Christopher,
It did occur to me that while plotting to ice out an ex lover, it is always worth walking as softly as possible. If things are not too strained yet then you may yet get away with approaching the subject of DNA gently.
As I understand it there are two types of test -the legally valid ones that are administered by qualified third parties and which it would take some serious skill or corruption to fake and the non legally binding ones that where you take the samples yourself and send them off in an envelope, the results of which are not legally admissible -both because the test does not usually compare as many genes and so could lead to false positive (but not false negatives) and also because you can so easily fake them. I myself have only ever done the self sample tests for “peace of mind”. I cannot over recommend the value of peace of mind as the long years go by.
I would suggest saying “Yes, yes of course I would like to contribute to my child but you will understand that I will need to be sure it is my child, so if I send you an envelope from a DNA testing company, could you please return it with the swabs having been taken and properly, handled dried and packaged? I will then pay for a proper DNA test” (as we know offering to pay for anything usually gets female consent to the proposal so long as they are not alerted to the fact that they may be giving away power).
Once you have the swabs you can then add your own swabs and post them off to a DNA company. You will then know that you are 99.99+% sure you are the father and unless you think your brother or some other very close male relative who has a long identical string of DNA to yours had her 99.99+% is good enough for your peace of mind.
What you do next my friend is then entirely up to you. You have the power of knowledge. Knowledge that is in no way legally binding.
Personally I don’t recommend messing with exes heads by lying to them unless you are pretty certain that you are in an unassailable position. Women make implacable enemies and lazy narcissistic women who have the luxury of state funded sitting about caring for children have far more time on their hands to plot and counter plot than hard working men and thus have the potential to do a lot of damage. I would probably then just go quiet about the result and see what turned up. It is best to adopt a laconic manner here. Speak little and make your words count when you do speak. She will hate it but it will keep you safe from starting unnecessary problems or giving her any genuine reasons to hate you.
A sly man who had doubts about the fidelity of a past lover might see the potential in claiming a negative test result even after privately obtaining a positive, perhaps having retained a few spare swabs of child DNA to send of with a mate’s DNA for a second test with another company if it seemed expedient to confirm any doubts that the woman then showed. This might silence an unfaithful woman and send her away for good.
However such a man would need to be pretty darn sure that the woman had been unfaithful as a chaste woman treated in such a manner would become a life long enemy and you don’t want the mother of your child as your enemy. That can hurt more than everything she ever did to your before hand. She has your child with her every day to poison it against you and any way that she denies your desire to show your love to your child will hurt far out of proportion to what she actually does. Its best not to give her any legitimate reason to hate you.
A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own
harpo-my-“SON” 2 years ago.
