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Thanasi 2 years, 6 months ago.
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My friend
obviously this is no reason for divorce, that is unless she has wanted this all along and is using your uncooperation as her reasoning to dump you. If the house is in both of your names then she has no right to have you removed from it, it is of course your primary residence. And if acquired durring the marriage / depending on where you live (d)/ you have as much right to say who lives there as she does.Thank you for your response. It validates my own thoughts on this whole issue.
She had already left me twice before. But since we had a child, and others insisted on ‘happy wife, happy life’, I decided (against the judgement of my relatives) to pursue the ‘better’ path and try to make her happy. Every time I gave in to her, the rules changed, the bar of approval was raised. The result being that we lost our double-income nice lifestyle. I shutdown my career in Australia and followed her to America. It was then that the rules changed and the only arguments we had was around her family and her parents and letting them control our life – I was opposed to them and wanted the right to control the destiny of my own family. She would have none of it and issued ultimatum after ultimatum i.e., ‘change or leave’. She had hoped that I would cave like I always did and give in. But I could see the writing on the wall. I drew the line in the sand, and said no further. America is an expensive place to live, and I wanted to ensure the success of our family and have enough for retirement. I refuse to fund the retirement of these parents from the third world, and help the rest of their relatives come to America.
I want to thank you all for your comments. It’s hard to live apart from my daughter. And I have decided to continue contact with her – after all, it’s not her fault.
My friend
obviously this is no reason for divorce, that is unless she has wanted this all along and is using your uncooperation as her reasoning to dump you. If the house is in both of your names then she has no right to have you removed from it, it is of course your primary residence. And if acquired durring the marriage / depending on where you live (d)/ you have as much right to say who lives there as she does.Thankfully we have no joint assets in America.
But given that she had left me twice before, I knew she was going to do it again. If I had given in to her, then the clock was ticking and her family would use me to solidify their position in America (after we had established ourselves) and then she would likely leave.
I did this for my daughter because I didn’t want her to think that a weak father is what a man should be.
Update: it appears my estranged wife was evicted from the apartment we lived in, and she’s had to find other digs. Now with the parents living alongside my estranged wife and daughter, I fear there will be an impact on my daughter’s mental wellbeing as she has moved so many time in the first three years of life. I can’t believe I married someone who turned out to be so irrational.
ah, yes. In-laws. In my case, my father in law died and all of the brother in laws, my Mother in law and my wife just assumed that the MIL would come live with us. Was I asked? Nope. I put up a huge stink a couple of years later – and my spouse was like ‘well you didn’t object.’ I said – you didn’t ask me. It would have been nice to have been asked by both of you so I could spell out my terms and conditions – one of which was that unless its an emergency, I’m not cleaning diapers, washing floors, or taking people to doctors appointments and what not. When I needed to care for my mother in the last 4 months of her life having to run back and forth between Eastern Connecticut and the NYC area in winter – nobody helped me – and nobody ever asked ‘how can I help you.’
Before having the heart to heart with my spouse, I went out and bought a new car, a nice Porsche, and sold her convertible to do it. She was very p~~~ed off. I said: “you didn’t object.” she screamed at me – ‘you never asked.’ I said – exactly. Her head was going to explode – and I sat there eating dinner – calm as can be.
That night we had a very meaningful conversation around respect. And that it was going to start again right now. A partnership means just that – partners who contribute to each other. Problem solved. Boy, does she want to slip back into old times – and we have that discussion all over again.
Women are ok as long as they understand that they best they can get is equal. None of that overreaching crap is ever going to work again. Once they realize the tears and the whining and everything else doesn’t work any more – and that you have reached the point where pussy doesn’t control your life – its gets alot better.
The person your mother warned you about
Thank you for that. It was an interesting read. You were able to get that respect back. Nice.
Mine was toxic, and had no sense of what family meant. In the end I had to walk out on her. I’m now hoping that living in America, which was her dream, and that of her third world family, would collapse around them as the expenses of living one her sole salary.
I hope you and your daughter make the best out of this situation.
An ex girlfriend was living with me and suggested that we take in her elderly grandmother who wasn’t able to take care of herself anymore. And it was nobody’s fault except for her grandmother’s. She didn’t get off the couch for a week at a time, wouldn’t cook decent meals for herself, just eat fast food and other garbage. No blood circulation in her body from sitting all the time, she was pretty much living in her own filth. Again, not to sound like an asshole, but it was her fault. Walking for 20 minutes a day would have helped her tremendously, but she wouldn’t do it.
So one day my girlfriend asks if granny can stay in the house. I laughed at her because I thought she was joking, of course she got upset.
You married your wife, not her family. You were meant to provide for your wife and daughter, not her family. It’s crazy how entitled they are now thinking a man should take in his in-laws and provide for them.
You married your wife, not her family. You were meant to provide for your wife and daughter, not her family. It’s crazy how entitled they are now thinking a man should take in his in-laws and provide for them.
But you can’t explain that to the wife. She believed the opposite. You can’t fix crazy, and you can’t fix stupid.
That family was classic textbook enmeshed. It was just my luck that her parents got permanent residency at the same time we moved, and then her brother moved from Texas all the way to Washington state just to live 2 mins drive down the road from us.
It was my stupid wife to want to take them in to our home and then plans for others. She knew I didn’t like them. They knew I didn’t like them. I can only hope that the American economy will eventually crush them.
Update: it appears my estranged wife was evicted from the apartment we lived in, and she’s had to find other digs. Now with the parents living alongside my estranged wife and daughter, I fear there will be an impact on my daughter’s mental wellbeing as she has moved so many time in the first three years of life. I can’t believe I married someone who turned out to be so irrational.
My mother was EXACTLY the same way – pure emotional cripple. We moved 21 times the first 18 years of my life – most of them before I was 12. When I was 12 – I said enough of this crap I took over the finances – then started paying the bills – then realized I could increase our weekly income by changing her W4 – which took away her spending spree every March – which p~~~ed her off – but now I could make ends meet.
At 12 I had 10 year olds cutting lawns for me for $4 – I charged $5. If they didn’t show up = I got the call and had to do it. Same with snow shoveling and leaves. Did the instability and the moving around permanently affect me? Sure it did – I don’t take crap from anyone and can’t stand listening to people whine about their ‘situation.’
At 13 I was doing the shopping. At 14 I was cooking our meals, going to school, managing my business and playing my favorite sports.
At 18 I bailed on the entire dysfunctional group of self-indulgent greedy little s~~~s who are my family. I went back for a little while after my son was born – and they just all glommed on to me with the old style crap and I cut it off again.
At 21 I joined the Navy – flew fighters for a few years until they shut down our whole squadron in 1982, took their money – went to law school. Got a decent job, got fired in the 92 recession, made my own job – lost $2k to one engagement ring when I said – NO. After the ring went on the respect stopped. I bailed. Kicked around for while – found another woman who really felt the same way I did about stuff. She’s not into stuff, hates shopping, likes to travel and is not a whiner. Heaven until we got married – blowjobs stopped – the aforementioned crap with the inlaws – we’ve worked it out.
@thanasi – you gotta be there for your kid. They DESERVE a father. Fight. And keep them from becoming snowflakes. My asshole father gets another woman pregnant when I’m not even born yet – moves out right after I’m born, my mother divorces him a year later but he’s already got another kid and one on the way. He NEVER came to see me – EVER. Never gave me a dime – and thankfully – I don’t have his name. Don’t be that guy
This should probably be in intros- but its here. So shoot me.
The person your mother warned you about
@comanchepilot: You are a bad motherf~~~er!! And I thought I was a success story.
Update: it appears my estranged wife was evicted from the apartment we lived in, and she’s had to find other digs. Now with the parents living alongside my estranged wife and daughter, I fear there will be an impact on my daughter’s mental wellbeing as she has moved so many time in the first three years of life. I can’t believe I married someone who turned out to be so irrational.
@thanasi – you gotta be there for your kid. They DESERVE a father. Fight. And keep them from becoming snowflakes. My asshole father gets another woman pregnant when I’m not even born yet – moves out right after I’m born, my mother divorces him a year later but he’s already got another kid and one on the way. He NEVER came to see me – EVER. Never gave me a dime – and thankfully – I don’t have his name. Don’t be that guy
Very impressive life you have there. Thanks for sharing.
Of course I’ll be there for her. Although, the proposed next time I’ll be able to see her is Christmas 2018. Why? Because this Christmas the whole family needs to shuttle themselves to Peru to gloat about how they “made it” in America, like some f~~~ing scene out of West Side Story.
Since my departure months ago, I’ve become adept at using iMovie and have created numerous videos uploaded to youtube (a ‘tv show’ of sorts) reading my daughter’s favourite books, introducing effects, be more engaging, and just letting her know how I’m doing and still thinking of her. She’s still too young though and needs my wife to access the videos for her. I’ll just keep making them so when she’s ready, they’re there.
Re Financial support. Absolutely not if I can help it. I won’t subsidise Third Worlders going to the United States. My wife WILL CERTAINLY use the money to finance more of her relatives jumping across. If my daughter needs money, then she’ll have to live with me.
Getting married again? I’m broke now, like kryptonite to women.
My concern is that enmeshed family. They are all of one mind. They’re catholic – the mother goes to church every single day. Nobody questions anything. And she’s the one that has the power in that wider family. They’re a jumping-up-and-down people. And they’ll try to indoctrinate her.
My wife has been going on and on for ages about wanting both her parents to live in our home. And not only that, but they would join us on any holidays along with her brother’s family. Surely this is not part of the marriage contract.
Anyway, the pressure was building and building until the day came when she threatened to see an Attorney to see what her legal options would be to have me removed from the family home. She crossed the line with that so I packed my bags and left.
Would anyone here tolerate having their inlaws live in their home?
Remove you because she can’t get her way? F~~~ing c~~~!! You learned you’re only a utility right then and there. I’d have moved them in pumped carbon monoxide through the HVAC at night while they slept wile I was camping..Evil witch!!
Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Thank you for that. It was an interesting read. You were able to get that respect back. Nice.
Mine was toxic, and had no sense of what family meant. In the end I had to walk out on her. I’m now hoping that living in America, which was her dream, and that of her third world family, would collapse around them as the expenses of living one her sole salary.
NFG
Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Thank you for that. It was an interesting read. You were able to get that respect back. Nice.
Mine was toxic, and had no sense of what family meant. In the end I had to walk out on her. I’m now hoping that living in America, which was her dream, and that of her third world family, would collapse around them as the expenses of living one her sole salary.
The family must be here illegally, overstaying their visas? F~~~ them, call immigration!!! Report them and get them deported:) I don’t want them here if they freeloaders anyway, likely receiving financial benefits.
I wish that were possible. No, my wife’s brother had married a Puerto Rican girl about ten years ago. At the time he started the paperwork for Permanent Residency. Fast Forward to last year, just at the time when my wife got the job in Seattle and we moved there, then her parents were granted their visas.
I doubt they’ll be receiving government benefits just yet. I know that my wife was getting VERY anxious about expenses, and I could only assume it’s because of the cost of the parents’ health insurance. But they were living down the road at my wife’s brothers house and waiting like Vultures.
They couldn’t speak English, and had no desire to integrate and I kept reminding my wife “America is in the Anglosphere. Your parents don’t belong here, they belong in the third world”.
But yeah, the proposal was living with them, holidays with them, there’ll be no f~~~ing escape! I wouldn’t work to finance them. It’s bad enough working for the government to get their cut, the banks get their cut, and now these third world assholes will get another cut?!
My wife has been going on and on for ages about wanting both her parents to live in our home. And not only that, but they would join us on any holidays along with her brother’s family. Surely this is not part of the marriage contract.
Anyway, the pressure was building and building until the day came when she threatened to see an Attorney to see what her legal options would be to have me removed from the family home. She crossed the line with that so I packed my bags and left.
Would anyone here tolerate having their inlaws live in their home?
Remove you because she can’t get her way?
Yep, you betcha. Only months before she pulled out the phone and threatened to call the cops on me on two different occasions. On the second occasion, I pulled my luggage out and started packing, and she then begged me in tears on her knees to stay. I can tell you that being a foreigner in America, and knowing “s~~~, these American cops are serious!”
I’m not even a citizen. If the cops take me to jail at her whim, who is going to vouch for me? Yeah, so because she wasn’t getting her own way to allow her family to live with us, and she threatened to see a lawyer to find out ways to get me removed … then it was time to go before I end up in jail.
Damn brother..I’m glad you escaped! I wish we could have warned ya about Latin women!!!!
Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Never had in-laws so I have no basis of comment on that. That being said though, your actions were the perfect way to deal with an ultimatum. In any marriage there are two people and both points of views are equally important. Our society has basically forgotten that men are people too and so will always view you as a horrible person for not caving to your wife’s wishes. Of course the same society will also not care what a hostile environment your very own house becomes the moment you bring your in-laws into it. Just think, in every scenario you are going to be out gunned and outnumbered. The blue pill sons of bitches will simply tell you to man up and deal with it. Like as if putting up with torture day in and day out is what proves you to be a man. No sir, you did the right thing. Your home is your domain. It is a place that is yours and is there to provide shelter and comfort. There is no comfort to be had when one is walking on egg shells and dealing with ultimatums.
Damn brother..I’m glad you escaped! I wish we could have warned ya about Latin women!!!!
I do have a soft spot for their honey-coloured skin and curves.
Hispanic girls are like Russian girls – when they’re young they’re truly attractive – but then when they hit 40 – they’re ugly, fat and totally annoying. Think the Russian Olympic women’s curling team – then babushkas . . .
The person your mother warned you about
I’m astonished that a woman would divorce me because of that.
Nothing a woman does is about or for you. Men are a disposable item. Not like I need to say what you already know.
This is where guys who think, ‘I will get a mail-order bride with “traditional values” really go wrong’. They think traditional values are their own western traditions from 1940’s – WRONG.
It’s her traditions and most guys don’t have a clue what those traditions are. Hint:: Her whole family gets supported by you, is her tradition.
If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
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