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RegularJough 3 years, 5 months ago.
My logical brain knows that women are the cause of my stress, yet I can’t shake the feelings about wanting to get laid.
Oh man, we’re in the same boat there!
Here’s a useful thread for you /forums/topic/cutting-the-crap-early-on-in-online-dating/page/4/#post-270929However there’s one key difference between you and me: my life is rich WITHOUT women in it, or more precisely; my life is rich without dysfunctional psychos of any gender.
I think you need to get some perspective, don’t take that in a cruel or insulting way, I need to aswell. When I zoom out I feel more “grounded” as the bulls~~~ new-agers would call it, for example, last night I spent about half an hour focusing and grounding myself and all the joy of life came back, I laughed and appreciated everything in my life again.
Here’s my best tool for that;
<iframe width=”500″ height=”281″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/u4a08-eQR2Q?feature=oembed” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen=””></iframe>I have no “friends” but the key to making friends- just do you, be yourself, go outside and do what you want to do and then you’ll meet people who are like you
UPDATE: read some of your later posts, seems like you’re getting it
keep up the good work- get perspective, get SOVEREIGNTY!Yeah. I’m getting better.
Yesterday was a semi rough day.
We had to go together to the cell phone store to get separate phone plans.
Everything was fine, even with her flirting right in front of me with the clerk, until I slipped up and said I knew she already made a cell phone payment.
I’m still on her checking account, and “she can’t afford” to cover the debt on the credit line (my credit) to take me off.
I haven’t been looking at it, until about last week, when she was -300, and then there was a deposit of 1300. I was like WTF? She makes less than that in a month. So, I looked, and during the cell phone change over, it slipped, because she said we still had a bill and she asked me to cover it.
Now, before you guys lose it, turns out there really was a bill, because att bills a head of time. 🙂
Anyways, we get done and right when I leave with my kids, I get a barrage of texts that include swears, name calling, saying stuff like she’s glad I’m gone and just over the top reactions to me looking at her account. If she really didn’t want me to have access to this, it would have been taken care of 6 months ago. But no, this is something she liked holding over my head, one more way I’m “doing” something “to” her.
It’s only a handful of text messages, and I never got upset with her words. Quite the opposite, I told her repeatable to stop and that any fighting only hurts the kids, because her s~~~ doesn’t work on me anymore.
The real take away from this interaction that I wanted to share was how I reacted during and after, and it’s from you guys. Words I’ve read here echoed in my head.
I didn’t get upset at all during our texting, though she seemed to be losing her mind. Afterwards, it was like it didn’t happen, just went about my day like nothing.
Pages ago, one person here said “the women I knew is gone, like she’s dead”. So true. I spent an hour with a women to change over cell phones who looked like my ex wife, but she was a stranger to me. I handled it like any other business transaction, calmly and coolly.
Everyday gets a little better and yesterday was no exception. Matter of fact, feeling good, I rewrote my to-do list for divorce and finished going through some paper work. Something like an outward cleaning of my soul.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
My logical brain knows that women are the cause of my stress, yet I can’t shake the feelings about wanting to get laid.
Oh man, we’re in the same boat there!
Here’s a useful thread for you /forums/topic/cutting-the-crap-early-on-in-online-dating/page/4/#post-270929However there’s one key difference between you and me: my life is rich WITHOUT women in it, or more precisely; my life is rich without dysfunctional psychos of any gender.
I think you need to get some perspective, don’t take that in a cruel or insulting way, I need to aswell. When I zoom out I feel more “grounded” as the bulls~~~ new-agers would call it, for example, last night I spent about half an hour focusing and grounding myself and all the joy of life came back, I laughed and appreciated everything in my life again.
Here’s my best tool for that;
<iframe width=”500″ height=”281″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/u4a08-eQR2Q?feature=oembed” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen=””></iframe>I have no “friends” but the key to making friends- just do you, be yourself, go outside and do what you want to do and then you’ll meet people who are like you
UPDATE: read some of your later posts, seems like you’re getting it
keep up the good work- get perspective, get SOVEREIGNTY!Yeah. I’m getting better.
Yesterday was a semi rough day.
We had to go together to the cell phone store to get separate phone plans.
Everything was fine, even with her flirting right in front of me with the clerk, until I slipped up and said I knew she already made a cell phone payment.
I’m still on her checking account, and “she can’t afford” to cover the debt on the credit line (my credit) to take me off.
I haven’t been looking at it, until about last week, when she was -300, and then there was a deposit of 1300. I was like WTF? She makes less than that in a month. So, I looked, and during the cell phone change over, it slipped, because she said we still had a bill and she asked me to cover it.Now, before you guys lose it, turns out there really was a bill, because att bills a head of time.
Anyways, we get done and right when I leave with my kids, I get a barrage of texts that include swears, name calling, saying stuff like she’s glad I’m gone and just over the top reactions to me looking at her account. If she really didn’t want me to have access to this, it would have been taken care of 6 months ago. But no, this is something she liked holding over my head, one more way I’m “doing” something “to” her.
It’s only a handful of text messages, and I never got upset with her words. Quite the opposite, I told her repeatable to stop and that any fighting only hurts the kids, because her s~~~ doesn’t work on me anymore.
The real take away from this interaction that I wanted to share was how I reacted during and after, and it’s from you guys. Words I’ve read here echoed in my head.
I didn’t get upset at all during our texting, though she seemed to be losing her mind. Afterwards, it was like it didn’t happen, just went about my day like nothing.
Pages ago, one person here said “the women I knew is gone, like she’s dead”. So true. I spent an hour with a women to change over cell phones who looked like my ex wife, but she was a stranger to me. I handled it like any other business transaction, calmly and coolly.
Everyday gets a little better and yesterday was no exception. Matter of fact, feeling good, I rewrote my to-do list for divorce and finished going through some paper work. Something like an outward cleaning of my soul.
Save all texts from her. Lock them into your phone and forget about them until you might need them.
Right now is a time totally ripe to avoid any kind of intermittent conditioning. If she hears nine “No” Reponses from you and then one “Yes” response, she will be like the lab animal that will keep trying the longest because she now “knows” that even with nine “No’s”, she may get a “Yes” response later. Keep up the good work. Avoid all contact with her.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Anonymous
AnonymousZenState has some damn good advice there.
Thanks Alchemist. I talk about what works for me, and I dont know if it is of any use. People need different things at different times, so I guess we keep throwing our 2 cents for RegularJough to pick what works for him.
While I don’t drink, at all, I can see myself locking myself away. My kids will be on their own before I know it, and I feel like I have until then to make some real big choices in my life, because once they leave, I don’t think anyone will come around here again.
I am going to try to share some ideas with you.
Let us imagine a man in a house and he feels very cold. So, he burns the house for warmth.
Bad idea, right? It is true that he got warm for a while, but after such madness the man will live in the street.
The “warmth” I am talking about is others. The house I am talking about is you.
The feeling of “love” from others is a need, but unlike eating you will not die for lack of it. But by the contrary, you can die pursuing love in the toxic atmosphere of relationships.
Nobody dies of cold when sheltered inside a house, but people can die if they go out into a blizzard.
That is because seeking “love” is a pursuit and a “need”, therefore it makes us weak. Others have leverage. We are not free to do as we want.
See, women come and go, children grow and friends leave. Only you remain.
You where here before they appear. You where here with them. And you will be here after they leave. You are the only constant presence in your life.
If you are not happy by yourself then you are in trouble.
There are 2 forms of living.
In the first way of living: the man needs validation from others (my wife loves me, my kids look up to me, my friends respect me). That is when the men burns the house for temporary warmth, for himself and others. But in the end he is abandoned, because nobody wants to be around such fool that has nothing to offer.
In the second way of living: the man uses internal validation (my values, my happiness). That is when he builds his house for his permanent comfort. That is when he is attractive, because everybody wants to enjoy what he as made for himself. But he becomes very selective, and asks what can THEY PROVIDE FOR HIM. Eventually he concludes that most people are not worth it.
Yes, even our children. You will not believe how many stories I know of parents “dumped” in institutions by their children, so that they could sell their parent’s possessions. This is a case where our kids burn our house for their temporary comfort.
I have kids, and I love them. Yet I am in no illusion, I cannot depend on them for anything. My daughter already claimed that he will institutionalize us at old age. And I believe she can, AWALT! My boy probably will end up in the hands of a c~~~ with eyes on my money. He is a good soul and kind, the perfect victim.
Yes, we do our best to raise them properly. But THEY ARE THEIR OWN PERSONS, just like we are not what our fathers would make of us.
They are good and bad, but we love them anyway. What we do not need is to be destroyed to prove it.
Be happy. Only you can do this for yourself.
ZenState has some damn good advice there.
Thanks Alchemist. I talk about what works for me, and I dont know if it is of any use. People need different things at different times, so I guess we keep throwing our 2 cents for RegularJough to pick what works for him.
While I don’t drink, at all, I can see myself locking myself away. My kids will be on their own before I know it, and I feel like I have until then to make some real big choices in my life, because once they leave, I don’t think anyone will come around here again.
I am going to try to share some ideas with you.
Let us imagine a man in a house and he feels very cold. So, he burns the house for warmth.
Bad idea, right? It is true that he got warm for a while, but after such madness the man will live in the street.The “warmth” I am talking about is others. The house I am talking about is you.
The feeling of “love” from others is a need, but unlike eating you will not die for lack of it. But by the contrary, you can die pursuing love in the toxic atmosphere of relationships.
Nobody dies of cold when sheltered inside a house, but people can die if they go out into a blizzard.
That is because seeking “love” is a pursuit and a “need”, therefore it makes us weak. Others have leverage. We are not free to do as we want.
See, women come and go, children grow and friends leave. Only you remain.
You where here before they appear. You where here with them. And you will be here after they leave. You are the only constant presence in your life.
If you are not happy by yourself then you are in trouble.
There are 2 forms of living.
In the first way of living: the man needs validation from others (my wife loves me, my kids look up to me, my friends respect me). That is when the men burns the house for temporary warmth, for himself and others. But in the end he is abandoned, because nobody wants to be around such fool that has nothing to offer.
In the second way of living: the man uses internal validation (my values, my happiness). That is when he builds his house for his permanent comfort. That is when he is attractive, because everybody wants to enjoy what he as made for himself. But he becomes very selective, and asks what can THEY PROVIDE FOR HIM. Eventually he concludes that most people are not worth it.
Yes, even our children. You will not believe how many stories I know of parents “dumped” in institutions by their children, so that they could sell their parent’s possessions. This is a case where our kids burn our house for their temporary comfort.
I have kids, and I love them. Yet I am in no illusion, I cannot depend on them for anything. My daughter already claimed that he will institutionalize us at old age. And I believe she can, AWALT! My boy probably will end up in the hands of a c~~~ with eyes on my money. He is a good soul and kind, the perfect victim.
Yes, we do our best to raise them properly. But THEY ARE THEIR OWN PERSONS, just like we are not what our fathers would make of us.
They are good and bad, but we love them anyway. What we do not need is to be destroyed to prove it.
Be happy. Only you can do this for yourself.
In all honesty, I am quite content with myself.
I’m actually pretty good looking, I make a decent wage, I’ve been through war, I have a bronze star to prove it, I’m healthy, I’m kinda smart (we will see what Mensa says, very soon), and I have nothing but time and opportunity at this point.
Where I get hung up, why I feel down, is when thoughts of my ex roll into my head. I know what I think about myself, but maybe I’m not really who I think I am.
Yes, I cheated. But I KNOW I’ll never do it again. I told myself, if I ever thought I’d open my mouth and tell my wife the truth, if I couldn’t handle the guilt and shame anymore, I’d put a pistol in my mouth, because it’s my cross to bare, not hers.
Of course, I didn’t do it, nor would I.
I’m not in a bad place like I was years ago. However, I knew I was on a similar path, a path of depression, and at that moment I recognized my feelings, I came here for guidance.
Truth be told, I smile more, now that she’s gone. I laugh more. I do more. I don’t grind my teeth in my sleep any more. It’s because of all of this, I’ve become a leader in my company. I have a lot of room to grow there, and every day I reach a little higher, even with all the stress that place brings.
Overall, I am happy. I do however suck at filling my free time now that there is no woman in my life. I came to the conclusion yesterday that I’m still doing 90% of what I used to do before, only now it just seems so empty and boring…. I think I know what’s missing. STRESS!!!!
I’m so stress free, I’m bored brainless and working myself up with crazy thoughts all day. In turn, I create the stress I was missing out on from before. Pretty sick s~~~.
I did a lot of reading today about divorce and Massachusetts, and I’m sure most people here already know it all, I was shocked. Of course, most links came from MGTOW, so it’s all been said before. But…. I can say, if I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn’t have gone down this path.
And yes, please, everyone, keep throwing your insights and ideas and suggestions to me, I can say thank you enough. I read this website everyday, it’s my daily red pill.
I’m going to get through this, I’m not going to be a hermit, and I’m going to get myself on the most positive path I’ve ever been on in my life.
Thanks for everyone’s support.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
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