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Tagged: bonifides, College Student, Healthy "Boundaries, Parents
This topic contains 22 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by 
PainfulTruth 2 years, 6 months ago.
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To introduce myself, I believe a message I sent yesterday to the MGTOW contact email, along with an update for today, will do well.
16JUL2017
“Hello! In the past few minutes, I have opened an account here.I am a lurker of a few months who came across MGTOW by chance. I am a College Junior in the US using TOR (The Onion Router, excellent privacy tool) and an anonymous email (bulletmail.org) to register here to carefully get a question answered.Turd Flinging Monkey and Sandman’s insights in to the female psyche have made an enormous impression upon me and the explanatory power of those insights appears frighteningly accurate.
Thankfully, I am young and have avoided any relationships up to this point. Being a serious Christian helped with that, interestingly enough. But enough about me. Frankly, I need some advice and help on behalf of another.
My lurking has shown that there is wisdom and experience here (Keymaster sounds like a freaking philosopher or something; he seems like a good example) that I need to bring to bear on a particular issue: my family. Specifically, my parents. I tremble as I write this out of fear and anticipation. I need to do something that requires more power and moral courage than I currently possess.
Here is the situation. My mother and my father both have more or less troubled family history’s. Both of their parents divorced and remarried at a relatively young age for them. A previous troubled relationship for my mother in which she was taken advantage of (no blue pill deception there. I know we don’t like talking about it here when males mess up but not all men in this world are good) left her emotionally damaged to an extent unknown to me.
In recent years, my mother has lost a lot of weight, and is gone from the household about 1/3 of the year traveling trying to start a business. She posts fairly regularly to social media about drinking and her female and (troublingly) male friends. Even when she is in the house my dad (who works arduous full time 12 hour shifts) does most of the housework because she’s “stressed.” My dad is the primary breadwinner (90-95%, Mom probably keeps the money she makes), a very self-sacrificing and honorable man who for better or for worse looks at the best interests of all those around him at the expense of himself. He doesn’t have a social life beyond our immediate family and his side of the family takes no interest in him our us. We live near our mother’s family.
Before, I thought they had a great marriage, until my eyes were opened when about 3 years ago she threatened to leave for seemingly incomprehensible reasons (“didn’t feel appreciated”). After reading about you guys’ stories, I, to my horror, believe I may be living in close proximity to a similar narrative.
I feel terrible and conflicted saying this, and I hope to God that it isn’t true, but I believe my mother has either already given in to her hypergamous instinct in secret or is sorely tempted to and is actively flirting with an opportunity to do so.
If she is, or has, I have no sympathy for her. It would be her fault regardless of her protests to the contrary. My sympathy in the event of a broken family lies with my dad. Knowing him. he would do nothing to defend himself, probably give away custody of my little sister (middle school age), and willingly shower her with alimony and child support, all while she engages in destroying him and desecrating our family unit with some chad. My dad is a smart man, but he does not appear to understand (or want to understand) in the slightest what is going on. The worst part of all this is, that if the s— hits the fan, he will blame HIMSELF for it. and his life will literally fall apart at the seams. He has no support, no friends, no parents that will help, not even himself (he would still probably support her). In this, he will prove to be his own enemy. He has only one red pill child who, hopefully if he is strong enough, will do his damnedest to save him.
I need to do something for him. And for that, I desperately need your help. There are a lot of things I don’t know. Our family tends not to share intimate personal details, so I know little about the details of their relationship. I don’t know if I am strong enough to do something. And I don’t know how to go about helping him. Naturally, as I am their son, I feel extremely out of place and powerless and am actively pained by this whole situation.
I am of course open to better options, but I was thinking I could give him a presentation. I know for a fact that he will take straight red pill as misogyny or something, not that he’s super liberal or anything but he is a moderate well-conditioned by the gynocentric establishment. He is also a Christian.
I will accept disownment. I will accept conflict. I am willing to do (hopefully I am strong enough) what is necessary and say what needs to be said. But I need a solution and plan of attack.
So, I don’t have posting privileges or anything for understandable reasons (new account of course), but I of course would reply. I would share more details insofar as I feel able due to privacy considerations. If you could tell the other members of the board about my situation in a forum post I would be extremely grateful. I don’t want to hijack anyone’s thread. If you can’t or if I am messing up the rules here, I guess I understand, but anything you can do would help.
I feel like I can trust you guys with this. You all probably understand better than I do.
What is necessary? What do I do?
P.S. Sorry that was super long and scattered; I am anxious and fearful about this. Dang that took like an hour to write.”
17JUL2017 Update
To that message, as I read a few minutes ago, Keymaster responded in a calming and relating manner, suggesting that I send The Manipulated Man to my Dad and have him read it. Thanks @keymaster.My mental state is much better as of today. I couldn’t sleep last night until very late, so I cranked out 7 pages of planning documents for the presentation to my Dad.
If I were to summarize his situation, it is that he is the stereotypical “Nice Guy” who is having trouble retaining his naturally hypergamous wife (my Mom) because she doesn’t respect him. She doesn’t respect him because he doesn’t act in a way that commands respect, and he doesn’t do that because, like me, deep down he struggles with self hatred and does not accurately value his own life compared to others. His strategy to date has to been sacrifice more and more, and he thinks that maybe if he does more it will work. He, of course, is wrong. Coming from a troubled childhood with an abusive male figure, he needs to become more like the very man who tormented him in order to save his marriage. Obviously not the same, not gaining compliance by force, but rather commanding respect with the authority due him as the husband.
My Mom’s situation is such that her 2 male children (my self and my little brother) are in college and parenting for her is now more optional and a part time commitment. She was very involved before I left to college, I believe the problems multiplied after my departure. Lacking identity (developing empty nest syndrome), and lacking respect for my Dad, her losing weight caused her to overestimate her SMV, and she probably thinks that she can get a better deal than my Dad (she can’t – late 40s like my Dad). I do not know if she has cheated yet, but she certainly does not love or respect my Dad.
Anyways, I need to be very careful with how I present to my Dad. My Dad’s well-being and the future of my little sister ride on the continuation of his marriage.
The importance of all this led me to you guys. If I need to clarify anything for the purpose of advice that would help.
Any advice relating to:
alternative or simultaneous courses of action,
how to present to my Dad,
how to (possibly) talk to my Mom,
how to tip the balance of power in Dad’s favor,
steps to take to help preserve their marriage,would be greatly appreciated.
Welcome! No worries and you are doing s very good thing for your dad. Be patient and the relevant members of MGTOW will begin addressing your questions and issues.
I would continue working on your presentation and making it as concise as possible. The more you practice the more comfortable you become with what you are saying. The more comfortable you are with that, the better you will be in addressing questions your Dad may have that seem off topic.
Best of luck and let us know what is happening so that we can help.
Keymaster is indeed the macdady of Zen and the art of MGTOW!
"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." - Clarence Buddinton Kelland
The unfortunate reality is, weemin seldom ever admit when they’re cheating. If you suspect your mother is cheating on your dad, then chances are true that she is doing exactly that. The best way to tell is to monitor behavior.
Don’t listen to what she says, but pay attention to what she does. Does she come home at odd hours or random times of the day? Is she frequently late for dinner? Does she come home looking flushed? Does she sneak out, or have unexpected visitors drop by when daddy ain’t home? Does she frequently say she’s going out with a male friend to do some activity, or go pal around with other females? Those are usually telltale signs she’s cheating.
Other people on here who have been the victim of cheating can share other character traits to watch out for. Women who travel frequently on the road are almost always getting some action on the down low, and since you dad isn’t around to supervise your mom, it’s very easy to hide it. When she’s on the road does she check in frequently? Or does your dad go hours and days without talking to her?
Manipulated Man is a good start. In fact there’s two copies out there. A more updated version with different chapters that talks about other issues. I have them both and can send them to any e-mail you message me with. I would suggest getting your father to listen to the Tom Leykis show however you can. Even if you do it together in private. Tom drops truth bombs about marriage every day on his show.
Explain to your father what you think is going on. But dissuade him from confronting her. Get him to keep a more watchful eye on her, on her moods, on her sexual activity, on the finances (women who are planning a divorce find ways to funnel money out of a joint account here and there to pay for lawyer fees) without the other knowing. Try to give him a daily dose of red pill youtube videos.
Welcome. The older generation was always conditioned to suck it up and there are certain things one must never tell the children. They think that by denying the truth the problem will either go away or that they can fix it by themselves. I wouldn’t try to be a marriage counselor to your parents, but maybe you could turn your dad on to this site. You can’t “fix” your mom or your dad. Just let them know that you are there for them if they want to talk. Expect them to keep things from you. For them, it’s all about protecting the children, or in some instances, protecting themselves from you finding out the truth. There is nothing more maddening than parents that need help yet keep themselves in denial about it. Remember, no matter how old they are they are still just people with all the insecurities and vulnerabilities the rest of us have.
"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."
Your mum is totally cheating. Dad may be turning a blind eye to it (cheaper to keep her).
I am not sure a red pill will aid the situation other than making you wary of marrying, and your Dad avoid remarrying. A truly functional marriage these days is a rare thing. Don’t fret about the marriage too much. Getting Dad protection from divorce rape is a good intention.Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.
Greetings PT,
Appreciate your Introduction and the replies it has generated.
It is always good when a young man is awake to “Woman’s Nature,” has joined MGTOW.com, and is open to the advice of other MGTOWs.
About twenty years ago, I bought a case of “The Manipulated Man” books and gave them away trying to Red Pill any man who would listen to me about “Woman’s Nature.” Every single one of those guys came back to me proclaiming NAWALT, including my Dad and four brothers that I raised. It was a big mistake to push Red Pills on to Family, Neighbors, and Co-workers.
I have been in your situation with wanting to help my Parents for most of my life, even today, and now they are in their eighties. And I have had to deal with my son being addicted to drugs.
It is much worse dealing with having your child’s life flushed down the toilet and be powerless to do anything about it.
The best way you can help your parents is to live a good life, be strong, and strive to be better than them. You must lead by example. Don’t let your parent’s situation get to you.
You will have to parent yourself, take care of yourself, and learn to be in a healthy “Relationship” with yourself.
On a side note, instead of hunting for a “Soulmate,” you must learn to love yourself and be whole by yourself. Plato’s Philosophy and womyn’s propaganda of the “Soulmate” is pure poison for a free man.
To start, you must develop better “Ego Boundaries” which is a term used by professional Psychologists, Councilors, and Therapists. Yes, try to find a good therapist to help you with the damage you are taking on from your parents. Consider the sessions like going to a car mechanic who is letting you work on your car in their garage but they are there to teach you how to use the tools in their shop and help with the repairs. The Therapists have a limited skill set, so it is best to keep your sessions to what they are good at like building healthy boundaries, undoing conditioned responses, and healing PTSD. Do not discuss MGTOW wisdom with them, including your family.
A book that helped me develop better “Boundaries” and learn to make myself a priority is “Courage to Change” which can be purchased at any ALONON meeting. Do one meditation per day in that book, and in a year, you will have some valuable skills, like stronger “Boundaries” with a Perspective that will serve you the rest of your life. No, you do not have to have family members with substance abuse issues to obtain the benefits from that book.
So far, your Introduction is mostly about your family and some Red Pills. But, the establishment of your Bonafides as a man is weak.
So, kindly add more details about yourself in this introduction thread in the reply box below. For example, answer the following questions:
Where are you on the “MGTOW Road?”
Have you arrived at AWALT yet?
Do groups of women talking sound like “Hens Clucking” or do you find them fascinating?
Education (Major)/ Training?
Work situation/ experience and career aspirations?
Living situation? Are you living with your parents?
Hobbies/ Fun stuff that you do?
What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?
Your mum is totally cheating. Dad may be turning a blind eye to it (cheaper to keep her).
I am not sure a red pill will aid the situation other than making you wary of marrying, and your Dad avoid remarrying. A truly functional marriage these days is a rare thing. Don’t fret about the marriage too much. Getting Dad protection from divorce rape is a good intention.Except it’s not cheaper when she eventually leaves. If she’s cheating and he knows it and does nothing, then he is equally to blame because he is complicit by allowing that behavior to stand. His dad needs to establish boundaries of behavior that he finds unacceptable. That’s why she doesn’t respect him, because he probably allows her to walk all over him, and he gives her everything she wants.
If she’s cheating, she will cheat again. You can call her on it, catch her in the act, but in the end all you will get is alligator tears. She’ll apologize, make excuses for it, and before long after his dad has caved, she’ll be back doing it again. Because it’s in her nature.
As I expected, my post to date has yielded useful information that I intend to act upon.
@IRuleMe I don’t think it would necessarily help if I knew if she was actually cheating on him or not, because either way my Dad would probably deny it if I was the one to tell him. But you’re right that I need to get him to know the signs of cheating. She has at least cheated in her heart either way. She does do things with admittedly male friends fairly often and goes out with her girl friends fairly often as well. The other signs, I am not around enough to be sure about. I do not know how often she communicates with my Dad while traveling, but I know she at least does it sometimes.
@joetech Thank you for the insight on where my parents are coming from. Though I agree with you that it is not ideal to talk with them about it directly, as you imply the likelihood of my presentation’s success is slim, I feel bound by honor to do something about what I am seeing, and fear worse consequences resulting from my inaction than from my doing something. I will probably do it anyways. I am of course open to arguments and insight to the contrary if the opposite is true.
@o2tosin Thanks for making me feel better about my intentions. I am sure most people would blame me of favoritism or something, but it is clear where the moral responsibility falls in this case. I’ll do my best not to let the marriage issue get to me but tbh it probably will.
@The Manipulated Man I am perturbed by the success rate of your book distribution. Being in the process of reading your handle’s book, I feel like I might just keep it for personal consumption at this point unless and until my Dad red pills. You say that
Every single one of those guys came back to me proclaiming NAWALT, including my Dad and four brothers that I raised. It was a big mistake to push Red Pills on to Family, Neighbors, and Co-workers.
What were the direct consequences of your proselytizing to those guys, specifically your family? Any insight on to what the results of my actions might be would either help best prepare me for the consequences of my actions or may even deter their occurrence in the first place.
Thank you for putting my parents’ deal in to perspective; I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have your son go through that. Best of luck to you and to him.
I’ll keep the therapy option and tips for its effective use in mind if my parents split. Will also keep “Courage to Change” in mind for developing appropriate boundaries.
Also, my apologies for the protocol violation. My primary objective at the moment is helping my Dad, so unfortunately personal details sort of slipped my mind. I will cover the bonafides in my next post.
I am still going with the presentation at this point. I intend to make the following changes to it:
Add “signs of cheating”
Listen to Tom Leykis and/or watch certain videos (red pill track but not full on) with my Dad
Practice the resulting presentation multiple times
Making the presentation conciseI will reply insofar as I feel able due to privacy concerns. My connections to this site should be at least somewhat difficult to trace to me.
Where are you on the “MGTOW Road?” If by this you mean the levels of MGTOW, it is hard to say as I do not fit it perfectly. Being a serious Christian makes it complicated. Deep down I still possess a diminished desire to have a wife. My alternatives are stark: marriage or monk, no in between. If I progress further on the “MGTOW Road,” my only option will be to go monk. Not that that’s a bad thing at all, but permanent virginity is a hard sell, particularly to my young body. I wish women offered enough to justify their added costs to my life.
Have you arrived at AWALT yet? It depends on what you mean. I intellectually realize that the nature of women, and humans in general really, stays constant. Women, and men too, must overcome the desires of their biology to be honorable in this world. The problem is that women in many cases have no incentive to do so, because there are few to no consequences for their evil. Women have a hypergamous instinct that leads them to cheat and cuckold men, men have physical power and desire that leads them to rape women. The difference is that men are checked and women are not. I feel like MGTOW is inappropriately labeled misogyny because women and betas don’t like it when women’s problems and natures are pointed out. Men are evil too, but at least they are held accountable for their crap.
Do groups of women talking sound like “Hens Clucking” or do you find them fascinating? Groups of women sound dumb, but quite frankly groups of men men talk about some pretty boring crap too. I find large groups dull and dangerous, useful only to specific ends. Individual women and men, though, often have interesting things to say, but since discovering the red pill I have realized that it is often the latter whose capabilities impress me more. The idea of the world of women does fascinate me somewhat, as it is alien to me, but learning firsthand its specifics often proves dull. I think I prefer understanding their nature to observing them in their habitat.
Education (Major)/ Training?I am receiving a 4 year degree in a business field, which is where I will likely end up at some point.
Work situation/ experience and career aspirations?I work two part time jobs, one is great, one is not. Technically a contractor for both. I am realizing first hand the consequences of the feminized liberal office workspace My second job involves me working mostly alone, with effective guidance, good management, and men who make sense. At least I make good money for my age at the second one. I am mostly at the first one for prestige, and will hopefully tough it out til the end of the contract.
Living situation? Are you living with your parents?I visit them and stay with them about 1/4 of the time during the summer, but the rest of the time I am working.
Hobbies/ Fun stuff that you do? Anyways, partially due to my experience in one of my jobs, in the long run I desire to be financially independent. Personal Finance is a hobby of mine. I frequent Early Retirement Extreme; those people are interesting and have useful things to say. Scholarships pay for all of my schooling (including room and board); low expenses mean my jobs are mostly profit. When I am FI (financially independent), I won’t need to hide who I am, or be beholden to anyone who proves incompetent. See the F-You money concept. When I get there, I will work as it pleases me. I also lift a fair amount and am pretty involved in my church and campus ministry.
If you guys have questions about me feel free to ask! If you have input about the presentation, or about my Mom and Dad’s situation, I would love to hear that too.
Welcome and greetings,
Parents are … complicated
Anyway, best of luck on your MGTOW pathKr,
LEO THE WISELeo the wise : Giving to all men their needed uprise My MGTOW YOUTUBE channel, first vid : https://youtu.be/Xt-tJgVUGuI
I would start by being a friend to your Dad. Check in on him often. Use messenger or text. Just be there for him.
You will have to parent yourself, take care of yourself, and learn to be in a healthy “Relationship” with yourself.
Strengthen yourself. It is all you can do at this point and it is the most important thing you can do. You already feel the storm coming so prepare your mind and your finances for it now. You have already started by coming here asking questions so continue the path.
If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
Any advice relating to:
alternative or simultaneous courses of action,
how to present to my Dad,
how to (possibly) talk to my Mom,
how to tip the balance of power in Dad’s favor,
steps to take to help preserve their marriage,would be greatly appreciated.
My advice is to let this go.
If there is something to do you will know it at the moment it arrives and act accordingly. Trust yourself. Planning and worrying about it is futile and will exhaust you.If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
What were the direct consequences of your proselytizing to those guys, specifically your family?
I had to walk away while they were “kvetching” and wait until the fires died down which took years and some cases decades.
There is an old saying, “Don’t s~~~ where you eat!”
Your living situation, student status, and youth makes you vulnerable.
Most people in the world are asleep and do not want their “Dream Time” to be interrupted.
The Truth is often ugly, frightening, and requires more strength than they are capable of handling.
Red Pilling people that you love and that have power over you is like trying to wake a sleeping bear.
You’re going to get mauled, especially when you poke them with the stick too hard.However, Manly Men are naturally equipped (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically) to handle the Truth.
A Woman is Pusillanimous by nature.
Also, the men today are not as masculine as their Grandfathers.
In the course of time, my family and friends were able to accept some of my Red Pills like Cancer Cures, Self Defense, Jobs, Investments, Education, Women’s Nature, Men’s Nature, Spirituality …
For the past year, I have been writing about my Red Pills here on MGTOW.com
You can read about them by going to the “forums” tab on my Profile page.……..Also, my apologies for the protocol violation….
You have my gratitude and respect for establishing your Bonafides as a Man.
But, establishing your Bonafides is not an official “Protocol” on MGTOW.com, which is sadly proving to be a big mistake.
The image of those b~~~~ hanging out in the open in my MGTOW Icon, represents Men’s Nature.
Our B~~~~ empower us to do things in the world which we are proud of no matter how humble.
Even our failures are sources of pride because our b~~~~ got us up off of our ass to do something.
We let it all hang out without hiding.
No one here is being asked to give out specific details that will lead others to identify them.
But, you are honor bound to provide general descriptions of your life as a Man.
It is a “Protocol” amongst Honorable Masculine Men.….Any insight on to what the results of my actions might be would either help best prepare me for the consequences of my actions or may even deter their occurrence in the first place…
The Red Pill process with those who are close is heart breaking, because we expect more from the ones we love and they have a direct link to our Soul.
An oblique approach to Mansplaining the consequences is to show you what happened to me here on MGTOW.com, a couple months ago.
You can expect similar types of s~~~ to be thrown at you when you attempt to Red Pill Others.
When I hit a nerve with one of my Red Pills, “all hell broke loose” in that Post, see link at the end.
My message was perverted and turned into something ugly by trusted “Brothers.”
I have a lot of Love in my Heart for my MGTOW Brothers who are dedicated to Men’s Truth.
The treachery and Schadenfreude of some of those calling themselves MGTOWs is painful.
That Post demonstrates how Manipulators have tremendous power to rally other to their cause and they have a way of getting into your head.
Note:
If you investigate the profiles of the Liars and Social Justice Warriors who hijacked my post, you will find that none of them have established their Bonafides as Men even after participating in hundreds of Posts in the Forums.
After writing thousands of words, they have NOT revealed the most important parts of their lives as Men (Jobs, Training, living situation, Hobbies, Projects, Future Plans…).
They are hiding themselves like little girls and behaving like evil womyn.Here is that Post:
How-to-prevent-mgtow-com-from-becoming-an-idiocracy
What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?
@painfultruth – Your intro is very troubling to me and I commend you for coming here and at your young age having the maturity to understand what is going on with your parents and also to see the painful truth about women, especially when it is your mother.
It sounds like your dad is too blue pill to even grab the “Life Saver” that you are about to throw to him. He may sink despite your attempts, but you have to try anyway.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your dad, he is a lucky man to have a son like you.
1) Tell him what you think is going on and suggest that he snoop – hack her phone, look at phone records, VAR in her car, etc. Tell him, “look Dad, something isn’t adding up and if I’m wrong – no harm, no foul”.
2) If he is in denial and doesn’t want to know, you’ve done your part with him. But don’t let her off the hook. It will be tough, but if he sticks his had in the sand you should either snoop her phone, etc yourself OR confront her with what you think is going on and how you think she is being a total c~~~ to your dad. Tell her you will always love her as she is your mother, but right is right and wrong is wrong.
Question: What do your siblings think. Unless I missed it, I didn’t see where they shared your concerns.
Best of luck and remember, no matter what happens YOU are one helluva a son for caring enough about your dad to be there for him. And to learn this lesson, albeit a very painful one at your age will serve you well the rest of your life.
@leo THE WISE – Thanks a lot, man!
@frostbyte – Thank you, I texted him just now to ask how he was doing. I will do my best to get in the habit of this; I feel like that’s just a good thing to do in general. I love him a lot but we’ve never really interacted consistently. I don’t want life to go by and end up with me realizing that I never knew him. In terms of strengthening myself I will do my best.
@The Manipulated Man – Thank you for letting me know about that. My objective is to help my Dad (and hopefully my Mom too) to a better position in his marriage, family, and life. The message I have for him is informed by the Red Pill, but is not in itself Red Pill in nature. The Red Pill is a tool to provide an explanatory mechanism for female behavior, which in this case is valuable, but my message so far is about an equal mix between Red Pill explanatory power on relationships, and basic psychology mixed with the Bible. Maybe, because of this, he will not reject it so readily as straight Red Pill, as it informs me but does not consume me.
@combatroll – Thank you for validating the gravity of their situation. It troubles me too. I agree that he might sink anyway; it’s his life and I can only try to give him the tools I believe he needs to improve it. Additionally, you are right that he needs to open his eyes to what she may be doing and do a degree of snooping. I do need to balance the necessity of communicating those actions though with the risk of him going in to “defend wife” mode. There is a moderate risk that he is already in denial, so I do need to keep that in mind.
I would like to think that I can talk with my Mom about it, but I fear she will then do her level best to turn my Dad against me. I never before thought that she would do something like that but I need to balance being prepared for that risk while encouraging my Mom to do the right thing. The anger within me may be hard to contain if I talk with her about it, but seeing I lack the ability to effectively snoop at this point I would need to go with that. Additionally, even if I did effectively snoop, if my Dad is in denial I am not sure how well that would go. My siblings appear completely unaware of the situation. They do, however, express a general dissatisfaction with our family life, so they sense it on some level I think. Again, thank you Combat Roll.
My advice would be to focus more on your mother than your father. I would definitely spend more time talking with her, not to accuse of her of bad behavior, but so that she has a very difficult time hiding from the truth. As you know, the truth will set you free.
Ask your mom how her business is going. Ask her about her social life. Ask her how her relationship with Dad is going. Ask her she believes Dad feels about her social life, and how it impacts her marriage. Don’t judge her, just allow the truth to be exposed.
If she is cheating, physically or emotionally, it only continues because she’s allowed to do so in secret. Push the issue by forcing her to either admit the truth or lie to you.
As adult children of our parents, I think we are in excellent positions to hold our parents accountable to the truth. I don’t think you really risk a parent getting upset with you when all your doing is asking questions and expecting the truth.
When I was in HS, my father accepted a job a couple states away. My mother and us kids didn’t move away with him. We were told that it wasn’t a separation, just what had to be done for business. After about 6 months, I went to go visit my Dad, and he took me house hunting. I explained to him that I was confused because Mom said she wasn’t going to move. Are you separated or are you not separated? Are you looking to end your marriage or are you going to keep your marriage? I asked the same of my mother when I returned home. I called it a separation from that put forward…not judgement, just fact. Both parents were forced to admit that they were a separation, and my Dad did move back shortly after.
They’re issues were not resolved, and they did eventually divorce, but I’d like to believe I helped set the precedent that that kind of BS wasn’t going to be tolerated. I wasn’t going to pretend along with them, and they would need to deal with me straight up.
Ok. Then do it.
@narwhal – I never really thought of simply asking questions of my parents. That’s actually an excellent idea. Thank you for opening up a potential dialogue option with my Mom. I never really considered doing that because I thought it wouldn’t go well and that she might turn Dad against me but that would only happen if I somehow threatened her position. Simply asking questions in a non-judgmental fashion does not do that.
It might be a little difficult to contain the manner in which I ask questions, but it is definitely surmountable. Thank you, I will add that to my strategy, which is as follows:
Presentation to Dad, which will contain everything it has now plus signs of cheating, Listen to Tom Leykis or other Red Pill track videos with Dad. It will be concise and practiced. Alongside that, I will attempt to contact him on a regular basis to talk with him and see how he is doing, being a friend to him.
I will also try to interface with my Mom. Not with statements, as erroneously envisioned prior, but by the asking of thought-provoking and leading questions in a non-judgmental environment in order to bring the truth to light.
Thanks a bunch, Narwhal!
Welcome to the forums. You seem like a logical and caring young man.
I have nothing to add to the good advice you’ve already received from the experienced members in this thread.I feel for your old man, good luck with your predicament, look forward to your input on the forums.
You are in a position that I believe my young children were/are in. Their mother was “working” and started doing out of town jobs and having a lot of “girls nights out”. I saw it like their mom was checked out and being selfish and stupid but I naively carried on working and picking up the slack and doing more and more until I caught her cheating. That is an incredibly short version of my nightmare that is still going on. I know that everyone’s situation is different and your dad might not be like me but as a father I would love to have a son like you. My kids are too young right now to see the BS in their mother but I just pray that one day they will realize it and be as logical as you. I fully agree @Narwal to just talk to your mom and dad. You are an intelligent adult now and I think talking to your parents is just going to bring whatever issues they have to the surface quicker. Even if your mom isn’t cheating it sounds like she needs to get her act together and stop disrespecting your dad.
So then, he who marries the virgin does well, but he who does not marry her does even better. 1 Corinthians 7:38
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