Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › Men and Loneliness?
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Gen.Oivan 4 years, 9 months ago.
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Anonymous42I have some experience with the sexless marriage thing. Let me make it clear for you. The truth is that the moment that she stopped WANTING to have sex with you, she left you. A marriage without the sex is just a friendship. Sex is the dealbreaker. Any councillor who tells you different is feeding you a load of crap.
Keeping someone locked up in a marriage where he/she is expected to forsake all others, while not keeping them happy, is the same thing as putting a puppy in a cage and not feeding it. It can’t feed itself, so you have to feed it. Anything short of feeding it is abuse. If a starving puppy breaks out of the cage and finds something to eat, the world should rejoice.
Lay it out for her in no uncertain terms. With your bags packed, and on your way out the door, tell her that you can’t be faithful to someone who is not interested in keeping you happy. Tell her that it’s abusive, and that she is no longer the person you fell in love with. She will do one of two things:
1. She will realize that she still wants you, but was using sex as a carrot (all women do this), so she will stop doing that and beg you to stay. or
2. Let you keep walking. In this case, the truth is she has already left you. You have no reason to stay. You are already lonely, so march on and reclaim your freedom. Then get some pussy.
In both cases you are a winner. In both cases the puppy will not starve. Even if she begs you to stay and changes her tune, you decide if she is making you happy. If not you need to march.
PS This may be what she has been waiting for you to do. Chicks dig drama, and get wet when a man shows his power. If she doesn’t, it’s over anyways.
BVC
Swallow this RED PILL ===> Men will lay down their lives for their brothers, their women and their children. This makes Men useful as slaves. Women will lay down their lives for ONLY their children. To expect more from women is just a FANTASY created by society and reinforced by the unconditional love that we experienced from our Mothers. The key to freedom is the understanding that the woman you meet is not going to fantastically love you like your Mother did. If you buy into the fantasy, then she is your new master. If you do not buy into the fantasy, then she is nothing, and you retain your freedom.
Oh – and this should go without saying – we are here for you. You are not alone! Time will take care of this, but you have to stand up for yourself first.
After that, let the chips fall where they may. You will be ok.
BVC
Swallow this RED PILL ===> Men will lay down their lives for their brothers, their women and their children. This makes Men useful as slaves. Women will lay down their lives for ONLY their children. To expect more from women is just a FANTASY created by society and reinforced by the unconditional love that we experienced from our Mothers. The key to freedom is the understanding that the woman you meet is not going to fantastically love you like your Mother did. If you buy into the fantasy, then she is your new master. If you do not buy into the fantasy, then she is nothing, and you retain your freedom.
Anonymous0EVERYONE HAS RESPONDED WITH BRILLIANT POSTS! I APPRECIATE THEM ALL!
Agree !!!
Carpe Noctem !!!
Soul Man as for being spiritual, yes I am. I have been praying for years for direction. Sometimes things get answered that can only be characterized as almost supernatural, and I’m not kidding. But when it come to finding a new job or new direction, it’s almost non existent. It’s very frustrating! I’m not the smartest most capable guy in the world. I am trying to make the best of who I am and what I can do. Right now, my wife and my relationship is down in the s~~~ heep again, just like it was months ago. She’s treating me like s~~~ and could not give a damn about me. She’s in love with her career. Everyone’s posts are awesome.
Well bro, I believe 110% in a Supreme Intelligence. His ways are NOT our ways. May I suggest you may be asking the wrong questions. Sometimes we have to sit back and ask, “What is your will for my life? What would You have me do? Please tell me.” Then we have to be patient and the answers WILL come but you need to be paying attention and willing to follow the course that’s been revealed to you. Perhaps your focus isn’t it the place it needs to be in order to see your life move forward. I know this can be a difficult thing to see sometimes but I have been gulity of the same thing at times. I probably will fall prey to that thinking again before I die. Right now your character is being refined in the spiritual furnace. God is removing the dross to reveal the gold. It’s painful. It sucks. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just make sure you are looking in the right direction so you can keep your eyes on that light. That is where you find your redemptiom…and it will most likely look very different than what you had in mind. But it will be far more grand than you could have imagined.
HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...PZ1$ These guys are brilliant I even posted a link to here in another topic because relationship and pua advice is not given very often even though married and shacked up men do ask for advice. thanks to everyone you should be free soon enough…from someone with no respect for you anyhow..be strong brother
I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.
I keep checking back to see if PZ has any updates, like as if he is our little brother or something. LOL Hope he’s ok.
BVC
Swallow this RED PILL ===> Men will lay down their lives for their brothers, their women and their children. This makes Men useful as slaves. Women will lay down their lives for ONLY their children. To expect more from women is just a FANTASY created by society and reinforced by the unconditional love that we experienced from our Mothers. The key to freedom is the understanding that the woman you meet is not going to fantastically love you like your Mother did. If you buy into the fantasy, then she is your new master. If you do not buy into the fantasy, then she is nothing, and you retain your freedom.
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The word “loneliness” is, I think, and attempt to describe something without actually talking about it. And by SOMETHING, I mean your mind. Being “alone” or “lonely” just means you don’t have friends (or enemies, or just people in general) distracting you from the void that is your own soul/consciousness/mind. “Lonely” or “bored” are both terms people use to describe the feeling of being stuck looking into the void. The abyss. The infinite. Humans spend their whole lives mostly trying to distract themselves with pretty things and busy noises and sensations and pleasures, and even pain, to avoid looking into the void. Addictions are a way to drown out the void, for sure. Women? Definitely. That screaming infinity in your soul is drowned out by a yapping head on top of a pair of t~~~, and for a while IT fades out. But you will always come back to the void., as long as you are alive. Facing it is mostly done by men, not because their voids are louder, really, because women, frankly, have far more access to distractions. How do I make the abyss stop screaming and become tolerable for a while? I’ve noticed balance. Despite the fact that I can’t seem to find anything certain in this human life, I have noticed that EVERYTHING outside of us crazy apes follows an amazing rule — there is no effort. Lifeforms are born, live, and die, with virtually no effort. Rocks role downhill, water flows into the sea and evaporates into clouds, plants grow, die and regrow endlessly. Is anybody telling them “GET THERE ON TIME! FOLLOW RULES! DON’T TOUCH THAT!” F~~~ no. Everything that lives and dies does so without instruction, without rules, without the EFFORT we humans slog in day after day. More incredibly, our planet circles the sun, year after year, and incredible speeds, in the same orbit, over and over. No effort, it just happens. And inside that orbit, the sun burns endlessly, feeding all life on earth. No effort. No stress. No crying “I NEED TO BURN, BUT IT’S SO HARD DAY AFTER DAY!” No “YOU ARE NOT BURNING BRIGHT ENOUGH!” Our sun, the fuel of all life, happens without effort. An entire universe of effortlessness. And yet we humans struggle, seemingly endlessly, in this microsecond of a microsecond of cosmic time, in this millimeter within a millimeter of cosmic space. You want to turn it off for a while? You want to distract yourself with friends, lovers, family, drugs, alcohol, religion, philosophy? Go ahead. Don’t worry, it will all be effortlessly continuing on its merry way when you are done struggling. It will be just as it was before you started. The void does not have to try, it IS, and it is amazing and effortless and beyond your loneliness.
Great post. Sartre wrote ‘life begins on the far side of despair, ‘ which I take to mean that life only begins when you face down the void you’re talking about. Most people don’t want to, which is why they endlessly distract themselves. W.H. Auden wrote:
The lights must never go out,The music must always play…Lest we should see where we are…Lost in a haunted wood, Children afraid of the night.
To overcome loneliness you have to confront that ‘haunted wood’. You have to accept that nothing can make you happy which is outside of yourself, least of all women. Addictions, be it to drugs, alcohol, work, food, sex, religion, can’t make you happy. You have to accept that there’s no certainty; we know not where we came from and where we’re going, nor what any of it is for.
By all means practice religion, read philosophy etc. I think it’s very important. The Stoic philosophers are pretty good (Seneca) and attending a church of a thinking denomination (eg Episcopal/Anglican or Unitarian) can be helpful. Overtly emotional religion that acts like a drug or which discourages enquiry, should be avoided like the plague, as it’s just another addiction. Take all religion with a pinch of salt.
Friendship is important, but it isn’t vital. One or two close friends or relations are all you need. I do think good daily acquaintances are good to have; eg chatting with neighbours etc. Unfortunately most people don’t do this nowadays. A way round it is to join Meetup groups or hobby groups etc, say for two evenings a week of pleasant activity. But again, this isn’t a way of covering the void. It just lightens it a little.
A good hobby is important. Preferably one that makes or saves you money and which can get you into that ‘flow state’ where you don’t notice time passing. But not a passive activity like watching TV or playing computer games; something active that creates something.
Above all, laugh. As someone once said, ‘what if it’s all a joke?’ ‘Then let’s make it a good one.’ Good comedies (eg, old ones that don’t denigrate men, or modern comedies that have in some way escaped the Matrix a little, like ‘Office Space’ or ‘Swingers’) can really make you feel better.
I had a professor who taught that the best way to deal with things like loneliness, stress and minor depression is to temporarily change your surroundings. I remember a few years back that I was unusually down due to some work related issues and desperately felt the need to get away from everything. It also felt like I might be getting an ulcer from things that were stressing me. I was in a vicious circle and couldn’t see a resolution. I left and spent a few days as a spectator at the EAA week long AirShow and fly in at Oshkosh. It was amazing how some time immersed in a totally new environment – surrounded by all new people – took my mind out of that closed-loop of thinking and gave me a fresh outlook on things. When I got back issues were still there; but I had given my mind a break and it made a noticeable difference for me.
Hey guys. Sorry I have not been around. I have good news and bad news.
The good news is infinally got a job offer!!! I took it. I will start on a trial basis. I HAVE TO SUCCEED!!! MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.
The bad and not surprising news is..my wife has not changed. With the exception of a congratulations via text… She is still the arrogant, indifferent, cold hearted W torwards me she always was. I really need to make the most of this job. I need to stop trying to change things with her thinking she will change. SHE’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE….EVER!!
Hey guys. Sorry I have not been around. I have good news and bad news. The good news is infinally got a job offer!!!
Congratulations.
SHE’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE….EVER!!
All the more reason to concentrate your efforts on your new job.
I keep checking back to see if PZ has any updates, like as if he is our little brother or something. LOL Hope he’s ok. BVC
Hey BigVikingChef, how are you doing man. I got a new job. Wow! But things are just as pathetic as they always were between the w and me. She has no respect or desire to be around me. Her indifference is horrible. When I try to be nice I do something that gets on her nerves and she asks for peace. But then again, she gets on my nerves. So I have to really focus on succeeding in my job, work on a hobby, make as much money as I can. Just as long as it’s not around her.
It’s great to hear that you are doing well. Congratulations on the new job! Me? Waiting around in hospital waiting rooms for results on the health of a family member. So boring that the laptop had to come out in the coffeeteria here.
As for the rest, I know all about the frustration of waiting for change that will never come. Once I realized that it was a waste of energy, I stopped caring about change so much. I eventually embraced it and took control of my own destiny. If your relationship sucks, learn to love the freedom that comes with realizing that it sucks. Live your life for you and let the relationship go wherever it is that relationships-that-suck end up. Sooner or later, they end up in the crapper.
Imagine a slave that has always feared offending his master because his master is all-knowing and invincible and demands worship. One day, the slave secretly witnesses the master being stupid and vulnerable and resenting of worship. The slave rejoices because has been set free of the shackles in his mind. Now he only has to figure out how to escape the shackles on his feet…which is suddenly a real possibility.
Not trying to be a dick and call you a slave. lol Just trying to say that once you realize that she don’t love you, you will be free to do as you please, including leave her, knowing that she won’t really be hurt, or not caring if she will be hurt. Punishment? She can’t take away something (love) that is not there to begin with.
Also please remember that we are men, so that makes us AWESOME.
Cheers little brother.
BVC
Swallow this RED PILL ===> Men will lay down their lives for their brothers, their women and their children. This makes Men useful as slaves. Women will lay down their lives for ONLY their children. To expect more from women is just a FANTASY created by society and reinforced by the unconditional love that we experienced from our Mothers. The key to freedom is the understanding that the woman you meet is not going to fantastically love you like your Mother did. If you buy into the fantasy, then she is your new master. If you do not buy into the fantasy, then she is nothing, and you retain your freedom.
We’ve all been there that’s for sure. The main thing is to get out of your comfort zone.
Good advice for life. I remember back when I was a member of the LDS church, my bishop and I were canoeing. He was an awesome guy, full of great advice, and just had a great way of looking and laughing at life. We were talking about girls, marriage, and missions (young men in the church are expected to serve a full-time, 2 year mission in the church away from home. Optional for girls…funny how equality never got through there but I digress). Anyways, he told me never to marry a girl that would wait for you through your whole mission.
“But…then you know she’s faithful, and willing to stick with you!” I protested naively.
“See that water right there?” The bishop pointed a really dirty spot of water. “What do you see?”
“It’s really dirty and gross.”
“Do you know why?”
“No.”
“Because it’s stagnant. Girls who wait 2 years for man to leave and come back do so because they have no better options. They’re stagnant; they’re going nowhere and hinging everything on you.”
Being stagnant just makes you the dirty water, friend. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally saying, “I need a day to just do nothing”, but try to get out of your comfort zone. Do something every day that pushes you out of it. There’s lots of good suggestions on here: learning to cook, martial arts, start reading, join Toastmasters or something that will make you talk to people you normally wouldn’t, join a gym, take up running or yoga or something, learn a new instrument or language or skill like basic programming or finances, learn all the basic stuff about mechanical maintenance of your car/bike, learn to shoot guns with ridiculous accuracy, go camping/hiking/fishing/rock climbing, volunteer at a church or a soup kitchen, etc.
WHATEVER you do, do it because you want to. Do all the things that terrify you. You’ll only be stronger because of it.
Loneliness is a state of mind. It’s not a constant condition, like physical pain. Like most states of mind, it doesn’t last indefinitely, and can be changed if you develop good mental habits.
For example, think of times when you don’t feel lonely. For me, it’s if I’m absorbed in something like working, reading, exercising, gardening, etc. When you’re in that ‘flow’ state you don’t think, ‘gee, I’m so lonely’ because your mind is on a different level.
So if I start to feel lonely, I’ll try to get involved in one of those ‘flow state’ activities; or if it’s not possible at that moment, I’ll just switch to a positive thought, for example, plans for an upcoming trip or something I’m going to buy.
It sounds odd but I think it’s not always a good idea to seek out company when you’re lonely. This creates a kind of dependency. It’s better to learn to like your own company. Friends, relations, colleagues, etc are all fine, but I don’t think it’s healthy to need their company.
BVC
We’ve all been there that’s for sure. The main thing is to get out of your comfort zone.
Good advice for life. I remember back when I was a member of the LDS church, my bishop and I were canoeing. He was an awesome guy, full of great advice, and just had a great way of looking and laughing at life. We were talking about girls, marriage, and missions (young men in the church are expected to serve a full-time, 2 year mission in the church away from home. Optional for girls…funny how equality never got through there but I digress). Anyways, he told me never to marry a girl that would wait for you through your whole mission. “But…then you know she’s faithful, and willing to stick with you!” I protested naively. “See that water right there?” The bishop pointed a really dirty spot of water. “What do you see?” “It’s really dirty and gross.” “Do you know why?” “No.” “Because it’s stagnant. Girls who wait 2 years for man to leave and come back do so because they have no better options. They’re stagnant; they’re going nowhere and hinging everything on you.” Being stagnant just makes you the dirty water, friend. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally saying, “I need a day to just do nothing”, but try to get out of your comfort zone. Do something every day that pushes you out of it. There’s lots of good suggestions on here: learning to cook, martial arts, start reading, join Toastmasters or something that will make you talk to people you normally wouldn’t, join a gym, take up running or yoga or something, learn a new instrument or language or skill like basic programming or finances, learn all the basic stuff about mechanical maintenance of your car/bike, learn to shoot guns with ridiculous accuracy, go camping/hiking/fishing/rock climbing, volunteer at a church or a soup kitchen, etc. WHATEVER you do, do it because you want to. Do all the things that terrify you. You’ll only be stronger because of it.
BVC I hope everything turned out okay with your family member. Sorry for the late reply.
If only you guys knew the disrespect my wife pulled on me today.
pZ it is really, really hard to start taking red pills while you are married, believe me I know, it is really hard to regain control in your life from a female that needs to be in control of everything, from how you clean the house to how you spend your money. alot of time is spent along in my room on my computer because I don’t care about T.V. sitcoms. If I can start to regain my spine I know you can, it is going to be hard but it will be so worth it. You can call them out on all their s~~~ tests and win, mine will threaten to leave when she starts loosing the arguments; and the most liberating thing in the world to not give a f~~~ about the game and tell her to leave if she is not happy, they crumble every time.
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