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Tagged: red flags
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EscapedMentalPatient 4 years, 4 months ago.
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I gotta agree with Keymaster on the single mom thing. No way. Every single mom I’ve dated was ultimately looking for a wallet while also telling me she didn’t have much time for me (although my wallet should always make time for she and her brood). I don’t care how nice single mommy is, if you entangle yourself with her you are in for a mess of red flags.
“I’ve had a few one night stands.” – Red flag from a woman who wanted me to wait until she felt comfy to have sex and knew I’d stick around. I was a blue pill then, and something I wouldn’t tolerate now at all. This was one of the times I began to do the math that committed relationships are bulls~~~, because I thought “I’m having to jump through all these hoops, spend all this money, to get something you were also willing to let all those other guys have for nearly free?!” In time this wore on me as I realized, all I’m doing is always jumping through her hoops and meeting her demands, just to get some pussy that she handed out like candy to other guys. This was my second to last serious relationship as MGTOW began to seed in my mind (although I didn’t know what it was then, I knew something was not right)
“I’m trying to do things differently. I usually tend to make self-destructive choices in past relationships.” WHAT?! I never clearly understood exactly what she meant by “self-destructive” although in time I think part of it may have been f~~~ing her deadbeat, jailbird ex-father to her kids whom she couldn’t seem to set boundaries with. It also included providing money and housing to her drop-out sister and drug-addled mother (which my money would have gone to if I’d ever lived or married her. To which I told her, “Your addict mother expects you to be her retirement plan, and I will not be part of that.” Finally, when I realized she was on Vicodin supposedly for knee pain, and Xanax for anxiety I knew we were done. Her mom and sisters are addicts, and I have little doubt she is or soon will be.
When they sit back and let you do all the work and pay for everything….Which quite honestly is most women. I got so tired of putting in a lot of work painting her living room, mowing her lawn, hauling crap for them in my truck, and spending piles of money, while they all sat back and acted like they didn’t have the time, or skills, to assist me.
Anonymous11Great list of red flags, and I can personally vouch for way too many of them.
Here’s the #1 worst one I ever ignored:
She’s riding you like a jackhammer on top. You manipulate her into doggie style so you can drive for a while. She mentions the name of another city about 10 strokes into the new position.
That’s what I can call a red flag.
Great job boys! We have to share the knowledge with the young Mgtow, A few more….
She doesn’t believe in taking the pill, she doesn’t believe in abortions.
She has been to rehab for drug abuse, alcohol abuse, anorexia, sexual addiction, etc
She takes antidepressants or she is seeing a psychiatrist for any reason.
She has been an exotic dancer/escort/prostitute.
At about 21-22, the ass/hip expansion sometimes occurs, watch this closely because it can get out of hand, all of a sudden POOF you are dating a fatty.
She is always talking about her ex. She has nothing good to say about any of her exes, and throws such accusations around such a rape, domestic abuse, etc. She may even tell you about how she got even with her ex, this will be your future if you do not notice this.
Her friends. We are influenced by the people that we spend the most time with. Never overlook the behaviour of their friends.
She is a hypochondriac.
She doesn’t sleep with you within the first 3 dates. This proves that her sexual attraction for you is not very high. Leykis Rule.
She disrespects people for no reason, such as cab drivers, waiters.
She says “What have you done for me lately?”
She has something emotional, such as sexual abuse or rape that she has not personally dealt with yet.
She is texting on her phone while you are out for dinner on a date, this is a Leykis Rule, you walk out of the restaurant. The only exception is if she has a family emergency. Her attention should be on you.
Her parents relationship, specifically how her mom treats her dad, observe.
Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.
How about she asks you to move with her to her father’s house? When I heard this, I was dumbfounded. I still can’t figure out the explanation for such an idea, except for the fact that she wanted to make her father like me more, you know, to validate our relationship.
Or asking whether you could get her a key to your apartment, so she could come and tidy up the place from time to time.
Anyway, in either cases, it is about invading a male’s personal space. In the first case, it was her father’s space, which I would not have done never ever, even if her father liked me. And in the second case, your personal space is obviously even more sacred, regardless of how messy it is or how well you get along with her.
For me, this desire to invade male spaces is a one of the biggest red flags of all.
she was molested/raped. This is a tough one because many times the victim had no choice. Perhaps she was too young, drunk, taken advantage of, etc., so my advice is to offer friendship and companionship, but nothing more. Trust me on this one.
This is a tough one…I mean…if some creepy step dad touched them when they were 6, or some random guy dragged them into the back of a van in a grocery store parking lot and legit beat them senseless and raped them, I don’t think I’d look down on them as much for that. Yeah its extra baggage, but I’d rather deal with that than someone who was just stupid and went out and became a single mom.
But…then you have the dumb bitches that have consensual sex and change their mind after the fact. I’d run as fast as I could if I ever was dating a girl that told me she was raped if it didn’t result in her being bruised and bloodied from struggling. I mean…I once talked to this dumbass who told me about the time she was raped…she was spending the night with some guy, sleeping naked in his bed, and wanted to just fool around a little and cuddle but not have sex. WTF?? I asked why she didn’t resist or leave before it went that far, and she said it was easier to just give in. I’m sorry…but if I’m not going to have sex with someone I’M NOT GOING TO END UP NAKED IN THEIR BED FOR ANY REASON, EVER. Even if I was spending the night at some girls house I didn’t intend for anything to happen with, I’d sleep on the couch. The guy was military, if I remember correctly she reported the rape to the local police, but had to go through the military court system, it might have been on base as well, but the courts actually had enough sense to tell her to f~~~ off. I don’t get how that could even constitute rape…it was clearly a case of “I acted like a slut and had regrets the next day when I realized the guy was only interested in my vagina so now I’m going to try and retaliate by ruining his life with a rape charge.”
she was molested/raped. This is a tough one because many times the victim had no choice. Perhaps she was too young, drunk, taken advantage of, etc., so my advice is to offer friendship and companionship, but nothing more. Trust me on this one.
From personal experience, and I have made the mistake of dating two of these gems, I would avoid them like the plague. There is a distrust/sometimes hatred for men and it’s not worth the gamble. Not trying to convince anyone really, just passing on my opinion…
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she was spending the night with some guy, sleeping naked in his bed, and wanted to just fool around a little and cuddle but not have sex. WTF?? I asked why she didn’t resist or leave before it went that far, and she said it was easier to just give in. I’m sorry…but if I’m not going to have sex with someone I’M NOT GOING TO END UP NAKED IN THEIR BED FOR ANY REASON, EVER.
I totally agree with you on this Beer, she was naked, what did she really expect? She is obviously a red flag.
Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.
Yeah, never touch a girl at all unless all signs are clear. If she ever hints and any form of distrust or fear, then just sympathize with her and then complain about being tired. Go home and leave her alone. She’ll forget all about you and move on to another sucker.
I had a girl who made suggestions about how others thought I was stalking her, but she’s just head out with me whenever I asked. Later I found out she was telling everybody I was obsessed with her. She would claim that she was afraid of me and that I was stalking her. Her behavior had nothing to do with what she said.
Later, after that story fell out (long story, she was bats~~~ crazy) I told people about her. They were spellbound by my story of the crazy girl, but they always asked me the darnedest question, “Where you in love with her?” Like, WTF? I wasn’t the slightest bit in love. She thought I was good looking and thought I would be just as interested in her. I wasn’t, I didn’t care.
People, sheesh.
Yeah, never touch a girl at all unless all signs are clear. If she ever hints and any form of distrust or fear, then just sympathize with her and then complain about being tired. Go home and leave her alone. She’ll forget all about you and move on to another sucker. I had a girl who made suggestions about how others thought I was stalking her, but she’s just head out with me whenever I asked. Later I found out she was telling everybody I was obsessed with her. She would claim that she was afraid of me and that I was stalking her. Her behavior had nothing to do with what she said. Later, after that story fell out (long story, she was bats~~~ crazy) I told people about her. They were spellbound by my story of the crazy girl, but they always asked me the darnedest question, “Where you in love with her?” Like, WTF? I wasn’t the slightest bit in love. She thought I was good looking and thought I would be just as interested in her. I wasn’t, I didn’t care. People, sheesh.
Lol, I had a chick do that s~~~ one time. It was a female coworker…she was good looking and totally into me, but she just gave me bad vibes right from the start. She came on to me pretty strong so I hung out with her a few times, went to the beach a few times, out to dinner once, nothing super fancy, figured I’d go against my gut and at least get to know her a little.
Long story short my gut was right, the girl was a chronic liar and not even good at keeping her s~~~ straight, so I just completely friend zoned her. I’d have hung out with her as friends…she was at least entertaining to hang out with and had some hot friends that didn’t seem nearly as f~~~ed up as her lol, but she then proceeded to tell all our coworkers I was sexually harassing her. More or less everyone at that job, even the other females told her to f~~~ off, as they had known me for a couple years and her for a month and had watched how things between us went down. She quit a short time later because she literally had no friends left at that place. I never could figure that one out…even if a chick I was into had no interest in me sexually, I wouldn’t see any reason on earth to try to character assassinate her or make drama for her…why women have to try that s~~~ is beyond me.
I asked why she didn’t resist or leave before it went that far, and she said it was easier to just give in.
So…. you CHOSE to give in because he got your dirty box wet, but you were raped…………
When in the early stages of a relationship, she puts you through an idealization phase. She doesn’t know how to bond in a healthy way: So she creates a new version of you, based on her subjective appraisal.
She f~~~s like a porn star but claims to have only been with three guys before you. (And two of those times, she was ‘raped’
Maintains contact with alot of guys that are ‘just friends’
Has an empty almost blank expression and her eyes seem to suggest that she lacks a soul. That is because after years of lying, manipulating, taking c~~~ and using men: she does lack a soul.
When she charges up over $15k on her credit card that you don’t see the statements for in less than 18 months despite your combined income exceeding six-figures – HUGE F’in Red Flag
Oh BulletDodger, I’d forgotten about the anorexia thing. Ugh. I dated a woman who’d had anorexia I guess in her teens and 20s. She was in her late 30s when I dated her and crazy, tempermental, anxious, guilt-ridden, and on some type of meds. Argh. Didn’t last long.
What she says about how her mother treated her father is important as well. In my first serious relationship 20+ years ago my GF mentioned that her mother would get mad at her father and throw dishes and other breakables at him. I’d met her parents, and her dad was pretty cool, but her mom was kinda high strung. What bothered me, however, was when I said to her, “Your mom throwing dishes to hit your dad is not the way to resolve an issue. My parents have never fought like that.” She acted like I was the one with the issue not understanding how physically attacking her dad wasn’t somehow OK. I put that experience in my back pocket figuring eventually I’d also be on the receiving end of some physical abuse. And, surprise, a few months later I was. And we were D-U-N, done.
Hey DarthW,
Just some thoughts, she was raised in that environment so she would not know any better, her values were indoctrinated by being there. Good call on predicting your physical abuse, monkey see monkey do…. – red flag.
The anorexia just reminded me of something these women try when they have had a psychological issue, they attempt to put the man into an empathy trap, they milk these events to obtain empathy from the man, and they also use it as an excuse for their terrible behaviour. Just another form of manipulation. – red flag.
Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.
True. So true.
When my last girlfriend, whom I got along with well but who was a single mom (never again) and had a lot of drama mess in her life, told me she was on Vicodin (supposedly for a knee issue) and took Xanax for “anxiety”, given that her own mother and father were addicts and tie that in with all her drama in her life I could see her becoming her mom. She also could not set boundaries at all. She and I got along because I’m very boundary oriented, so I didn’t push hers, but everyone else (her ex, her mom, etc.) pushed hers and she folded everytime. With that on top of the pills, I walked away from dating forever after that.
Has an ex that keeps hanging around and won’t get rid of him. Plays him against you, you against him
not actually divorced yet
breaks up with you over anything
criticizes you to the extent you’re paralyzed cause you don’t wanna f~~~ up. Again
more than one baby daddy
ran away from home as a teen
ran away from her kids and husband
Messy
prefers to be around men. More guy friends than girls
Questions everything you say cause she’s sure you’re lying
again….OTHER GUYS HANGING AROUND
I got all of the following with my ex in a short period of time, out of the blue, just before the end.
(Massive Red Flags)
1.) “I wonder what my life would be like if I had never met you?”
2.) Stops wearing wedding rings, makes up lame excuses.
3.) “Not enough passion in the relationship.”
4.) “We don’t fight enough” – (I am a extremely relaxed personality.)
5.) ” You are too standoffish” – ( When an issue is calmly brought to her attention to address as a couple; contradiction of #4)
6.) ” This relationship has felt like a good friendship”.
7.) ” I don’t believe in my marriage vows”.
8.) “I could not live with myself if I lost your friendship” – ( Then acts as hostile as humanly possible)
9.) ” Love changes, I love you but am not in love with you.”
10.) ” If I went to counselling I would have to hate you.”
11.) ” I love giving blow-jobs” ( Have not received one in years)
Two guesses what she was up too, first two don’t count. Never, never again.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
4.) “We don’t fight enough” – (I am a extremely relaxed personality.)
That’s not a red flag – that’s a mental patient.
4.) “We don’t fight enough” – (I am a extremely relaxed personality.)
That’s not a red flag – that’s a mental patient.
Oddly enough had this same complaint from my bi-polar ex. Used to claim she fought because that was the only time I showed emotion. Walled it off when I discovered her cheating the first time.
My ex was not bipolar as defined by the DSM-5, more a mild case of borderline personality, which is just a label for being irresponsible and immature in my view. She hide it very well for the 7 years we dated before marriage; with the assistance of her parents passing off their work as her own.
I think it was Brainpilot who summed it best; it was not so much I gained a wife as adopted an adolescent. Marriage, is not the appropriate relationship structure to finish the maturation process. She actually avoids conflict pre marriage; which is why the comment came out of absolute left field. I have come to the conclusion, in my case, this flag was illogical gaslighting to pick a trait she is apparently attracted too that is my opposite; thus justify her affairs. Yet, I could be wrong – you can’t understand crazy.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
When she says “I’m not wearing my engagement ring, it’s so big it intimidates my co workers.” Seriously, I was told that.
When she looks better going to work that going out with you.
She was bi, she said ” I would never date women, they are crazy.”
” I’ll work two days a week and you can work 7 days, because you make more money than me.” I had a 15% higher pay grade.
When she goes to the grocery store at 3pm and comes home the next day. I had it happen.
Three different women, all nukkin futz.
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