Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › No response to DNA test request – should I conclude it is NOT my child ?
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JustAnotherGuy 1 year, 5 months ago.
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This is an update to my posts 6 or 7 months back when I joined MGTOW.com describing my situation. I am/was very grateful indeed for all the really helpful comments/advice from MGTOW.com members on that original thread it helped me put things in perspective. Thanks very much again also to the member that encouraged me to write that original post. I wanted to post this update.
Background: The relationship with the exGF was for less than 6 months. I ended the relationship when I realised what a narc bitch she was/is. After I ended it she contacted me telling me she was pregnant. A child was later born. She sent me a photo of her and the child and it appears that the child has been registered with the birth registry – my name is not on the birth certificate. The exGF contacted me looking for child support money. I requested a DNA test. (I doubt she was cheating the first few months as were together ‘a lot’ but later during the relationship I was living away from the exGF for an extended period of time for work reasons.)
The update is that the exGF ‘STILL’ did NOT respond to my requests for a DNA test – months have passed. My brother says that as she has not responded this definitely indicates that the child is NOT my child – and members here also said on the original thread if she doesn’t allow a DNA test then its probably NOT my child and I should forget all about it and then she is f~~~ing with me. The date the child was born indicates the child could definitely have been concieved during this period that I was away AND it also could have been conceived when I was with her.
The thing that is bothering me is that imho the picture of the child looks kinda like my body shape/type when I was a baby (maybe its my imagination its hard to interpret such pictures). Members previously mentioned that even if I am the biological father this is not ‘my’ child as I would not be allowed into the childs life anyway (the exGF will see to that).
Why has the exGF not responded to my request for DNA test ? the most logical explanation (but women are not logical) seems to be that it must not be my child (as my brother and members here have stated). I would very much appreciate any additional thoughts/comments in relation to what is actually going on here? possibilities 1, 2 or 3 below are the way I see it or something else ?
Possibility 1 (most likely):The exGF has not responded to the request for DNA TEST and is not demonstrating to me that the child is mine SO then I must assume its NOT MY CHILD AND I SHOULD FORGET ALL ABOUT THE SITUATION. (I must conclude that the exGF is a slut – not only was she addicted to my c~~~ but she was addicted to/or felt entitled to c~~~ while I was away). In addition, by complete accident I have found out that she was regularly cheating on a previous long term boyfriend that she had a number of years ago – that’s more indication she is a slut.
Possibility 2: When she was looking for child support from me and enquiring what my interaction with the child would be in the future – I requested a DNA test and also said that because we now live in different countries that it is impossible for me to be currently interacting with the child and that we should re-evaluate the situation in 2 years time. I wonder if this may have p~~~ed her off so much that she decided to heck with me and has therefore not responded (and to heck with the potential child support she may have received from me as she does have some significant money of her own and lots of social services for single mums in her country). But surely if she was p~~~ed off she would be ‘over it’ by now and would requesting child support and would allow the DNA test if I am the father?
Possibility 3: Even if I am the biological father perhaps the exGF now doesn’t want me involved in the childs life and so she is not responding to my DNA test request – (but that doesn’t fit with her initially enquiring about my interaction with the child) and the fact she had tried to get the relationship going again (long distance) – which I of course said NO to (alarm bells) I didn’t want to be back in a relationship with her. She has not responded therefore if it is my child she is not providing duty of care to the child by not allowing a DNA test. If it is actually my biological child it seems likely now there will be no contact and that the only way I will ever see the child will be if the child contacts me when grown up (or vice versa) – I don’t think the exGF will give my contact details to the child in the future – it occurs to me I would have to (years from now) hire a private investigator to find out where the child lives ? (and then its probably not my child anyway).
Anything else ? Am I interpreting the situation correctly ? is there anything else I should do to find out the truth ?
Even though its probably not my child I cant help thinking what if it is? Either way it appears without a DNA test and no response from exGF the only option I have is to forget about it all and move on with my life and check things out when the child is older? OR should I ASSUME NOW it is not my child and do nothing ever?
I am very grateful for any thoughts/comments from fellow MGTOW. Peace.
Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready
90% of the things I worry about never happen. If a DNA test came back with your name on it a lawyer would be calling you immediately. She knows this and that is why you have not heard anything about taking a test. SHE KNOWS THE ANSWER ALREADY. I think you are good to go and will likely never hear from her again. She was a slut who got pregnant by another man. If there is one thing a woman hates it is to admit they did something wrong.You Sir are free and very lucky.
Feel better.
You can’t tell from a baby whether they look like the father. Babies generally share common characteristics to adults are on not sufficiently develop to have distinguishable features on which to base an assessment.
DNA test. She needs to put up or shut up.
I’d say the most likely explanation is that she’s not sure of the biological father. She was hoping to get cash and prizes from you.
The reason she hasn’t pushed the issue is because she wants complete control of the child and doesn’t want the child to have a relationship with a father.
You could push for a DNA test yourself but that may mean going to court.
Check the law as to whether she could get backdated child maintenance in 18 years if she then got a DNA test and you were the father. That way she’d get the best of both, keep you out of the child’s life as a father and still get cash and prizes (just delayed).
If you push the issue and get a DNA test and it’s not yours, you know for sure. If it is yours, you will end up paying child maintenance, but may get to be involved with your child if that’s what you want.
It’s your choice, you’re going your own way. Just some things to consider and think about.
May you walk in peace and happiness, May you and all mgtow, near and far walk in peace and happiness.
You have very reasonable reasons to think it is NOT your child.
Therefore, you have voiced your concerns, and the ex-GF is the only one person being able to confirm you are the father, by allowing the DNA test.
There is absolutely nothing you can do right now except waiting for her move.
Your name is NOT on the birth certificate, so you are NOT the father.
It is my understanding that, as of now, no legal action has be taken to force you into fatherhood.
So let me repeat: as of now, you are NOT the father.
So here is my advice: never, ever and I repeat, never ever do anything that could convince anyone – a judge for example – that you may recognize the kid as your own.
DO NOT send money. Sending money would then create a situation in witch you are implicitly recognizing your are the father.
THIS IS WHY SHE ASKED FOR MONEY FIRST even tho she knows your are not the father, if you send money, YOU WILL BE ACTING LIKE A FATHER ANYWAY AND A JUDGE WILL RECOGNIZE THAT AS IMPLICIT RECOGNITION OF FATHERHOOD and will rule that you are the father SINCE YOU ARE ACTING LIKE ONE !
Don’t do anything at all !
Go see the birth records yourself and confirm you are not on it. Get a certified copy for your records. Trust me.
Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.
This is a hard and cruel situation Christopher. I am sorry that you are in this situation. It is one that I am not unfamiliar with. No one should be put into such a position, especially by one whom they have loved and who has once claimed to love them.
There are no good answers to be had, except that I would advise you to do the difficult thing here and do not fix your mind on one “truth”. I think it easy to say “its not mine, I will get on with my life” or “It is mine and I will fight for it”. The human mind (particularly a man’s mind) craves facts and wishes to bring light to dark corners.
I think in this case it is advisable to try to live with the two possibilities. It is in your interest not to pay child support for a child from whose life you are going to be excluded by a biased system. Staying quiet will be the safest option here. A court case to get the DNA will be expensive and could cost you in child support if you are the father, yet you will be no better off in terms of having a relationship with the child.
Against this is that fact that it is in your interest and the child’s to leave a paper trail to tell the child, if it is yours, that you love it and wanted to be part of its life. This may be important later on if a young adult is asking “What happened? did he not want me?” The child will only get the mother’s side of the story and this will be unlikely to be true. If a saved trail of communication exists asking to know and asking to be part of the child’s life then it is enough. You can just wait and see for now. Let things cool a bit but follow her up on social media if you can to make sure you know where she is living.
It is entirely possible that this child is not yours but it is also entirely possible that it is and that she just wants to be able to give it her own version of reality, to make it all hers. Women naturally go where they see benefit. Selfish women go where they see benefit without any guilt as to whom they hurt in the process. If she sees no benefit in you being the father as you are far from her, unlikely to pay much and unlikely to ever see her as a special ever again, she will simply erase you like she will have done with so many other previous relationships that she no longer wants to own up to. (When a normal woman tells you how many men she has slept with multiply by 3 don’t they say? What about a narcissist?) She may want to establish a situation in which you are clearly not acting as a father so that you cannot easily be allowed into the child’s life later.
This is a sort of Schrodinger’s cat paradox. You have to live with both possibilities and prepare for them jointly. You never know what may turn up. In the end she only has to make one mistake and let you get your hands on the DNA. Do not stalk her but keep tabs on her. You never know what may open up. Don’t obsess over it but be just be aware. She may even visit mutual acquaintances in this country one day.
You may one day get your chance to either pay someone to place a letter in the hands of the child on the date of its majority or to get a DNA sample by one means or another. Until then it is important to get on with life, prepared for the child not to be yours.
Its going to hurt either way. It will hurt more by hoping than by giving up hope and it would hurt most to hope in vain but love is worth struggling for even if you lose. You should not disown this child in your mind until you know for certain it is not yours.
I am sorry there are no good answers. Good luck.
A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own
The child is not his, whether or not the DNA says it is his biologically. A man only has responsibilities towards a child, women have most of the rights, including putting it up for adoption.
Only women have children now. If a woman doesn’t want to be burdened by the financial responsibility of having a child, she can choose to have an abortion; she doesn’t have to avoid sex.
If a man wants to be sure not to be burdened by the financial responsibility of a child, he has to abstain from sex entirely, something women aren’t forced to do.
F~~~ being ethical; there is nothing ethical about our Western legal systems anymore.
All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.
Go see the birth records yourself and confirm you are not on it. Get a certified copy for your records. Trust me.
This right here. you can trust all you want, but get the paperwork for the proof.
Learn from the past, Control the present, and you will know the Future.
Don’t be the good guy. Don’t ask yourself what moral or your values command you to do. Don’t think you should act the “responsible way”. You have a commitment to yourself, not her and her child.
I think you should treat the matter as coldly as you can. No emotions, no feeling, no nothing.
Never do anything to let someone think you care about the child, never ask about its health, don’t even ask its name. Always refer to it as “the child” or “your child”. When dealing with the ex-GF, ALWAYS start any letter or email listing all the reasons why “the child” cannot be yours, then conclude that it is indeed not yours, THEN proceed with the subject of the letter.
When writing to the ex-GF about “the child” always do as if you are 100% sure a judge will be reading it shortly after. EVERYTHING you are writing CAN and WILL be used against you to extract as much child support money as possible.
Never act like you care about the child, or you will be designated as the “acting father” or “father figure” and will be forced in fatherhood against your will, “for the greater interest of the child, and society”.
Avoid as much contact with her as possible, as everything will be documented and again, used against you.
Your life, and the next 20 years depends on it.
As long as NO DNA TEST is done and positive, you are not the father. Never act like one.
If she contacts you again, you should make it clear to her that NO DISCUSSION about “the child” whatsoever is going to take place BEFORE a DNA test is done. It is a non-negotiable pre-requisite before even TALKING about “the child”.
Its pretty simple and I know other have chimed in with the same answer. Its not yours! If this woman had a legal way to enforce you to send her money every month she would have done so. The fact that she hasn’t even ordered a DNA test indicates she is sure its not yours, which means she was likely taking a lot of c~~~ while you were away working.
As an alternative thought – during your time away the exGF was almost certainly shagging around and actually has no idea who the father is.
For whatever reasons, she has focussed on you to be the financial provider and a DNA test may prove that you are not and she would not want to take that risk financially.
She is unlikely to care who the actual father is as long as her financial needs are met and she will do everything in her power to make sure that happens.
You are correctly not playing that game and should not unless a DNA test is undertaken, which if you are positively identified as the biological father it is entirely up to you how much responsibility you want to take.
"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.
As a doctor I must say: when people ask me who the kid looks like I answer A MONKEY.
Kids don’t look like anyone, got it?
Now, no dna test not your kid, don’t duel on it.
She f~~~ed up.
To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.
As a doctor I must say: when people ask me who the kid looks like I answer A MONKEY.
Dont say that to a black family in the US. The race card would be played immediately.
Anonymous7If she contacts you again simply say ‘have your attorney call my attorney’ and then go get a restraining order.
Not your kid, but contact her once a year with a request to provide DNA for a decade to prove your desire to take care of (it’s the whore’s kid) your child if it’s proven.
I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.
I would speak with an attorney.
I don’t know where you live or the specific laws there.
But in some jurisdictions in the US, you can be sued for all sorts of things, and, as long as a reasonable effort was made to contact you, when you don’t show up for the court date, a judgement gets entered against you.
An attorney could do a search fairly quickly and determine if any civil actions have been filed.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
Gentlemen thank you very much to every one of you for your responses and thoughts on this. I very much appreciate it.
To examine the records (as suggested by Jan) only the parents named on the birth records can examine the birth records. The law (as I understand it) is my name cannot be placed on the birth cert without my permission. To check the record I would need permission from the Mother or would have to give my name directly to the registry office to apply to view (I recieved an email from the registry office when the child was born asking if I consented to being named on the birth cert).
was a slut who got pregnant by another man. If there is one thing a woman hates it is to admit they did something wrong.You Sir are free and very lucky. Feel better.
I’d say the most likely explanation is that she’s not sure of the biological father. She was hoping to get cash and prizes from you.The reason she hasn’t pushed the issue is because she wants complete control of the child and doesn’t want the child to have a relationship with a father.
You have very reasonable reasons to think it is NOT your child. There is absolutely nothing you can do right now except waiting for her move. So let me repeat: as of now, you are NOT the father. THIS IS WHY SHE ASKED FOR MONEY FIRST even tho she knows your are not the father, if you send money, YOU WILL BE ACTING LIKE A FATHER ANYWAY AND A JUDGE WILL RECOGNIZE THAT AS IMPLICIT RECOGNITION OF FATHERHOOD
Go see the birth records yourself and confirm you are not on it.
I think in this case it is advisable to try to live with the two possibilities. Until then it is important to get on with life, prepared for the child not to be yours. You should not disown this child in your mind until you know for certain it is not yours.
The child is not his, whether or not the DNA says it is his biologically.
You have a commitment to yourself, not her and her child. As long as NO DNA TEST is done and positive, you are not the father. Never act like one.
Its pretty simple.. Its not yours! If this woman had a legal way to enforce you to send her money every month she would have done so. The fact that she hasn’t even ordered a DNA test indicates she is sure its not yours
You are correctly not playing that game and should not unless a DNA test is undertaken
Now, no dna test not your kid, don’t duel on it. She f~~~ed up.
Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready
Thanks to you also gentlemen. I appreciate your responses/thoughts on this.
Not your kid, but contact her once a year with a request to provide DNA for a decade to prove your desire to take care of (it’s the whore’s kid) your child if it’s proven.
I would speak with an attorney. But in some jurisdictions in the US, you can be sued for all sorts of things, and, as long as a reasonable effort was made to contact you, when you don’t show up for the court date, a judgement gets entered against you. An attorney could do a search fairly quickly and determine if any civil actions have been filed.
Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready
You said it yourself, she is a narc bitch and is trying to guilt-shame you into raising other man’s DNA.
Unless you get DNA test confirming child is yours run and never look back. And since she is looking for some wallet to pay child support you better believe you would be paying it if was yours.
But I also agree on checking birth certificate for yourself. I am not a lawyer but i would not be surprised if there is some legal s~~~ she can pull if your name is on it.
The choices we make, not the chances we take, determine our destiny
You are overthinking this.
As other posters have already pointed out, her silence suggests that the child is either not yours, or that she is unsure as to who the father is.
She is simply trying it on.
For the time being at least, do nothing and say nothing.
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