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RegularJough 3 years, 4 months ago.
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Joe, I read your story and have been seeing your updates. You are going fine, brother. You are on the right path. The MGTOW path. It is a steady incline, I hope you are ready for the ride. Only going up here, my friend.
You will soon snap out of it. It feels empty now because it is NEW. You have been controlled to feel a certain way. Now you are beginning to feel your OWN way. It’s some powerful stuff man.
Once you get into a routine of your own, you will look back on this. Trust me man, it is not a “Tomorrow you will be completely rolling”…..hell man I would be lying to you if I still wasn’t having issues. But if you keep on the MGTOW way, you won’t have a setback. These guys all are rooting you for, Joe. You can do it
Joe, I read your story and have been seeing your updates. You are going fine, brother. You are on the right path. The MGTOW path. It is a steady incline, I hope you are ready for the ride. Only going up here, my friend.
You will soon snap out of it. It feels empty now because it is NEW. You have been controlled to feel a certain way. Now you are beginning to feel your OWN way. It’s some powerful stuff man.
Once you get into a routine of your own, you will look back on this. Trust me man, it is not a “Tomorrow you will be completely rolling”…..hell man I would be lying to you if I still wasn’t having issues. But if you keep on the MGTOW way, you won’t have a setback. These guys all are rooting you for, Joe. You can do it
Thanks man.
It’s tough, like you know.
Really, it’s like quitting cigarettes. I know it’s bad, but they keep calling me back, and if they aren’t calling, I’m looking for them anyways.
Everyday is a little better, a little easier.
Tonight, I’ll watch Hardcore Henry, and in the morning I’ll go sky diving. Later, on to more divorce stuff. A few phone calls and print some stuff out. In all actuality, this is going to be a “simple” divorce. There’s nothing left to fight about, but I’m pretty sure she’ll find a way to argue or go crazy, and I’m prepared for it.
I know this is the first you guys have seen me posting here, but I’ve been reading this site for over two years. The tools I slowly aquiried from here was what prepared me for the day she lost her mind and threw me out.
Why you might ask? For not saying “thank you” for dinner the night before. I recalled, and she agreed, that I said it was great, delicious, that she put serious effort into the dinner and that I appreciated it. But, never said “thank you”, and that was the straw that broke that weak-ass camels back.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
When did she ever say, “Thank you for going to work today?”
.
.
.
.
.
You complimented her, expressed genuine appreciation.
This wasn’t a straw.
This was a c~~~ acting like a c~~~.
I have seen the same thing too damn many times.
The man works himself into physiological hell and it does not get recognized.
The laydeez, surprise surprise, cleans the house and wants you to kiss her ass. Her new boyfriend is kissing her ass and grow tired of kissing that ass he will.
It’s just a matter of time.
This will all pass and things will get better.
They didn’t seem like it at the time, but I was wrong.
Slowly, unstoppably things will get better for you.
I kept very detailed notes of the s~~~ she was pulling so that I could get custody of my son.
Years later, cleaning out my desk, I came across these notes.
Unf~~~ing believable is the only way to describe her totally s~~~ty behavior.
Writing the stuff down and putting it away helped me.
Keep a ledger by your nightstand and write stuff down there too, whenever it comes to mind, however seemingly small or large.
Something about writing it down is like taking a s~~~.
It gets that crap out of you.
That way you don’t react to it at the moment,
but logically see it for what it is later.Things will get better.
My friends told me that and I thought,
“Oh, Horses~~~ you’re just saying that so I will feel better.”
But I was wrong –
Things did get better.
It’s a whole grieving process.
It takes time.
You will heal.
Keep us up to date on new stuff.I’m going to address the 800 pound gorilla in the room now.
At your stage, I came too damn close to suicide.
If you have ANY thoughts in that direction, do not go sky – diving yet.
I used to skydive myself. You may want to consider doing it a little further down the line.
I hate addressing that, but that’s what men do, address what needs to be addressed."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
When did she ever say, “Thank you for going to work today?”
.
.
.
.
.
You complimented her, expressed genuine appreciation.
This wasn’t a straw.
This was a c~~~ acting like a c~~~.
I have seen the same thing too damn many times.
The man works himself into physiological hell and it does not get recognized.
The laydeez, surprise surprise, cleans the house and wants you to kiss her ass. Her new boyfriend is kissing her ass and grow tired of kissing that ass he will.
It’s just a matter of time.
This will all pass and things will get better.
They didn’t seem like it at the time, but I was wrong.
Slowly, unstoppably things will get better for you.
I kept very detailed notes of the s~~~ she was pulling so that I could get custody of my son.
Years later, cleaning out my desk, I came across these notes.
Unf~~~ing believable is the only way to describe her totally s~~~ty behavior.
Writing the stuff down and putting it away helped me.
Keep a ledger by your nightstand and write stuff down there too, whenever it comes to mind, however seemingly small or large.
Something about writing it down is like taking a s~~~.
It gets that crap out of you.
That way you don’t react to it at the moment,
but logically see it for what it is later.Things will get better.
My friends told me that and I thought,
“Oh, Horses~~~ you’re just saying that so I will feel better.”
But I was wrong –
Things did get better.
It’s a whole grieving process.
It takes time.
You will heal.
Keep us up to date on new stuff.I’m going to address the 800 pound gorilla in the room now.
At your stage, I came too damn close to suicide.
If you have ANY thoughts in that direction, do not go sky – diving yet.
I used to skydive myself. You may want to consider doing it a little further down the line.
I hate addressing that, but that’s what men do, address what needs to be addressed.Number one, she probably thanked me for working less than ten times, and only when she was making up for something, in the last ten years. Further more, she’s only cleaned a few times in the last couple of years. I kept my stuff so seperated, when I moved out, you couldn’t tell lived there.
And two, the gorilla…
Two years ago, when she told me she was leaving (on Father’s Day) then finally left a month later (on my birthday), I was in a BAD spot. After about 3 months, and trying to date and ALOT of other stresses that would fill a book, I became VERY depressed.
That’s when I told her I cheated on her 11 years ago, and that I had been thinking of hurting myself. I never did, nothing came of it and it was just more fuel for the fights between us. It was all pretty bad.
I want everyone to read this next part over and over again.
I had a moment of what I thought was clarity, and I swallowed some blue pills and screwed her and tried to put it back together. It was DAYS before I realized I made a mistake, but the logistics of life were hard to manage at the moment (housing, money, kids), and I tried to keep it going. HOWEVER, once I knew the clock was ticking, this very website was what got me through the last two years and helped me to understand how I ever thought about hurting myself when she was the one who was hurting me. If it wasn’t for everyone here, I KNOW I wouldn’t be in the shape I am today.
Currently, I’m like 80% happy. Work is good, money is getting better with each move for the divorce (baby steps, I don’t want to set her off right now), I’ll be promoted at work very soon and my kids are doing pretty good.
I’m in no way thinking of hurting myself or anything like that at all. I know my triggers and I know what gets me down a negative path, and I’m handling myself much better this time around.
Like I’ve said, I’m just struggling with the moments of the day that used to be filled with female interaction, and while I enjoy my peace, a girl would be fun to squeeze on.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Oh!!!!!
AND, I SWEAR she has this all planned.
Two years ago, when it went down, I think it was bad timing (I hope), but this time, she threw me out the day before Mothers Day.
Kinda like, “Now I’m hurting as bad as he was!”
I hope this s~~~ doesn’t sound petty, but it was my life.
I could write so many stories, like I’m sure all of you could.
I said before I had a story, and I told a co worker the story the other day, and now, it just sounds dumb. I won’t even write it now, there’s too much dumb to explain, too much passive aggressive bull to outline and too much victim aftermath to remember.
Looking back, I really don’t know what I was thinking. I wore my teeth flat from grinding them. I have X-rays from 4 years ago that prove how much teeth I lost. I felt sick to my stomach.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Good man. But I hate when I see the “Baby steps, I don’t want to set her off right now”. Man, what a predicament. I feel for you Joe, you are walking on egg shells. Remember this…you won’t be for long. Focus on the promotion. A rule of thumb I like to live by, especially in tough times….give it 6 months. Set a plan for yourself man. Something SHORT-TERM, so when you reach it– it gives you gratification. Save your money, remember you need to MGTOW and soon you will look back on this. Look back at being caged like you are describing. You will be a free man soon, and life awaits.
Good man. But I hate when I see the “Baby steps, I don’t want to set her off right now”. Man, what a predicament. I feel for you Joe, you are walking on egg shells. Remember this…you won’t be for long. Focus on the promotion. A rule of thumb I like to live by, especially in tough times….give it 6 months. Set a plan for yourself man. Something SHORT-TERM, so when you reach it– it gives you gratification. Save your money, remember you need to MGTOW and soon you will look back on this. Look back at being caged like you are describing. You will be a free man soon, and life awaits.
Yeah, I know. The “baby steps” is navigating her land mines.
I’m paying for things I shouldn’t have to right now, because our finances are still tied together on a few things.
For me, the changes afterward will either be neutral or positive, meaning I’ll save more money. However, for her, each change will be a negative for her.
While I can’t predict the future, I’m thinking that once this all settled out, and the numbers are on paper and she makes it through a few pay periods without me (or a issue that I would handle on my own, like a major car repair or home issue), she’ll be thinking different thoughts about the choices she’s made.
I pride myself on my skill set. I can honestly say I’ve only had to go to a mechanic for car repairs twice in 15 years. Both was because I lacked the time for the repair.
At this very moment, I’m sitting outside the sky diving place. It’s peaceful. I feel such a calm.
Last night, thinking about what’s next, I remembered my ex deflating other goals I had set. Nothing huge, but just something to say, “hey, I did it”. She said it would swell my ego too much, and that’s exactly what I’m looking for right now.
I’m going to take the Mensa test, see if I’m half as smart as I think I am.
Sky diving in one hour.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Sky diving was a complete success.
If anyone reading this has not done it, and thinks they want to, just do it. It’s not nearly as intimidating as you may think it is.
It’s Friday again. I took care of a lot of divorce logistics this week and I think my afternoon is wide open. It’s raining, and will be later, and I’m trying to think of something to keep myself busy today.
Also, if you haven’t seen it already, watch Hardcore Henry, on the biggest tv you can.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Had a text message encounter with the ex.
My kids told her about the Sky diving, so she wanted a bigger piece of pie from me.
Basically, she offered to let me keep the 401k as long as she could claim the kids for taxes each year, instead of us each claiming one child. I said no. I got all the paper work nearly ready for her to get the 401k money, and I’ll pay no tax or penalty, she will have to cover all that.
Then she wanted me to pay for one child’s contacts, after I already dropped $700 on glasses, $175 on contact fittings and a years worth of contacts for my other daughter.
I said no. Then, she snarkily called me selfish, that I was the most selfish person she knew. Come to remember, when she’s mad, I’m the “most” of everything bad she can think of. She tries to cut me down, but it just doesn’t work anymore.
So, it got me to a tough spot. She’s gonna not get my daughter contacts, and make it seem like I’m the one holding it back. I don’t want my daughter to go without, so….
I hate being manipulated. I hate having to pick something that equals her “getting her way”….
But for this, it’s my daughter, and I think I’ll just order them.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
I said no. Then, she snarkily called me selfish, that I was the most selfish person she knew. Come to remember, when she’s mad, I’m the “most” of everything bad she can think of. She tries to cut me down, but it just doesn’t work anymore.
My wife does this as well with the “selfish” attacks. She knows I’m the opposite and kind-hearted, so she tries to penetrate my f~~~ing heart with those words. Since we are not divorced yet and she absolutely does not want it, every time she gets verbally abusive and assassinates my character I turn it on her. I tell her, “See, why would you want to married to such a selfish asshole?” Silence followed by look of defeat. They are so f~~~ing used to playing mental mind f~~~ games it’s sad.
So, it got me to a tough spot. She’s gonna not get my daughter contacts, and make it seem like I’m the one holding it back. I don’t want my daughter to go without, so….
Oh absolutely! My wife raised “her kids” (even though they’re ours) in a manner that I contested and defied, yet now that my oldest has a f~~~ed up attitude in life, she wants to keep me on the hook for it. He’s 18, no license, starting college and has no ride. He refused to work from 16 to 18. When he got a job and graduation money, he blew every penny. Now my wife is asking for me to pay half for a car for him. Fk that!!! It’s not so much about him, though he took full advantage of the situation growing up. I’m not continuing to support her f~~~ed up parenting decisions.
I hate being manipulated. I hate having to pick something that equals her “getting her way”….
But for this, it’s my daughter, and I think I’ll just order them.
I totally understand, but be careful what precedence you set here. It will be used from here on out.
So, it got me to a tough spot. She’s gonna not get my daughter contacts, and make it seem like I’m the one holding it back. I don’t want my daughter to go without, so….
I hate being manipulated. I hate having to pick something that equals her “getting her way”….
But for this, it’s my daughter, and I think I’ll just order them.
What a big heart you have. But if I were you, I would maybe just pay for your children’s glasses which is something that your children need, and then it would be up to your ex to get something that your children want which are the contacts.
"Question everything" - Albert Einstein
So, it got me to a tough spot. She’s gonna not get my daughter contacts, and make it seem like I’m the one holding it back. I don’t want my daughter to go without, so….
I hate being manipulated. I hate having to pick something that equals her “getting her way”….
But for this, it’s my daughter, and I think I’ll just order them.
What a big heart you have. But if I were you, I would maybe just pay for your children’s glasses which is something that your children need, and then it would be up to your ex to get something that your children want which are the contacts.
I’m gonna pay for the contacts.
I’m also going to stop on the way home and buy a printer, paper and some folders.
I’m going to go back through everything from the last 4-5 months and document every penny I’ve spent on them and her.
My inner Boy Scout will keep me prepared, both mentally and legally.
Turns out, come our court date, if she hasn’t completed the parenting class, she can temporarily lose custody and child support until she completes the class. I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
If you have the time, you buy the item and directly physically hand it to your child.
Also, watch that “the bitch” doesn’t try to tell one child, “Look he does stuff for them and not you.”
There’s no easy answers, but always tell your kids the truth, and the facts. No reason to prevent this info from getting to their brains, IMO."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Jough, I know it sucks paying through the nose… believe me, I was in the same boat. But you are absolutely doing the right thing by documenting every single receipt. I documented every interaction, every phone call, every email, and every penny I spent while my ex had my kids. I forked over nearly $6,000 to her in a 7-month time frame, at a time when I had no job and was going without food myself some days just so I could pay for gas to go see my kids at her place. “Really hard” doesn’t begin to describe it. But documenting everything is so critical, because she can (and will) lie and say you “never” spend time with them, and “never” give any financial support. My ex tried that on me and even got a lawyer to draft a child support order, but she dropped it when I was able to prove how much I had given.
"Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife." --Apostle Paul
Having another rough day here.
Just keep running thoughts in my head about the past and present and future.
I’ve not yet successfully filled any time that used to be filled with a female. Too many things remind me of happier times I wish I could go back to.
The divorce paper work and all connected logistics are moving ahead nicely, except my ex keeps postponing the cell phone issue.
I can’t wait for this to be over and get this burden off my shoulders. If I could, I’d divorce her today!
Shit tested, Brother approved.
I also wanted to add that I’ve run out of people to talk to about my life.
I haven’t spoken to my parents in years, my sisters even longer.
My two brothers who I work with don’t want to hear about my life anymore. I told my older brother what’s been going on recently, he just shrugged his shoulders and walked away.
My younger brother, when I told him the other day about the cell phones and the car issues and the child support bulls~~~, said this was something I created and turned and walked away.
I have a fake Facebook profile, no friends. I look to see if there is someone I knew/know who I could hang out with, guys I mean, and I just don’t know anyone.
I’ve tried other guys I work with, and I guess I must put out the wrong vibe, because it’s just not working.
I’ve spent too many nights the last few months just smoking cigarettes until the sun sets and then, out of boredom, I go to sleep.
My work is getting rough too. It’s a lot to explain, but there’s cut backs, and I’m being asked to do even more around here, and I’ve worked everyday the last two months (except the half day for my kids, and the day I went sky diving), so I’m pretty well tapped out. But, hey, as long as I keep shoveling money to my ex so she can go sleep with her dudes, everything’s kosher.
Man, it’s stressful, but the boredom is worse.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Hey Bud,
Don’t panic………..You are not alone in what is happening to you…nor in regards to your situation.
I can tell you I am in the same boat with you.You have a good network of people on here to vent to,talk to.
Time is needed,and patience to get yourself back to a better place.
First thing…get off Facebook,its a load of wank and not something you need in your life right now.
Keep on working ,for the sake of your kids.I am currently out of work ,but I am still here for my kids and doing the best I can for them.
You got this.Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.
I feel pretty alone.
My ex got upset because I renewed a shopping club membership the other day, in my name only.
She got heated, started with the name calling, calling me selfish, and hit me with the “she’s gonna have fun tonight”, meaning screwing her new dude.
S~~~ still hurts. Of course, I miss her and still love her, I know, not very MGTOW of me, but I can’t shake these feelings.
Plus, going down the path of divorce of someone who I miss so much is crazy hard.
She’s manipulative and a real user of me, but I really just miss having someone to talk to.
I went three days last week where I didn’t even say one word from 3pm to 11pm. On the third day, I coughed, and for a second I thought it was from someone else.
S~~~ is not fun at all around here.
I went sky diving last Thursday, and I haven’t even giving it a second thought since then. Weird, I wanted to do it so much for so long and it’s like it didn’t even happen.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
I feel pretty alone.
My ex got upset because I renewed a shopping club membership the other day, in my name only.
She got heated, started with the name calling,
calling me selfish,
and hit me with the “she’s gonna have fun tonight”, meaning screwing her new dude.S~~~ still hurts. Of course, I miss her and still love her, I know, not very MGTOW of me, but I can’t shake these feelings.[[[[THEY WILL DIMINISH OVER TIME, THEY WILL!]]]]
Plus, going down the path of divorce of someone who I miss so much is crazy hard.
She’s manipulative and a real user of me, but I really just miss having someone to talk to. [[[[SHE’S MANIPULATIVE AND A REAL USER OF ALL!]]]]
I went three days last week where I didn’t even say one word from 3pm to 11pm. On the third day, I coughed, and for a second I thought it was from someone else.
S~~~ is not fun at all around here.
I went sky diving last Thursday, and I haven’t even giving it a second thought since then. Weird, I wanted to do it so much for so long and it’s like it didn’t even happen.
You don’t see it now, but it is better to be alone than with a total c~~~.
The old her from a few years ago is gone………………..GONE.
To quote laydeez, a quote I’ve always hated because of what they use it for “people change”. For men, when we change, we deal with it, keep our vows and bust our asses. For laydeez, they rip men up, go to the next guy and eventually rot.
!!!!!!!Consider reading EVERYTHING that BrainPilot has written on this site.
He’s the ORIGINATOR/pioneer of pointing out how the skag currently on the planet is NOT the same woman from years ago, and most likely NOT the version of your wife that ALL OF US (me included) initially keep in our minds. Every man has his own drummer and marches his life to a different beat. In Time, you will internalize what she has become, and that the old her is not there.
So you renewed a shopping card in your name only – FANTASTIC = precisely, objectively, what any sane MAN would do.
She sees she’s losing power; she’s losing leverage / influence…
WELL WHAT THE F~~~ DID SHE EXPECT?
So she name calls / ad homonym attacks – …c~~~.
But to say “I’m gonna have fun …..” = TOTAL C~~~.
Sitting here at my keyboard I’m thinking THANK GOODNESS! REPEAT THANK GOODNESS she’s GONE. It’d be like being at a restaurant and you see a wife spit on her husband = you know that she is worthless trash. She, by her actions has just proven that any and every man is better off without her.
In the future I guarantee you will get word of her doing the very same s~~~ to the jerk she’s sleeping with, and most likely the next as well.PRAY
Get a pet, not a Rocky Balboa turtle, but a low maintenance but depends on you pet.
Some breeds of puppies are better than others, some cats like Maine coons or Cornish rex’s are like dogs that are litter box trained, a rabbit, a guinea pig.
They DO make a difference, you come in the door and : they depend on you.Also, Mitch Hedberg, Bill Burr, and Sam Kinison are IMO funny to listen to.
Chances are, your local ‘hardcore gym’ has a lot of guys in your shoes, I’ve found that to be true – that’s why there’s this invasion of cross-fitters, village idiots, etc. that pander to women to put women in men’s faces IMO. Anyhow, train strict, train hard, (choose to make the workout more painful… and enjoy the endorphins and dynorphins) and ask questions and share knowledge with the other guys there.
Keep us updated.
“This too shall pass.”"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
I’ve been there, brother. It’s hard. Part of your entire identity gets wrapped up in this other person and when that gets stripped away you’re left with fundamental questions about who you are, what you want, and, most importantly, “What do I do now?” The boredom sets in because you don’t have answers to these questions any more.
But… time will change that. Slowly. Do not expect things to change rapidly. When my ex left me, my apartment felt very empty and quiet. I got used to it (perhaps more naturally than some, because I’m an introvert), but I just had to deal with it, one day at a time.
Also, I thought I would always have a special place in my heart for my ex, but sometime after Christmas last year, I suddenly realized that it had gone. I don’t know if there was any particular trigger for that to happen, or if it was just the last thread of many being snipped, but I realized that I was okay with the idea of facing the future without my ex. I can’t tell you when or how that will happen with you, but I can say that you might not realize the change until after it happens.
Stay strong. Dig deep in your soul and find an anchor point. Hold on to it. Stay calm. Keep your cool with your ex. When she can’t get reactions from you, expect her to up her game. Expect it. Batten down the hatches. Let the storm pass. You can survive this. Stay strong, brother.
"Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife." --Apostle Paul
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