Just kicked son out

[Dr. SableParticipant 1064]

Max Power wrote:

Hey guys,

My son is 19 and was living with me full time for the last few years. His mother, my partner from 18 years ago, is a psycho nutter who he couldn’t live with beyond age 16.

Sadly, he has taken after her so much that he too has a personality disorder, the closest to which I can see in my research is “oppositional defiant disorder” or something like it. He argues with literally everything – every request I make for even the smallest thing. He is arrogant, entitled and every bit his mother’s son.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him and we are very close, and have had many good times together. I have always been there for him to the best of my ability. If it wasn’t for me pulling him out of school in his mother’s area and paying for him to finish high school at TAFE (Technical & Further Education), he would not have made it into the Business degree he is now studying at university. I have also given him all the red pill knowledge I can, and he seems to get it.

I have been the best dad I can despite limited means and my own faults. Nobody is perfect. I never had another spouse since his mother and I split, partly because she had a string of relationships and I didn’t want to confuse a young boy by bringing in other women. Plus, relationships suck.

Anyway, after I got on his case last night for him again leaving his dirty pots in the sink for the millionth time, as usual he acted all indignant and insolent like a little brat. Basically female behaviour I know he learned from his mother, because she is EXACTLY like that in an incredibly intense way. Now, he is my only child and I have tolerated this kind of thing since his childhood because I know what he went through with her and as a parent you can tolerate a lot from your kids when they are little.

But he is 19 and a half now, bigger than me and not too long into the argument escalating, he said that I am being a c#%@. Yes, he said his father, who gives him everything, is a c#%@. Nobody should have to accept that from someone, what to speak of their own child who they have supported to this day since birth. Nobody.

I told him he now has to be out in two weeks (the plan was for him to move to campus relatively soon anyway), and at one point he goes on to say that I am going to die alone at 60 (implying abandonment from him in the future among other things… raising kids eh? No good deed goes unpunished).

Anyway, after further words today, I reached the point of f~~~ it, enough, you are out the door now son. I am upset and devastated that it has come to this, but enough abuse and attitude is enough fellas, am I right?

I need some encouraging words from you brothers. This is a tough and dark day for me. But it was a long time coming.

MAX P, I’m 50 and my son just had his 20th birthday a week ago.
We all have to discipline our kids, as I had, to every now and then.
I do not walk in your shoes but I understand and feel for you. Saying that, your son has
reached the end of the line and your actions are beyond reproach. It is time he faces the world
and learns from his actions and mistakes otherwise he may never mature into a man you want him to be.
I hope he sees the light sooner then later so to speak. Tough love, never forget it and best of luck.

Zero Tolerance

[The_YoungParticipant 1073]

As much as I love my dad, for some f~~~ed up reason I have a difficult time agreeing with him on many things. I find him dorky, and I dont often like going places with him because he is very short tempered and can be quite negative. I find My mom is very cool, chill, relaxing and down to earth. Whenever she asks me to do something I’m glad to do it, but thats not often the case with my dad. I dont know why its like this, and all I know is I have a hard time changing things. All I’m trying to say is dont take it personally. Just give your kid his space, because thats what I mostly want from my dad, even though I love him very much.

Brother, we need to stick together.

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Thanks everyone for all the feedback and advice. All food for thought.

[ResidentEvil7Participant 9551]

Jeez, this topic brings up an old memory of mine.

Back in February 1996 on a Wednesday night (I was 13 and my half brother was 16) my half brother and dad (his former step-father) almost had a major anything-goes street fight after my dad came home from the bowling alley. My brother wanted a car real badly, but he was a rebel teenager with bad grades, hanging out with punk teenagers that would beat up their fathers when drunk, and ditching school, having punk friends call at 2 AM. My brother and I NEVER got along. In fact he would start fist fights and screaming matches with me almost every day to the point neighbors from 3 blocks away would threaten to call the cops on us. My brother was a teenage punk asshole.

Anyway, let me talk about what happened that Wednesday night after my dad came home from bowling. My brother demanded my dad (not even his father) to get him a new car, but with slipping grades, ditching school, and having bad friends, my dad refused to. I led to a screaming match on the stairs, where my dad got in his face and yelled something like: “IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME, THEN GET OUTSIDE, ANYTHING GOES: BITING, SCRATCHING, EYE GOUGING, ANYTHING GOES!!!!!!!” I was sitting on the couch watching this situation and I was enjoying watching my brother getting owned by my dad. After my dad threatened to fighting him in a no holds barred fight on the street, my brother turned around, went to his room, and that was that. Yeah, my brother talked big and tough, and picked fights after getting ideas from friends that would beat up their drunken fathers, turned into a real pussy. The next day, after I got home from school, I found his bedroom completely cleaned out. Thinking our house was robbed, I called my dad and said that there’s stuff missing. My dad said, “Your mother called. Your brother left and is going to live with your mother and step father, because of that fight we almost had last night. You can have his room now; now you have 2 rooms son.” That made my day. I was very happy, excited and celebrated his leaving, and getting his room. He was 16 years old, and they never saw each other again after that night. That was in 1996.

But all seriousness, why should my dad pay for a car for an asshole teenager kid that isn’t even his while he was acting like a real s~~~ towards us? My mother left when I was a month from age 11 in 1993, leaving me and my brother with my dad. My brother isn’t even my dad’s kid and took care of him after my mother left.

The funny thing is, I think karma is going to get him back for all that starting next January 11th when he gets married to a 25-year-old ugly woman who doesn’t work, demands him to have kids with her (or no marriage), demands him to change his religion and politics, while she smokes, drinks (opening bottles with her teeth). I met this woman Christmas 2014, and I absolutely hate her! On top of all the other stuff I mentioned, she held her hand over my mouth, gripping my head tight, and holding my ears tight so I don’t hear private girl secrets she would only tell my mother. Also in every subject she brought up, she would hold her heart, and looked like she was on the verge of crying, or getting all feelings. This girl is trouble, and even before proposing marriage, she’s already making demands and conditions to marry her. The only good thing I see out of my brother getting married is on the day of the wedding, I’m going to see my half brother’s other half brothers which were my best friends during childhood and haven’t seen since 2000. Another best part is, they live in Los Angeles, and I live in Chicago; I don’t have to live with their future bulls~~~ marriage and any f~~~ing kids they might end up with. HA-HA!!!!!!!!

As far as my relationship with my dad is; even though I’m unemployed and 33 and live with him, things aren’t really bad. I wish we would do some things together, but he’s into gardening, and I’m into electronic tech. We live with each other, but went separate ways. If we have a fight or dispute, it sometimes gets heated, he tells me “NO” to things and gets tough, but in the end, he’s all tough talk, but he never does anything to me. The part I hate is when we go to visit local family, he likes to embarrass me with comments, stupid jokes and unfair criticisms to my very childish aunt. The only thing my dad and I do together is we watch a movie together Saturday evening, and I always picked the movie.

As far as your son goes. At age 19, he should be forced to take care of himself, even if he lives at home. And unfortunately, teenagers and college-age kids these days aren’t very respectful– most of them. They’re spoiled, rotten, uncaring, thoughtless, selfish, stupid, lazy, and act entitled. I can say that from having my brother in my life the first 13 years. I’m sorry, but teenagers tend to be real assholes, but a lot of them snap out of it when they grow a few more years.

https://themanszone.webs.com/

[WallyParticipant]

Hey Max, sorry for late response glad things worked out, with age comes wisdom for young men, sounds like he has a lot of anger inside. I don’t have children but work with them and their parents, patience and time are their friends.

"what a waste of a life, to marry, give up your freedom, just for the hope of not dying alone. Don't get married Son."

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Quite a story, thanks ResidentEvil7

My son has since profusely apologised for his behaviour today. Sincerely and with humility. He has recognised he was being an arsehole, especially in light of the message I sent him. I have to give him credit for that.

Tough love works for sure. But he is still now out on his own. The relationship will stay strong moving forward.

As you say, teenagers can be real arseholes, and if you met his mother, you would understand why he has issues from early childhood. She is the bride of Satan at her worst.

All things considered, he has redeemed himself quite well today considering where he was at. He’s a young red pill man at heart (years of me teaching him) and this is a good character builder for him.

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Hey thanks Wally, appreciate it.

Yes, today we made progress. He looked within himself and found some humility and contrition. Rare in today’s youth.

[NerevarParticipant 8040]

Damn, he sounds like a bitch.

"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Just damaged. Like most of us.

Though I do appreciate the insightful feedback…

[RealityBitesParticipant 2198]

OP – kick him out and cut him off. Let mother nature and her tough love finish raising him. He will learn how to be independent, and while he will hate you for a number of years, eventually he will grow up and come to realize that that was the best thing that could have happened to him.

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Thanks, yep, already done as explained above.

He has accepted it and we are cool now. He was gonna be out soon anyway, I just accelerated the process.

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

It’s not a bad or good thing. It’s just how it is.

Being a parent is s~~~ … especially if you’re dad.

However, your son needs to live in the real world and being a man …. life will surely deliver the lessons.

Your job is now letting him swim in the s~~~ so he ‘gets it’ but being able to reach out and pull him out after he’s ducked under for the 3rd time.

He will come to learn and undersand. It won’t be easy but life’s like that.

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Great advice. Thanks.

[Big BossParticipant 4496]

Max Power wrote:

I need some encouraging words from you brothers. This is a tough and dark day for me. But it was a long time coming.

It’s what he needs. Some people have to learn the hard way to stop being a f~~~ing douche with the hand that feeds you. He’s spoiled frankly.

He should join the marines so they can teach him how to take care of himself.

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Thanks brother.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

I’ve had my share of fighting with my son all the way to having him move to his mom at 14, not talking to him for 2 years as a result of his false allegations (I’m not religeous but think the ten commandments are a pretty basic ethical model and “honoring they father and mother” and “do not bear false witness” are in top 10, right up there with “murder”).

To make a long story short, my son’s mom re-married to an ultra rich trust fund kid. My son didn’t want to do his school work and, as I had full custody, in my house the homework will be done.

When my son was 14, his mom bought a house in Hawaii during a difficult time with him at at school so he moved to his mom’s. The problem for him was that I had full custody so he needed to prove me unfit. So my son made up a story that I hit him with a board (we’re Italian, I think he was trying to say “two by four”, lol.

Anyway in court my ex and son were so stupid they actually asked the Judge in writing if they could excuse him from school in Sept so my son could do to Hawaii instead of school.

The Judge laughed them out of court.

I didn’t speak to my son for two years. Long enough to teach him a lesson not to take his father for granted.

He’s 19 years old now and we have a great relationship, he’s in college with a 3.8 gpa in engineering and had a very cool fathers day.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22531]

The one lesson I have found that has helped me with relationships of my family and others is that in this current society, most people are more emotionally immature than I am. I am an adult in mind and body. But, circumstances beyond my control have forced me to associate with people that are basically children to teenagers in the bodies of adults.

Though, the immaturity levels can range from child to teenager. And their attitudes also matter. Someone can be naturally nice or cruel, no matter what their level of emotional maturity.

I try to avoid the cruel ones and I am nice to the kind ones. Most kind emotionally immature people will only become upset when they feel they are being treated unfairly, or when they do not understand something, likely because they are no paying attention. And to avoid such tantrums, I have to slowly repeat myself several times, and sometimes even explain each step of my chain of reasoning with them.

Besides myself doing wonderfully in dealing with adults that are emotionally mature adults, I find that I tend to deal best with those with the emotional maturity of a thirteen to fourteen year old. They are mature enough to not throw a tantrum at the drop of a hate, but they are immature enough to not understand the proper use of being spiteful.

Those that have the emotionally maturity of child are not worth my time, except if they are nice to me, and they are actively trying to improve their well being.

Though, you have watch out for those adults that have the emotional maturity of a sixteen year old. They can fool you into thinking they are a mature adult. But, they can turn on a dime at the least expected times.

Still, the main problem with this is that having to deal with so many emotionally mature people every day is emotionally draining for me, and it becomes frustrating. But, I do not blow up. I just walk away and do my own hobbies.

[HitmanParticipant]

Behavior like his started long ago.
By 19 he’s an adult responsible for his actions and words.
You did the right thing. ..but he really needed a hard kick to the seat of his pants 10 years ago.
I hope you guys can work out a good relationship.
Sometimes a kid needs to know you mean business and won’t back down.
Then you have their respect.
Good luck!

[Total LeeParticipant 1573]

Kids don’t appreciate tough love until much later. Sometimes after the parents are gone when you can’t show appreciation anymore, and Dad didn’t get to hear it. That’s the thing about kids, they don’t really owe us anything but we owe them the very best we can do.

It’s not even about getting him to follow your orders. It’s just about stuff he can’t do in the real world. He needs to clean up his s~~~. The end.

[Anonymous 0]

I agree with the others, Max Power, you did the right thing. The kid was trying to see if he could get away with some casual abuse of family members. Who knows where he picked that up–his mother or somewhere else. That kind of language may be fine among friends. But it’s important to teach him that that stuff doesn’t fly in the family or when targeted against someone who is paying the bills (biting the hand that feeds you, and all that).

So you set the example. He becomes a good man himself when you show him how a good man (you) reacts to something like that. In this case, you show him that a good man doesn’t put up with casual abuse in the family. You set limits and you enforce them.

As you said, he’s an adult and he was moving out soon anyway. So I certainly don’t think the punishment was excessive.

[Author]

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