Home › Forums › Introductions › Married guy heading for a break/pause
Tagged: Narcissism, self respect, woman's nature
This topic contains 41 replies, has 20 voices, and was last updated by 
Nordman 3 years ago.
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Hey fellow brothers!
Married blue pill guy here, 40, from Northern Europe/Scandinavia. (Sorry for my English, that obviously is not as correct nor witty and brilliant as that of you native speakers).
Glad to have found this community. I started to inform myself about MGTOW already in April 2016, and now it’s about time to become part of the community. I have been having MGTOW tendencies already as a teenager, but a few years into university I felt a need for twosomeness. Fast forward and now I’ve been married for 9 years. The psychological power play has almost always been present, but I’ve constantly been distracted from looking clearly upon it and taking distance from it, as on some level we do sync well. Still, I so often have the feeling that “this goes against who I am, what I feel is right, what I want to do”. Somehow, I’ve repeatedly cheated myself by thinking that “if I only try harder, if I only compromise on this and this, then maybe she’ll change, she’ll see my point of view, she’ll take me into consideration”. Wishful thinking. Now, as I slowly start to see clearly, I think to myself that it’s really incredible what all you put up with, how much you compromise with yourself, within a relation.
I confided to a friend that I’m afraid my wife might have narcissistic tendensies, whereupon he responded: “Don’t all women have that?”.
My wife is not the one seeking luxury life nor status markers. But she’s moody and manipulative. If something doesn’t go her way she goes into total rage, which can include shouting, hitting, throwing me out of the house. Or then she becomes self-destructive, threatening to commit suicide or at least to quit this university programme she was accepted to that is really difficult to get into.
If I try to talk reason about our relationship I’m ridiculed or trivialised. We’re on a sexless dry-spell since two and a half years. I have my means for getting the well-needed physical intimacy elsewhere, but I’ll get back to that in a later post.
I really need a break. Break as in pause at the least. Permanent break…? Probably. To be able to think clearly. To find myself again.
We don’t have any children, that has been a sorrow for me, but now I guess I’m rather glad.I will have to bide my time, plan it well, to know when to leave, else hell breaks loose, just like El Duderino told it, in his introduction posting.
Anyway, happy to be here and share the brotherhood. Even though I feel lost, quite down, and detatched from myself; I feel I have a clearer picture, and know the direction I have to go. So there’s hope!
Anyway, glad to be here in the brotherhood!
All the best to all of you,
Nordman
Thanks man!
They do, at least symbolically speaking. And I have started to refuse to keep silent about it. (So I guess I have both MGTOW and MRA tendencies…)Somehow, I’ve repeatedly cheated myself by thinking that “if I only try harder, if I only compromise on this and this, then maybe she’ll change, she’ll see my point of view, she’ll take me into consideration”. Wishful thinking.
Yes, it is wishful thinking. Modern women are incredibly privileged, yet have the nerve to complain about being “under SO much pressure.”
You’re not blue pill anymore if you have come to realize all of this. You’re “woke” and preparing to go your own way. Maybe purple pill? Definitely not blue pill though.
Blue pills don’t know they are blue pills.
"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,
Don’t waste your time
Happiness for all and let no one be forgotten ("Roadside picnic", Arkady and Boris Strugatsky)
You’re not blue pill anymore […] Maybe purple pill?
Purple pill 😀
Thanks man, made me smile! I needed that.@nordman: You are in what I call the Realization stage. I was there a few years ago. Divorce will surely follow, unless she lulls you back onto the plantation somehow. I can tell just by what you wrote this story only gets worse. Plan for escape!! I’m finalizing divorce myself. I feel freedom on the other side after 20 years. It is calling my name.
Anonymous3Hello Nordman, welcome to the site.
If you already lurk here you will know we can be a bit harsh to put some sense into someone’s head, so I will start by saying:
WTF!!!
If something doesn’t go her way she goes into total rage, which can include shouting, hitting, throwing me out of the house
Is that something that you can fix if you “try harder”? Try what? Calming her while she shouts and hits you? Or maybe new ways to get back into the house?
Let me tell you two things that you are missing: self-respect and an healthy dose of NFG (no f~~~s given).
The self-respect part is (re)discovered when a married man recognizes that the woman has successfully brainwash him into a doormat. Self-respect is when you dont allow others to do things you dont do to them.
As for NFG, well: are you a prisoner of her well-being? Are we talking about a child that cannot take care of itself, or a grown person? How can a threat of taking her own life be a threat to you?
let me quote this from Atlas Shrugged.
I believed that one person owes a duty to another with no payment for it in return. I believed that it was my duty to love a woman who gave me nothing, who betrayed everything I lived for, who demanded her happiness at the price of mine. I believed that love is some static gift which, once granted, need no longer be deserved—just as they believe that wealth is a static possession which can be seized and held without further effort. I believed that love is a gratuity, not a reward to be earned—just as they believe it is their right to demand an unearned wealth. And just as they believe that their need is a claim on my energy, so I believed that her unhappiness was a claim on my life. For the sake of pity, not justice, I endured ten years of self-torture. I placed pity above my own conscience, and this is the core of my guilt. My crime was committed when I said to her, `By every standard of mine, to maintain our marriage will be a vicious fraud. But my standards are not yours. I do not understand yours, I never have, but I will accept them.”
You know what would be poetic justice? If the next time she throws you out of the house you didn’t come back. Just doing what she wanted…
F~~~ having a pause brother your s~~~ with her will just get worse . Two and a half year sex drought can sometimes means something is going on . Not saying 100% because some woman do just turn off on sex in marriage .Welcome my friend .
THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .
Welcome. Read as much as you can here and you will come to realize that nothing you do will make much difference from the sounds of this.
Your alone in a relationship, there is nothing worse.
skip the cavernous vag and go your own way
Hey fellow brothers!
Married blue pill guy here, 40, from Northern Europe/Scandinavia. (Sorry for my English, that obviously is not as correct nor witty and brilliant as that of you native speakers).
Glad to have found this community. I started to inform myself about MGTOW already in April 2016, and now it’s about time to become part of the community. I have been having MGTOW tendencies already as a teenager, but a few years into university I felt a need for twosomeness. Fast forward and now I’ve been married for 9 years. The psychological power play has almost always been present, but I’ve constantly been distracted from looking clearly upon it and taking distance from it, as on some level we do sync well. Still, I so often have the feeling that “this goes against who I am, what I feel is right, what I want to do”. Somehow, I’ve repeatedly cheated myself by thinking that “if I only try harder, if I only compromise on this and this, then maybe she’ll change, she’ll see my point of view, she’ll take me into consideration”. Wishful thinking. Now, as I slowly start to see clearly, I think to myself that it’s really incredible what all you put up with, how much you compromise with yourself, within a relation.
I confided to a friend that I’m afraid my wife might have narcissistic tendensies, whereupon he responded: “Don’t all women have that?”.
My wife is not the one seeking luxury life nor status markers. But she’s moody and manipulative. If something doesn’t go her way she goes into total rage, which can include shouting, hitting, throwing me out of the house. Or then she becomes self-destructive, threatening to commit suicide or at least to quit this university programme she was accepted to that is really difficult to get into.
If I try to talk reason about our relationship I’m ridiculed or trivialised. We’re on a sexless dry-spell since two and a half years. I have my means for getting the well-needed physical intimacy elsewhere, but I’ll get back to that in a later post.
I really need a break. Break as in pause at the least. Permanent break…? Probably. To be able to think clearly. To find myself again.
We don’t have any children, that has been a sorrow for me, but now I guess I’m rather glad.I will have to bide my time, plan it well, to know when to leave, else hell breaks loose, just like El Duderino told it, in his introduction posting.
Anyway, happy to be here and share the brotherhood. Even though I feel lost, quite down, and detatched from myself; I feel I have a clearer picture, and know the direction I have to go. So there’s hope!
Anyway, glad to be here in the brotherhood!
All the best to all of you,
Nordman
Welcome brother! I am so happy you do not have kids with this woman, I know you are suffering from not having children (as I assume you want them) but life is not over yet. Not having kids with this woman will allow your escape plan to be that much easier to execute. On your break I would start to strategize your escape ASAP, talk to a lawyer and know the laws of your land, start funneling money away from accounts you control into strait cash and stop funding joint accounts, start recording all your possessions that you own under your name, and find a place you can go to when you drop the news you are leaving. This is by all means not at all a total game plan as your situation is different from us all but the sooner you get a plan in place the better. Also do not tell anyone what you are doing, not your friends, family, her friends and family… no one as loose lips sinks ships.
Knowledge is power..... Don't waste your brain on bullshit
Anonymous0Welcome home, Nordman
Beer’s in the fridgeSIGH….She is not going to change! Get that straight. She is only going to go find ways to blame you.
GET OUT FAST. SEE A LAWYER NOW.Welcome brother.
She is not going to change.
Make an exit plan.
Speak to a lawyer.
Good luck on your mission.
We are here to help you.Welcome Mr. Nordman! What everyone else suggested. And my two cents:
threatening to commit suicide or at least to quit this university programme she was accepted to that is really difficult to get into.
Twice I’ve been threatened with this. This is their top tier heart string puller. Whether sincere or not, this is unhealthy for you. It is an attack on YOU! Women cannot possibly imagine the damage they do because we truly do care. I am guessing it feels like a great responsibility to you at your core programming. She will make the argument about your word. It’s the dirtiest trick in their bag (unless children are involved, which in your case, they are not).
Again, welcome brother, best of success to you.
Welcome, Nordman.
My wife is not the one seeking luxury life nor status markers. But she’s moody and manipulative. If something doesn’t go her way she goes into total rage,
^this pretty much reminds me of my ex.
All Women Are Like That. (AWALT)
My brother make you no follow sheeple o. Look them and Go Your Way.Welcome Nordman,
Appreciate you Introduction.
When “Red Pills” opened my eyes, I had awakened to find myself in the middle of bad situations and no easy exits. I had to linger with the Ugly Truth. Ugh!
Eventually I used my bad circumstances to really examine where I was, what I was doing, and how I got there. While you are “stuck” in your RelationS~~~, you can see close up what Narcissism and Woman’s Nature is and how it affects you.
The hardest part for me was accepting how easily I allowed myself to be manipulated and seeing the cold blooded methods used by the women I loved.
………I have my means for getting the well-needed physical intimacy elsewhere……..
Good.
In my old RelationS~~~s, I always thought that my Narcissistic Woman was a special case and NAWALT.
So, I got side tracked from my “MGTOW Road” and chased “Unicorns.” Those woman all turned out to be just “Filthy Mules.” And I eventually learned AWALT.
The words to describe the “Filthy Mule” aspect of “Woman’s Nature” was created by a MGTOW called “Tower” who also wrote the following in another post about the reality of All Women:
“Geographical location is the only difference found in women, weather they’re standing in New Orleans, or on the Moon, they have the same chemistry and therefore are exactly the same.”
“What makes them so destructive is their own will to dominate over a man via manipulation and determination. Or to be blunt; they will not Obey a man…”
“A man being Subordinate to a woman is completely out of whack! It’s the most toxic thing to a man’s soul!”
..…….need for twosomeness……..
You, Nordman, also have a good way with words.
Here is some words that were posted in another MGTOW’s Introduction that described some of the behavior I experienced in my RelationS~~~s:
…..It became all about her life, her interests, her family ….. I had to do the things she wanted to do. It was all about her agenda and her calendar …… her life, her friends, her activities and her – her – her.
……..I confided to a friend that I’m afraid my wife might have narcissistic tendencies, whereupon he responded: “Don’t all women have that?”………
That’s a good friend!
What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?
Welcome Nordman.
You’re on the train to freedom my friend.
I had a similar situation and an abusive partner. I didn’t press charges because I felt ashamed as a man…but I kept photos and recorded some of the violence…never know when it might come in useful.
Just get out of the relationship….and buy her loads of cats as you walk away.
Good luck friend.
She cheated on me ..... my fault. I showed an interest in another woman......my fault.
if I only try harder, if I only compromise on this and this, then maybe she’ll change, she’ll see my point of view, she’ll take me into consideration”.
This is exactly how I thought. No matter how hard you try they will not change. My ex was totally nuts, manipulative and just plain horrible. She also chucked me out of the house so I stayed away, divorced her (after a 10 year marriage) and never went back. I recently acquired my freedom and it is priceless. Divorce is messy and expensive but it doesn’t last forever – it’s much simpler if you don’t have kids – the short term grief is worth it as you have much much more to gain in the longer term. You can become your own person again.
Welcome by the way.
I am most overwhelmed over the warm welcoming! I already feel strengthened! Thanks for taking time and sharing good advice and your own experiences!
You are in what I call the Realization stage. I was there a few years ago. Divorce will surely follow, unless she lulls you back onto the plantation somehow. I can tell just by what you wrote this story only gets worse. Plan for escape!! I’m finalizing divorce myself. I feel freedom on the other side after 20 years. It is calling my name.
Yup, that’s the stage I’m in. I’m planning for the escape. The ironic thing is, as a part of the plan, I play along with her power play completely for the moment, not arguing or claiming any justice or fair game; and as a result things are pretty calm and cosy. I guess she’s thinking we’re doing rather good right now. Well, we are not! It’s just me getting ready…
Hello Nordman, welcome to the site.
If you already lurk here you will know we can be a bit harsh to put some sense into someone’s head, so I will start by saying:
WTF!!!
Thanks for the welcome! I do appreciate straightforwardness and honesty, and also the WTF 🙂
Let me tell you two things that you are missing: self-respect and an healthy dose of NFG (no f~~~s given).
Very true! I am a bit afraid that when I eventually get out, the true realization of my missing self-respect will hit me with full force.
The hardest part for me was accepting how easily I allowed myself to be manipulated and seeing the cold blooded methods used by the women I loved.
That’s exactly what I find (and yet will find even more) hard!
You know what would be poetic justice? If the next time she throws you out of the house you didn’t come back. Just doing what she wanted…
I am truly sick and tired of her drama sessions saying and doing things she doesn’t really mean. Like getting out of the car in the middle of nowhere, starting to walk away… Then after eleven phonecalls and thirteen textmessages I have to find her wherever she’s gone, and pick her up. ONCE in the beginning, I took her drama words and deed seriously and shot them back at her. We had been out, heading back home. I was in a hurry to take her back home because I had an appointment elsewhere. We started to argue about something, and she got out of the car, starting to walk away. Even though she knew I was in a hurry. I shouted at her, “If you feel like walking, THEN WALK”. And then I drove away, to my appointment. She had to walk 10 kilometres to get home!!! 😀 It felt kinda good actually to hit her drama back at her. (It was a mild sunny summerday, so no big deal with that) But, oh was she ever furious!
That’s the only time. Later just some smaller stuff. It’s not worth it really, thinking of the response… too energy consuming and bad for my pshyche.
This exit, I plan to do as smoothly as possible. But if we’d happen to have a fight on the day I plan to leave, I might as well try some poetic justice.
And thanks Peaceful Warrior for the words from Atlas Shrugged!
F~~~ having a pause brother your s~~~ with her will just get worse . Two and a half year sex drought can sometimes means something is going on . Not saying 100% because some woman do just turn off on sex in marriage .Welcome my friend .
Thanks! I actually pretty sure nothing physical is going on on the side, I think she’s just turned off. I tried to discuss the sexlessness a year ago but quickly learned never to bring it up again. But she might have someone going on on a mail correspondance basis, that’s fully possible.
Welcome. Read as much as you can here and you will come to realize that nothing you do will make much difference from the sounds of this.
Your alone in a relationship, there is nothing worse.
Thanks a lot! I surely will do that. And so true, about being alone in a relationship. Especially as I quite like my own company, when being my own (and on my own).
Welcome brother! I am so happy you do not have kids with this woman, I know you are suffering from not having children (as I assume you want them) but life is not over yet. Not having kids with this woman will allow your escape plan to be that much easier to execute. On your break I would start to strategize your escape ASAP, talk to a lawyer and know the laws of your land, start funneling money away from accounts you control into strait cash and stop funding joint accounts, start recording all your possessions that you own under your name, and find a place you can go to when you drop the news you are leaving. This is by all means not at all a total game plan as your situation is different from us all but the sooner you get a plan in place the better. Also do not tell anyone what you are doing, not your friends, family, her friends and family… no one as loose lips sinks ships.
Thanks man! That is something I have started to be immensely glad for, that we do not have children. I have read so many men’s stories elsewhere on the web before coming here, all saying “if it wouldn’t have been for the children, then…”
What is part of the situation, is that many times during the last few years, she has said that we should divorce, and we don’t have anything more to give each other. But I keep wondering if it is more rhetorics and drama than real honest opinions of hers. I guess I will only find out when I leave.
I have silently searched info about single dad surrogacy, but it is too expensive for me right now. Still working on finally getting peace over the childlessness and enjoy other things in life. But life is not over yet, as you said!
Welcome home, Nordman
Beer’s in the fridgeSIGH….She is not going to change! Get that straight. She is only going to go find ways to blame you.
GET OUT FAST. SEE A LAWYER NOW.Thanks a lot! I’ll enjoy the beer, chill and feel at home.
Welcome brother.
She is not going to change.
Make an exit plan.
Speak to a lawyer.
Good luck on your mission.
We are here to help you.I really appreciate the support and help! Hope to eventually be able to give something back.
Welcome Mr. Nordman! What everyone else suggested. And my two cents:
[…threatening to commit suicide…]
Twice I’ve been threatened with this. This is their top tier heart string puller. Whether sincere or not, this is unhealthy for you. It is an attack on YOU! Women cannot possibly imagine the damage they do because we truly do care. I am guessing it feels like a great responsibility to you at your core programming. She will make the argument about your word. It’s the dirtiest trick in their bag (unless children are involved, which in your case, they are not).
Again, welcome brother, best of success to you.
Thanks a lot man! And it is so unhealthy ad damaging. Hard to keep a sound distance to as well. How have things worked out for you?
^this pretty much reminds me of my ex.
All Women Are Like That. (AWALT)
AWALT or NAWALT, that’s the question. Or is it? ;D
You, Nordman, also have a good way with words.
Haha 🙂 Thanks for your words, you made me smile! And thanks for sharing Artboy’s and Tower’s words as well!
Welcome Nordman.
You’re on the train to freedom my friend.
I had a similar situation and an abusive partner. I didn’t press charges because I felt ashamed as a man…but I kept photos and recorded some of the violence…never know when it might come in useful.
Just get out of the relationship….and buy her loads of cats as you walk away.
Good luck friend.
Thanks and really sorry to hear about your situation. Having to feel shamed as a man… is something society very much imposes and doesn’t do much to change. Even though you see it sloowly and sporadically starting to be mentioned now, about male victims.
Can you imagine? Up here North, the women’s victim support association get public funding – no questions asked! They may plan their activities however they want. But a men’s support association get funding ONLY if they’re aimed at rehabilitation for abusive husbands. But NOTHING if their activities are for the husbands that are the victims.
This is exactly how I thought. No matter how hard you try they will not change. My ex was totally nuts, manipulative and just plain horrible. She also chucked me out of the house so I stayed away, divorced her (after a 10 year marriage) and never went back. I recently acquired my freedom and it is priceless. Divorce is messy and expensive but it doesn’t last forever – it’s much simpler if you don’t have kids – the short term grief is worth it as you have much much more to gain in the longer term. You can become your own person again.
Welcome by the way.
Thanks!! Becoming my own person, that’s what I need. That’s what I aim for. Freedom is truly priceless! I’m really glad we haven’t yet built a house, which we’ve planned to.
All the best to all of you great men out there!!
Welcome Brother Glad You found us!.
First off this really hit me
But she’s moody and manipulative. If something doesn’t go her way she goes into total rage, which can include shouting, hitting, throwing me out of the house.
It’s sad that it always seems to come to that because “HER” happiness isn’t met or that she has to remove you from a house I’m pretty sure you pay for am I correct?. As someone who was in an abusive marriage (stabbed twice and punched a number of times) I use to justify in my own head “it was my fault” or “maybe i need to do better”, I was wrong, and her actions got worse and so did the abuse, if i had stayed, i wouldn’t be here today.
I’m not saying that’s where you’re headed, but you do have a open gate right now and that open gate is “No Children”, brother best advice i can say is RUN!. Go be happy, and find happiness wherever that may be. After my divorce my ex took everything and i ended up being homeless for a good 6 months sleeping in my truck while still maintaining my office job, still to this day my co-workers never knew i was homeless, and you know what?, i had some of the best sleep and awesome times of reflection being in my truck, why? because it had FREEDOM, and i was FREE from the bondage of abusive/manipulative Marriage.
Some will say “well give it a chance see where it goes” or “just try harder”. No, f~~~ that and get away, if she wants to wallow in misery and moodiness she can do it alone!. Don’t let a self-caused drowning person take you with them. I wish you nothing but the best and safety as well.
Cheers Brother.
"If You have the Tooth of a Whale, You must have the Whale's Jaw to hold it". (i.e. One Must have the right qualifications for leadership) -Hawaiian Proverb
Welcome friend! I am pretty new hear myself, and this is a solid community. Digital brotherhood if I have even seen it. I won’t begin to throw any hard advice your way, but I feel I might be able to give you a little perspective. I am myself about to become the ex-husband of a very dark, devious and manipulative women. I have lost much and suffered more, and it’s mostly because of my internal conflicts regarding the life we worked so hard for so long to build. I have in many ways become my own worst enemy, and have found detoxing from the years of manipulation to be exceedingly difficult. But the gentleman who told you that you have an open gate because of having no child, is absolutely right. In my case, I have a 1.5yr old daughter. I am in a hell of my own making, and struggling to defend myself both emotionally and legally. It’s very much my fault. This is what I will tell you. If you know you are being manipulated, you must accept that you are being mentally poisoned, and the longer it goes on, the greater the danger. She will not change. She will not change. She will not change. Protect yourself man, because for me, this is like trying to quit heroin cold turkey (no offense to anyone who has ever actually struggled with heroin addiction), and I wouldn’t wish it anyone. She will most likely never experience your hurt and confusion, as these kinds of women can learn to hate a man in an instant to protect their own fragile psyche. She will turn you into a monster, and then sleep like a baby while anxiety chews your core. It simply doesn’t matter if you were husband of the year, as your innocence will be attacked by her in every conceivable way.
“I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise." The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain
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