Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › Women and self confidence ?
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dobie 4 years, 1 month ago.
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Just wondering if any if the brothers suffered a shattering of self esteem when a realtions~~~ ended ?
I was due to be married with my now exfiance for 7 years till she dropped the “I’ve not loved you for a year bomb” along with “I don’t respect you” “I want more romance” “I want to find out who I am ” “I have friends now so don’t need you” “I could have dated José the investment banker” “I want to live abroad but you will never leave your sick dad ” and a host of other stuff along with “I’m not a bad person” she did this to me two days before my birthday and a host of other things I was in shock we were looking at wedding venues weeks before .
The women was attractive 7.5 “young” she is 30 now and highly successful 100k plus
I’m 38 a solid 7 and earn about 40k
I thought she was my bf lol boy was I wrong anyhow I was on the whole a good stand up guy not perfect but a good guy .
I have to say this relationship and all the other c~~~s 20 plus I met since turned me onto mgtow .
But it still stings , just wi seeing if others had the same experiance and or how you got your own sense of status and worth back after having a c~~~ knock it sideways
how you got your own sense of status and worth back after having a c~~~ knock it sideways
ONCE yeah, my self-esteem was really in the s~~~ter after a breakup. I learned brutal truths about girlfriends before, (cheating and things like that) but I also realized my best years were still ahead.
Coincidentally, I was 38 at the time too. And It looked like the end of the world in more ways than one, but the day of that break up changed my life. More on this below (take the hint. it’s NOT the end of the world for you – by far.)
Let’s look at one of the hurtful things she said to you:
“I’ve not loved you for a year”
Sorry to be the one to have to put it to you like this…. but …. did she ever?
Women don’t “love” men. They want to be loved BY men. MGTOW lesson #5.
Big important difference there.So why would a man’s self-esteem be in the s~~~ter because she doesn’t want to be loved by you or receive your attention, time, care and generosity?. Every female rejection is a woman doing you a FAVOR. I’m not kidding. It doesn’t look like it because women work hard to make it seem like they are “rejecting” you and that you should be devastated by it…. but what did she REALLY bring to the table?. All they are doing is saying “I don’t want what you’re offering me”
So I asked myself…. what is she REALLY taking away from me?
There’s a difference between not wanting what you give…. and taking something away.Here’s another one:
“I want to find out who I am”
Thats sounds like the biggest bulls~~~ line there is. RIGHT? . After all., shouldn’t she know “who she is” by now and certainly before she’s looking to be married? But it’s not bulls~~~. Those words actually mean something.
Women are like water. They take the shape of the container they are in. When she says “I want to find out who I am” it’s her way of affirming she has no identity of her own. This is how a woman is able to be with a rocker lead singer of a band and appear to be interested in his music and concerts…… and then 2 years later, she meets a doctor and suddenly she is interested in being on the board of the hospital. Or she meets a politician and suddenly she takes interest in his speeches and attending political fundraisers — s~~~ she never cared about before. This is why it’s possible for a man to date a woman, and run into her again years later and she is totally unrecognizable – as if her entire persona totally changed.
Women need to “find themselves” …….
But Men CREATE themselves.Women feel a need to repeatedly “find themselves” because they are chameleons who lack their own sense of identity. (concept from the book “The Manipulated Man”). You think you’re the first man she said that to? She’s been breaking up with boyfriends with that line since she started dating!
•••••
I got it all back in one gesture – in one day.
Enforcing a strict “no contact” policy.She took me for granted. I was more invested in her than any other female in the past, but when we broke, she wasn’t actually taking anything from me. So how could I be devastated by it? Fortunately, she thought I would “always be there for her no matter what”….. and that’s a BIG part of the reason she broke it.
It was my mistake to communicate that it would be “unconditional love – for better or for worse” because that was like training her to think she could have her cake and eat it too. I accept responsibility for that, because I should have told her from the start “F~~~ WORSE. For better or GET OUT.” I made the mistake of sticking it out with this one through s~~~ tests and stuff I knew in my gut was wrong. But I did it anyway.
Good for her! Very bad for me.
So how did I turn it around? I used “unconditional love” to my advantage — and pulled it away from her, NO contact. No attention., No time for her. Ever again. Punto finito. No email. No calls. No contact forever – ever again. And I absolutely will not cave. When I made up my mind to do that and be as relentless as required to enforce it, regardless of her “feelings”….. I felt like a million bucks.
AFTER taxes.
Your fiancee is going to continue telling men she “needs to find herself”…. until she finds a cat.
She doesn’t own your self-confidence.
It belongs to you and has to come from YOU.
That’s why it’s called … “SELF”-confidence.
It’s not hers. She can’t have it. And it’s impossible for her to take away.Don’t let her.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.What shocked me wasn’t that my ex openly admitted being on a dating site and going on dates, it was the police serving me with an intervention order banning me from my own home and kids just days before xmas. Then the police coming round again and arresting me for the “bruising” on her leg which was apparently my fault, despite not having seen her in that time! This from a woman i had had two kids with and lived with for nearly 10 years.
Yup. It stings. And then i found out 9 of the 10 guys at the compulsory “anger management” course had experienced exactly the same thing. They weren’t having problems with their anger, they were in the process of being raped of their kids and wallets.
You have support here.
Do you depend on the opinions of others to evaluate your own self-worth? If so, pick a new system: Think for yourself.
I’ve been inside the blast radius of several divorces where the soon-to-be-ex-wife ran those trips you describe on hubby. Some took it better than others. One came close to suicide and went through a long bad patch before emerging. He is now stronger than ever, and not hitched to some corrosive princess snowflake, to his credit.
I have been in relations~~~s more than once, and every single time the GF kept trying to undermine my self confidence. Some were subtle about it, some were flat out aggressive.
In short, trying to cause you psychological damage is just what they do. My neighbor’s dog barks all night; that is just what it does. It’s the nature of the beast.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Women are like water. They take the shape of the container they are in. When she says “I want to find out who I am” it’s her way of affirming she has no identity of her own. This is how a woman is able to be with a rocker lead singer of a band and appear to be interested in his music and concerts…… and then 2 years later, she meets a doctor and suddenly she is interested in being on the board of the hospital. Or she meets a politician and suddenly she takes interest in his speeches and attending political fundraisers — s~~~ she never cared about before. This is why it’s possible for a man to date a woman, and run into her again years later and she is totally unrecognizable – as if her entire persona totally changed
This here reads very much how a sociopath operates during the idealise phase. Quickly followed by devalue and discard phases.
Been there got the merit badge.
This here reads very much how a sociopath operates during the idealise phase. Quickly followed by devalue and discard phases.
I’m nodding.
When I looked further into the “sociopath”…. holy s~~~, what parallels I found.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Yup. It stings. And then i found out 9 of the 10 guys at the compulsory “anger management” course had experienced exactly the same thing. They weren’t having problems with their anger, they were in the process of being raped of their kids and wallets.
Sounds less like an anger management course, and more like a RA (relationships anonymous) meeting.
Nirvanna is never having to worry about a woman ever again.
Within minutes after this… one of the other guys posted a “I don’t love him anymore” female testimony.
Good time to repeat the question again…… did she ever?
Psst, honey……. your next line is “I need to find myself”.
Classic female playbook.
This is this kind of s~~~ you can look forward to after 16 years of busting your butt to make her happy. Brought to you directly from the last place you would ever expect! — Oprah Magazine.
Her problem? He still greets her ungrateful fat aging ass with a smile in the morning – just because she would rather behave like a complete bitch before 10 AM. Being resented for greeting her with a “chipper morning voice”.
Nice.
Think you’re self-esteem is in the s~~~ter now? Wait until you’re married. She will be happy to stomp all over it for you and submit it to CNN and Oprah where you can read all about it while you’re signing checks.
EVERY female “rejection” is a woman doing you a FAVOR.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.I can’t add to what Keymaster, RoyDal, and the other truth sayers have said already.
“I could have dated José the investment banker”
I believe this to be straight up hypergamy. She makes six figures. I’m willing to bet she wants a man with a comparable income because she has developed a case of baby rabies. So during the time of birth and trying to decide between the myriad of choices she has as a woman after giving birth, she wants a man to keep her in the manner she has grown accustomed to.
To paraphrase Tim Allen. Men has always had the same basic choices they have always had. A job or prison.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
I believe this to be straight up hypergamy.
Boom. Interesting point! Hadn’t thought about that….. because my personal story (above) as not about her making an upward climb. It was actually a lateral move.
( … like a duck making a lateral move to “A L’Orange”. )
But the very same girl s~~~ tested me once with wealthier guy and I just said “Hey! if you want to ride home with him in the Ferrari go right ahead! I don’t blame you in the least!” I think that bugged the s~~~ out of her because it didn’t bother me.
Hypergamy doesn’t bother me that much. Not sure why. Perhaps it’s because she’s looking at the wrong kind of “value” and that’s not my problem. My Honda was paid off at the time. He had $1,100 monthly payment. I have seen women absolutely MISERABLE with rich husbands who they practice hypergamy with …… just so they could drive a Mercedes and spend summers in the Hamptons. She may be “hypergamous” but she’s f~~~ing the pool boy on the sly…. who’s only f~~~ing her because she’s easy.
I remain convinced – whatever the explanation for rejection – is nothing to be devastated about, because she didn’t bring as much to the table that another woman wouldn’t. It’s just not a tragedy.
If she REALLY influenced your life and made a big impact and changed the course of your destiny for the better BECAUSE of what she did for you, then I could understand it. But I don’t know women like that. I improved my own life without their assistance. In fact……. if I had listened to the advice and wants and needs of women ….. and did what they told me or wanted…… I would be SUPREMELY p~~~ed off today.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Take it from a guy who was married over 26 years, yes, a woman can destroy your confidence for a period of time. However, as many other people have aptly stated in their posts, it can be a blessing in disguise. I was raised in the phony “white knight” era where your manhood was measured by marriage and raising kids. That was drilled in to my head by everyone around me, not just family, but friends, co-workers, people at church, you name it. Damn what a f~~~ing ass lie men have been told for centuries. My ex wanted me to come groveling back to her and basically “redefine” our marriage and share being the leader of our home. I declined. At first, I felt like the world was against me. Almost like a prisoner in my own home. She even trashed me to our kids, who thankfully, are all adults now. But after a few months of feeling like a piece of s~~~, I begin to spend more time reaching out to people who had been through this, finding the few websites that speak up for me, like this one and Dalrock (blog). I have never felt so free in my life. The chains have come off and I feel like I have a life again. I see women for what they are: lying, insincere, cheating, dysfunctional c~~~s with maybe a few exceptions somewhere on this planet. And I’m being generous. Not determining my self worth by some psychotic c~~~’s expectations nor from society, is pure freedom. I don’t miss that s~~~ and never will.
Women don’t bring anything (of value) to the table.
They simply see a “buffet” table.
Whatever reason/need they want a man for (to f~~~, to pay bills, to father a child, to fix her car, to kill a spider, to marry, etc), they can pick a man for what they want at that instance.
When they are done/tired of the man they chose, into the trash he goes, just like a half eaten plate of food at the buffet.To paraphrase Tim Allen. Men has always had the same basic choices they have always had. A job or prison.
Please tell me you have a link for the origin of this quote. I would love to add it to my notes.
Nirvanna is never having to worry about a woman ever again.
Please tell me you have a link for the origin of this quote. I would love to add it to my notes.
It’s part of an even more poignant message:
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison”.
– Tim Allen (link)If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Please tell me you have a link for the origin of this quote. I would love to add it to my notes.
“Women have all these choices; single and date; single, part-time job and date; job full time, date half-time; married, work full-time; married, work part-time; married, have children, work; married, have children, au pair; married, have pool boy; marry the pool boy. Men have had the same choices since the beginning of time; we can work… (stares ahead, gestures searchingly)… or penitentiary, really.”
This was a quote that I found in the internet. Can’t find the stand-up special in which he said it.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
This is this kind of s~~~ you can look forward to after 16 years of busting your butt to make her happy. Brought to you directly from the last place you would ever expect! — Oprah Magazine.
Damn dude, that almost put me off my lunch. Really. Amazing link, I mean that an actual (supposedly) human being could think and act like that. Just wow. If anyone ever needed another reason not to get married….
Please tell me you have a link for the origin of this quote. I would love to add it to my notes.
I’ll go you one better. Here’s the original video. Go to 7:55 for the statement in question, but do yourself a favor and start with part one and watch from the beginning! :
"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,
Re.: Oprah Magazine article that Keymaster linked to above (@ 1:02 pm):
The woman grousing about her marriage describes her husband not as a Bad Man, but, rather, as “a Moderately Bad Man, like all men.”
Okay, then what would we say about a woman who trashes her husband in print for the amusement of millions of readers, so he can’t defend himself, and portrays him as a clown who can’t even dress himself properly?
I’ve got a few choice epithets. I’m sure you guys do, too.
Whenever I feel a tinge of regret for not getting married, I read articles like the one linked, and everything is all right with my world again.
"The wisest follow their own direction." -- Euripides
“I’ve not loved you for a year bomb” along with “I don’t respect you” “I want more romance” “I want to find out who I am ” “I have friends now so don’t need you” “I could have dated José the investment banker” “I want to live abroad but you will never leave your sick dad ” and a host of other stuff
Am I the only one who thinks how obviously f~~~ed up and wrong it is that a woman would live with you, sleep with you, eat the same food as you, have sex with you, share years of experiences with you, want to marry you, accept a proposal from you and then talk to you like she hated you the whole time?
What was she doing living with you for a year for? Get out! Ya f~~~ing c~~~. Why did she stay? Too lazy to move?
Women don’t “love” men.
No they don’t. Break up with the guy, bitch, if you don’t love him anymore, fine, but she doesn’t just not love you anymore. On her way out , she makes a point of saying the most hurtful s~~~ as possible like she can’t just leave and say “sorry I can’t”. She’s picks up the loudspeaker and announces “you’re a piece of s~~~”.
I would laugh at her. She wants your self esteem to be crushed. You’re not all that, ladies.
The woman grousing about her marriage describes her husband not as a Bad Man, but, rather, as “a Moderately Bad Man, like all men.”
That’s what I mean. She talks like she hates the guy. HATE. For smiling at her in the morning.
Whenever I feel a tinge of regret for not getting married, I read articles like the one linked, and everything is all right with my world again.
It’s a beautiful f~~~ing day for me too. Thank you for posting. God damn! These women and their s~~~. Good riddance.
Keymaster : Its like you knew her your so on point !! This was a women who at 22 chased me down until I decided to relent as she said “I used to hang on your every word now I don’t respect your” I guess she preferred the outlaw with no job to the guy with a career she claimed she wanted .
She had no sense of self at first after the breakup the initial idealise to devaluation I thought she was suffering from borderline personality disorder now i realise she is just an immature woman with nothing inside by way of self or character .
Yeah she was staring to get babie rabies at the moment she is dating some model looking 28 year old with a very good job .
I think that shafted me hard as well the pure hypergamy when I was thinking no way would I trade her in for a better looking model “my honour is loyalty” I know what a sucker I was .
No she was not some life enhancing fairy if anything she alienated my family and friends denied me regular sex in the end manipulated me into giving up what I loved most at the time … Was a constant source of moaning and complaining and an all round misery .
I miss her money though though it was always on condition and she enjoyed the control because of it (f~~~ that)
Yes I’ve identified my self esteem coming from others so working on “not giving a f~~~” its liberating I’m not thier yet but its a fun work in progress .
The sociopath thing is on point she loved vampires and was intrigued by sociopathic personality disorder books on it etc
I just was so blindsided aand in a daze the time I never got the chance to rip into the bitch after she got what she wanted she went ghost .
Had it been legal I think I would have torture murdered her
Even the dog we had from a pup died and not one f~~~ did she give .
Quietly quietly : Jesus bro I can’t imagine how bad that must have been what a c~~~ !!!
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