Lifestyle comparison: MGTOW vs. Married

[rastamonParticipant 44]

As detailed in my intro (here) I am currently weighing the pros/cons of divorce. This stream of thought has led me to consider how I will spend my time when I am single. But first, allow me to provide a baseline by describing my current (married) weekly routine.

Married Routine:

Weekdays

7:00am – Wake up and get ready for work-Staying as quiet as possible so as not to disturb my sleeping wife
7:30am – Leave for Work
8:00 – 4:00 – Work
5:00pm – 7:00pm – Help wife prepare and eat dinner
7:00pm – Bedtime – Entertain wife who was home alone all day

Weekends

9:00am – Wake up slowly, pillow-talk/plan activities for the day with wife
10:00am – 12:00pm – Prepare and eat brunch, talk, drink coffee
12:00pm – 4/5:00pm – Chores and various outdoor activities i.e. lay on a blanket in the park, go for an afternoon drink (but no more than 2 because wife believes “all people who get drunk are unhappy and running away from something”)
5:00pm – 7:00pm – Prepare and eat dinner
7:00pm – bedtime – Entertain wife

This is a very general description. One night/week we go to dancing lessons and another we have a yoga class. And once or twice per week I can get to the gym for a workout. Sometimes the wife can entertain herself with television but is upset when I would rather read in the other room. As is clear, my daily activities are heavily influenced by the needs of my wife. When I am not working I am a human version of her puppy dog, going for walks, talking, cuddling, etc.

It’s not that she won’t give me time for myself, on the contrary, she gives me as much time as I ask for (as I write, I can’t believe that I ask for time for myself as if it is something that she alone controls and can give). Some weeks, I will workout after work every night and I often go out for a guys night with my buddies, who are also married or engaged. The problem, I find, is that after she “grants” me some time for myself she feels that I owe her something. From shaming me in various ways (i.e. the aforementioned drunk-to-unhappy correlation) to outright manipulation (crying fits of insecurity) she demands that I spend more time with her.

So now for the ideal MGHOW weekly routine:

Weekdays

6:30am – 7:00am – Wake up and do yoga
7:00am – 7:30am – Get ready for work
Without the fear of waking anyone, I could make a proper breakfast at home
8:00am – 4:00pm – Work
5:00pm – 6:00pm – Prepare and eat dinner
6:00pm – bedtime – hobbies (play guitar, workout, read)

Weekends

9:00am – 10:00am – Wake up and eat breakfast
10:00am – 12:00pm – Workout
12:00pm – 1:00pm – Lunch
1:00pm – 3:00pm – Chores
3:00pm – bedtime – Anything I want – hobbies, hanging with friends…

Again, this is a very general overview of the daily activities here, with the added benefit of scrapping the whole schedule should something more exciting present itself (spontaneity is more difficult when two people need to agree of the proposed schedule change). I would continue to take a yoga class once/week, substitute a guitar lesson for dance lessons and I’d probably workout 5 times/week (oh, how I miss the time I had for working out before I got married).

This little exercise of comparing the daily routines of MGTOW and married men opened my eyes to the time needed to maintain a relationship with a woman. There is not much difference in the two routines. Working, cooking and chores are inevitabilities of life, but during the precious hours at the end of the day when married men are attending to their wives, MGTOW are improving themselves; tinkering with hobbies, completing projects, staying fit both mentally and physically and advancing their lives according to their plan.

This may be to bold a statement but this seems to reveal that – A happy marriage requires the sacrifice of a man’s personal agenda.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

@rastamon (If it’s OK, I have taken the liberty of adjusting your original and deleting your duplicate modified version. Thanks for making the effort to beautify your HTML for the benefit of others.)

The marriage contract (and husbands obligations) in today’s terms is understood by the female as a docile controlled schmuck who does whatever she wants, never questions anything, quietly pays for everything and never pesters his queen for sex. That is the modern female’s definition of “the ideal husband”. And if you fail to entertain her majesty in the way she so desires, she will “divorce your head so fast it will make your head spin”. They actually say this to their husbands out loud.

Never forget that the modern marriage is a woman’s dreams realized and a man’s dreams gone. This is why a woman wants to lock you down around 30 which is just prior to a man beginning to conceptualize he is own potential. As her youth and beauty and reproductive capacity begins to fade, his are just about to rapidly begin to accelerate. He is about to begin to see the rewards of his efforts.

After I turned 28 (or so) if I didn’t have a woman around, I would feel like I was missing something. Then when I would have one, within 2 weeks I would find myself thinking “DAMN WOIMAN!!! STOP SWEATTIN’ ME! WHY YOU ALL UP UNDER ME???”. I would finish my work day and be through with 9 or 10 hours of giving other people what they want and pleasing them. Then I would get in my car and on the way home realize I was just about to start another “shift” of the same s~~~. That’s when I realized I was letting the female dictate the terms of a “relationship’.

This will never happen again. The terms are mine and if she doesn’t like them – GET. OUT. It’s not about “controlling” her. It’s about grabbing control of his life and getting his needs met. If they are not, then you’re with the wrong person.

Watch your personal life (and contentment level!) improve dramatically when you snatch the pen away from her and write the script yourself.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[VileNordParticipant 766]

I’m not even going to pretend to give you specific advice on whether or not you should go through with it. I have never been married. My advice is simply to love yourself above all else. Even if it’s just 51% you, make it a necessity. Love yourself more than your partner and then your love for her will magnify the love you feel for yourself. It’s what’s known in nature as a feedback loop. Women aren’t capable of loving us the way we do them, but the fact that we love them and care for them gives us greater love for ourselves.

This is all assuming of course that we aren’t talking about a modern, materialistic, omni-empowered, and totally self-sufficient super t~~~!

Lust for comfort suffocates the soul

[KeymasterKeymaster]

@vilenord Kindred spirits! I just finished telling IndianaJohn almost exactly that. I should really learn to condense it like you did.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[rastamonParticipant 44]

@keymaster – Thanks for cleaning up this post. And thanks for the excellent response. @vilenord thanks for being ambiguous, at the end of the day, its my decision and my decision alone. But your advice is very insightful. Both you guys eloquently expressed the realizations I had while writing the post.

[Tbowden1Participant 195]

@rastamon – As I have continued to engage in the forums here, I have become more and more curious about your situation. Clearly, there are some questions to be answered about your current situation but it seems like you are looking for some form of guidance or justification to pursue a divorce.

I am not nearly old enough and/or wise enough to give marital advice, as I have not been married myself. With that said, I think at this point you have somewhat answered your own internal question.. If you need to compare the life of being single to being married, how beneficial is the marriage to you? I mean this post in the most respectful and empowering way, but I think you having major questions about a marriage says a lot about whether you should be married or not.

Maybe I am simply looking at this as black & white and ignoring the gray area, but I think there is a lot to say about a man who commits to this type of situation but is clearly having regrets. I have been told by some of the most influential males in my life the same thing “If you don’t like your situation, LEAVE. Nobody has a gun to your head.”

I have followed this philosophy in relationships, career ventures, and overall life goals. If you aren’t happy with the way things are going, you are not forced to stay. Nobody has a gun to your head forcing you to be in this relationship, so why not do what makes you happy? From what I’ve read, you have earned the right to make decisions for yourself and do the things you want to do. You should be able to spend your nights tinkering and bettering yourself because that is what YOU WANT to do. As we touched on in a previous post, you should NEVER rely on anyone else to give you a sense of purpose, drive, or happiness.

[rastamonParticipant 44]

@tbowden1 Thank you for your interest and the guidance which you so willingly give. Don’t underestimate the value of your advice. While you may not feel comfortable giving marital advice, the gospel you preach on life is of great value, and what are relationships if not a part of life. Additionally, I joined this forum to tell my story in hopes of getting feedback from men like yourself, in their late 20’s to early 30s, who are living the MGTOW lifestyle which is so appealing to me.

You are correct, I have already answered my own question. It is not a matter of “if” but “when” I will get divorced. Unfortunately, there are several reasons which require that I delay taking action (I know this may be frowned upon, but I feel I must honor a few commitments over the next 3 months and they require that we stay together).

In my introduction, I closed by saying

So I am here in search of support, brotherhood and a little Red Pill Positive Reinforcement to help me wake up.

I might add that I am also chronicling my experience in hopes that other men may find the answers or guidance they seek in the words I’ve shared here.

[WarriorParticipant 14]

@rastamon said:

You are correct, I have already answered my own question. It is not a matter of “if” but “when” I will get divorced. Unfortunately, there are several reasons which require that I delay taking action (I know this may be frowned upon, but I feel I must honor a few commitments over the next 3 months and they require that we stay together).

Naw, man. No one’s going to judge for following through on commitments you’ve already made before moving on. It’s the honourable thing to do.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Agree with Warrior.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[VileNordParticipant 766]

@tbowden1

This is colloquially know as the “sunk cost fallacy”. You are driven to continue investing in something because you have already invested X amount in it and you fear that if you abandon it now, all your previous investments will have been for naught. It is fallacious thinking because whether or not you continue to invest in it, what you have already invested is still lost.

“I might as well keep eating because I already bought the food.”
“I might as well keep watching this terrible movie because I’ve watched an hour of it already.”
“I might as well continue dating someone bad for me because I’ve already invested so much in them.”

Lust for comfort suffocates the soul

[AposematicParticipant 2671]

Thanks for the sunk cost fallacy VN. There is no rush to divorce – In Oz a 12 month separation is required prior to a divorce. Many men are living in marriage best characterised as a war of attrition. The men can not afford divorce, so marriage devolves into hoping their partner dies first so they at last single once again. It is preferential to “Wake up and Live” and be authentic to yourself.

Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.

[JimboParticipant 162]

My work schedule has a nasty habit of changing but I will say this MGTOW rocks compared to the married life.

 

Married: Wife bitches and complaints about everything.

MGTOW: Girlfriend (If you so choose) bitches and complains, tell her to hit the road.

Married: Cash is always tight.

MGTOW: I have the money to do what I want to a much greater degree.

Married: Wife demands you do what she wants when she wants it.

MGTOW: I do what I want when I want to.

 

And those are just a few differences between the lifestyles.

[rasputinParticipant 52]

I’m married with children.  I knew what I was getting into and the results have been about as expected.  I occasionally envy my single friends having the money to buy expensive toys on a whim but other than that I don’t really have regrets.

I think the key to managing your marriage is making sure your wife knows that you have limits and if she crosses them you will walk away consequences be damned.  No need to draw lines in the sand or make ultimatums or even discuss it.  Just make it evident in from general behavior, one good thing about women is they pick up non-verbal communication very well.

If you value freedom more than life then nobody can make you a slave.

[TheNinjaUWannaH8Participant 386]

Look…I must admit that at one point in my life, I was a Vanilla Muthafrucka that wanted to get married.  My White Chocolate Ass has since realized that Marriage would have nullified all of the incredible things I have had a chance to do.

The Turning Point:  Several…But one in particular…

One night, a married male friend of mine asked me to call him and check what time he and I could meet and see the then-brand smacking new Iron Man I movie.   When I called around 7:30PM, his wife picked up and said: “What????  You’re Fuking crazy??? He’s not going ANYWHERE. We have 2 kids.”

For years, just to mess with him, I would out of context remind him that he has two kids.

Male Friend: Hey Ninja. What time is it?

Ninja:  “I don’t know. You have 2 kids.”

PS: His wife is now his ex-wife…she took him to the cleaners by the way…after SHE had an affair with both a guy and a girl. Damn…I remember the day he found out…and the look on his 2 kids faces…

That situation reminded me that Marriage will fruck your ASS up and totally eat up your Potential and Life Force.

I’ve had a full life.  But that Red Pill shiet will fruck with me from time to time. They put that Red Dye in our Water, Movies, Magazines and Music.  I like Water, Music, Magazines and Music.   But I hate that God Damn Red Pill!

That’s why I have to do my Blue Pill Qi Gong…that internal mental exercise to remind myself:

If I was married, would I be able to go to a movie at 10:30PM at night?

If I was married, could I wake up 3AM in the morning and drive 100 miles to get some Purple Gatoraid in another state for the frucking fun of it and then drive back and get back in the Damn Bed?

If I was married, would I have still been able to fly to Australia Ghana, India and Europe all by my mutharuckin’ self?

If I was married, could I quit my frucking 6-figure job I’ve been at for 10 years and start again in Law School?

If I was married, could I run a music industry operation and stay out all hours of the night hanging out with Movie, TV and Music Industry muthafruckas?

If I was married, could I grown a Master Wong Kung Fu Beard and get a nose piercing?

Hell Naw!   I have ZERO Kids.  I’m NEVA getting Married.

The Old Folks used to say when I was growing up that one should never say “Never”.

Well…those Old Muthafruckas can suck my Nuts.

 

Never. Get. Married.              Muthafrucka.

 

[RayBandakuParticipant 889]

“A happy marriage requires the sacrifice of a man’s personal agenda.”

This say’s it all.  I will never ever get married again.  I was married for 12 years and left with nothing to show.  What a waste of my time, energy, money.  On the bright side, because I know what darkness was now I appreciate the bright life I am living now.  Freedom to chose what you love to do is more important then being with a women.  Live free, be happy.  It’s your life, your time, you dreams, don’t let a women tell you what to do with your body, mind, heart, spirit.  Women are useless to a man.  Man has to pay a big price to keep a women in his life.  It’s not a good investment to have a woman in your life.  It’s a total loss.  Just my personal feeling about this.  Chose what’s best for you.

[Jim01Participant 6801]

the best little thing about living alone is work mornings when you don’t have to worry about waking anyone up. Lights go on and I can make as much noise as I want…plus I can take a satisfying morning dump with the door open lol

also I am an early bird anyway so at weekends when I don’t have to get up I am still awake so usually go into the living room and put on the xbox and again don’t have to worry about waking anyone up (although to be kind to people in the flat above me at that time I keep the TV a bit quieter)

it is the little things in life that make it so great and by yourself mornings are definitely one of those things

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