In a bad space right now. REALLY BAD!

[Sky-OParticipant 18936]

I’m going to put my phone down in about 30 seconds when I am done typing this:

To take a moment where I will be channeling positive energy your way to counteract the wave of emotions you are feeling right now.

Balance – Focus – Order – Control

You got this

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Thanks Sky-O, I keep all of you in mind when I feel no one else understands. People can imagine what must be going on, but you have to have taken the path the red pill brings you down in order to really understand.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Smee wrote:

I believe you hit the nail on the head fairly early on in this discussion.

You used to be a real simp and did everything she said – and now you just ignore her.

You have devalued her in the worst way possible and she will extract revenge.

The collateral damage is irrelevant to her, if she damages the kids and causes you to lose it and do something stupid – it will all be okay, because it will all be your fault.
You caused this by ignoring her and making her feel worthless.

She has not changed – you are now only seeing the side of her she kept from you until she needed it.

I have been there, seen and done it.

You now have to prove you are a man.

Take responsibility for your mistake, you married her.

Do not allow her to control you, you now make decisions based on what is best for the important people in your life, you and your kids.

If this means on occasions she seems to be winning, then let it seem that way.
You make your plans for you and your kids, based on your situation and the legal requirements for your locale.

It will suck and it will hurt, there will be times when you feel you just can’t do it anymore.

Always remember – YOU ARE A MAN – and it can suck to be a man, but YOU ARE A MAN and you will deal with this s~~~ like a man.
You will put your kids first and foremost and deal with this so as to impact them as little as possible.

Major differences between men and women – women do not like to delay gratification and need to be the centre of attention.

You play the long game, you may not win the battles, but you will win the war.
You drop into the background as much as you can and keep as far away from her as possible. Only contact in reference to the kids, anything else and she’ll drag you back in so that she can be the centre of it all again.

I’ve had my Ex tell my boys after her second wedding that Pete is now your Dad and you must call him that, your old Dad is now just George.
I understood it for what it was, a desperate ‘Hail Mary’, trying to break a lifetimes bonding.

When my boys told me about it I just smiled and said to them, that if they really liked Pete and wanted to call him Dad – that was up to them, not me nor their Mother. All I wanted was for them to be happy.
I also pointed out that he could never really be Dad, but was in fact ‘Step-Dad’ in legal parlance.
I also told them that if they ever decided to not call me Dad, I would accept their decision, but it would break my heart.

I managed to smile all the way through that weekend and when I closed the door after saying good-bye as they went back to their Mums, I broke down and cried like a man.
Long, hard, rib-wracking sobs with tears and mewling included.
After a while, I put my Big Pants back on and got on with life.

My boys have never stopped calling me Dad – they see me whenever they want and Pete remained Pete.

There is an innate knowledge of right and wrong in people, your boys know this and they know who the c~~~ is in this circle.

You have to teach them something I found hard to do, probably the hardest thing I had to.
You are not in control here, regardless of the morality, you are not in control. However, you will tirelessly fight to maintain and leverage the best outcome you can for your kids. But the system and their Mother have all the power here and any bad outcomes that appear will be as a result of everyone putting her before them.
But giving up is not an option, so if ANYTHING is causing them concern, they can come to you and be assured you will fight tirelessly to leverage the best outcome for them.

This is being a MAN, and from everything I’ve read here you are a MAN.

Want to flush the anger – come on site and talk, watch, listen. Feel you are going to lose it, let those of us who’ve been through empathise and try to mentor.

I can offer no quick band-aid, but I offer my friendship one MAN to another, Brother in all things now, think twice act once.

I actually awoke in the middle of the night feeling quite sad and thought of what you wrote Smee. Thanks for sharing and supporting, it’s so important to read something from the heart like you wrote. I think of all of you that have shared stories about your feelings when it comes to your kids, I think of May 7 2020, SpiritRR, Blade, just to name a few. I read and don’t forget. I just sometimes need to remind myself that I should access all this, think of your stories, even when my mind is clouded with sadness.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[ghostParticipant]

You will get through this, brother. You do not seem like the person who will ever give up or lacks the courage to face challenges such as this one.

I have not gone through something like this but I know you’ll eventually come out stronger.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

That she may never have really loved me, that idea, well, it’s my sons I pain for, but that idea in your OP also just adds emotion to it all. It’s their mother after all.

Your ex pumpkin never loved you.

I then wonder, how much does she even really love her own kids? You see this is also a bothersome thought. It’s just like one painful thought after another. I hope to hell that it ends between them two soon, it would make me feel better just to be able to confirm that she’s gone c~~~ crazy and nothing more. That’s she feels the pain of loneliness that the wall reserves for her. The longer they stay together the more mind mind will doubt. I don’t want to imagine that there is anything like a lasting relationship between those two. I want so badly for both my sons to see that it’s just a crap connection that she has built with this Chad out of fear of being alone and left to her own devices.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[IRuleMeParticipant]

We really wanted you to get on zoom this past weekend so we could help you through your issue. Maybe you can come on this coming weekend and talk about it face to face with various members.

[Remove me!Participant]

Point, I completely understand what you are going through. Just lay low, get as much info you can, document, call your lawyer, and bring it to the courts. But build up your case, be better prepared than your ex. She is obviously not providing a safe home for those boys.
DON’T DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! That will only hurt your boys. Beat your ex at her own game. Be calculated and manipulative.
You can do this, brother!

Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Another blow today… I’m going to have to recoup from this one… I found out today that her and her boyfriend (they haven’t been together long see previous posts) have gotten mutual tattoos and she told my sons she wants to get married with him after she divorces me. I couldn’t have made this s~~~ up! I’m really hurt by the torment I see my older son going through at seeing his mom behave like this. I’m losing control over my steady schedule because of all this turmoil and my meals and sleep are out of whack even though I have to try and stay focused on my new job. I don’t know when I’ll be around over the next couple of days but I will give an update when I regain control over things a little and have more breathing space. In the meantime all I can say to a mom that would do this to her kids is this:
WHAT A SELFISH IDIOT!

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Well, in a way, as soon as she marries him, he’s on the hook and you’re a free man. Consider forgetting about her and concentrate on the kids. This is so obvious to get to you.

How the f~~~ can she move a guy in after 3 weeks and already plan to marry him?

That’s a level of insanity you can’t even imagine. A man shouldn’t even THINK about calling her “girlfriend” for AT LEAST 9-12 months of knowing her. The other guy is absolutely f~~~ed.

YOU can keep your head together and don’t do anything YOU will regret –>> because they are already doing that for you.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Keymaster wrote:

Well, in a way, as soon as she marries him, he’s on the hook and you’re a free man. Consider forgetting about her and concentrate on the kids. This is so obvious to get to you.

How the f~~~ can she move a guy in after 3 weeks and already plan to marry him?

That’s a level of insanity you can’t even imagine. A man shouldn’t even THINK about calling her “girlfriend” for AT LEAST 9-12 months of knowing her. The other guy is absolutely f~~~ed.

YOU can keep your head together and don’t do anything YOU will regret –>> because they are already doing that for you.

They are both f~~~ed, correct KM, albeit for different reasons. I’d like to believe she is doing this to get at me, because then I’d be able to make some sense out of her actions. However, this may just actually be a case of her hamster having rabies, foaming at the mouth as it tries with all its might to get its wheel to go faster than the bearings are designed for. Granted, she may be getting a little thrill as a result of what her gina tingles are leading her to do, an extra bonus thrill at knowing that it’s hard for any ex to stay level headed in this s~~~ at this point in the game. In other words, she may be easily convincing herself that I must be going through emotional hell right now. With each passing stupidity she owns, I feel it easier and easier to forget about her. I got the divorce papers handed to me at my door in October 2016, done with no heads up, just a rap at the door from the bailiff. I’ve come a long way since then and at this point care very little for her welfare apart from the fact that she has full custody at this point. Forgetting her will be easier once she makes an entire mess of her new affair. Miraculously, so far, I’ve been able to stick to No Contact in a way that I can only pat myself on the back for given the circumstances. It’s an hourly struggle at times to keep all my wicked thoughts to myself, to keep evil plans at a theoretical level and simply in my imagination. She’s known the guy internet-style for a few months, but yes, she only knew him in real life for a few weeks before inviting him to live with her and my sons. From my sons’ perspective he was simply air-dropped onto them out of nowhere, really like that, the same day he was introduced to my sons in real life was the day he moved in. This guy is supposedly divorced and get this… He normally lives in Europe and has two kids! And my ex-c~~~ still thinks he’s marrying material! He’s actually leaving this week to go back to Europe to see his kids (supposedly) and then coming back. My ex-c~~~ will be awaiting his return, their mutual tattoos supposedly being the proof that they will stick it out together (talk about pathetic). As for the mental state of Chad, he’s absolutely nuts from a red pill perspective. The s~~~ that could come back to bite him is mind boggling. I have had some people suggest that he must be in it all for the PR visa, because you have to be getting a big reward somewhere to do that s~~~ he’s doing. The truth is, I don’t know his history, for all I know he may be trying to escape the law that is pursuing him for some reason where he comes from in Europe. It gets worse! She has told my sons that she truly desires to live in Europe (and this I know is true because she shat on me for years about wanting to go live in Europe) and that she will be able to convince my to get her permission to travel with my sons. Yes, confirmed, bitch, you know what? You are not certified Bat-S~~~ Crazy! You have to be to think that. Dear ex-c~~~, I’m not even going to give you the time of day let alone a travel with minors authorization! This is pussy pass thinking at the insane level. I already don’t give her anything outside of the necessary legally, and it’s been like that since the Spring. It’s SO SO hard not to want to do something stupid. But I MUST NOT. The last thing I want is for her to be able to go to court and have Parental Authority removed from my name. The game would be lost for me at that point and I’d be finished. So, I must not do anything stupid as hard as that is. I gave my real estate agent s~~~ today, but that’s another story although it’s tightly related to my on-going divorce process. The s~~~ pile is HUGE! I know it may not happen, but I so so so want her to crash into bits and find demise of her own doing. I’d RELISH in the tears… I’d bathe with utter joy in a tub full of her tears at this point. This was the first tattoo she ever got! Mutual tattoos, what s~~~! How ridiculous… Met over the internet! I live in a city of over a million people. But imagine, that pool of c~~~s was not enough for her. For the kind of idiot she was looking for to play her game she actually needed to go PLANETARY! Yes, you need to use dating apps on a f~~~ing PLANETARY level to find a dude fast enough in her post-wall state. Sick f~~~!

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[SkinnySweatyManInAGreenSuitParticipant 94]

Kids want stability. They gravitate towards reliable behavior. Just be calm and reliable and strong and they will turn to you as the competent adult. Kids aren’t dumb. Be the boss by staring at the fools in silent but perceptible judgment. It’s so hard to do this, I truly understand your rage and struggle with my own, but the reward is worth it. This tactic worked with my soon to be ex wife and my STEP-children when my wife was punishing and instigating me. They literally began to see me as “The Parent” even though I was just the step-dad. She looked like a clown, even to them. Explain her behavior to them calmly and why you think it is unacceptable. Kids instinctively know that they need good examples to follow to give them the best chance at success in life. They will go to the strongest anchor when they are in a storm.

Beer & BBQ

[Author]

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