I drink out of sheer boredom, stress, and wanting to have a good evening for once, followed by quickly falling asleep.
Boredom: been stuck at home for the past 7 years. Life consists of sitting on ass, doing chores in the house, going grocery shopping once or twice a week, eating at parents once a week, taking a walk 1-3 times a week (mostly 1 or only once every two weeks).
Stress: I f~~~ing hate my life and I wish I was healthy again so I could do whatever normal people do. How long will this last? Will this be going on for the rest of my life? Never be able to watch a band playing live, or even hang out with friends anymore?
Good evening: once I’ve had two rum ‘n cokes (about 40% rum, 60% cola), I loosen up and enjoy talking to people more on discord, skype or forums. Third R&C and I feel the buzz, usually put on a movie or series at this point. Fourth R&C: feeling pretty alright, knowing I’m drunk. After that I’m mostly still online talking crap (either here, on zoom or to a buddy on steam), playing a game or finishing the movie.
I swallow down 500ml of rum and about 750ml of cola each time I drink (so half a bottle each) and do that two nights in a row in the weekends. Thought lately I’ve gone to the supermarket at the last possible moment to get more rum during the weekdays. Either a 1000ml bottle or a 700ml bottle (of which I drink 500ml and toss the rest away). Did this a few times, last time was Sunday evening, woke up terribly hungover on Monday and I just want to call quits.
It’s f~~~ing expensive (14 euro or 17 dollars for a 1000ml bottle, 10 euro or 12 dollar for a 700ml bottle, plus a 1500ml bottle of coke costs 2 euro here)… Say that I don’t drink during weekdays, that’s still 16 euro per week for alcohol, 2 euro for the cola, makes 18 (22 dollar) per week to get drunk, that’s about 80 euro per month. Now people will laugh at me complaining about such a low amount of money spent on it, but I’m on welfare, even below minimum income and also have to pay for my tobacco, which is roughly the same amount of money, which leads to 160 euro per month spending on my vices, and that’s a lot.
edit: from 2011 ’til 2014 I lived with my parents again, then got my own place. Didn’t drink that much for two years, but these last two years I’ve been drinking a lot more. Tried glutenfree beer, but it either tasted like water or really “dry”, and no matter the brand, I always got a huge hangover from them. Did red wine, but that started to give me big hangovers too (like my body was telling me something, huh?), then switched to rum/coke a year ago. Yesterday’s hangover told me it’s time to stop with that too, so unless I’m gonna chug down absinthe, it’s better to stop cold turkey. I emptied the remainder of my rum down the sink and said “no more.”
edit2: I can’t cut back on the drinking, because if I’m not drunk by the time I’m done, I have a VERY tough time falling asleep, so cutting back to 3 or 2 glasses instead of 4 will only f~~~ me up more.
edit3: there is a small blessing in my condition, and ut’s that I don’t nearly drink as much as when I was 18-25 and went to the pub with friends. I’d have lots of beers, a couple shots of goldstrike, maybe a whiskey and then it was back home drunk as f~~~ (yet I almost never had any serious hangovers). These days it’s 4 tall ones (glutenfree beer) or 4 glasses of rum and coke, and I’m done, else I’d drink half a tray or an entire bottle, hehe. The difference is: when I was still healthy I never felt like drinking at home, and if we’d skip a weekend of pubbing, I’d have a sober weekend.
edit4: also, it’s this f~~~ing ridiculous beergut I started developing. I went from skinny f~~~er to skinny FAT f~~~er in about 6 years time, going from 176lb to 230lb, and most of it sits snugly in my 6 months pregnant belly, f~~~ing ridiculous. My uncle was exactly the same: skinny as f~~~ as a kid, then started gaining quite some weight, but what “saves” him is that he became bulky, strong and broad-shouldered as a teenager, whereas I was whip-thin, stayed that way, and now walk around with this beer baby sticking out from the front *sigh*
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CombatRoll 1 year, 9 months ago.
