Home › Forums › Introductions › Greetings. Looking for Advice
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Zoby Two 4 years, 6 months ago.
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Long story short. Mid 30’s middle class income earner. Have been with my girlfriend for 3+ years, and cohabitating for 2 years.
Of course, she’s pushing for the ring, marriage and kids, you know the routine, she’s got the house, so now she wants to fill it up with kids and stuff. I guess I don’t fault her for that. I would say our annual income discrepancy is about 30K, and I also had about 60K in assets, she had nothing (or at least claims she had nothing to contribute towards the house. One accidental pregnancy a year and a half ago, while she was on the pill (not sure she actually was still taking it), followed by a miscarriage put a hell of a lot of strain on the relationship. Her priorities completely refocused to having a kid now, that became all that is important. We went from birth control, to accidental pregnancy, to now I must have kids and I’m off birth control. So far she hasn’t got pregnant again.
I’m hoping I can write here without some fembot judgement along the lines of “you insensitive f~~~face, she had a miscarriage, you should be sensitive to her needs.” Trust me, I’ve been sensitive for the better part of a year. Sex has declined drastically. Her attitude has changed. My fun outgoing girlfriend became sullen and depressed, and won’t do much about it. She thinks having a baby will fix all of this. Mood swings are the norm. Also the weight gain, 65 pounds later, she’s lost confidence, but doesn’t seem to be doing a lot about it.
You could chalk this up to miscarriage, depression and go with it, but eventually things have to turn around right? Yeah right. I suggested she start exploring career options or school to get a better job so that we could earn more to take care of kids in the future. You know what I got? Tears galore, and told I’m an asshole who thinks of kids like they’re a numbers game. Basically she all but said, once I get pregnant and have a kid buddy, you’re taking care of us, because I’m done with my s~~~ty job. Great.
Why would I want to marry this and have kids? I loved her a lot, she was my friend and we were great together Now, I feel like I can’t have a serious adult conversation anymore because I don’t know if she’s going to get upset and cry. I’m pushing up on late 30’s and she’s pushing for kids. Of late the ultimatum has been “If there are no kids, there is no US” I don’t want to end up divorced, with child support payments and kids I don’t see when I’m 50.
So I’m asking, is anyone here actually married? What warning signs did you look for before you got married? Did you get a pre-nup? How did she take that? What benefit does Marriage afford to men, given the HUGE financial risk, particularly if kids are involved. Edit: Basically I’m tired of being told I’m a man-child for actually wanting to think though marriage and *gasp* get a prenup before I do it. You can’t talk to women about this s~~~, they look at you like you have a third arm growing out of your head. Basically the only advice I get from friends is “LOL don’t get married”.
No kids, but getting married doesn’t guarantee permanent bliss. My ex changed her mind about being married 2 years or so before she announced her divorce intentions. She just waited until she could partner up with someone else. In her case, it was a dike. Yes, they do crazy s~~~ like that.
Look man, you’re not in charge of her happiness. But you are in charge of yours. Seriously consider your options now before you don’t have any.
Whore Magnet
Holy cow… you have a lot of reading to do on this web site. I can’t even cliff notes it all for you here, but all I can say (from experience) is that all of the good parts of your relationship are done (yes even any future sex is going to be sad from now on), and all of the ways she is making you feel s~~~ty about yourself will not ever end and are going to get MUCH worse from here… for the remainder of the time you are with her. Period.
Nobody can tell you how to live your life, but if I was back in the stage of my life that you are at now, knowing what I know now… I would have broken off my relationship and severed all contact without a SECOND of hesitation.
You owe it to yourself to spend a couple of nights reading through this website. You’ll get no fembot judgement here, but you’ll find most of our responses won’t be as sugar coated as this one was.
"Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves" -BBR
I’m hoping I can write here without some fembot judgement along the lines of “you insensitive f~~~face, she had a miscarriage, you should be sensitive to her needs.”
I can assure you that you will not receive this response on this forum. I am fairly new here but I have already seen the mods enforce the “Men Only” policy. I have never been married so I can’t respond from direct experience what “the signs are”. However, a lot of the men here have been married or are in the throes of divorce right now.
My experience from watching what my friends in real life have gone through does not paint a rosy picture for your future with this woman. In my experience if such demanding and selfish behavior has already begun before she even has the legal commitment of marriage or a child it is only likely to increase the more of a hold she has over you.
I know that this is not exactly what you want to hear, as you stated quite clearly that you love her; but, it is the truth as I see it. I would suggest that you stick around and chat with some of the members who have been married and divorced to hear their input on your situation before you make any hasty and irreversible decisions in regards to your future with this woman.
just my 2 cents
and BTW welcome to the forum
"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."
“The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”
-- Marcus Aurelius, MeditationsHoly cow… you have a lot of reading to do on this web site. I can’t even cliff notes it all for you here, but all I can say (from experience) is that all of the good parts of your relationship are done (yes even any future sex is going to be sad from now on), and all of the ways she is making you feel s~~~ty about yourself will not ever end and are going to get MUCH worse from here… for the remainder of the time you are with her. Period. Nobody can tell you how to live your life, but if I was back in the stage of my life that you are at now, knowing what I know now… I would have broken off my relationship and severed all contact without a SECOND of hesitation. You owe it to yourself to spend a couple of nights reading through this website. You’ll get no fembot judgement here, but you’ll find most of our responses won’t be as sugar coated as this one was.
Well…s~~~. Appreciate the honesty though. Problem is I do love her a lot, she’s a generally good person. I really thought she was the one. I like to think this isn’t entirely some scripted plan on her part to get pregnant…then…what? Get fat on the couch? I’d hope between me working 2 jobs and trying to better my career she’d have more ambition though. I want her to be happy, I would truly like that so things would be like they were early on. I dunno, I’m just a loyal guy who was in love. Still am but the relationship has been tested a lot lately.
I don’t hate women, I’m all about fair. What should I be reading first? I’m already 80% decided Marriage is a ridiculous option in this day and age, the benefit all sees to flow one way.
If someone is holding a gun to your head and demanding YOU do something for THEM and at the same time telling you they love you …. well you have to question that …. SERIOUSLY.
@entropy said it best. START READING THE ARCHIVE.
What I’m seeing here is the start of the end of YOU. No matter what decision you make, the result will be the same ….. the end of your relationship as you know it.
Learn here about what women really want and how absolutely f~~~ed you will become if she wishes it.
Also give the family law a little look up …. it won’t take long … trust me.
This is the end of the beginning for you and the start of a very slow and painful destroying of your worth.
There are only two ways out that I see. Numb yourself by overdosing on blue pills and walk blindly to your fate ….. like a soldier going over the top or ….. take the red pill and walk away.
There will be pain either way but at least with one you get another chance and maintain YOU.
This is an awful situation and my thoughts are with you.
YOU MUST NOT F~~~ HER OR IF YOU DO …. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THAT IS NOW THE TRAP.
Take care brother …. we are here.
I’d start with “The Manipulated Man” by author Esther Vilar… and then sit back as your mind explodes (its a short read). This book will show you how many red flags there really are in your first paragraph alone.
Otherwise, start in the archives and meander about, reading what peaks your interest. Trying to take in all of the knowledge you’ll have access to here is like trying to drink from a fire hose… but don’t be intimidated, this is the only place (that I’ve ever found) that is here for YOUR benefit and nothing more.
Notice the lack of advertisements? Notice the lack of females? Notice the instant, sincere honesty?
"Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves" -BBR
I just got out of the same sort of situation (no mis-carriage) but she wanted kids soonish, she wanted to get married, wanted the ring. She was constantly emotional almost bi-polar happy one minute and depressed the next. Gaining weight, naggy, irritating. I’m doing all of the work around the house, doing all the shopping, paying all the bills and she just surf’s facebook. Lots of other things I could discuss. Bottom line she had lists of demands and needs and things that I should do for her… I didn’t even have a list. I just wanted some peace and sanity. I got out and could not be happier. Took a couple of months to work through all of the emotional stress but it was worth it.
I guess the question really is… do you want kids… if not run. Do you think she will pull her own weight if you have kids?
There might be something in this book for you starting around page 145 on relationships/marriage, I’m currently reading it.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B25bqEJSyCeZVU81ZXJPYzJUS0E/edit
Also the weight gain, 65 pounds later, she’s lost confidence, but doesn’t seem to be doing a lot about it.
65 pounds, wow… It’s like you’re dating one and a half of her now… You came to the right place… she has no respect for herself, and people who don’t respect themselves have no respect for others.
I suggested she start exploring career options or school to get a better job so that we could earn more to take care of kids in the future. You know what I got? Tears galore, and told I’m an asshole who thinks of kids like they’re a numbers game.
Think about how much of your positive energy and time she is draining, you never get this back.. One day you may look back and say, yeah I could have chased that dream, or pursued that goal, but you chose to entertain her uselessness instead, and where did it get you, ruined. All because you wanted to play “hide the weenie”, really?
What warning signs did you look for before you got married? Did you get a pre-nup?
She is trapping you into a child, MASSIVE RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!
Mention the prenup and watch her true colors come to life, but if you really respect yourself, you’ll remove her before that…
Let me guess, her getting fat is all your fault right?
Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.
Welcome.
To answer your question directly I am married.
I walked into it blindly under social pressure from… everywhere. Do not let this person be you.
My personal urge to reproduce and have a son was very strong. Well I got that. But I also had to marry a crazy to get it. I’m constantly biting my tongue and preparing for s~~~ storms and waiting for him to be older to try and get custody of him. It’s a crappy way to live and she’s not even half as nuts as some of the women discussed on here. The true crazy will come out of her though, it’s only a matter of time.
So please read up and don’t walk blindly into anything. I wish I had found MGTOW sooner and read these pages before I signed the contract.
And please stop having sex with her. Seriously. Don’t even do the “not delivering the mail inside of her trick”. It doesnt work. Condoms aren’t 100% either so don’t count on them. DO NOT LET HER GET AT YOUR SPERM.
Good luck, get reading and see you on here.
I couldn’t love this introduction any more. Mind if I give it to you straight? Scratch that. Pretend I didn’t ask.
I’m hoping I can write here without some fembot judgement along the lines of “you insensitive f~~~face, she had a miscarriage, you should be sensitive to her needs.”
Feel free. There are really no limits.
No suggested or endorsed violence as a solution, and no disrespect to other members.
Leave race and religion off the table. Otherwise Feel free.She thinks having a baby will fix all of this.
Remind her, it’s not a “baby”. its an ADULT. That will de-romanticize it for her nicely.
Basically she all but said, once I get pregnant and have a kid buddy, you’re taking care of us, because I’m done with my s~~~ty job. Great.
What are we talking about this for? Exit that s~~~. TODAY.
I’m pushing up on late 30’s and she’s pushing for kids.
Again, only women think of them as “kids” and “babies”. Men jump right to University costs and insurance rates. She’s pushing for kids because her best way to getting her claws into your wallet for LIFE – and hold you hostage.
THIS IS “WOMEN PUSHING FOR KIDS”:
/video/wendy-williams-teaches-women-to-trap-men-into-fatherhood/That’s right. You’re a goddam non-consideration. A big fat zero.
That’s where your “accidental pregnancy” came from. And they feel really good about it.There is no such thing as “OOPS”.
Of late the ultimatum has been “If there are no kids, there is no US”
OK that’s making me mad now.
RESPONSE: “Fine. There is no US . I’m not your sperm donor, ATM and human wallet.”I don’t want to end up divorced, with child support payments and kids I don’t see when I’m 50.
Then make sure.
MAKE.
SURE.
So I’m asking, is anyone here actually married?
A few but they are not awake yet. And if they are, they are not divorced yet. A few have JUST managed to break free, but the majority are.
What warning signs did you look for before you got married?
You just listed them off yourself! Good job by the way!
MUST WATCH
/video/wendy-williams-teaches-women-to-trap-men-into-fatherhood//audio/3-million-dollar-bitch/
/video/the-quintessential-bitch-wife/
SPEND SOME TIME HERE
/archive/Did you get a pre-nup?
A prenup is WORTHLESS as f~~~ing toilet paper. No exaggerration.
Expect it will be thrown out, and 2 days ago, another man learned the hard way and it cost him a $million.How did she take that?
Who f~~~ing CARES how she takes it.
I’m dead serious. Who f~~~ing CARES.Your LIFE SAVINGS? Or “how she feels about it”. What’s worth more to you? PICK.
How much will her approval pay or reward you?
Will her “feelings” about it add any value to your life?
What VALUE do you get out of “making her feel better” about not having a prenup?No man should ever sign a marriage contract to a woman who HATES him enough to actually let him go through with it.
Basically I’m tired of being told I’m a man-child for actually wanting to think though marriage and *gasp* get a prenup before I do it.
Classic wo-manipilation 101. Welcome to the party, pal. CHILDISH? How childish is wanting “a baby” so she doesn’t have to work?? Childish is thinking of it as a “baby”. It’s a “baby” for 2 goddam years out of 80. Childish is CRYING when she doesn’t get her way. Childish is the ZERO RESPONSIBILITY or cost to her that she will have to accept and pay for when she f~~~s up – or suck 50 other c~~~s. Women are in NO position to pretend to be authorities on maturity. Not ever. Legally, they are f~~~ing toddlers.
“LOL don’t get married”.
Around here, I recommend you replace the word “marriage ” every time it comes up… with “the marriage CONTRACT”. “Marriage” is the ring, the cake, the dress, the flowers, the emotional masturbation ritual…. but the CONTRACT rips that image out of her head and stomps on it. It shatters all illusions. This contract allows the state to set one foot in your personal life. And the extraction will be expensive and bloody.
We’re here to save the lives, futures and fortunes of men.
Talk to a divorce attorney. Today.
/video/the-benefit-of-signing-a-marriage-contract-prison/
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Bro, you just described something that already sounds brutal, and you haven’t even gotten to any of it yet! Doesn’t sound too healthy to me.
I’m pushing up on late 30’s and she’s pushing for kids. Of late the ultimatum has been “If there are no kids, there is no US” I don’t want to end up divorced, with child support payments and kids I don’t see when I’m 50.
Give in now, and this will get far worse. She’ll begin to use the child for leverage against any and all things. Any physical labor, any personal attention for the husband/father, bleeding money for all kinds of new but completely useless obsessions both for her and the kid, mood swings that have her withholding sex…etc.
You’re 30. You got plenty of time ahead. For the guys who stay in the game, us males have a pretty long shelf life. No reason to do any of that s~~~ in today’s society with a female that makes demands. From where I’m sitting, that’s seriously one of the absolute worst things I could ever wish upon another brother in humanity. The mental stress of dealing with all that nonsense…ugghhh…the thought alone is constricting. Tell her you are taking your sperm and going a different way.
Edit…I see now late 30’s…but still, not a problem. Don’t get trapped.
I don’t hate women
Me neither!! but one day you are going to realize that throughout the entire relationship, your best interests have occurred to her exactly zero times.
A year ago, I did not understand that women do not have the capacity to love you, or any other human being. “Excruciatingly selfish” is probably not the right term- but its the first one that comes to mind.
My point is, you really can’t hate a woman for acting the way she does any more than you can hate a hand grenade, or a bear trap, or a bengal tiger… all of which will cause you great harm if you (knowingly or unknowingly) allow them to.
"Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves" -BBR
Yeah there is nothing in the Marriage Contract that will benefit you… it’s all about the government. And the government will use it as a club to pay for her.
I smell tuna
proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome
Of course, she’s pushing for the ring, marriage and kids, you know the routine, she’s got the house, so now she wants to fill it up with kids and stuff. I guess I don’t fault her for that. I would say our annual income discrepancy is about 30K, and I also had about 60K in assets, she had nothing (or at least claims she had nothing to contribute towards the house. One accidental pregnancy a year and a half ago, while she was on the pill (not sure she actually was still taking it), followed by a miscarriage put a hell of a lot of strain on the relationship.
Of course, she’s pushing for the ring, marriage and kids, you know the routine, she’s got the house, so now she wants to fill it up with kids and stuff. I guess I don’t fault her for that. I would say our annual income discrepancy is about 30K, and I also had about 60K in assets, she had nothing (or at least claims she had nothing to contribute towards the house. One accidental pregnancy a year and a half ago, while she was on the pill (not sure she actually was still taking it), followed by a miscarriage put a hell of a lot of strain on the relationship.
Average rate of miscarriage under the age of under the age of 35 is about 10%. This statistic is relatively high but if you consider the use of alcohol, drugs and smoking, then a healthy woman has a relatively low risk.
If the miscarriage wasn’t a lie then GTFO. A pregnancy will NOT cure an already strained relationship.
If the miscarriage was a lie then GTFO. Don’t have to explain this one.
You have money and assets. The thing learned here at MGTOW is that women seek to be provisioned while they fulfill their social worth. Procreation.
This they accomplish while their men work their asses off, earning more money and liquidating their assets to pay for cradles and diapers until the infants become interesting enough to interact with. All the while the woman’s attractiveness both above and below the waist line becomes a distant memory.
Personal experience. If you think she is intolerable now, just wait until she pushes one out with her feet in the stirrups and wants to spend all of her weekends at the Mother in-law’s.
Don’t believe me? Then go ahead I dare you.
Sorry been drinking and have a less than sympathetic and gentle attitude right now.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
A short version of Esther Vilar’s book The Manipulated Man is available as a free download. Here is one of the sites it is on:
http://commons.wikimannia.org/images/Esther-Vilar_The-Manipulated-Man.pdfHere is a quote from the book:
“Only woman can break the vicious circle of man’s manipulation and exploitation – but
she will not do it. There is absolutely no compelling reason why she should. It is
useless to appeal to her feelings, for she is callous and knows no pity. And so the
world will go on, sinking deeper and deeper into this morass of kitsch, barbarism, and
inanity called femininity. And man, that wonderful dreamer, will never awaken from
his dream.”If you think you are the exception, then wake up and stop dreaming. Wake up before it’s too late.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Impress upon her the fact that marriage comprises two things: a ceremony (the wedding) and a legal contract. The ceremony serves no practical value and incurs huge economic costs with little to nothing to gain from it (wedding presents aside). The legal contract, meanwhile, confers huge benefits to women and huge disadvantages to the man. Thus, if she harbors anything even remotely resembling love towards you, she will not insist on getting married, in recognition of the unfairness of the associated legal contract. Alternatively, she will agree to a highly detailed and legally binding prenuptial agreement (and make sure to have it registered with the state before the wedding!).
Put what I’ve just said before her, and get a print-out of the legal contract of marriage if needed to back up your claims. If she still insists on marriage without prenuptials, you will know that she doesn’t love you. Harsh, I know, but reality.
There lies serenity in Chaos. Seek ye the eye of the hurricane.
Of late the ultimatum has been “If there are no kids, there is no US”
Basically, if you can’t give me X, we’re no longer together.
Which means love is not enough or no longer what is keeping you together.
Which means you’re giving a baby to a woman that deep down doesn’t love you anymore.
Which means you’re better off tying a steak to your body and swimming with the sharks, at least the death will be swift.
Thank you for listening to “Hamster Wheel Deconstruction”, a short but painful true story.
This post seems kinda shady to me,not to knock the poster but it seems like tuna bait to wake the sleeping mgtow cats! The post has too many obvious juvenile strikes mixed with some other stuff to get the protons striking! I’ll sit on the porch with the shotgun just in case you guys need reinforcements….
Never lose sight of what brought you here.
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