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RegularJough 3 years, 4 months ago.
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Hello RegularJough;
I am a little late to the conversation – but I wanted to welcome you to the forum. Let me tell you – our stories are similar. Suffice it to say that it does not matter if your a physician or a ditch digger, the experience is the same when a wife goes total c~~~.
My relationship dissolved over 2 years ago – I was kicked out of our house and was rendered homeless for a brief period of time. She purposefully timed it around key dates to have maximum psychological effect. My parents are old school European – they were super supportive but just don’t understand what modern day feminism has done.
The ex threatened to call the cops – a criminal charge would cause my medical license to be suspended so I had no choice but to leave and let my lawyer handle the situation.
She became my best and only friend; over the years she had positioned herself to take total emotional control of my life. For her it was never exclusively about the money ~ it was about making her man an emotional dependent. I am ashamed to say she succeeded. She decided to dump me for a “Chad”, shattered my self esteem, blamed me for her infidelity due to a lack of “passion” and became the most hostile c~~~ you could imagine in the blink of the eye.
For me, sex was only one aspect of the relationship. For her, as a former c~~~ carousel rider, it was the only focus – but she hid it very well until we were married. Then she used it as a weapon to inflict guilt and shame. She is passive aggressive as well – nothing worse then living with a passive aggressive c~~~. On top of this, mine was more likely then not a “borderline”.
I like to think of myself as extremely kindhearted and as such I took it hard and still have low days. Take solace in that they get better. Social programming is strong and often hard to overcome.
I still struggle to make friends outside of work colleges. Your not alone in this. She was my first LTR and snagged me while I was in residency. I was so focused on school my whole life that I never really had a chance to develop relationships with others. The few good friends I had before meeting her she slowly manipulated me away from them. I willingly followed – this I deeply regret.
In hindsight, I realize that this is not healthy. I stay away from romantic relationships because I know in today’s society it is a sum zero game at best. I am never going back to the plantation. I honestly don’t think I could survive another escape attempt, nor do I want too.
If you need to chat, drop a line.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
I’m at work, slept pretty rough. I think I was grinding my teeth again, something that hasn’t happened for months.
The responses are spot on.
She nailed enough to be Borderline, but the psych woman thought it would pass when things got better.
I’ve got more thanks, more issues to say.
I hope time actually heals these wounds, because my stomach hurts and I just can’t keep running over s~~~ in my head about being so unhappy while she’s out being able to put a smile on her face while she’s getting screwed by a new dude.
She’s not doing anything for the divorce, I’m doing it “to her”. It’s going to turn into everyone telling her “poor you, look what he did to you….”
Only a few more steps, really, just a few, and TIME, and I’ll have everything needed for the divorce. Parent classes, 401k papers from a lawyer (apparently), and have her get me off her credit line at the bank and get her car in her name and off my insurance. Cell phones to be done on Saturday.
I keep going on waves, from content to happy to joyful to thankful to every negative one you can think of….
Shit tested, Brother approved.
I’m at work, slept pretty rough. I think I was grinding my teeth again, something that hasn’t happened for months.
The responses are spot on.
She nailed enough to be Borderline, but the psych woman thought it would pass when things got better.
I’ve got more thanks, more issues to say.
I hope time actually heals these wounds, because my stomach hurts and I just can’t keep running over s~~~ in my head about being so unhappy while she’s out being able to put a smile on her face while she’s getting screwed by a new dude.
She’s not doing anything for the divorce, I’m doing it “to her”. It’s going to turn into everyone telling her “poor you, look what he did to you….”
Only a few more steps, really, just a few, and TIME, and I’ll have everything needed for the divorce. Parent classes, 401k papers from a lawyer (apparently), and have her get me off her credit line at the bank and get her car in her name and off my insurance. Cell phones to be done on Saturday.
I keep going on waves, from content to happy to joyful to thankful to every negative one you can think of….
I’ve read and been told that divorce is like the death of someone close to you.
It is more akin to a vampire movie wherein the vampire takes a long time to die and does her best to destroy everyone in the process.
While dealing with the loss(of the old her) via denial/bargaining/anger/grief/acceptance, you still have to effectively fight off the vampiress (the new her).
Pray.
Workout HARD.
Eat correctly.
Sleep as much as possible.
Keep a tablet handy to write EVERYTHING down; It really helps your brain in dealing with everything.The very act of sharing as you have done here is IMMEASURABLY helping other men.
Knowledge is power = you are making other men more powerful against this whole situation.
Please, Keep us updated."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
They say the greatest revenge is to succeed.
The reason she’s so happy is because she knows it affects you. She’s vindictive.
The tables ARE going to turn eventually. When she sees how happy you are, she will feel a need. For YOU. And you’re obviously going to say no because of what shes done.
The best thing you can do is cut contact as much as you can…Its how I was able to get over my ex better. I ignored people’s advice to do so, and until I did, I had a need.
Brother, we need to stick together.
I keep telling myself “this is how she wants me to feel, she wants me in a constant state of flux”
It works for a little while, but I keep tripping back and feeling the waves of negativity overwhelm me.
I’m on break, with the plant manager, having an intense meeting. This could be the ground work for a long career here, even after being here ten years.
But still, I almost had to excuse myself because I was near overwhelmed from emotions I’m dealing with right now.
I must say, I’m doing better than I did the last time we went down this path. At this point before, I swallowed blue pills and got back with her. Never again. But, damn, all the same feelings are there.
But, man, I can’t. Can’t do that s~~~ again. Just got to press forward, even when I don’t know what “forward” is….
Shit tested, Brother approved.
@regularjough: Man, it sucks to see you on here like this. I know you’ve been f~~~ed over real good, but you have to stay strong and focus on yourself now. I can tell you are absolutely doing it wrong. You are giving her to much time in your mind and not spending your newfound freedom on yourself. Start doing things you did in your pre-slave days or find new hobbies and interests. Right now, you don’t believe that those are sufficient substitutes for your wife’s former approval of you, but THEY ARE!! Also, go spank to some porn until you have absolutely no f~~~s to give about your lizard brain. It will help you to start think rationally again about a woman’s true utility, vagina, which is highly overrated.
I keep telling myself “this is how she wants me to feel, she wants me in a constant state of flux”
By basically saying “I feel f~~~ed up and this is how she wants me to feel” you are giving her power.
Try “I will not allow myself to feel the way I feel at this moment. I will get some fresh air / go workout / go for a run / do something I’ve put off doing like scrubbing the sink now with a vengeance.”
CHOOSE to think about other things / other people / childhood memories / Anything else.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
I feel pretty alone.
My ex got upset because I renewed a shopping club membership the other day, in my name only.
She got heated, started with the name calling, calling me selfish, and hit me with the “she’s gonna have fun tonight”, meaning screwing her new dude.
S~~~ still hurts. Of course, I miss her and still love her, I know, not very MGTOW of me, but I can’t shake these feelings.
Plus, going down the path of divorce of someone who I miss so much is crazy hard.
She’s manipulative and a real user of me, but I really just miss having someone to talk to.
I went three days last week where I didn’t even say one word from 3pm to 11pm. On the third day, I coughed, and for a second I thought it was from someone else.
S~~~ is not fun at all around here.
I went sky diving last Thursday, and I haven’t even giving it a second thought since then. Weird, I wanted to do it so much for so long and it’s like it didn’t even happen.
Man…..love how they just have to tell you how much fun they are going to have…..stay strong bro. Know this is all a game to them. If you don’t play, they can’t win.
Well, I have something very positive to say.
An hour ago, I got invited to have dinner with my boss, his boss, and that guys boss.
This is heavy duty. These people are from the company’s headquarters.
I’ll be there in 40 minutes.
Not sure what their plan is…..
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Know this is all a game to them. If you don’t play, they can’t win.
There’s the strategic aspect of this:
Earlier today while waiting at a Doctors’ office I overheard a comment that the “xx:xx appointment was late”. Seconds later a slender laydee did a quick dervish of a move in and out of the waiting area. A glimpse revealed a perfectly structured face along with hair colored completely black as shoe polish.
The TOTAL void of 1/2 drop/gram of makeup was patently obvious, as was her bitter expression. Age ~30 and she was certainly making her point. “I’ll show them!” was written all over her face. Bitter as wormwood and as effective at causing any living male to avoid her teat.“She” IMO is the end product of behaving like a total c~~~ the way your ex did.
In the end, these laydeez who “seemingly” win short term, all lose.
They have lost their morals, their integrity, all hope of an extended family, all hope.Even if you don’t play, they still lose.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Saw latest update.
Congratulations! but if it involves a pay raise consider taking the position for your same pay until the divorce is final.
The total c~~~ deserves no part in your success, and that is precisely why she will probably go for it."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
One more thing.
Recognize what you are feeling right now. Total distress, feelings of major inferiority and loneliness etc. You feel like you’re hitting rock bottom.
You’re like Batman when he’s in the prison in Dark Knight Rises. Envision the hole he’s in as your current mindset, and how inescapable it seems. How hopeless it feels to be powerless while his city burns, or in your case, watching your wife’s newfound “happyness”.
The amount of strength and courage it will take to overcome these times will be great. But if you succeed in flushing away these negative emotions, just surviving until the red pill takes over..
You will be unstoppable. Other new MGTOWs will look to YOU for guidance. You will have witnessed the s~~~hole prison first hand, and you will be the one to help others rise out of it.
By improving your own life, you consequently improve the lives of others around you as well.
Brother, we need to stick together.
consider taking the position for your same pay until the divorce is final.
Here are some tips and warnings about child support:
Avoid working overtime and second jobs during a divorce.
Once the monthly payment amounts are set, it is difficult for a man to get it reduced.
At the time of divorce, most men are working too many hours and have larger incomes.
These days, a man’s income is often reduced as he gets older.
I have been fortunate to have worked as a blue collar worker most of my life. No c~~~s allowed. My last Blue collar job was being a Maintenance Engineer. For a decade, my department had over ninety men. We worked alongside one hundred tradesmen. All of us got to work lots of overtime and many of us also had side businesses.
Here are some observations:
A lot of us were eventually divorced.
During and after the divorce, many of us were homeless and could barely feed ourselves and we were still working almost seventy hours per week.
Our ex-wives still managed to get even more money out of us besides the average 30% cut from our wages (the government taxes got another 30%).
The kids needed stuff and there were always emergencies.
Guys with daughters gave up twice as much extra cash.
Since “Child Support” is not monitored and woman are completely trusted by the State, these funds rarely go towards the costs of the children.
What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?
Welcome brother you are not alone and we are here to help. As others have said do not give her the power to abuse your feelings. I want you to understand this, her behavior shows that she does not love you and this has been going on in her mind for years. Men are wired to love women just think all we want is the sex but this is not true. Women are wired to be selfish and are better at controlling their sexual urges and have a good understanding of how to manipulate men because sex is the only thing they bring to the table. They want men to think early on in the relationship that they “love” you and want to be with you forever. That is how they rope you in and once they have their claws into you they start the manipulation process to mold you into what they perceive is the perfect man. Problem is they can never make up their mind on their perfect man the list is so long that you will never meet it no matter what you do. You have to work 70 hours a week or more to meet their financial needs, but if you do that then they will say you don’t spend enough time with them. If you spend enough time with them but don’t work as much then you need to be making more money and are not good enough for them and the hypergamy switch starts to kick in.
Right now you are a punching bag she had years and years to chip away at you and find all your secrets out and she knows what hurts you and is using this to her advantage to exact as much punishment and pain as she can into you and she is enjoying this. I want that to sink in for a moment for you. She is getting pleasure out of hurting you, do you think for one moment that someone who takes pleasure in using you as a punching bag and repeatedly beating on you has any feelings or love for you any longer? No she doesn’t the sooner you realize this the better. One chance per girl, per lifetime. You already gave her two chances and she has shown her nature like every modern woman she is AWALT and will always be. Knowledge is power and she knows everything about you it is time that you see her for who she is she is giving you the knowledge that she avoided to show you all those years her true self is now showing. Do not look back once the divorce is final and your life will change for the better. There is a saying for every year that you were with her it will take 2 years to get over her. Cut those years down to zero as soon as you can because she is not worth the time to ever think about it will be hard as hell but you are strong and can do it. I am not sure if this was mentioned but if you have to have the urge for sex fulfilled some guys use fleshlights and porn and it works for them. Just look up fleshlights and you will understand what it is and what it can do for you. I hope this advice helps and I wish you the best of luck in the meeting with your bosses good things can only come from that.
Joe I hope you are doing well, brother.
Keep your head high. Listen to these guys above me. They aren’t going to sugar coat it like all this other BULLS~~~ “relations~~~ websites”. These are men with wisdom. Heed their guidance.
Joe I hope you are doing well, brother.
Keep your head high. Listen to these guys above me. They aren’t going to sugar coat it like all this other BULLS~~~ “relations~~~ websites”. These are men with wisdom. Heed their guidance.
Thank you.
I’m reading much more than I’m responding. Trust me, I’m taking it all in, and it feels like I’m taking a hammer to my head, because I just can’t believe what I used to think or how I used to act.
Every day, more distance grows in my heart and head. It’s actually pretty freeing to know I’m not engaging myself in something (both new and old relationships) that would just be a thing to suck something out of me.
Here’s a great bit, I laughed long about it…
Last night, I went to dinner with my bosses, and assorted other high-up people. This is completely out of the ordinary where I work, apparently they have big plans for me. But, they made no offers, only alluded to my future with the company.
So.
I show up early, hit the first parking spot, and park right next to the last girl I tried talking to. I gave her every chance to get it together, but she couldn’t even make time to send me a text, even though on our first phone call she said that I didn’t need to beat around the bush, that we were going out and we have both waited long enough for this chance. I thought, good, right? WRONG. She didn’t give a damn about me, just wanted a guy to take care of her kids. I told her a month ago, “hey, tomorrow is my birthday, blah blah”. Next day, no nothing, not a text, a phone call, nothing. Birthdays are big with me, and about a week later, I told her to kick rocks, because she had no time for me and didn’t even seem to give a s~~~ about me. Never heard back.
Last night, I walked into the restaurant, turn my head, and there she was. You guys should have seen her face. Her face was hard to describe, but it was some mix of sadness and shame and hurt. Felt good to see her like that, she caused it, caused her own hurt, and she knew it.
Then, after waiting for ten dinners to get made, the director of manufacturing of the Americas wanted a ciagettte, so I happily joined HER for a smoke. We smoke, talk work, and then go back inside. Upon entering, my exs best friend is there having dinner with her husband, and I walk in with some chick laughing up my jokes. Her face turned ugly when she saw me with another woman. Little did she know, this was ALL business, no pleasure.
My growth, both at work and at home, is getting better every day, and I can’t thank you guys enough.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
That’s what I like to hear. LOL, my birthday was a few months ago….”she” must have forgot?? LOL, after I was with the kid’s two weeks prior and they were excited I was turning 30. LOL, must have “forgot” right, Joe? LOL, same thing man— did not give a DAMN about me.
Focus on work my friend. People say “all work and no play makes Joe a dull boy”. Don’t listen to them, they are probably wishing they were elsewhere and do not know the horror of divorce like you are beginning to see. It is only temporary. Work turns a career into a life. Nothing wrong with that, you can support your kids and that is something to be proud of. Your kids will be proud of you anyway you look at it man. Get focused, and then save up to take a vacation for YOURSELF.
That’s what I like to hear. LOL, my birthday was a few months ago….”she” must have forgot?? LOL, after I was with the kid’s two weeks prior and they were excited I was turning 30. LOL, must have “forgot” right, Joe? LOL, same thing man— did not give a DAMN about me.
Focus on work my friend. People say “all work and no play makes Joe a dull boy”. Don’t listen to them, they are probably wishing they were elsewhere and do not know the horror of divorce like you are beginning to see. It is only temporary. Work turns a career into a life. Nothing wrong with that, you can support your kids and that is something to be proud of. Your kids will be proud of you anyway you look at it man. Get focused, and then save up to take a vacation for YOURSELF.
Wow. A vacation….. For myself?!?!?????
I don’t even know where to begin…!!
Also, my oldest daughter was over my shoulder when my boss, who somehow got my cell number, texted me. We were developing pictures at the pharmacy, and I was so shocked by my bosses request, I didn’t know what to say. My daughter said, “You HAVE to go, this is NOT something you turn down. I’ll make dinner for (sister) and you GO!!”
They were very happy for me.
Things are getting better right now. I know this all comes in waves, but right now I’m riding this positive wave, and prepping myself for when it might come down.
However, I got another fun thing lined up.
Driving Range. Never been, ex hated the idea I might like something ELSE that I could do alone, without her, and actually enjoy it. Well, she ain’t here, time for more fun.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Excellent, Jough! That’s what I’m talking about. Create a f~~~ing new life for yourself…one that isn’t dominated by someone telling you what to do with it like a child.
Excellent, Jough! That’s what I’m talking about. Create a f~~~ing new life for yourself…one that isn’t dominated by someone telling you what to do with it like a child.
Ya know what?
This website is my driving force at this point. This place is keeping my head from swimming, keeping me focused on my kids and focused on work.
I’m able to take my negative thoughts about my ex and sum it up with, “I don’t care anymore”, “This doesn’t concern me” and “I have more important things to think about”.
Reading all the stories here and the overwhelming mutual support everyone provides is something I just can’t say “thank you” enough for.
Thanks guys. Everyday gets a little better knowing I got a team backing me up.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
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