advice needed on anxious, ranting girlfriend

[BobbyParticipant 140]

My girlfriend is a decent, honest, academically high-achieving woman. I have been living with her for some time. She is not a money grabbing woman. She is kind. She is somewhat taken advantage of by some of her family, who look down upon her, but are keen to use her for their crappy tasks.

Many years ago she suffered some life traumas. The problems have gone now, but she hasn’t got over them. She has mild obsessions, but not to the point where they are major. They are at the level of annoying. She has seen pyschologists in the past, but they haven’t helped.

I live with her now, but as of late have been living back by myself for some of the time.

Here are the problems.

1) My girlfriend gets angry at trivial or imaginary problems. She shouts and rants at me. She doesn’t just blow up for 5 minutes, but will rant for hours. This is painful for me. She is getting better, but she still rants at me from time to time.

2) She is very messy. She refuses to throw away old train tickets, receipts, bills, envelopes, free newspapers, magazines, adverts etc. I do all the cleaning, shopping, cooking and laundry, but now lack the energy to tidy up her papers. Anyway she shouts at me if I touch her papers. I am self-employed and work from home. I like a peaceful and tidy environment so I can be creative and do my work. I don’t have that when I live with her.

3) She talks endlessly about the same negative topics concerning modern living. Her views can be expresssed in one or two sentences, but she talks for ever about them. All this negative talk brings me down. I can’t do my creative work if I am constantly made temporarily unhappy by her negative talk about the world around us.

4) Whenever I go through a period of living with her after a period of weeks to months, I end up feeling like I am about to have a nervous break down with all her ranting and talking about negative things. It takes me time to recover.

5) This time around I went back to her thinking that things would be better and that there couldn’t be anything more to go wrong. I was mistaken. She has met some psychic healers to help with her problems. Anyway her psychic healers determined using their super special powers that I needed to pay them for their services to “clean” me of my negativity. This was the final straw as it upset me. After feeling a little bit out of it for a day or two, I realized (slow I know!) that these psychic healers are either misguided or confidence tricksters bilking money out of people for low-grade services. Sure I guess, that talking about your problems to these healers can help and maybe they have a placebo healing effect. But really I went back hoping nothing bad would happen and then this psychic healing crap surfaced. I’m surprised my girlfriend believes in these people. Still they may actually help her via talking.

In a nutshell, the problem is that I’m self-employed. I work from home. I need to study for my work and be creative. So far I’ve had success before I met her. But I can’t work when I’m living with a woman that occassionaly shouts at me (not just for a few minutes, but intermittently over hours) and has constant, never ending tirades about aspects of modern life. Negative talk depresses me temporarily and when I feel down I can’t be creative, work and earn money.

6) I have told my girlfriend my needs are for a quiet and tidy environment. This seems to just bounce off of her.

7) I would have left her sometime ago, but guess she would be broken if I leave her.

8) She constantly interrupts me to help her with trivial, silly tasks she should do herself. I can’t work with interruptions.

What are your opinions?

[The Batman 2020Participant 2112]

Welcome!

Your 20's are for learning, your 30's are for earning.

[chirParticipant]

Ok… Well..

Your GF has some mental issues.
Shouting and abusing you.
Potential hoarder.
She is also being manipulated by her psychic healers taking advantage of her mental conditions.

You have said you feel like you are coming to a nervous breakdown with her.

Lets boil this down to its core. You have tried to work with her and she has rebuffed you.
Ask her to see about going to therapy. If she says no. Leave.

You are in a toxic relationship. Your future and your mental health are in danger. If she is unwilling to find PROFESSIONAL help, you are not qualified to help her get better. You are only enabling her mental problems.

The best thing you can do for your mental health is to leave if she will not get the help she needs.

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

[OldBillParticipant]

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Nathan R. JessepParticipant 1102]

Bobby wrote:

What are your opinions?

Seriously? You know the answer.

[chirParticipant]

OldBill wrote:

Yeah I kinda got the gynocentric vibe, but *meh* why not, I’ll throw down a reasonable argument. 🙂

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

[Tao-SkyParticipant 129]

The Sex must be awesome dude — to put up with that much s~~~.

Bail now…

She’ll destroy your relationships with others too and here’s not where it ends .. wait for it …An order of protection is where it ends. And if you’re not quick on the draw like I was it will be against you and you might end up with a criminal record and your life ruined (women are good at that). Deep down you know she’s screwed up, I did too but I needed to here it from others too.

I know. That’s what it took to kick my psycho to the curb.

Welcome bro, you’re among dudes who know the truth of women.

[Catch And ReleaseParticipant 133]

I’d be walking out the door for problem #1, never mind the other 7 problems.

You know what to do.

[uchibenkeiParticipant 7965]

if you’re staying with her because you don’t want to hurt her, get out of the relationship now. after years of that, you’ll start to resent her and end up hating her. find someone who actually makes your life better and makes you happy or go solo. she sounds like a drain and a heavy weight to carry around. don’t carry that burden when you don’t have to.

I bathe in the tears of single moms.

[Anonymous 24]

Kick her in the taco. This can sometimes improve relationships like the one you just described.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

After reading your story and giving it considerable evaluation and analysis I suggest:

BOOT HER THE F~~~ OUT THE DOOR BEFORE YOU WAKE UP WITH A KNIFE IN YOUR THROAT—her defense at trial, “he was abusing me” Does the name Jodi Arias ring any bells? DUH!

[ShineParticipant 1696]

Write a list of pros and cons. So far I only see a few good things about her – a decent, honest, academically high-achieving woman, not money grabbing, kind.

What about good looking, gives you lots of enough sex?

Sounds like you are an emotional tampon.

Does she work a high paying stressful job as she is academically high-achieving? Maybe that and her family treating her like crap is making her stressed?

"Society is to blame" Denton

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome Brother,
I think you know what you have to do.
You will find lots of support here.

[Masculine_ManParticipant 2735]

Bro I read that paragraph and had to read it again just to confirm it is as crazy as it looked the first time. Let’s be honest, you do not need any opinions. You have enough to eject right now. Anything at this point would be grandstanding. My only advice to you, read your post again and think hard. They do not change. You know what to do, you know it is over, you just fear doing it. Make no mistake, she would drop you in a heartbeat if she could.

If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

So many warning flags. So many.

You need to end this relationship, and you need to end it yesterday.

Bobby wrote:

My girlfriend is a decent, honest, academically high-achieving woman. I have been living with her for some time. She is not a money grabbing woman.

All that will change the moment you f~~~ up and say: “I do.” Or really f~~~ up and let her get pregnant.

You never meet the real woman until after it’s too late.

[Anonymous 42]

View post on imgur.com

[OldBillParticipant]

chir wrote:

Yeah I kinda got the gynocentric vibe, but *meh* why not, I’ll throw down a reasonable argument.

I wasn’t calling “tuna” or “troll”, Chir. I was suggesting that Bobby respond to his girlfriend with the Empty Chair.

I should have been more clear.

Getting back to the OP, Bobby’s thinking has already been f~~~ed up by this woman. He describes her a decent, kind, and honest in his first three sentences and then spends the next dozen paragraphs listing how badly she treats him, what a c~~~ she is, irrational behavior, and several other things. He even repeats her excuses for her s~~~ty behavior.

Anyone else see the dichotomy there?

Bobby needs to punt this c~~~ pronto. She’s on the bullet train to Crazy Town, she wants him on board for the crash, and he’s too c~~~struck to think straight.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[FermatParticipant 3478]

You are a perfect example of a modern nice guy who puts up with women s~~~ so he isn’t alone. If you were more secure you would have left this girl at problem #1. Don’t even bother saying she’s kind. Really don’t. You say it in one sentence then spend 7 other paragraphs describing her s~~~ty behavior towards you.

Can you imagine a hiring manager thinking like this?? You would take a candidate with a terrible work history except for one minute accomplishment then try to sell your boss on why this candidate is amazing by describing details of how unqualified they are to work at your compaby, but include one sentence on how “nice” they seem.

This woman is unqualified to be with you. Its simple and you don’t need a flashlight to see it. The occasional niceness, company, and sex is what’s keeping you. We can all tell because in a guys mind, those things make putting up with argumentative, nagging, ranting, bipolar, manipulative women worth it.

You know the solution to this problem. The question you should really be asking is how to push the eject button, not if you should .

I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.

[NerevarParticipant 8040]

Leave her.

"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K

[AwakenedParticipant 35202]

Are you waiting to knock her up to completely ruin your life ?

All of this s~~~ is only going to get WORSE over time. I hope at least the sex is great and steady, but this too will evaporate over time.

I don’t have to tell you to drop her, you know you must, and you better do it before she sperm jacks you, or she forgets to take the pill. She is a whole lot more unstable then your average fruity broad.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Author]

Posts