Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Just out of Jail
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Russky 3 years, 3 months ago.
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Save even more and stay silent, persevere until it’s the moment to strike. You are now seeing what the other men talked about – narcissist withdrawal symptoms. She wants her drug badly, like people addicted to crack, she’d suck a dick in a dark alley to get it. Don’t give in, when you meet your kids show them how much you love them and don’t lie to them when they ask questions. She doesn’t matter now, also don’t let kids become a tool for manipulation!
Remember you can use those texts to claim abuse or mental health issues on her part, you might even win custody if you gather enough evidence, let that motivate you to stay strong.
Also when you go to see the kids record everything, every single second of it and save it. You’ve been falsely accused once already.
Be a lion! 😉
Like someone has already said, everything from her is BS. Like BrainPilot said basically she is trying to manipulate you for no righteous reasons. It’s hard, it’s really f~~~ing hard, we know, we have been there, if we can make it, so can you.
My advice is to read BrainPilot’s post to you, out loud, about forty times. That guy is always spot on correct and gives clear cut advice backed by wisdom and smarts. You need to reread stuff like that a lot to memorize it cold and to then have it become a part of you. He has distilled your situation down into very clear cut sections and what’s best for your kids.
My wife left me, twice. After the first time, I did EVERY F~~~ING THING>>>EVERY F~~~ING THING(pronounce this as Sam Kinison would) and yet she still left a second time. IMO this is EXACTLY what yours will do to you, if you allow it. IMO do not allow it.
go to 1:19
It’s great to hear you are going to see a counselor. Stay well for your kids.
Please stay in touch with the guys here.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Maybe consider staying away the whole weekend with relatives friends ‘from ago’ that you mentioned just to get a breather, with your phone turned off. You need a break. talk about all that’s going on and then take some break from that in conversation and talk only about the other person’s activities for a while.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Anonymous42Bravo! You’re smart for thinking on your feet and saving all those messages! Your instincts are kicking in! LET YOUR INSTINCTS GUIDE YOU! You’re on the path to recovery under your own powers of logic and reasoning.
You’re like a eagle that’s been caged for 20 years, and forgot he could fly. Your feelings of displacement and disorientation are normal, stay OUTSIDE the cage until you regain your senses! Don’t deny your instincts to isolate yourself, give it time OUTSIDE the cage; in time your talons will start scratching, your wings will start twitching, then your instincts will kick in and you’ll be airborne and free, then from high above someday, you’ll look down on that cage and shutter the thought of your prior existence…. We speak to you as if we were eagles soaring aloft, seeing you as our fellow eagle bruised and bewildered from your life in captivity.
Blue pill: you go back in the cage.
Red pill: you take flight and soar high above the cage where your spirit belongs……
I want the red pill, but I am scared to fly. I don’t know any of this.
She’s been threatening me through a third party already, saying I better get my life together, or God will get it together for me.
She’s saying this (event) changes nothing and I have to do for the kids and help with the shopping (this means do everything) and of course work and bring her the money.
I spoke to a divorce lawyer today, they are expensive. How will I pay for my lawyer and her lawyer(she’s never worked). I’m in debt, have no money, how does this work?I won’t get legal aid because I earn a very good but no disposable income thanks to her. The lawyer says that as there are 3 children, the equity in the house is unlikely enough to rehouse her and me so she will stay in the (co-owned)house until the now 3 year old is 18. Anyone has any similar experience with this sort of thing?
Somebody who recently divorced said I should not get a divorce lawyer it would be a waste of money.
Hey guys, our brother needs some input and support.
- Stop giving her manipulative crap more attention than it deserves, period.
- I am a follower of Christ and it sounds like you/your wife have a Christian background. She is using God’s name in vain, which means to use it for her own purposes and not necessarily His. That is breaking the first commandment.
- You don’t have to divorce now. Think through what you need to do to stay away yet support the kids yet set up for you to live on your own. It may involve austere living conditions but it will only be for a while. Don’t ask her opinion or input about it. When you come to a plan tell her what your are going to do and that there is no other alternative. If you let her think it will eventually lead to what she wants that is OK. Deception isn’t wrong when you are protecting yourself and kids from harm.
- Do all of this for your kid’s sake. Your self-esteem is still too weak yet to do it for yourself.
Now I am going to get brutally honest. If you go back to anything remotely close to what it was before, especially after hearing and understanding reality, you deserve all the hell and pain you will experience, and it will only get worse. You are also condemning your kids to a lifetime of hell and pain that you will be unavailable to help them with.
Is that what you want? If you don’t change what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you have always been getting.
Be strong man! You CAN DO IT. Look for solutions and STOP making excuses!
It is for very good reasons the Devil chose to tempt Eve not Adam...
Oh s~~~, nice to see I am not the only one I got charge with Domestic Violence for breaking a chair because I found out my wife was cheating on me lol, they plan that s~~~ man, no remorse, empathy that the outcome of their choice has. I have plenty of opportunities to call the cops on my ex wife, but I always thought it would not be fair to not have his mother in his life because she was in jail. Women are cold blooded bitches man and always play the victim, it is a trait that sociopaths have.
Anonymous42She’s been threatening me through a third party already, saying I better get my life together, or God will get it together for me.
That’s one of my pet peeves with a narcissistic personality, remember the fact that SHE initiated the destruction of HER family, by using the LAW to humble and degrade “you”, typical f~~~ing c~~~!
Her order to the universe goes as follows: Her, then her subordinate “god”, the hive (police), the children, then your pathetic excuse of a husband, not a real man in her wicked heart…..
Perhaps GOD is fixing Her ass! And saving yours! Not to mention the necessary realignment of the universe so your children may at least see the dysfunctional and destructive person their mother truly is….
Perhaps you should talk to our member Batcave, he built a batcave in his house to remain separate without the expense of divorce. But his situation is different than yours; your c~~~ is dropping God bombs on you that she created in the caverns of her atrocious narcissistic mind, no amount of therapy can cure a God Bomber, who is she to judge and deem the workings of GOD?.
The order of the universe according to MG-Tower: God, Man, [women and children] or in my particular case, ” God, Me, [ MGHOW]”….
“She’s been threatening me through a third party already, saying I better get my life together, or God will get it together for me.” [[RECORD EVERYTHING, if too late to record, write it all down]] WTF friend, she got you jailed and now she’s threatening your life, Is this someone who you will allow to have any authority whatsoever?
“She’s saying this event changes nothing” yea, and everyone in for life is innocent. Consider the Source. [[what she says has no power over anything. Who is in authority here? At this point my wifetobeEx pulled the same s~~~, arrogant female asses, years from now you will laugh at her stupidity]]. and I have to do for the kids and help with the shopping (this means do everything) and of course work and bring her the money.
Right now, decide who’s in authority here? No grey areas, her……. or you……. and you’ll reduce your stress considerably by accepting this fact. [[BTW FWIW she has absolutely no f~~~ing authority here [[she took a big s~~~ of ANY authority when SHE got you jailed!]] ]]
####ALSO, anytime you want to bail out / cave in / whatever choice you make, I doubt that anyone here is not going to forgive you for it. If the stress perceived is of that magnitude, we respect that your decision is your decision, no one here wants you to end up going off the deep end. That being said, look at us as men who see all of this from the distance that allows us to help you with the overall perspective and objective outlook of this situation in its entirety. This place is like “home” ie the place where you will Never get turned away.
More on my level would be to repeat once after me, “She’s full o’ s~~~, I won’t forget what she’s done to me and the kids here.. She has NO authority. I call the shots, period.”
Years ago Tip O’neal said power is when people perceive you as having power. The witch is trying to run a bluff on you, ignore her.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
@ Robot
Take those voluminous e mails and organize them according to their necessity to prove some important point you want to prove to the judge.
I organized it made chapters with chapter summaries. A thousand emails will just confuse the court.
Then try to get her to put her retraction of charges in writing in an email. It may be invaluable.
#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.
Coming from a never married guy that was ridiculed for being [insert derogatory label here] for never buying into the blue pill hell all I can say is this – quit beating yourself up. It is NOT all your fault – it takes two to tango (I’m sure you already know this) but being a Man, you are the only one in this mess that will accept responsibility for your actions. She won’t and never will but she will try to get you to accept responsibility for her actions. It’s always your fault for her doing “X” – whatever “X” is and Men will always try to find the value of “X” even though “X” has no value coming from a woman. Men are leaders and women are backseat drivers, Monday morning quarterbacks, movie critics, charlatans, will try to turn a football game into a Tupperware party, and bring decorations to a garage sale. Keep your head up brother.
You are in the process of getting your life together right now!
First and foremost – narcissist withdrawal symptoms, she misses her drug (free money, using and abusing you). Never forget that.
“She’s saying this (event) changes nothing and I have to do for the kids and help with the shopping (this means do everything) and of course work and bring her the money.”
Of course she does, why did you expect a narcissist to admit being the one wrong and take responsibility? All they do is cover up/ignore their wrongdoings.
If she has the possibility, she will take a lawyer for your money. Imo your best bet is to provoke her (don’t contact her, indirect means) to abuse you and record every second of it, use her recorded unstable mental state as an argument in divorce and to deny her custody of children. If she won’t get custody of kids, she will lose all power over you. So leading to that will get the, to be recorded, abuse flow off the charts giving you even more proof.
You could start provoking her by restricting the money flow, give her less and less (if you are still giving her money) and watch the increasing abuse flow, when she won’t be able to afford all the extra s~~~. Cancel any joint accounts immediately, if you won’t, you’re asking for it.
Record every single second of your life, make it a habbit. Carry a recorder/spare mobile phone with app running and a note, in which you will write what periods of recordings to prepare later. You need to have a recording of every single second of your day, while showing the court only the interesting parts you prepared beforehand (full days recording – defense, chosen parts – offense). If a 3rd party tells you what they’ve heard, it will also be available for court use.
Would you be able to live with her for another 15 years? Imo provoking her to abuse you and contacting male shelters in area for advice is your best bet here, I doubt they would take money from you and they surely have viable info on divorce process with abusive wifes, and good divorce lawyers.
Keep on fighting, Sir Lion, you’ve got our support 🙂
Again thanks all. I spend most of the day with the children today. My teenage girl is happy for me that I’m out. My teenage son thinks mom can change.
I think this is my chance to get out for good. I want out for a long time. 10 years ago I stopped joint accounts, three years ago I build a bat cave where I slept every night on my own. (She hidden the keys and never leaves me in peace so its not working that well) I stayed because she became pregnant.(by me, I know don’t ask why, I don’t know)
I am worried what she will accuse me with next, as she has said she will.
I will not go back, please help me to keep strong with your stories and advice.
I definitely feel displaced, like the caged Eagle that’s been freed for the first time after 20 years.
Thank you all!
You have passed this first test/trial but there will be many more. Many other men have gone farther than you and eventually went back. You are not out of the dark woods yet, just in an opening with some rays of sunshine. The darkness will come again but now YOU control when the sunshine happens.
Have you written down yet your plans/goals/path for becoming fully healthy and making your own new life? Having specific goals (daily, short term, and long term) will keep you grounded and focused when the s~~~ storm that is to come is whirling all around you. You need to do this TODAY.
Make a commitment and habit of coming back here daily to report on how things are going; good, bad or ugly. Keep it real and spill it out. Generally, you will find no condemnation, or shaming, or guys looking down their noses at your situation, struggles, or weaknesses.
Many of these men have been exactly where you are at and a number of them took several tries to get out of bondage. We all want what is best for you and your kids. Five years from now you’ll either be looking back with a very thankful heart helping others on these forums, or, well, you already know what the alternative is.
It is for very good reasons the Devil chose to tempt Eve not Adam...
Sad to hear your story, and I feel there are many in the same boat as you, out there. The process of becoming free from this hell, is likely long, but if you endure, it might not only save you, but also your kids.
She will no doubt use your love, for your children, against you, be prepared for the worst, as she sounds like a sociopathic harpy. And now she’s got a domestic violence record on you, she already got the, “I get the kids no matter what” card, unless you are able to successfully let her talk, her threats, and log them all, to hopefully completely destroy her narrative in court, should it come to that.
Keep an ear pealed for: if any of the kids say that they, “don’t feel safe” with her.
Keep an ear pealed for: if any of the kids say that they, “don’t feel safe” with her.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
One more thing you can do to provoke her to giving you abuse proof. Demand in court that you do the DNA test for your youngest kid since you want to make sure it’s yours.
2 of following can happen:
– It is yours, nothing really directly changes in the court. However with that indirect “slut insult” you will gather so much direct harassment messages you will even wonder where she get’s her hate from. More proof to use in court.
– It isn’t yours, frees you from the burden of a small child (in most cases, I do remember that there were states in USA where if you didn’t know for a year that it wasn’t yours, the child was attributed to you) and adds on her cheating on you and lying to you, which can be used as an argument in court.
Either way you don’t really lose anything for that simple play on emotions. I recommend it even if you are 100% sure it’s yours.
No holds barred.
Anonymous42@Robot112, it occurred to me that perhaps you should “play along” with her “recanting her statement”, if she does drop the charges you can still back out by stating the trust is gone, I know it sounds cold, but you need to keep a poker face that’s trustworthy and conscientious, she’s holding the Ace of Spades with her charges, if you get her to drop that card, then you can shove a royal flush up her ass!
What she did and the perjury she suspends over you as a weapon, and the manipulative maniacal nature of her person, leaves no alternative solution other than to get real f~~~ing nervous about navigating her man ripping mines, and head removing grenades.
Just don’t blow it! She’s a master at knowing which buttons to push, don’t let her have any manipulative control, unless like dropping the charges, you’re manipulating her with a distressed agreement, and then rescinding your agreement after you gain better position.
Do not make any agreements unless it’s communicated through the grapevine, make NO direct or indirect contact with her unless it’s through a third (here say) party. It’s time to realize you’re going to have to play your cards right!
When her game of narcissism is over and all the dust settles, all that matters is who walks away with the pot……..
Hm, IF you can respond, tell her that you will come back once she drops all the charges and restraining order, since while you have it on yourself you can’t come back even when you want to. I don’t think it’s necessary to even meet her! Just stand firm that cancelling the accusation comes first because it is a wall stopping you from coming back to the plantation 😉
Make your decisions afterwards, when you’re free of it.
I would never speak with her again except when there are witnesses present that will support your side.
I would only communicate by email or attorney especially anything important, like her admitting her lying, talking about custody.
I documented every trip my ex went on. We were supposed to be 50/50 but she met Mr. VIP so became a world traveler leaving me with our son.
Of course I loved it and am now a proud expert lego architect supreme.
But I never let her tell me her plans. I made her email me.
In court she nearly had a heart attack when I pulled out this tome showing that indeed we did not have 50/50 because I was doing her a favor.
She was trying to move our son to New Mexico with Mr. VIP. They lost in court. It cost me $300,000.00 all in and then my son decided to move in with his mom because I wouldn’t let a 13 year old out to party.
You never can predict the future except that the attorneys will win, not the client, the attorney. Save your money. If your kids love you they’ll come around and then the laugh is on Little Miss Prissy Narcisist Pants.
And last thing. If you lose custody she will try to turn the kids against you. If you win custody she will try to turn the kids against you and if you get 50/50 she will try to turn the kids against you.
Get the best legal advice but don’t p~~~ away your money on a fight you can’t win. Go your own way, your girls will come around.
Living nicely is the best revenge.
#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.
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