Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Help me to plan to get out of this marriage!
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Rhino 3 years, 8 months ago.
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Hi,
It’s been a while since I have been here. Some of you might remember the crap I put up from a cold and loveless wife! Some of you said that after I finally got a new job (after years of unemployment), that she would not change. Well you were right! She DID NOT CHANGE! In fact, when I suggested we have celebration sex you know what she said to me? Wait until you’re working first. Can you believe it? Well that job only lasted 6 months. So here I am again unemployed and looking for a new job.We have not had sex once in 2016. And we only had sex 1 or 2 in 2015. She has gotten worse! I just tried to give her a hug because I am trying to be more positive. Do you know what she did? She did what she has been doing to me for years. She protested and said “okay, okay” and did not even hug be back. She tried to put her arms around my elbow or whatever she did. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! You guys are right! Women are NOT WORTH THE HUMILIATION!!
I got some good advice from some guys a year or two ago on what to do to get out of this joke that is supposed to be a marriage. I think one or two of you said to get a copy of all my paperwork to find out how much we are worth. I could use a fresher course! What steps do I take? Anyone?Thanks
To give you real good advice, we are going to need quite a bit more information. None of us are lawyers so the first thing you need to do is put together a package of information for a legal consultation, then get some proper legal advice. They will need stuff like your marriage certificate, assets, valuations on assets, number of kids, step-kids, are you currently paying child support or alimony, etc.
Now for us to help you and give you advice, we need to know much more about the marital situation. How long have you been married, do you have kids, ages and gender, who would look after the kids if you guys split, is she a SAHM, do you currently rent a home or are you a home owner. Do you have a Prenuptial Agreement or Cohabitation Agreement. Do you have a spare room. Is there somewhere your soon to be ex-wife will be able to stay. Do you have a cam-corder or sound activated recorders? Which state, province or County do you live in. Are you in a location where there is no-fault divorce.
Once we have at least this much information, I think, as a group, we can help you. Our combined wisdom so to speak. Don’t forget she will be getting all the help she needs for free. In fact I expect that we will be able to provide you with alternative suggestions each step of the way. In the interim, just let life run as normal. Do not tip her off that something is in the works. Don’t add more money to a joint account unless it is specifically for paying off bills.
Just to let you know that all this is coming down in one single moment of one single day. She may or may not be blind-sided, but you have to be prepared for the worst. Women do not take kindly to being dumped.
Lawyer up.
A lawyer WILL strip you dry. I’m not advocating against having one, just be aware that if you send them a letter, you PAY them to read it. If you telephone them, that’s $200 to have them listen. They are expensive.
You need to know more than anyone else, and have the proof of it – know what money came in, when, what it was spent on, who spent it, where the receipts are (in your safe keeping), who does what around the house, why, and so on. Not only that, it is wise if you have this all written down somewhere that she doesn’t know about, and can’t get to.
There is a ton of s~~~ that will need to be sorted out, whichever way it ends, and having a spreadsheet, and other documents that you can update as you need, and refer to at will, is very useful.
The laws work like this: whoever looks like the biggest victim wins the day. So you have to paint yourself as a helpless victim that is suffering worse than she is, if you want the courts to side with you. Don’t hold your breath though. 80% of all marriages are ended by her, and the other 20% are mutual or him. If children are involved, she gets custody 85% of the time (except in Canada where it’s 92%). Where the children go, the house goes, and the money too.
That’s why we need to know if you have kids.
You need to go into this expecting it to be the battle from hell, and work your way back from there. Plan it like an NFL game. What’s the strategy? Do you want to screw her royally? If not, and you want to do the decent thing, as so many men do, be prepared for the fact that women generally do not follow a code of ethics, and lawyers most certainly do not. So if you don’t have a game plan, you WILL get screwed, even if you instigate it.
Cameras. In place. Now.
Record everything that goes on in the months leading up to the announcement (and it needs to be months for you to get everything you need in order). This is a long term game, it will take 18 months at the very least. If you do not record everything, she can make an allegation that you have assaulted her, and the Police and the Courts WILL side with her, even if they don’t believe her. I need to stress that again. EVEN IF THEY DON’T BELIEVE HER. This is how the system works. In a divorce scenario, you are assumed to be a pedophile rapist violent psycho, unless you can prove otherwise. It’s harsh, and it’s not fair, it’s not how the law SHOULD work, but it’s the reality. This is why you need proof, in the form of videos ALL THE TIME. Put one in your car. In the bedroom, kitchen, lounge. Everywhere that you both might be at the same time.
Depending on how cold she is, she might very well try to ruin all your relationships with everyone you know. This is how the female mind works – you hurt her by ending it (even though she’s desperately unhappy) and she will hurt you by ruining your relationships, by telling lies, painting you with the psycho pedo brush, and a host of other things. Females are unbelievably skillful at relational violence, they go through it all when they are 14, and they never stop.
Know who your friends are, and warn them, if you can. Know who your joint friends are, and be prepared to kiss that friendship goodbye, but if you want to protect yourself, you have to think like a woman, and pre-empt the bitching, lies, and manipulation that she will unleash on them.
Get yourself a psychologist report stating you are sane and non-psycho. It’s unlikely to sway a court, but it is just another piece of evidence to destroy any allegations that might come up once the separation is in full swing.
There is so much more beside this, but you’ll need to digest first.
TL;DR – Treat this as a war. One wrong move and you lose your life.
1) bang everyone of her friends that would want to do you!
2) make sure she finds out!
3) sleep everywhere but home when possible!
4) never give her a divorce and run her ass into the ground!
5) never give her any cash while making excuses!
6) make her hate you as much as you can!
7) never agree with anything she wants or needs!
8) ignore the bitch completely!
9) set up hidden cameras everywhere!
10) always pretend to care but never give in!
…she’ll f~~~ up believe it, they always hang themselves with enough rope Brother, and finally…pretend to be gay!
…play her f~~~ing game but be wise and careful cause when you want something done right you have to do it yourself!
…remember, 1000 lawyers up to their neck in sand is not enough sand!
My advice may seem crazy but if you’re smart enough to pull it off you’ll walk away laughing believe me!...I'm an Alpha Male, not a bitch!!!
Okay here it goes. This might have to come down later due to personal info. I thank you all for your help.
We do NOT have a Prenuptial Agreement.
She has a very good job with very good medical benefits that we are covered under.
We own a house together.
We have a teenager who is in high school.
We have a dog.
She has a retirement plan.
I have a nice sum of money put away that is NOT a joint account. I made sure it was under my name only. I am sure she is p~~~ed about this. I just had to do it for my protection. It’s a nice sum of money close to 400k up until a few weeks ago with the issue in the stock market. I really worry she might go after this. But she is too cheap for a lawyer.I am shocked you guys suggested I use a camera or recorder. Really??? Wow! I have to check if that is even legal in my state.
I have no doubt she would lie since she has lied about me already.
As for my work I am unemployed. I can’t hold a job because of some Adult ADD thing going on. It’s very sad. But I keep plugging away.
One last thing. I know lawyers are total rip offs! I want to avoid them if I can. I was hoping to go a file for a no fault divorce in my state if I could. This way we both keep our money and divide the house. But then again what about alimony? lol1) bang everyone of her friends that would want to do you!
2) make sure she finds out!
3) sleep everywhere but home when possible!
4) never give her a divorce and run her ass into the ground!
5) never give her any cash while making excuses!
6) make her hate you as much as you can!
7) never agree with anything she wants or needs!
8) ignore the bitch completely!
9) set up hidden cameras everywhere!
10) always pretend to care but never give in!
…she’ll f~~~ up believe it, they always hang themselves with enough rope Brother, and finally…pretend to be gay!
…play her f~~~ing game but be wise and careful cause when you want something done right you have to do it yourself!
…remember, 1000 lawyers up to their neck in sand is not enough sand!
My advice may seem crazy but if you’re smart enough to pull it off you’ll walk away laughing believe me!Haha! LOVE IT!
Okay here it goes. This might have to come down later due to personal info. I thank you all for your help.
We do NOT have a Prenuptial Agreement.
She has a very good job with very good medical benefits that we are covered under.
We own a house together.
We have a teenager who is in high school.
We have a dog.
She has a retirement plan.
I have a nice sum of money put away that is NOT a joint account. I made sure it was under my name only. I am sure she is p~~~ed about this. I just had to do it for my protection. It’s a nice sum of money close to 400k up until a few weeks ago with the issue in the stock market. I really worry she might go after this. But she is too cheap for a lawyer.I am shocked you guys suggested I use a camera or recorder. Really??? Wow! I have to check if that is even legal in my state.
I have no doubt she would lie since she has lied about me already.
As for my work I am unemployed. I can’t hold a job because of some Adult ADD thing going on. It’s very sad. But I keep plugging away.
One last thing. I know lawyers are total rip offs! I want to avoid them if I can. I was hoping to go a file for a no fault divorce in my state if I could. This way we both keep our money and divide the house. But then again what about alimony? lolA prenup is almost worthless nowadays, so don’t worry that you don’t have one.
Don’t pretend for a moment that your stash of money is at all safe. I never had a joint account with my ex, although she allowed me to run a card off HER account. During the divorce, I lost everything in my account anyway, she went after my car, even though she drove one 10x the price, she wanted me to finance her forever. The courts will order that you disclose everything in your name, and give her at least half of it, whether she earned it or not.
So. Buy physical gold, physical silver with that money, and hide it where no one will find it. Otherwise, kiss goodbye to all your stocks and shares. Anything that is traceable by paper will find its way into her hands. Anything that is not traceable is……not traceable!
The only other way I know to protect money is to set up a Trust Fund, which I did. This way, and property, money, stocks, shares, companies, and other holdings or assets are untouchable. It’s a small amount of paperwork to set up, a small cost (I think I paid $500 total), and I get to decide who gets what and when, but it’s not owned by me, so no one can force it off me. In order for someone to get money off the Trust, they have to prove that the Trustee owes them. As soon as that happens, I just switch Trustees, and their claim is against someone with no assets any more. Worth reading about.
Personally, although I LOVE Alpha’s suggestion (and it would work if you had b~~~~ as big as him), I think a better option is to try to reverse the situation that normally happens. You have a registered medical problem that prevents you from working, and she takes care of you because of that. Play on this. [If it is not registered, by f~~~, get down to a doctor today and MAKE it registered]. Courts will usually look at the kids first, then the mother, then the father. If your teenager is taken care of physically and financially, it becomes a case of who needs more support, and what has been the status quo. This is why alimony laws still exist – it was the man who provided for the woman, and she stayed at home to raise the kids. The laws were created to continue that situation “as if the couple had never split”. So he pays her, and she doesn’t have to work.
In your situation, YOU don’t have to work, and SHE supports YOU. This is your trump card. To continue as if the relationship had never ended, she will need to continue to support you.
Anyway, again, I rant far too much. Next question – what’s your relationship like with your teenager? Who would they realistically like to live with when you separate? This is also important.
Even if I go for a no fault divorce she will get half of my accounts from my inherited money? Would I get half of her money? Buying gold and silver is a good idea.
My teenager and I are very close. Not sure where my teenager would want to live. I would love if he/she lived with me. But I understand if she/he wants to live with her mother. But his mom can be such an over powering control freak she/he might want to live with me.
I was diagnosed with a learning disability. I will have to find that document. It’s probably half shredded. I wonder if that would hold up in court?If I open a trust account could I take money out of it like a retirement account?
I’m assuming you’re in an English-speaking western country. All such countries have no-fault divorce laws. You can’t blame either person for the breakdown of the marriage. Either one of you could go against your marriage vows, shag a horse, or any number of other things, and you can’t be held accountable for the breakdown of the marriage. If you shag a horse, you might be on criminal charges, but not at fault for the divorce. That’s how it works.
Yes. She will get half of your inherited money. Unless you have VERY good reason otherwise – i.e. it is in Trust, or you inherited it before you got married AND she signed a legal prenup saying she wouldn’t claim it upon divorce AND that prenup has been updated every year ever since. Barring those two things, she’s entitled to half for doing f~~~ all. She could have slept with 40 drug addicts, got you infected with goodness knows what, and she still gets half.
That’s why you need to protect it.
Having thought about it for another 5 minutes, I’d be putting money on the idea that the only reason she’s sticking around is BECAUSE you have that $400k sitting there. I reckon that’s the first thing she’ll go for, and make no mistake, it’s a large enough sum of money for her to do ANYTHING for it. There won’t be any ethics, or moral code that she goes by. In pursuit of money, a woman will abandon any code ever written, that much is plainly obvious by all the guys’ stories here.
So the question remains – how do you defend yourself against a women with no morals or ethics, hell-bent on getting you imprisoned, destitute, or dead, and with State backing to do so? You need to think like this, even if you don’t think she’s capable of it. She is.
None of us are lawyers so the first thing you need to do is put together a package of information for a legal consultation, then get some proper legal advice. They will need stuff like your marriage certificate, assets, valuations on assets, number of kids, step-kids, are you currently paying child support or alimony, etc.
Yep.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Welcome back pZ1$. I remember your original posts.
It has gotten quite long, and many men weighed in on what they thought you should do since your last post there too.
You’ve known for a while that this is no way to live. Do something, life is passing you by and you only have a limited time. You get to choose whether you want to continue slowly pulling at the band aid, or whether you want to rip it off in one motion to get the inevitable pain over with quickly.
My last input for this post. You mentioned not having sex in 2016 and only once or twice in 2015. This bitch is not important enough or good enough to you to LET her have sex with you. She doesn’t deserve a single second of relaxation or enjoyment until you can feel those emotions in your life again.
Do not sleep with her even if she initiates. I’d even say don’t talk to her, but you’ve allowed yourself to be on the back burner for so long that I doubt she consults you or confides in you very much anyway.
Get you squared away! It may get ugly before you see the bright side of life again, and worrying about how she feels about you is still putting her neglectful ass before yourself.
F~~~ her! You’re done with her. Your only concern is yourself and your teenager.
I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.
Thanks guys. I will reply soon. But now I am too excited. I got a very good response from the last job I interviewed for. They thanked me for doing a “very very nice job” and want professional references from me. My former employers were too happy to give them for me. This is great!!!
I need advice. This job was advertised between $55,000 to $97,000. Of course I should ask for the $97,000 right? At one of my last jobs I was getting paid $59,000. Another guy in marketing was getting paid $90,000 and he didn’t know s~~~! I knew all the software plus what he could do! Any suggestions?
ThanksI’d personally go the opposite way. Be the guy that they can’t afford to let go at the amount you’re willing to work for. After a year, when you get your review have a list of the benefits that you’ve provided at their minimum scale and tell them your new number.
Your expenses will go down without the harpy picking your pocket each month. You will be amazed at what you can actually live on. Don’t be the guy who demands the top pay from a position of being currently unemployed.
Get your foot in the door by being easy to please and then experience an epiphany during your time there that you are really an indispensable member of their team.
The better you can play the ability to walk away at that review the more power you have. Once the divorce is final you might mention your trust fund to a couple of key members that you know will blab to HR.
I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.
I need advice. This job was advertised between $55,000 to $97,000. Of course I should ask for the $97,000 right?
Sure man, no doubt always go for the higher notes. After all we all live in risky times anyway, so why waste it…?
That’s how I would do it, if I was in your shoes having virtually nothing to lose as an unemployed person.
I'd rather die a natual death with a clear MGTOW conscience somewhere off the grid than one within "modern" civilisation with a big stress mark on my forehead and a couple of dozen tubes plugged into my body. Back to the plantation..? Me..? Hey, literally: I won't ever fucking kid myself...YZERLMNTSIC
Man, I can just see this. You are gonna see this guy initiating the divorce and all of a sudden he is framed as the big bad wolf to all of the people closest to the wife, All the wife seems like doing is giving the guy the rope so that he can hang himself with all the alimony and shame he has to pay. Liston dude, it is not like she is bullying you or anything and it is not like if you are ever gonna marry another woman again. So what if it is a sexless marriage. It is not like if you are gonna have sex anymore anyways after this marriage is over. Just do it for the children at least.
"Question everything" - Albert Einstein
You cannot cheat on someone that you have no sexual relations with. I know. I have been exactly where you are now. I went through exactly what you are going through before realizing it was better to make the monthly payment than to have her waste *all* the money.
Your life is short. Life free. Just move out.
She is legally entitled probably in most states to 1/2 the money – don’t fret it just give it to her.
Then there is the true story of a guy my old man knew. He was in ‘this typical boat’ He quietly moved all the money to Thailand and moved there and did not respond to *any* court or summon requests. Nothing could proceed because no summons could be served. However the women there are pro-hoookers. You will get cleaned out.
I am long down the road and I live free. My life is simple, peaceful, I do not worry about a women when she get’s her fretting cycle of crap, or tries playing control hooks on you (they almost all do it – where do they learn that.)
Now I am phobic of women in all orders because they are a protected out of control. The last date I had was 6 months ago. The same patterns emerged that emerged with the 30+ women I dated before that. It was always the same, when are you buying her a Martha Stewart house.
I thought maybe if I picked a women that was from Columbia it would be different.
It is not.
I know a co-worker who left Poland under Communism in the early 80’s with his wife and nothing more than the shirts on their backs. You would think she would respect all the the time and effort that he put in to provide a home, raise the kids, work s~~~ty jobs none of us want to do in miserable conditions year after year after year..
No.
She treats him like a Yard Animal confined to his computer in the basement while she buys herself endless s~~~ and shoes. He even went so far as to fly the bitch all the way to Paris and didn’t even get laid.
My advice to him was to leave, my advice to you is simple. Just move out. Split the money with her and go.
Women are like ruly out of control cats that should be left to their own suffering.
Women fall apart when they are left to their own vices often.
pZ1$ – you need a divorce lawyer to help you navigate this minefield. States in the US differ about how divorces are adjudicated, so what’s good advice in one state may not be in another.
I second the thought about acquiring physical gold or silver – this is really the only way to preserve your assets that i’m sure of; basically if their in your posession & she doesn’t know about it. Unfortunately, if the balance in that account used to be $400k & you withdraw $100k just before you divorce her ass, the judge is going to get suspicious. Any amounts you can justify – $200/week for beers with the guys or whatever. I’ve also heard that developing a “gambling problem” can explain some withdraws/losses.
One thing you may also want to consider – if all assets are “on the table”, and she’s being a complete bitch anyway, spend some of your cash to take a trip, or buy a motorcycle or whatever. What would you do if your opinion was the only one that mattered? I can pretty much guarantee you that she’s going to be p~~~ed off no matter what you do, so spend a weekend in Vegas gambling & f~~~ing hookers, or go whitewater rafting in Costa Rica, or become a skydiving instructor, etc etc, you get the point. Do something for you.
I am a Cpa, not an attorney. I think your inherited money is not marital property IF you have kept that money separate from household money and you do not live in a community property state. Inheritances, beauests, and gifts received are not marital property subject to equitable division except in community property states az, ca, id, la, nv, nm, tx, wa, wi.
You need a lawyer now. I also think you need to suck it up a couple years until the child is out of high school. You’ve put up with it this long, what’s four more years at most? You won’t be able to get that time back with your child. Use this time to plan. Figure out the laws. Figure out how to make the laws work for you. Expect to give her what is legally hers, probably half the house, akimony? Then, get a mediator for both of you. If the two of you can calmly agree to dissolution, you will save everyone money, including her. That’s what they don’t tell you…. you’ll give her half now and some future money either way but if you duke it out in court you’ll also give the system $25,000.
To pZ1S
Robert Hallam here. QuietlyQuietly has given you some good advice. That cash account in which you have $400K is at risk as long as it is in your name. You are a bit confused. Do not think putting in a trust account is good enough. Do as QuietlyQuietly has advised. I also strongly suggest that you take a good look at the advice given by Bee. As I mentioned you will be given alternative advice.
As for the 400K, even if it is inherited I recommend getting it moved into a legally drawn up Trust such as a Family Trust (not a Trust Account). The Family Trust becomes the owner of the funds, not you. That is what you want. If you own the funds you can loose it right away. You can still be the Trustee of the Family Trust. But if you are a beneficiary of the Family Trust, you are an owner and your soon to be ex-wife (stbexw) can access it. She can’t if you are just the Trustee. Get that straitened out first with a lawyer.
If you don’t have a Prenuptial Agreement, that is alright. Don’t worry. It would only be helpful if you had any sizeable assets such as a business before you were married.
It is great that you live in a “no-fault” divorce state. Don’t try to do this on the supper cheap. If your stbexw gets hostile, or as you mention tends to lie a lot, you need protection. You are walking into a death trap if you go to court without a lawyer, and she lies or turns on the tears. Don’t do it. The money you save will easily cover the legal costs and if you are the initiator of the divorce proceedings, she has to pay your legal fees.
Now the fact that your stbexw is employed and had benefits such as health insurance, retirement plan, etc. is great. Keep her working and paying half or more of everything and document it. Do not let her become a SAHM. The fact that you are somewhat underemployable is even better. Although I now understand you hit the jack pot with a job offer. You don’t want to change that either. Document all of that as well. What is going to happen here is the burden for spousal support will shift from you the male (the normal primary earner) to her. If you wanted to be an asshole you could use this as leverage and request alimony. You should also use the fact that she has a retirement plan as a lever as well. Note also this shifts the burden of her paying for your legal bills if you initiate the divorce action.
As for the house. It is a joint asset of the marriage. You both have 50/50 equity in the house, even if you have paid for all of it so far. So from now on make sure that the mortgage payments, if there is still a mortgage, property taxes, heat, light, repairs, etc. is being paid from a joint account in order to maintain the 50/50 ownership. And document it. I can not predict how the courts will divide the house. Most likely 50/50. But, I would recommend selling it, and splitting the profits, if either of you can not afford the mortgage on their own or have the ability to buy one another out. But what ever you do, do not move out of the house. Have her or you move to a spare room. Walk away from any hostilities, and make sure it is videoed or witnessed and documented.
Your daughter is 14 and I’m just guessing but she’ll be broken hearted for a while and cling to her mother. She will hate you at first. But don’t let that worry you too much. She will come around eventually especially if she knows you both still want her. Because she is still in high school it is very likely that the courts will award primary custody to your stbexw because she appears to be the most financially stable, but I am confident that the courts will award you 50/50 visitation rights. Even though you may have visitation rights, it is very likely that the courts will set down child support requirements to be paid to your stbexw. This is actually a right of your daughter to require support from both parents, which can not be waved. It’s not a right of your stbexw to wave it.
I don’t know who will get the dog. Cars are cheap, who cares you can only drive one. Yes, I am sorry to say that now-a-days you need proof (video proof is the best). If she calls the police on a Domestic Violence charge, you get removed from the house immediately. You get a record that can’t be expunged for at least 2 years even if you are found not guilty. The fact is the cops had to restrain you and hold you in custody. She can then turn around and get a restraining / protection order against you, and then you are definitely going to loose. All the women know about this trick.
Hope this helps guy.
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