz: How was the chemistry test?
I: I got A.
Lorenz: As always… Good luck then, I’m been going home.
Olivia: Warn your friends that he can’t tell about your powers everybody!
I: Lorenz, come here, I have something to tell you!
Lorenz: Sure, buddy!
I look around to see if it’s no one here. I bend towards Lorenz’s ear.
I: Promise me, that you won’t tell anybody about my powers!
Lorenz: I swear by my relatives.
I: Thank you! Bye-bye.
Lorenz: Till tomorrow, remember what I said about women.
I feel something bad is going to happen. I’m climbing down the stairs. Students are chatting, walking through the corridors. Some go home, others are waiting for lessons. Olivia is behind me. Her eyes are hidden by shadow. I go out through the school’s entrance. I go down the street. I’m feeling the same feelings that I feel then Raiton is near.
Lady: Mark, we found him!
I raise my eyes. Lady is standing on the streetlight. Her hair is waist length. Her bangs are tied up into a long braid. Earth shakes, someone jumps down behind me. I turn around. I raise my head up. I see a bearded man. He is so tall. His hands are very large. What a giant?
Mark: So, you are going to become one of us?
I: Are you Libra?
Lady: Yes. If you refuse, we have no other choice but… to kill you.
I get berserk and clench my right fist. Darkness is spinning around my fingers. I get off the ground. I aim my punch at his abdomen. Mark turns to the side. Mark grabs me by the foot. WHAT? He throws me away. I’m floating in the air. I hit a tree. The tree is breaking apart. It falls on the ground. I try to stand up. My hands are trembling.
Mark; Ha, ha, ha… So you are this sluggish. I hoped you will be stronger.
Olivia: Furionai, are you all right?! Get up and go away!
I can’t Olivia. We must defeat them. I’m fine. Mark goes towards me. I can’t stand up. It’s difficult to move. I rise my shaky head.
Olivia: Run!!!
Mark: I’m going to crush you like an ant!
He lifts his leg over me. I’m lying on the shadow. Why not to avoid his attack by sinking into a shadow. I dive into a shadow. Now, he won’t find me. I can’t defeat them alone I need Raiton’s assistance. Damn it!
Shadow realm begins to die out. I start to see the trees again.
Lady: He has appeared! Grab him, now!
Mark: Where is he?
Noron: In the same place, behind you, idiot.
He turned to the girl.
Mark: Don’t shout at me, Amanda!
Amanda: Shut up or I’m going to rip off your head myself.
I gather some dark energy into my hand. I point it to his head. I put my hand on my shoulder and shot a wave of darkness. Wave hits back of his head. He turns to me, smiles.
Mark: That’s the best you can do?
He is so sturdy. My darkness was cutting Ema’s body like butter, but he hasn’t got a single bruise. He comes to me and grabs by face. The Mark strikes me into a tree. I cough up blood from my mouth. I get weak and slide down. I hear that Olivia is crying. I rise my hand towards her. He hits me in the stomach. I spit out another sip of blood.
Amanda: All Sagitta are miserable. I didn’t want to become our member so you are going to die.
It’s so difficult to move… that pain! It’s difficult to keep my eyes open. Everything can’t end like this. They are moving away from me. I can’t see Olivia. Olivia, where are you?
I: Olivia, don’t leave me alone! Olivia!!!
Quiet. Olivia doesn’t say anything. She is not here anymore. Do I have to die just like my father, by the hands of Libra? MY FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT IT. If they will stop believing… my ideas is going to cease forever. So… I will never destroy the wrong of the world. Why the world is so cruel? Tears are rolling on my cheeks. The birds are singing. Cruel world continues… Is anybody going to stop this? Is Seraphim organization is going to stay? Does someone will destroy the evil, if not me? I CAN’T DIE NOW … I must live. Eyes are about to close. Minds become nonsense. I’m suffering Hellish pain. I Close my eyes, lose consciousness.
***
Where am I…? This place is completely dark.
Voice: Get awake! Can, you hear me?
Who is talking to me? Olivia, are you here…? Or I’m dead? It’s dark, but I can see my body. The picture turns blindly white. The light is so bright. My eyes are opening slowly. Cloudless sky dazzles me. Raiton and an unfamiliar lady with light hair are sitting next to me.
I: Raiton what has just happened?
Raiton: We found you seriously wounded in the woods and brought you to my house. My sister has healed you. She controls the energy of light. Did Libra do this to you?
Girl: Hi pretty one, my name Lucrecia.
I: Thank you for everything!
She closes her eyes and smiles.
Lucrecia: Make yourself at home.
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