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Monk 2 months, 1 week ago.
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Your wife and daughter come home fighting like cats, and storm off to their respective lairs, leaving you gasping for air and wondering whether this is a heart attack or just anxiety… and they’re (as always) too wrapped up in their drama to bother seeing how Dear ol Dad is doing.
… or even worse, being afraid to call 911 so as not to anger the wife with further drama.
Pathetic, ain’t it?
There’s an RV park in AZ called Coyote Howls. Full hookup spots are $1700/year.
If I sell most of my stuff, including one car, I can pick up a cheap RV trailer and head out there for a sabbatical…I miss the desert. It’s where I was whelped and raised.
Real f~~~ing nightmare situation just described.
Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.
I’m sure I went over some in my ‘intro’ post, but this s~~~ is so one-sided that it’d be funny if it weren’t so painful.
I’ve ditched three potentially lucrative careers… or at least rewarding… in order to allow her to climb the bureaucratic ladder without any stumbles. I left my healthy bicycle-intensive lifestyle, and gained a horrendous amount of weight (of course, now I’m “not the man she married!”) Any time she or our daughter is upset or otherwise not seeming happy, I feel the need to move in and offer to fix whatever I can.
If I’m unable to keep the mask straight, and appear unhappy or otherwise not my “usual self”, I get a cold shoulder, and if it goes on too long, she starts getting angry. I dared tell her, once, that I was feeling a bit depressed and lonely, as she spends all her home time between her ‘office’, frenzied cleaning sessions, and as soon as she gets into bed, she sticks her earbuds in and goes to sleep to the sound of some public radio drone. My admission set off a demon in her head, I guess, because she blew up and dumped it all in my lap.
It should have (and really kinda was) a red flag, long before we got married (13 years ago) that she’s never shown any inclination to initiate intimate contact, or to even try very hard. I’d just kinda assumed that it was her catholic school upbringing and that she’d learn. Stupidest thing I ever believed.
It’s been nearly 2 years since we’ve done much more than a dry peck in the evening… and that’s only when she’s in the mood.Yes, folks… some may complain about their woman withholding sex if they’re not happy with you for whatever reason… how pathetic is it that we’re down to the same thing… over a dry peck on the lips before sleep?
Yes, folks… some may complain about their woman withholding sex if they’re not happy with you for whatever reason… how pathetic is it that we’re down to the same thing… over a dry peck on the lips before sleep?
OK, I’m going to tell you about something I read as I was going through my divorce. Take it for what you will.
If you want something you have to give it. Meaning, if you want love, you have to give love. You can’t demand respect from someone that you don’t respect. If you want someone’s attention you have to give them yours. You get the idea. Now, it doesn’t mean that you will get it back, but not giving it is pretty good way of making sure that you eventually don’t get what you want.
Now, for me when I read that, it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Because I knew as soon as I read that my ex gave up on our marriage at least 10 years before I did. And I never looked back.
If you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you gave what you wanted and didn’t get it back, AND you’re done trying, well the writing’s on the wall. Otherwise I’d say give what you want and see what happens. Only you know which of those two is the right answer.
Good luck brother.
Order the good wine
Thanks. I’m pretty sure she’s been done since she lost her well muscled and happy bicyclist, and I don’t see myself being able to give that to her again, not under these conditions. It was built over a period when I was single and free to live as I wanted, not constantly worrying about her approval.
So, that’s what I want.
She’s the chief breadwinner, by a large margin. We would have been pretty close to equal, but (as I think I described in my intro) I stayed home to raise our daughter for her first 3 years, giving up a very well paying job with generous benefits and frequent… large… raises. I made the sacrifice… because she wanted to not have any gaps in her career.
Our daughter is 11 now, and pretty much the only reason I’m still even here. However, as she’s learning how to treat men from her mother, I may have to just make the Daddy/Daughter relationship a remote one.My job is suffering, as I can’t seem to bring myself to care about it, and I believe I’m on a list to be downsized soon anyway, since my company was purchased by a large multinational with its own support department.
So… I’m just tied down by the remnants of my own emotion and habits, and a pile of crap I’ve built up over those years. That crap, at least some of it… might be my nest egg for a bit, if I can get up the nerve to sell it. I’m also almost crippled with social anxiety, and have trouble initiating contact with people, so selling stuff can be difficult.
Santiago I remember your fine intro and the useful responses you received.
Perhaps make a 6 month plan, a one year plan and even a 2 year plan. The only thing you can control is ‘you’.
One of the health books that has helped me in the past is Daniel Reid – tao of health, sex and longevity. It has interesting section on detox/nutrition/health. Anxiety etc can be partly due to the physical health of your body if the body is in stress/lack of correct nutrition – healthier body healthier mind. Best of luck with the sabbatical.Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready
She’s the chief breadwinner, by a large margin. We would have been pretty close to equal, but (as I think I described in my intro) I stayed home to raise our daughter for her first 3 years, giving up a very well paying job with generous benefits and frequent… large… raises.
That would sound well in a divorce hearing.
Our daughter is 11 now, and pretty much the only reason I’m still even here. However, as she’s learning how to treat men from her mother, I may have to just make the Daddy/Daughter relationship a remote one.
A ‘remote relationship’? This is a delusion. She is being taught to hate and despise you.
… I believe I’m on a list to be downsized soon anyway, since my company was purchased by a large multinational with its own support department.
In which case you will no longer have any value at all to her. Prepare to be thrown out.
That crap, at least some of it… might be my nest egg for a bit, if I can get up the nerve to sell it.
It might also be your exit money. If you sell it and don’t leave, they will take it from you anyway.
I’m also almost crippled with social anxiety, and have trouble initiating contact with people, so selling stuff can be difficult.
She is killing you, inch by inch.
Get out.
Thanks, guys. I know this stuff is all self-evident, but after so many years of delusion, the obvious sometimes needs to be illustrated for some of us.
I’m not organized enough to make a solid Plan and stick with it, but I can take steps. First, I need to de-clutter. Though I’m leaving nothing of value, relationship-wise, I also don’t want to leave a bunch of my junk in her house.By the way… that is one thing I was able to sort of maneuver recently. When we re-financed the house, given that one of my student loans (that she was paying… the one I had was always current) was so far in arrears, that she had to re-fi on her own credit, without me on the loan at all. Now that’s off my credit report, and once I learned about her letting that loan go, I called ’em and got a ‘reset’ of sorts, so now I can start rebuilding on that front. I also used my part of the re-fi cash to pay off the other student loan and my Suburban. Other than a small credit card I keep for emergencies and a modest paypal credit account, all I have left is a 35k student loan that she pressured me to run up… because she didn’t want me to be blue collar anymore. That education had no relevance in the field I gave up, by the way.
Back to the de-clutter… I have a bunch of film photography gear, which can be hard to sell sometimes even if you are able to function adequately in society, a bunch of quadcopter/UAV bits and bobs, as I’ve built a few of those, a small fleet of commercial models, my digital cameras (I’d pare down on ’em, but would keep a couple bodies and my lenses), most of my guns can go, as I don’t shoot more than a couple of them anyway. I have 5 bicycles, only one of which I couldn’t stand to lose, but I do like the other ones. If I could get a good enough price on a couple, I’d sell, but otherwise I’d carry ’em with me.
Almost everything else may just be split between the garbage and Salvation Army.Once I’ve ‘closed out’ on the clutter, I’ll be more comfortable having a word with her about the future.
I’d go to NM first, hang out with my family for a while, and if I’m still employed, just do my job from there, as it’s completely online. After a few months, I’m thinking about Why, AZ. (“Where do you live?” … “Why!”)
…the above mentioned RV park where I can live for a song. Live pretty well on my current income, or if it isn’t available to me, just find a part time job and keep it simple for a couple years while I get my mind and body back.Anyway… that’s as close to a plan as I have right now.
Come to think of it… there’s a huge RV population in Quartzsite every winter. With a $50 local permit, I could set up a toy-hauler RV as a bike shop, do simple repairs and tire work, sell tires, tubes, and accessories to the RV’ers with their Schwinns and trikes… 🙂 I also had an idea of setting up a classic trailer photo booth, which tend to do well at ‘events’.
Anonymous38Put it this way it doesn’t sound like your life can get much worse bro. Time for self-preservation mode, f~~~ what she thinks about anything. You must plan and start working towards your escape.
Stay strong bro. Us guys here give a s~~~ about you. We understand. You are not alone.
If you’re considering divorce (and you should), you ought to stay in the house with your child.
Since she is the breadwinner, you should be entitled to half of the house and her current and future income.
Courts usually favor women heavily in divorce, mostly because the courts, themselves, can make more money off of the breadwinner, which is usually the man.
Think like a divorcing women would do and get a free “consultation” from all of the good divorce lawyers in the area, to prevent her from being able to hire them.
Once you have consulted with a lawyer, there is a conflict of interest that prevents that lawyer from working for her.You should also consider liquidating as much of your own assets as possible and “losing” the money any way you can, spending, gambling, etc.
There is a lot of articles, posts and forums here at MGTOW.com, that are a great way to prepare yourself for a successful divorce.
Good luck
I’m more than willing to liquidate my un-needed stuff, but I’m not going to make it any more difficult than it needs to be.
I don’t need much… never have. I’d rather make a clean break and be honestly on my own than on her dime… even if it could be said that I have a claim to it.Once I’ve ‘closed out’ on the clutter, I’ll be more comfortable having a word with her about the future.
I’d go to NM first, hang out with my family for a while, and if I’m still employed, just do my job from there, as it’s completely online. After a few months, I’m thinking about Why, AZ. (“Where do you live?” … “Why!”)
…the above mentioned RV park where I can live for a song. Live pretty well on my current income, or if it isn’t available to me, just find a part time job and keep it simple for a couple years while I get my mind and body back.Anyway… that’s as close to a plan as I have right now.
Sounds like a good plan to me sir. Better than what you’re going through right now. Im sure I’d be hard pressed to leave since I know I would love my daughter greatly. However, I think she will be fine. And your daughter will not be very rational or easy to talk to until she is much older (just saying in a friendly way). But your wife not putting out, that is her job as a wife to physically love you. Id be gone. You should not have to tolerate them if you do not receive the sex and love you require. Otherwise, you can go ahead and go back to the former lifestyle you gave up which was healthy and good for you mentally. I ride a bicycle a lot now and I LOVE it. I look forward to doing it everyday. You need to fall back in love with YOU. She’s a LOST CAUSE. And when the tide turns, I predict she will become vicious. Then she may even beg for you not to go, ID LEAVE ANYWAY…no chance of staying.
… most of my guns can go, as I don’t shoot more than a couple of them anyway.
You might want to get rid of them all, or at least store them somewhere safe (a gun club lockup with full in-out documentation, for instance), in case she makes some wild allegation.
Remember that they are basic animals – they can sense something is wrong. She probably already has an inkling that all is not well, so may move before you do.
Once I’ve ‘closed out’ on the clutter, I’ll be more comfortable having a word with her about the future.
Better to strike without warning.
‘Having a word with her’ is likely to precipitate THE ONE PHONE CALL.
Better to strike without warning.
‘Having a word with her’ is likely to precipitate THE ONE PHONE CALL.
I was thinking the same thing – that its a possibility. All she has to do is claim DV. If you are going to go just move out when she is not there and perhaps talk to her on the phone afterwards.
Bstoff also has a point in relation to divorce..Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready
Probably would sell most, and visit my folks for a few days, leave the rest in my Dad’s safe.
As for skipping out without warning… I’d have to think long and hard about that. It may be the best way in reality, but I’m not sure I’d be able to do it. I’d have to see what the Almighty State says about “abandonment” (even if she’s already effectively abandoned me)
Yes, I’d miss my daughter, but I also would rather she didn’t grow up believing this was normal.Yes, I’d miss my daughter, but I also would rather she didn’t grow up believing this was normal.
Daughter or not – AWALT. She will take the mothers side, guaranteed.
She will probably participate in the false DV and sex abuse allegations that will be made against you (plenty of examples of that in threads on this site). The mothers lawyer will certainly coach them both – this is SOP for lawyers nowadays.
The only thing that matters now is your survival.
Holy crap.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I was pretty sure she’d lost interest in me because I was no longer the muscled hottie she originally met.
Over the last week, I’ve started exercising (got Doc’s blessing, too), and tracking everything I eat. I’m eating a lot less, and after nearly a week, not feeling a need to binge, so I’ve probably found a decent balance of reduced consumption and meeting my daily needs.
It seems like, every time I talk about it, she starts seething and slams a wall between us. Is she really so dead set on my having a heart attack by 50? Or is it that she’ll now feel pressured to do something similar just to keep up?
I’m giving myself a year to get everything sorted out and get out of here. It kills me to plan on leaving my daughter, but the difference between an absent Dad and a dead Dad doesn’t leave much of a choice for me.
As I’m sure more than a few of you are well aware… she doesn’t want a healthy me around. A healthy me has options that fat me can’t even approach.
Besides, a healthy me wouldn’t be as easy to control.
She’s also grown used to the idea that she doesn’t have to defend her ‘territory’, as what cheater-bait really wants a fat slob anyway?Anyway, figured I’d post this, as I was kinda all-talk-no-action up until this week.
The work I was doing, at a sadly short salary, was killing me.
I decided to up and quit, so I’d maybe make it past 50 alive.
Offered a simple job that paid a fair wage for the work, I was looking forward to spending a few months being a school custodian at my daughter’s school. It’d pay less than my previous gig, but it would be fair pay for the work, and no more 24/7 unpaid on-call weeks (which had become every other week).Then I got a call.
Someone noticed my resume on Indeed, and saw that, though I’ve been working on computer networks and services over the last 6 years, I had a boatload of trucking experience before that… and still maintain my CDL. I didn’t want to get back in to freight hauling, but this is a class 8 drive-away service, delivering all sorts of cool stuff all over the continent. …and it pays nearly twice what I was making at a desk.
It isn’t one of the 1099 outfits. I get a toad to drive between runs, and I am paid hourly for those legs. The actual delivery run pays by the mile.
The company covers a hotel room every night, too.Living cheaply on the road, as I’ve done before, I can save up stupid amounts (well, compared to anything I’ve earned in my lifetime, anyway) of cash, get my student loans paid off… knock out the higher interest ones in the first year… and sock away a bunch for a mobile living solution.
I don’t know what sort of amount I’d be wanting to have before leaving, but I’d want to have everything paid off before I go anywhere other than the job (well, other than some vacation trips).This will serve to open up my options for when things fall apart at home. I can keep that job from anywhere in the country, and just plant a trailer somewhere like Coyote Howls, or just use my folks’ address in NM for license and stuff, and just stay on the road. She still makes nearly twice what I’d be making there, so she’d still be the high earner when the split happens.
Exciting, but definitely a change from the rut I’ve been in.
In other news, I’ve been working to lose weight, and since I started, a month and a half ago, I’ve dropped about 29 lbs.
Feeling much better, too! Starting to wear some of my old 2X shirts, that I couldn’t wear before last month.- AuthorPosts
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