Home › Forums › Introductions › Married guy heading for a break/pause
Tagged: Narcissism, self respect, woman's nature
This topic contains 41 replies, has 20 voices, and was last updated by 
Nordman 3 years ago.
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Anonymous3She will most likely never experience your hurt and confusion, as these kinds of women can learn to hate a man in an instant to protect their own fragile psyche. She will turn you into a monster, and then sleep like a baby while anxiety chews your core. It simply doesn’t matter if you were husband of the year, as your innocence will be attacked by her in every conceivable way.
This should be written in stone and placed at the entry of the MGTOW temple.
Great post!
I know the feeling of trying to save something. Its in our nature as nice guys.
There is NO salvation in a realtionship with a woman. NONE.
The more you try, the worse it will get bro.
My theory is due to men living longer, and the avaliablity of men now, the ideal realtionship time frame for women may be 5 years. 10 is pushing it.
But women start getting tired of what they got as soon as they get it today.
Women were f~~~ing around while the men were away for years. This kept the realtionship fresh in the past and due to men hardly being around.
In the past due to sickness or lack of health for women, this may be the key to why realtionships with women lasted longer in the past and were at least on the surface, better.
Men don’t seem to mind taking care of a sick woman. But the other has never been true.
I hope this sheds some insight on where your life is going to go.
If you look at people with the best realtionshps with women, the woman ussaly has some kind of sickness or disablity.
I wish you well.
You are all alone. If you have been falsely accused of RAPE, DV, PLEASE let all men know about the people who did this. http://register-her.net/web/guest/home
Anonymous0My wife is not the one seeking luxury life nor status markers. But she’s moody and manipulative. If something doesn’t go her way she goes into total rage, which can include shouting, hitting, throwing me out of the house. Or then she becomes self-destructive, threatening to commit suicide or at least to quit this university programme she was accepted to that is really difficult to get into.
Sounds like your wife might have Borderline Personality Disorder. I recommend two books:
1) Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Paul Mason, MS, and Randi Kreger. You can check the reviews at Amazon, here: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
2) “Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder” by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD and Randi Kreger.
A spouse with BPD or NPD is the nightmare scenario, because they’re combative and uncooperative every step of the way. So the book really walks you through every step of a difficult divorce, giving you lots of detail on how to handle things when the spouse is uncooperative or downright hostile. At Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Protecting-Borderline-Narcissistic-Personality/dp/1608820254/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
This might be helpful too:
Dr. Phil McGraw kind of bundled up BPD and NPD partners into a couple neat little lists. In his book “Life Code,” Dr. Phil calls abusive partners “BAITERs: Back stabbers, abusers, impostors, takers and reckless. They are people that will sell a patient fake medicine and are just being reckless with life itself.” He says you can detect a BAITER early on by noticing these telling characteristics:
1. See the world through a lens of entitlement. (They really believe they’re entitled to your life)
2. Lack of empathy.
3. Incapable of feeling remorse or guilt.
4. Self-destructive behavior.
5. Feed off drama and crises.
6. Try to brag and outsmart you. (You’ll hear them brag about the last person they screwed over.)
7. Have short-lived relationships.
8. Have delusions.He supplements that list with a more comprehensive list of danger signals that he calls “The Nefarious 15”:
1. They infiltrate your life with promises and flattery. (They figure out your buttons, mimic back to you what’s important to you)
2. Define you as a conspiratorial confidant. (They talk out of the side of their mouth about other people)
3. Are focused on getting your approval.
4. They gather data to build a file on you. (They know that people like talking about themselves, so they ask a lot of questions about you to learn about you)
5. Misdirect and maintain a mystery about who they really are. (You can never get a straight answer out of them; it’s like trying to nail jello to a wall; they answer questions not asked: they talk about a detail in order to evade the larger question)
6. Constantly blame others when confronted.
7. They will lie to the point of destruction.
8. Tendency to cheat and steal.
9. Isolate their victims to foster dependency.
10. Abuse positions of power.
11. Know your hot buttons to gain leverage.
12. Selective memory. (They tend to be revisionist about history)
13. Two-faced: Spread lies and gossip.
14. Paranoid.
15. Passive aggressive. (They engage in lots of passive-aggressive sabotage)If these lists describe your wife, you may want to read the book they come from: “Life Code,” by Dr. Phil McGraw. At Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Code-Rules-Winning-World/dp/0985462736/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1484274456&sr=1-2
This should be written in stone and placed at the entry of the MGTOW temple.
Great post!
Thanks, that actually means a lot. Everybody here not only has a voice, but they listen and understand too. We all walk with a different stride.
To our new nordic (hope this term is applicable/appropriate) friend, and all the ghosts lurking about; Few people are 100% blameless, but you DESERVE TO HAVE A VOICE! The phalanx works because each soldier is responsible for the brother standing next to him. Women thrive off creating a “divide and conquer” atmosphere. Isolate men, devalue and emasculate, and roll like a boulder when he is at his weakest.
I see a lot in your story that parallels my own. She will underestimate you…Make that her big mistake.
And btw, DO NOT LET HER PUSH YOU TO LOSE YOUR TEMPER. EVER. It is almost always their end game, and it serves them well. Beware and be strong, you are in a better position than you realize.
I need a new beer.
“I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise." The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain
It’s sad that it always seems to come to that because “HER” happiness isn’t met or that she has to remove you from a house I’m pretty sure you pay for am I correct?. As someone who was in an abusive marriage (stabbed twice and punched a number of times) I use to justify in my own head “it was my fault” or “maybe i need to do better”, I was wrong, and her actions got worse and so did the abuse, if i had stayed, i wouldn’t be here today.
I’m not saying that’s where you’re headed, but you do have a open gate right now and that open gate is “No Children”, brother best advice i can say is RUN!. Go be happy, and find happiness wherever that may be. After my divorce my ex took everything and i ended up being homeless for a good 6 months sleeping in my truck while still maintaining my office job, still to this day my co-workers never knew i was homeless, and you know what?, i had some of the best sleep and awesome times of reflection being in my truck, why? because it had FREEDOM, and i was FREE from the bondage of abusive/manipulative Marriage.
Some will say “well give it a chance see where it goes” or “just try harder”. No, f~~~ that and get away, if she wants to wallow in misery and moodiness she can do it alone!. Don’t let a self-caused drowning person take you with them. I wish you nothing but the best and safety as well.
Cheers Brother.
Awesome words! Very empowering to hear how you living homeless in your truck for six month was great for you! Because it was freedom! Your words resonate very well with me!
You mention the chance for awesome times of reflection. This is what I notice that I lack. I get this kind of time sometimes, when alone for a longer time (these periods happen, as my wife sometimes does projects abroad for several months). So I have a hint of how valuable it can be!
I am deeply sorry to hear about the abuse you were a victim of. And very happy to hear you got out of it!
Very glad to read you – gives strength and inspiration!
This is what I will tell you. If you know you are being manipulated, you must accept that you are being mentally poisoned, and the longer it goes on, the greater the danger. She will not change. She will not change. She will not change. Protect yourself man
Man, your entire posting, from where this quote was extracted, was such important reading for me – and of course, at the same time most disturbing and tragic to hear about your personal experience.
It’s difficult, as you say, with the conflicts regareding the life we worked so hard for so long to build. Even though it’s really incredible how I could let this happen for me so long, there are a few things that makes it easier for me. In a way, we have been a CGTOW (couple going their own way). Travelled, seen the world, learned languages, lived and worked abroad in different countries – both together, and some periods also apart, on our own shorter projects (on those occasions, it’s me staying at home with a normal fulltime job, and she going out on her own projects). So even though I’ve been through humiliating and bad times, it’s not that I have just been a work routine slave and done nothing interesting.
Another thing, which I mentioned in an earlier reply, is that even though we own a small piece of land, we haven’t built a house yet. Makes it much easier.
I already know that being on your own doesn’t necessarily mean you are alone. You have freedom, you can reflect, develop yourself, live a good life. But being alone in a relationship is destructive.
I know the feeling of trying to save something. Its in our nature as nice guys.
…
The more you try, the worse it will get bro.I realize this. Have to stop trying.
To our new nordic (hope this term is applicable/appropriate) friend, and all the ghosts lurking about; Few people are 100% blameless, but you DESERVE TO HAVE A VOICE! The phalanx works because each soldier is responsible for the brother standing next to him. Women thrive off creating a “divide and conquer” atmosphere. Isolate men, devalue and emasculate, and roll like a boulder when he is at his weakest.
Yup, your nordic man here can confirm that the term is applicable and appropriate 🙂
Isolate, devalue, emasculate. How true is this! I have a drive to thrive and prosper, whether it will be personally or professionally or both. But now I’m very much held back. And feel just like those three words.
I see a lot in your story that parallels my own. She will underestimate you…Make that her big mistake.
And btw, DO NOT LET HER PUSH YOU TO LOSE YOUR TEMPER. EVER. It is almost always their end game, and it serves them well. Beware and be strong, you are in a better position than you realize.
These are great words! They sure give strength to carry on.
I need a new beer.
Hope you got yourself a good one! 🙂
Few people are 100% blameless, but you DESERVE TO HAVE A VOICE!
Oh I almost forgot about this one. It takes two to tango. I’m by no means a perfect man. There are surely things I could have done differently. But more and more, I start to realize, that the one thing I should have done differently, is stand up for myself, respect myself. That’s the only way I could expect her to respect me. And if she doesn’t, it shall be no “us”.
It’s difficult, as you say, with the conflicts regareding the life we worked so hard for so long to build. Even though it’s really incredible how I could let this happen for me so long, there are a few things that makes it easier for me.
Any tiny thing that makes it easier is a godsend. I met her in ’02, took her to prom in ’03, married her in ’09, spent 4 years working a dead end job in 10th circle of hell (a special place just for us apartment-maintenance slaves) to get her through school to be a registered nurse. Now she’s just done with me. I have never known an independent day in my adult life. My world was her foundation. She turned me into an isolated recluse and lorded her position as newly established breadwinner over me. Im sleeping in a bedroom that I slept in a little over 20 years ago and looking at my daughters big stuffed elephant hurts like a gunshot wound. All the good memories of travels and adventures are now stains I cannot scrub clean.
I guess you could say I let it go on WWWWAAAAAAYYYYYYY too long. I have so little to show for my 32 years of existence. She, however, is quite a bit better off. So not worth it. Especially when those t~~~ went from a hand full to a 55-gallon drum full in record time. those pretty little bras ended up turning into industrial strength, sweat stained boner-slayers. Heh, she even got p~~~ed when I quit soda/fast food for a year and got within 5 lbs of her, as I am about 6″ taller. I have been overweight for almost my entire life, but she kept gaining that freshmen 15 lbs on a quarterly basis. She hated that Im an awesome cook (thanks mom and dad), while her culinary skills ended at unwrapping another whopper. Sorry, im spinning off here.
“I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise." The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain
Im sleeping in a bedroom that I slept in a little over 20 years ago and looking at my daughters big stuffed elephant hurts like a gunshot wound.
This is totally heartbreaking to hear, man! I imagine there are MANY men in here that recognize your pain. Even though I cannot imagine how it must feel, I share your pain. Do you see any light in the tunnel already? I’m confident you will rise again!
So not worth it. Especially when those t~~~ went from a hand full to a 55-gallon drum full in record time. those pretty little bras ended up turning into industrial strength, sweat stained boner-slayers. Heh
Lol this is the best thing I have read today, it is very true that more and more women are hitting the wall faster and at an earlier age, it’s quite depressing.
Knowledge is power..... Don't waste your brain on bullshit
it is very true that more and more women are hitting the wall faster and at an earlier age, it’s quite depressing.
No joke there. When she hit 30, I had to start thinking about her 50+ yr old aunt to get hard for our bi-montly 5 mins of “strictly intercourse”
The maintenance downstairs got so bad that she thought I was turning gay because I got squeamish around her holes. I tried to tell her it was the smell, but…anywho…
Do you see any light in the tunnel already?
Not really, sadly. I just got served my papers yesterday, coincidentally the same day I got to spend some time with my daughter. Thats the story of my life. Nearly every little joy I find in any present situation is somehow soiled. I have a weak stomach for conflict of any kind, so its pretty easy to tip me over on my turtle shell. I really just like helping people. When I worked my maintenance job, I would fire up the grill on weekends hoping “Rob” would come around. He was a vietnam vet who lived at homeless shelter and cruised for miles looking for enough cans to buy some beer. I saved all mine in garbage bags and started giving them to him because residents would call and complain about him dumpster diving. Every bitch in the complex assumed he was about to flip the rapist switch and go get em. I’d give him around $20 or so in cans, grill up some fat brats and let him help me get the next garbage started by draining a few cold ones. One time I got concerned that I might actually be harming him by providing beer, but when I mentioned it to him, he asked me if I had ever killed anyone. All I could say was, “Hey, lemme get ya another one.” I always try to keep things in perspective, but suffering is just too personal unique. Im secretly praying I can find another Rob.
“I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise." The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain
Sounds like your wife might have Borderline Personality Disorder. I recommend two books:
Appreciate you taking time to give those book recommendations and lists. Thanks, TwoStep!
I see a lot in your story that parallels my own. She will underestimate you…Make that her big mistake.
And btw, DO NOT LET HER PUSH YOU TO LOSE YOUR TEMPER. EVER. It is almost always their end game, and it serves them well. Beware and be strong, you are in a better position than you realize.
A f~~~in men brother,
word’s of wisdom right here. pearls my friend, precious pearls.
"If You have the Tooth of a Whale, You must have the Whale's Jaw to hold it". (i.e. One Must have the right qualifications for leadership) -Hawaiian Proverb
Bad news:
If she hasn’t been f~~~ing with you for 2 1/2 years then you can rest assured she’s f~~~ing chad.I’ve read the entire thread now and I think you my friend need some though love:
First you have to realize that you’re a complete pussy living in a country run by women surrounded bu manginas.
Your woman made you her beta-bitch and is obviously cheating on you.
If I’d be married and not have steaming sex at least once a week I’d suspect something fishy is going on.
That you can’t talk with her about this is completely ridiculous.Plan your escape and get the f~~~ outta there asap!
You’ve already wasted many years of your life on this c~~~.Run!
Freedom awaits.Monk
but when I mentioned it to him, he asked me if I had ever killed anyone. All I could say was, “Hey, lemme get ya another one.” I always try to keep things in perspective, but suffering is just too personal unique. Im secretly praying I can find another Rob.
I’ll join your prayer for finding another Rob! Glad you got some time with your daughter. And glad you’re here among this crowd!
Bad news:
If she hasn’t been f~~~ing with you for 2 1/2 years then you can rest assured she’s f~~~ing chad.Yup, at least on an emotional and correspondence level, I’m pretty sure she is. Not necessarily (yet) on a physical level.
Bad news:
I’ve read the entire thread now and I think you my friend need some though love:A humble thanks man for taking time to read it all through! Appreciate your honest and straight input.
First you have to realize that you’re a complete pussy living in a country run by women surrounded bu manginas.
Your woman made you her beta-bitch […]
You got that right!
[…]and is obviously cheating on you.
If I’d be married and not have steaming sex at least once a week I’d suspect something fishy is going on.
That you can’t talk with her about this is completely ridiculous.Plan your escape and get the f~~~ outta there asap!
You’ve already wasted many years of your life on this c~~~.Run!
Freedom awaits.I will! Hopefully sooner than later. Can’t wait to step into that freedom I already see coming. Even though my self-respect is deep down in the bottom, I do know I have a lot to give… both to myself and to my surrounding. Can’t wait! I’m also working on a coping strategy for if and when the complete realization hits me down with full force, about what a trampled-down, self-respect-drained beta-bitch I’ve been.
Bad news:
If she hasn’t been f~~~ing with you for 2 1/2 years then you can rest assured she’s f~~~ing chad.Yup, at least on an emotional and correspondence level, I’m pretty sure she is. Not necessarily (yet) on a physical level.
No, dude.
Not on an “emotional and correspondence level”.Unless she’s in a wheelchair or otherwise handicapped, she is getting physically dicked by chad. There is no question about it.
Before I went monk I had relations~~~s.
In all those relations~~~s we f~~~ed every single day unless someone was legitimately ill or we couldn’t see each other for some reason.I also expected a blowjob every time before going to school/work.
Now I’m actually not even an aficionado of the blowjob-arts but I insisted on it nevertheless. Out of principle.When a woman didn’t want to do it anymore for a few days in a row, I knew what was up immediately. Didn’t happen often, but it happened.
You on the other hand haven’t f~~~ed your own wife for 2.5 years!!
You need to wake the f~~~ up!You are a lucky man now.
You have no kids and you toke the red pill.
Thank god and RUN!Monk
You on the other hand haven’t f~~~ed your own wife for 2.5 years!!
You need to wake the f~~~ up!You are a lucky man now.
You have no kids and you toke the red pill.
Thank god and RUN!Yup. I have woken up. And I have already realized I am REALLY lucky! I have grieved the childlessness, but now I’m in the process of turning it into a very fortunate circumstance for me.
She actually has cheated on me with another man physically during one period a few years ago, when she was on an oversea workproject. She’s a terrible liar, and confessed it first thing she did when she came home. I had never cheated on her whatsoever. And, this was a starting shot for me to do some experimenting on the side. Using her deed as an encouragement milestone for me doing (pretty much) the similar thing, is not something I am particularly proud over, because it could be seen as revenge, which I’m no big fan of (even though revenge in itself was never my motive).
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