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RegularJough 3 years, 4 months ago.
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I wish you the best. The only thing I know from my divorces was you don’t get over it, you just go through it and after awhile things fall back into place. I have been where you are now, and now later I am the happiest I have ever been.
If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
@ Regular Jough: Brother, I feel for you. I would say I wish I could trade places with you, because I have a wife who refuses to divorce me without threats of chaos. However, the way your wife has revealed her shallowness, you would NEVER recover from it even if she took you back. I know this from experience. Once a woman turns traitor on you for an exciting Chad, it’s over. My wife did this to me five years ago. You will never, ever look at her the same. Trust me on this. So, not only did I stay in a marriage with a woman I was not compatible with and definitely not happy being married to, the bitch had a FB affair (and who knows how far it would have went). That was my payback for such loyalty.
I can’t say I’m much different from you in regards to liking women. I still like them. You probably feel a great desire to be validated by another woman due to your rejection from your wife. I know the drill. I have obtained it a few times from some women. However, nothing will help you more than being happy on your own. The new women WILL disappoint you, and you’ll be right back where you started. Trust me on this please. I am further along than you are but not by much. New women will do far more harm to you than good right now. When I see a pretty girl now who seems to be connecting with me, I think to myself “it is not fair to her or me to get involved when I am still going through a divorce.” It helps me calm myself down. Try it.
@ Regular Jough: Brother, I feel for you. I would say I wish I could trade places with you, because I have a wife who refuses to divorce me without threats of chaos. However, the way your wife has revealed her shallowness, you would NEVER recover from it even if she took you back. I know this from experience. Once a woman turns traitor on you for an exciting Chad, it’s over. My wife did this to me five years ago. You will never, ever look at her the same. Trust me on this. So, not only did I stay in a marriage with a woman I was not compatible with and definitely not happy being married to, the bitch had a FB affair (and who knows how far it would have went). That was my payback for such loyalty.
I can’t say I’m much different from you in regards to liking women. I still like them. You probably feel a great desire to be validated by another woman due to your rejection from your wife. I know the drill. I have obtained it a few times from some women. However, nothing will help you more than being happy on your own. The new women WILL disappoint you, and you’ll be right back where you started. Trust me on this please. I am further along than you are but not by much. New women will do far more harm to you than good right now. When I see a pretty girl now who seems to be connecting with me, I think to myself “it is not fair to her or me to get involved when I am still going through a divorce.” It helps me calm myself down. Try it.
Wow. Exact same, except the online affair took place years ago, and the Chad was during our first separation. I tried, but it just wasn’t the same when we reconciled.
As far as knowing I’d be hurting a girl as much as hurting myself, if I hit into anything right now, I agree, and I remind myself of this all the time.
Last night, something happened. I had to go in the middle of the night to my exs house. My 12 year old daughter has been struggling with everything, not just mom and dad, but herself as well. She decided she is a lesbian, breaking it off with her “boyfriend”. Now, she thinks she’s transgendered. It’s killing her. She was very upset.
I went over to talk this out and support her and my ex during this very difficult time.
I took a day off from work today and spent the day with the kids, and we tried to fit some quality time in, and I spoke to my daughter at length about my thoughts and feelings about, well, everything. I told her she’d be loved no matter what, and mom and dad are not husband and wife anymore, but we’re still parents, and will be forever.
My ex just left my place, first she’s been here. We spoke a little about everything, money, kids, jobs and the future.
Still, I handled the kids with my heart and her with my head.
Suddenly, my issues and angst just don’t seem to have the same impact on me right now. I have much bigger things to be concerned with.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
@ Regular Jough: Brother, I feel for you. I would say I wish I could trade places with you, because I have a wife who refuses to divorce me without threats of chaos. However, the way your wife has revealed her shallowness, you would NEVER recover from it even if she took you back. I know this from experience. Once a woman turns traitor on you for an exciting Chad, it’s over. My wife did this to me five years ago. You will never, ever look at her the same. Trust me on this. So, not only did I stay in a marriage with a woman I was not compatible with and definitely not happy being married to, the bitch had a FB affair (and who knows how far it would have went). That was my payback for such loyalty.
I can’t say I’m much different from you in regards to liking women. I still like them. You probably feel a great desire to be validated by another woman due to your rejection from your wife. I know the drill. I have obtained it a few times from some women. However, nothing will help you more than being happy on your own. The new women WILL disappoint you, and you’ll be right back where you started. Trust me on this please. I am further along than you are but not by much. New women will do far more harm to you than good right now. When I see a pretty girl now who seems to be connecting with me, I think to myself “it is not fair to her or me to get involved when I am still going through a divorce.” It helps me calm myself down. Try it.
Wow. Exact same, except the online affair took place years ago, and the Chad was during our first separation. I tried, but it just wasn’t the same when we reconciled.
As far as knowing I’d be hurting a girl as much as hurting myself, if I hit into anything right now, I agree, and I remind myself of this all the time.
Last night, something happened. I had to go in the middle of the night to my exs house. My 12 year old daughter has been struggling with everything, not just mom and dad, but herself as well. She decided she is a lesbian, breaking it off with her “boyfriend”. Now, she thinks she’s transgendered. It’s killing her. She was very upset.
I went over to talk this out and support her and my ex during this very difficult time.
I took a day off from work today and spent the day with the kids, and we tried to fit some quality time in, and I spoke to my daughter at length about my thoughts and feelings about, well, everything. I told her she’d be loved no matter what, and mom and dad are not husband and wife anymore, but we’re still parents, and will be forever.
My ex just left my place, first she’s been here. We spoke a little about everything, money, kids, jobs and the future.
Still, I handled the kids with my heart and her with my head.
Suddenly, my issues and angst just don’t seem to have the same impact on me right now. I have much bigger things to be concerned with.
Hang in there. you are going through some serious stuff right now. I can’t offer any advice because I’ve never been in that situation, but know there are people who are concerned, out here in the ether, for you and your kid’s well being. Good luck, and focus on what is right for your kids and yourself.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
I say get an escort.
Dont make the mistake of letting her kiss you. That creates feelings for a woman.
Also make sure she takes money. Don’t let her pull that BS Julia Roberts did in Pretty Woman: “You make me feel like a whore”
If she tries to say she doesnt want money its time to cut her off: she’s getting feelings and will try to trap you with a baby.
I say get an escort.
Dont make the mistake of letting her kiss you. That creates feelings for a woman.
Also make sure she takes money. Don’t let her pull that BS Julia Roberts did in Pretty Woman: “You make me feel like a whore”
If she tries to say she doesnt want money its time to cut her off: she’s getting feelings and will try to trap you with a baby.
Yes, I know how my brain works.
A screw is one thing, but to a man, a kiss might as well be a magic spell.
However, I’m not concerned about a baby.
I want every single MGTOW guy here to consider this, if it’s not already taken care of.
GET A VASECTOMY!!!
Yeah, it kinda sucks, but the effect lasts forever, and if you can ever recall any anxiety over the possibility that you may have gotten a chick knocked up, then please at least consider your outlook on life if you KNEW you’d never EVER have to worry about it again.
I did it when I was 24. Best thing I could have done.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
All women are whores, to some degree.
I won’t be “dating” any time soon, nor will I be paying an escort either.
Sure, getting laid is fun, feels good for the mind, body and soul….
But, after 15+ years of juggling female insanity, I need a serious break from it all.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Ahhhhh, time for a s~~~ty update.
I get an email from the ex today, yeah, an email. Harmless, just about a sleepover, which started as a email from other parents, but I have the kids this week, so the ex just forwarded it to me. No biggie. I respond with “ok, I’ll let the kids know. Thanks”
Then, the texts start.
Years ago, the kids had iPods, and weren’t connected like they are now, so the kids were kinda connected to my email address and because even then my ex was trying to set the groundwork for breaking away from me, she had a iPhone. In her iPhone, she connected my daughters info with my email, so today when I responded, a very old picture of my daughter and her name was with the email I sent.
She kinda freaked, thinking I was playing fast and loose with my girls account, maybe trying to pull some funny business? Not true at all. I quickly figured out the problem, which was on her end, in her phone, and with one text, it should have been over.
Then, she immediately gets into how she found out she was talking to a married guy online. Then goes on to say how she should tell the wife. I tell her, that I still care about her, and that in her own best interest, to wait for dating for a while, at least until we are actually divorced.
She said she has it under wraps, because she’s got a really great guy waiting for her, and if it works out, she won’t be online dating anymore.
The thing of it is, it’s killing my youngest daughter to think Mom is out dating.
There was a issue that crept up yesterday. I said I like to get my place 100% clean before you guys (the kids) come over. My daughter said that Mom wants the house clean before the kids leave. Like, maybe there is a reason to have the house clean when their gone, as opposed to when their there.
Of course, any little thing will cause suspicion with the kids.
I actually hope she finds a guy, so I won’t have to pay alimony later. So, my current struggle has nothing to do with her and her trying to inflate her life as to seem so great at the moment.
My concern is the kids and the potential precedent this could set in their lives as women. I’d hate for them to grow up with the idea that once one guy is done, find the next one.
I have allusion that I’d raise a couple of NAWALTs, but I’d like for a positive perspective to be there.
Time will help..
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Anonymous3I was going to post someday about how men try to be friendly and helpfully during divorce, and women try to do as much damage as possible.
I know no situation where the men ended socially well, because the ex-wives make the point of destroying their reputation. In many cases I know they use the “pervert” card: he only wanted anal!So, why are you so friendly and concerned with nitroglycerin? It may blow up for anything, or no particular reason!
Kids will end up OK if you end up OK. Take my word for it, because I didn’t want to rock to boat to provide “a good home”, and everyone is screwed up. The worst part is knowing its going to happen.
Yeah, I guess I figured if she can at least stay sane while this (divorce) is going down, the better for everyone.
I get twice monthly requests for info on wifi setup, car issues, working s~~~ in the house, who to contact for what have you….
It’s all going to end soon. Each step is one step closer to what she wanted, independence from me.
Hell, I’ll help her if it means getting her out of my life and staying sane until the kids turn 18.
That said, there does seem to be a big disconnect from the way I handle her to the she interacts with me.
I’m so GLAD this is almost over.
I’m still bored, I’m still lonely, but it’s getting better, I’m adjusting.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Anonymous3Yeah, I guess I figured if she can at least stay sane while this (divorce) is going down, the better for everyone.
I think its better for you if she’s insane. If she is delusional and looking for a guy, then she is distracted.
What you don’t want her to start having “sane” female thoughts.
Because now she is more interested in getting a guy than fighting you for the kids.
Now she is delusional about making a living, and not thinking on exploiting you on alimony or child support.This whole situation is explosive.
On one hand you asking her to “behave” is a great way to make sure she doesn’t. The danger is if she actually does…
How can you be bored? If you have free time the build something. Read books. Listen to music. Take a long walk in the wilderness.
Yeah, actually, I’d like her to find a guy.
It would make life easier, for the reasons you outlined, and because I know she’ll never find a guy like me. Not to inflate my ego too much, but I’m pretty solid.
With the bored part, I fish, hike, run, watch movies and play video games. I also work 7 days a week. I’ve had three days off the last few months, one for sky diving, one to move into my new apartment and one for the kids.
Sounds like I’m busy, right? I have hours upon hours to kill when I don’t have my girls.
I’m planning on going back to the driving range next week, got to work on my slice issue. I’ll also be going to the gun range. Plus fishing and video games and maybe a movie.
Probably start this damn book I’ve been staring at, and maybe drop some coin and buy all new art supplies.I’m planning a trip next spring to South America, going to Peru. So next week I’ll be applying for a passport at the post office.
Great right?
Not really. Bored out of my mind.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Ohhh…..
Ya know… I think I’ve glazed over a part of me that I’ve gotten so used to, that I even forget about it. It’s why I just don’t give a s~~~ about myself, and for my entire life, why having a needy bitchy wife worked for me, it gave me purpose.
Here, this is me to a T.
Anhedonia (/ˌænhiˈdoʊniə/ an-hee-doh-nee-ə; Greek: ἀν- an-, “without” and ἡδονή hēdonē, “pleasure”) is the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable, e.g. exercise, hobbies, music, sexual activities or social interactions. While earlier definitions of anhedonia emphasized pleasurable experience, more recent models have highlighted the need to consider different aspects of enjoyable behavior, such as motivation or desire to engage in activities (motivational anhedonia), as compared to the level of enjoyment of the activity itself (“consummatory anhedonia”).[1]
And here, if you wanted to read more, this is the wiki link.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia
Music, hobbies, social interactions, exercise, and yes even sex, just don’t do it for me.
I didn’t have a radio in my old car for years, and never missed it.
I just can’t stand people, it’s too much bulls~~~ to handle some times, except if I’m trying to get laid. But, whenever sex would happen, even during sex, I’d ask “what was all the fuss about?”
To say I’ve taken pleasure in very little in my life would be a understatement.
Fishing and other tasks just consume my time, but I get no satisfaction from it.
Went sky diving, thought the same thing, “why did I wait so long to do something so empty? It wasn’t even that big of a deal”.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
I have a iPhone 6s.
I have two apps, both for either checking my money, or paying bills.
I have 9 songs on this phone, three my kids wanted and 6 I got.
My ex sucked so much from my life, I’ve grown to know I just don’t need any of it, even if I want it.
Of course, this is her brain washing, because now that I know I don’t NEED anything else in my life, it would be something I WANTED, hence selfish asshole husband.
I’m not blind, I see what her constant subtle attacks on me for all those years have done, but what the f~~~ do I do now…..
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Anonymous3Music, hobbies, social interactions, exercise, and yes even sex, just don’t do it for me.
I didn’t have a radio in my old car for years, and never missed it.
I just can’t stand people, it’s too much bulls~~~ to handle some times, except if I’m trying to get laid. But, whenever sex would happen, even during sex, I’d ask “what was all the fuss about?”
In my whole life I could relate to your boredom entirely.
I also do not find anything that much important, I know they are just little pleasures. There is nothing personal that is meaningful for me. There are obviously external important things, like my kids.
However, I am a bit better now. I can take pleasure in simple things and be quiet without being bored; hence my username “ZenState”.
I changed due to some realizations after reading some spiritual teachings and “looking inside”. Nothing religious and neither anything dogmatic. I had enough of that trap and I will advise anyone to stay out of it…
But each one to its own.At some point I used to read a lot. Now I enjoy mostly audio.
My approach is a non-committed reading/learning. We do not have to accept or deny everything. We can just keep things like information and see if they ring true in our life and experience. One day they make sense or not.Maybe you would also need to look inside to find out the source of boredom. It can be an escape mechanism, or a clear sign that you are through with the “toys” and ready for more important stuff.
One of our members suggested the works of a Jesuit priest called Anthony de Mello, and I had some good references of him.
At the moment I am reading one of his books, and I would say it’s the most straightforward, simple and complete description of what I learned. Maybe you could take a look and see if it rings true for you.I found a resource online:
AwarenessIf books are not your thing you can also download the whole content from youtube, convert it to MP3 so you have it in audio format.
Jough, with the Anhedonia, do you get any satisfaction, if not pleasure, from mastering something? Meaning learning a skill and becoming very proficient at it?
If so then I would suggest upping your time at the driving range. Fixing your slice is just the beginning. Then you need to find course time. Even 9 holes. Being good on the range means nothing on the course. Then go back to the range… and alternate… learn to shape shots, back the ball up on the green, learn to putt well, golf is something you will never ‘master’ but can always improve. The satisfaction I have from it comes from two things. First is the always improving part… though I haven’t been active enough in it lately to be improving. Second is the being outdoors, often alone part…
Would I say it brings me ‘joy’? No, but it brings me a quiet satisfaction that I enjoy.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
I have a iPhone 6s.
I have two apps, both for either checking my money, or paying bills.
I have 9 songs on this phone, three my kids wanted and 6 I got.
My ex sucked so much from my life, I’ve grown to know I just don’t need any of it, even if I want it.
Of course, this is her brain washing, because now that I know I don’t NEED anything else in my life, it would be something I WANTED, hence selfish asshole husband.
I’m not blind, I see what her constant subtle attacks on me for all those years have done, but what the f~~~ do I do now…..
We married similar creatures. When all else fails, I get the shaming “abandoned the innocent victim” routine from her. I think your wife must have really stripped the enjoyment out of your life to the point you can’t properly function without her. I hope this passes for you. I really do.
Like you, I think I’m a pretty good guy (all around) and will have no problem moving on with my life. Do you have many friends where you’re at? I can tell you for sure that had I not started getting out of the house years ago and acquiring local friends, I would be in much worse shape than I am now. I have a bunch of great military friends, but all but one moved away. Wives like ours do not like us having support outside the home they have to compete with, but I did it anyway. I am very thankful I did. I also obtained some former female friends that I wouldn’t have been “allowed” to have before. I must say that female friends can be a mighty ally if they have your back and you are not in a relationship with them. If they have nothing to gain from you, they will drop the truth on you about women.
No, no friends, not even one.
One guy contacted me after being out the Army for a decade, and my ex promptly grilled him on what I did (cheated). The one friend who ever reached out was used against me.
As far as the female friend thing…
That’s the girl I wrote about pages ago who couldn’t say happy birthday on my birthday, even though I told her the day before.
I remember her birthday, her everything.
Really, much of what you guys say happened, I was just living life, and doing what I do, and by chance, met the most beautiful Jewish girl I’ve ever seen.
Of course, I was married. I kept up a inappropriate online relationship going for months, while my marriage was breaking down all around me. It was my only positive safety net.
Now……
I see the Jewish girl for what she was and still is….
A lonely, scared single mother who can barely afford to live, while being stuck as both a care giver and dependant with her mother. Her son has special needs (blind) and the daughter is still just a toddler. No real man in her life then or now…..
Funny, talking to her was difficult, didn’t seem like she really wanted anything to do with me, then when I explained just how serious I was about the divorce, about how I don’t play with my money, and that I dropped 4000.00 to get myself setup to start again, my phone rang the instant she got the email.
Honestly, I don’t see a situation where I’d be dating anyone ever again. It’s both a relieving feeling, and a sad one.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Do you live in southern cal by chance? You could use some friends or social experience. I signed up to a website called Meetup.com. It’s designed to group up with people that have similar interests as you do and just have fun. I haven’t used this yet, but I would for sure if I needed to.
Do you live in southern cal by chance? You could use some friends or social experience. I signed up to a website called Meetup.com. It’s designed to group up with people that have similar interests as you do and just have fun. I haven’t used this yet, but I would for sure if I needed to.
Just checked it out, Meetup.com.
Garbage.
Energy Healers, hikers, gay men support groups, LBGT groups and women’s time for writing groups. Not to mention the gay Latino community groups.
Wtf?
I guess it’s back to the Xbox.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
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