Whats your advice on breaking up?

[alchemistParticipant 484]

So today I’m probably going to break up with my girlfriend but I’m not happy, I’m concerned because she has no emotional stability at the best of times. It’s likely she’ll do something stupid like hurt herself or f~~~ up her job, which she has worked hard at and gotten good at but she’s such a f~~~ing self-destructive moron when she gets emotional I’m worried she’ll ruin her life rather than deal with things like an adult. I mean look, doesn’t that just explain why I’m leaving her?

Anyway, I just wanted some advice from you guys. I got some good advice from you chaps in the past, and you can get the background info here, but I wanted to talk about this some more.

Fortunately I won’t have to deal with her bulls~~~ directly as I live 100 miles away from her, the break-up will be by phone if I do it today.
I would have done it the last time I saw her in person but she was already an emotional wreck when I arrived. And I didn’t want to be stranded in the middle of nowhere, although in hindsight, that’s a small cost for what I’m buying.
I’ve got my own s~~~ to deal with, I can’t be responsible for both of us- heck, I’m NOT responsible for her stupid pessimistic attitude. But I always pick up the pieces … and without me, I’m afraid she’ll f~~~ herself up with her self-destructive behavior patterns.
She will of course relieve herself of responsibility for her own actions and blame me for the resulting catastrophe. I don’t care who she blames, I think my real issue is that she’s a nutcase… and I’m about to pull the pin on an emotional grenade.
What are your thoughts on this? and your advice?

[Mr_OptionsParticipant 298]

Best advice is to rip the bandaid off as fast as possible. There will be hurt afterwards. But, you have to look out for your best interests. You can never will your power to any female, ever! I broke up with my ex GF last month by phone. We only live 25 miles apart. It takes time to cut the feelings, but time and space pass and your own happiness is what matters most.

A man without a woman is like a fish without a hook.

[UntamedParticipant]

Make damn sure you have no more belongings of yours at her place and just break up with her by text, I hear they really love that s~~~, especially when they do it to guys.
Besides that, just don’t answer your phone, your cell or your door and you should be in the clear, provided she’s not f~~~ing pregnant.

As far being worried about her “emotional state” after the breakup DON’T BE. That’s just a stratagem to keep you emotionally chained to her. She’ll get over you just as soon as she finds another sucker.

Don't let them Blame, Shame or Tame you!
Give 'em NOTHING, not even an answer!
#GenderSegragationNow!

[TaxGuyParticipant]

In the immortal words of Nike, “Just do it.” Waiting won’t make anything better. You’ll feel 50 pounds lighter as soon as you hang up that phone. She has a boyfriend, you have a job. The relationship isn’t fun.

I’ve said this many times, but I’ll say it again. Look at people as their energy. She is a black hole sucking your energy from you. She is a parasite and you are her host. When you are with positive people, everyone has more energy when you are around each other. When you are with her, she is just stealing your energy.

But you already know all of this. You certainly don’t have to be mean about it, but just do it.

Order the good wine

[alchemistParticipant 484]

TaxGuy wrote:

she is a black hole sucking your energy from you. She is a parasite and you are her host. When you are with positive people, everyone has more energy when you are around each other. When you are with her, she is just stealing your energy.

But you already know all of this. You certainly don’t have to be mean about it, but just do it.

Dead on.

[Anonymous 54]

Look out for your self. If she wants to f~~~ up her life..let her. Be glad you live 100 miles away.But beware of unstable rejected women. She may want to ruin your life to.

[Anonymous 42]

Tell her you found another woman and get 500 miles away from her!

Tell her you got a restraining order against her and that you’ll have her arrested if she comes around.

Tell her your new girlfriend is a martial arts expert.

Tell her never to call you again or you will file charges of harassment.

Hang up the phone. <click-dialtone>

You’re deep in the mud of emotional needs from an insecure woman (nutcase) put it in 4-WD, punch it, and don’t look back!

You owe crazy NOTHING, now you know why MGTOW say don’t stick your dick in crazy!

I had TWO ex gfs that scratched up their wrists for attention! Now I’m likely to tell a nutjob to use and industrial razor and cut diagonal so the artery doesn’t stop bleeding, and to do the other wrist before she passes out.

I went through nutjob hell myself and lost all sympathy! You better bomb that s~~~ like Hiroshima and Nagasaki!

Nuke it from outerspace!

[505vikingoParticipant 521]

Block her number, change your locks, and never communicate with her in any form ever again. That is my Modus Operandi (MO) preferred method. I have never had any false allegations, unpleasant scenes, etc. following this strategy. I highly recommend. Just GHOST.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

“It’s over. Don’t ever contact me again.”

Then block her phone #, text messages, social media, email, etc. No contact. Because she may play the “If you don’t love me i’m going to kill myself” card, or she’ll threaten you, or she’ll tell you she can’t breathe & needs you to call 911 blah blah blah.

It may not be an easy thing to do, but it’s the right thing. No question. ‘grats on your freedom!

[MonkeyMindParticipant 5340]

Personally, i’d blame it on the long-distance when you break up with her as it’s something she can’t control and it’s not directly attributed to her personally. Just be firm and stick to your reasons about why it’s not working out or she might try to guilt you into staying.

My experience is that Women tend to bounce back a lot faster from a breakup than men do.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

alchemist wrote:

It’s likely she’ll do something stupid like hurt herself or f~~~ up her job, which she has worked hard at and gotten good at but she’s such a f~~~ing self-destructive moron when she gets emotional I’m worried she’ll ruin her life rather than deal with things like an adult.

NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[Anonymous 0]

Sorry to hear you’re in such a tough situation, Alchemist.

But it’s actually a very common problem. Just google “how to break up with a suicidal person” or even something like “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I’m afraid she’ll hurt herself.” You’ll find lots of advice columns on the internet from experts on the subject.

By the way, the experts unanimously agree that you definitely should break up with a person when they make threats like that, and that you’re not responsible for what happens after that. Some also provide various strategies for softening the blow or steering the girlfriend toward professional help or whatever. Look through a few of them and pick a strategy that would work best for you in your particular situation.

[alchemistParticipant 484]

MonkeyMind wrote:

Personally, i’d blame it on the long-distance when you break up with her as it’s something she can’t control and it’s not directly attributed to her personally. Just be firm and stick to your reasons about why it’s not working out or she might try to guilt you into staying.

My experience is that Women tend to bounce back a lot faster from a breakup than men do.

While that may subdue her, it is dishonest. If I’m going down a path which leads to break up, I’m going to be honest.

I’ve got questions for her, which I’ve been avoiding for a long time, I already know what the answers are and if she gives different answers it’ll be interesting to find out why she’s lying or what she’s thinking. Either way I know she’s long overdue for the endgame. I was hoping on some level she’d address the problems but now it’s too late, infact it’s been too late for about a year.

[alchemistParticipant 484]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry to hear you’re in such a tough situation, Alchemist.

But it’s actually a very common problem. Just google “how to break up with a suicidal person” or even something like “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I’m afraid she’ll hurt herself.” You’ll find lots of advice columns on the internet from experts on the subject.

Thanks, I read a few. They were helpful but say what I already know.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

alchemist wrote:

MonkeyMind wrote:

Personally, i’d blame it on the long-distance when you break up with her as it’s something she can’t control and it’s not directly attributed to her personally. Just be firm and stick to your reasons about why it’s not working out or she might try to guilt you into staying.

My experience is that Women tend to bounce back a lot faster from a breakup than men do.

While that may subdue her, it is dishonest. If I’m going down a path which leads to break up, I’m going to be honest.

I’ve got questions for her, which I’ve been avoiding for a long time, I already know what the answers are and if she gives different answers it’ll be interesting to find out why she’s lying or what she’s thinking. Either way I know she’s long overdue for the endgame. I was hoping on some level she’d address the problems but now it’s too late, infact it’s been too late for about a year.

With all due respect, and this just my two cents, do you really care about the answers? My ex is a narcissist and we have two kids, so I HAVE to deal with her. The best way to handle a narcissist is to cut off the relationship. Asking questions is enabling the black hole of your energy.

The sooner you walk away and cut her off the sooner you get your energy back. And when you start using that extra energy on yourself, you’ll be surprised at how much better your life will get. Looking for answers is prolonging her sucking your energy. You’re already done, all she will do is try to get you to stay. A parasite needs its host to survive. She’ll say whatever she thinks will get you to give her another chance.

Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Order the good wine

[KaidoParticipant 2395]

Forget she ever existed. Its either her life that will go down or yours. And she will drag you down. Best of luck!

What people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle. Rise above. Focus on science.

[MonkeyMindParticipant 5340]

alchemist wrote:

t questions for her, which I’ve been avoiding for a long time, I already know what the answers are and if she gives different answers it’ll be interesting to find out why she’s lying or what she’s thinking. Either way I know she’s long overdue fo

I agree, it is dishonest. But my experience is that people are never 100% honest during breakups anyway – especially not women. More often than not, there is no ultimate truth that can fix a breakup or make it better. Just a whole boatload of s~~~ty emotions once the bombshell has been dropped.

That said, i’m not going to dissuade you from trying to do the right thing, just be prepared for a rough ride and a lot of guilt once you break the bad news to her.

[alchemistParticipant 484]

I’m not out of the woods yet, but almost…

Just spoke to her and I caught her in a really stable mood and we actually had a good conversation, after talking with her and being honest about everything even she saw the relationship wasn’t going to work. But eventually she started to get angry and irrational as usual so I said I’d phone her back in a few days.
She wants to take a break for a month, I said how about two? Although what I’d really like to have discussed is that nothing has changed in 18 months so how is 1 or 2 going to make any difference? But as I said, she started to go down the crazy/angry path so I left it at that for now. I’ll call her back in a few days and we’ll discuss it further.

It feels good to get everything off my chest, I think I’d rather it was this way, than the quick rip and ghost. I prefer to get the honest truth out on the table and let the inevitable happen- Closure.

[alchemistParticipant 484]

MonkeyMind wrote:

alchemist wrote:

t questions for her, which I’ve been avoiding for a long time, I already know what the answers are and if she gives different answers it’ll be interesting to find out why she’s lying or what she’s thinking. Either way I know she’s long overdue fo

I agree, it is dishonest. But my experience is that people are never 100% honest during breakups anyway – especially not women. More often than not, there is no ultimate truth that can fix a breakup or make it better. Just a whole boatload of s~~~ty emotions once the bombshell has been dropped.

That said, i’m not going to dissuade you from trying to do the right thing, just be prepared for a rough ride and a lot of guilt once you break the bad news to her.

No guilt, infact I feel lighter and better, it was a cathartic experience, also, you’re suggesting we do what women and other people do? Doesn’t sound like Going Your Own Way to me 🙂

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

alchemist wrote:

Whats your advice on breaking up?

Do it.

It’s likely she’ll do something stupid like hurt herself or f~~~ up her job, which she has worked hard at and gotten good at but she’s such a f~~~ing self-destructive moron when she gets emotional I’m worried she’ll ruin her life rather than deal with things like an adult.

So what’s your point?

That’s entirely her problem, not yours. In fact it her inability to control her emotions is just another reason for you to break it off with her immediately. the longer you stick with this ticking time bomb the more likely it will blow up in your face.

Bail. Immediately. No f~~~s given.

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