A Lost Brothers Asks for Help.

[bladeParticipant]

Keymaster wrote:

have not seen my son in over a year.

I know that pain well .

A year , you want to get your arse moving on a court process to see him . The longer you wait the harder it will be in a family court to see your son .

Sell everything up and move in the location of your ex .

Live poor flying under the radar . Give no f~~~s about money KID first .

I myself give no f~~~s about money .

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[MonkParticipant 17059]

How did the payments double? This may not even be legal. Check it out.

How come she took off for another state? Is that legal? Again, check it out.

You have 50% custody, yet haven’t seen the child. This cannot be legal.

Condos come with killer maintenence fees that can often be increased at will.

If you are going to buy anything, buy land, even if the property is a dump. If you liquidate, you might even get something for cash, right now.

If you do buy something, is there a risk the c~~~ will come after it?

A bad credit history means more expensive loans. Might be better to rebuild your credit rating first.

Renting makes it easier to ghost, to conceal assets, and to change location quickly if you need to.

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

Anonymous wrote:

Carnage, not helping.

Im a simple men, I like simple stuff so I will keep this simple. Two choices:

1) live like a slave, in a s~~~hole, overworking your selft to pay a c~~~, you will be in the hole for years, there is also a chance you can’t pay and end up in jail. Anything you own or get will be forever in danger, the more money you make the more she will ask for… you might get your life back in 10-15 years. Your kid might come to realize and appreciate you, but we know the stats, the most probably thing to happen is you never see him again… single mom kid…

2) get all the money you can, board a plane, go somewhere far, start all over again, but this time you know the gig.

Choose, there is not right choices here, but you must choose, me? 0 f~~~ given.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

Gentlemens do not do the right thing.

Do not be honorable.

Do not be a good person.

Be smart, do your thing, don’t f~~~ up people, but don’t help them either.

Keep yourself to yourself.

Nature gave everyone (mostly) the skills and weapons needed to survive, if it didn’t YOU AINT SUPOSSED TO SURVIVE.

If something has chances to kill you, it is ok to avoid it or get rid of it.

No guilt, no shame in trying to survive and live like a human been.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[SuggestiusParticipant 3312]

Just in case. Having $42k he can buy up to a 3-room apartment in Yekaterinburg.
Just examples.
1-room $31500
https://newhomes.e1.ru/view/86349941/?_ga=2.149539184.732959411.1520247771-607444058.1466180681
3-room
$33600
https://homes.e1.ru/view/265816361/
$36200
https://homes.e1.ru/view/264832081/

Happiness for all and let no one be forgotten ("Roadside picnic", Arkady and Boris Strugatsky)

[SwimcatParticipant 3600]

He doesn’t need to make a withdraw. You can borrow from a 401k

[VirgilParticipant 970]

How did child support double without a court date? Doesn’t that require a judge approving it. Could ex have lied to him and told him a BS number.

Liquidate what he can. If he has a solid job may be able to find a person at work to crash with and help with their rent. Temporarily, know the value of personal space. But taking wrong action her could lead to limited privacy for a while.

And he should know we aren’t gonna toss shaming language around like that. May get on people for doing stupid stuff. This is more victim of circumstance than self inflicted.

Hoping to hear what shakes out in this situation. Best of luck to him.

Hope that someday I may lead others the path I have learned. As Virgil led Dante through Hell.

[narwhalParticipant]

Monk wrote:

How did the payments double? This may not even be legal. Check it out.
How come she took off for another state? Is that legal? Again, check it out.
You have 50% custody, yet haven’t seen the child. This cannot be legal.

This. I seriously doubt this actual legal and probably just threats from the ex. My first advice would be to review all the legal documents. If you don’t have them, or think you may be missing something, that talk to someone is social services or what have you to get access to the documents. I wouldn’t even be too concerned about getting a lawyer at first.

In my state, this would not be legal. In order to get the legally required child support payments change, my ex would need to take me back to court. I would need to be ordered by the court to provide documents proving my current pay, so that a new CS amount could be calculated. It does not sound like this happened for this guy.

Also, my divorce decree states that my ex cannot reside more than one county away from the county we were divorced in. She currently does, but I allowed and signed an amendment allowing her to live only in the township where she currently lives. If she moved without my consent, she risked losing custody of the kids.

Also, if she moved against what is stated in the divorce decree, then you have leverage in that you can force her to move back. She has no right to take the kids away from you like this. She probably could be held in contempt of court.

I basically see two problems here. First, you have the problem you recognized with your living situation. You have advice for this already. More importantly, you have to start recognizing and standing up for your rights in the family court. This is solved partially by getting a better understanding of your rights, but mostly by changing your mindset. It sounds like she is in control and pushing you around, and you have yet to say ‘no’. Time to start.

So as I said before, go to social services or whatever and get all the legal documents regarding your divorce. Read them. Do not assume that only lawyers can read and understand them. Know what your ex can and cannot do. Do not assume you have to do whatever your ex asks of you. Get a lawyer if you need to, but see if you can just get free advice or pro bono. I would not be surprised if you show up to a lawyer with all the legal documents in hand, that a lawyer is willing to send your ex a letter (with legal letterhead) asking your ex to stop harassing you asking for money for free or just an hours worth of charge. I believe your ex is pushing you around because she believes you won’t push back.

I imagine part of you is thinking you have to do what your ex wants for the sake of your kids. Not at all true. Don’t allow guilt to govern your behavior. Use logic.

Get the legal papers and know exactly what your child support requirement is. Paying nothing more than that. If she wants more, make her provide the legal papers. If she doesn’t have them, it’s probably going to be expensive and difficult for her to do so being out of the state the divorce took place in. When you do get your living situation and money worked out, then you can think about how you want to provide for you kids above and beyond what the law requires, if it all.

Do not lose your sovereignty.

Ok. Then do it.

[Anonymous 42]

Carnage wrote:

Gentlemens do not do the right thing.

Do not be honorable.

Do not be a good person.

Be smart, do your thing, don’t f~~~ up people, but don’t help them either.

Keep yourself to yourself.

Nature gave everyone (mostly) the skills and weapons needed to survive, if it didn’t YOU AINT SUPOSSED TO SURVIVE.

If something has chances to kill you, it is ok to avoid it or get rid of it.

No guilt, no shame in trying to survive and live like a human been.

Carnage, I thought we told you to eat out on the porch! Your dish is the stainless stamped bowl with the raised stamped dog paw print in the middle! And stay away from Old Sage’s bowl! He bites!

[A mean cup’a joeParticipant 15]

Hello everyone … I’m “joe”

Thanks for replies.

I’m not looking for a hand out. I’m looking for help to secure mortgage for my condo. My credit is s~~~ due to the foreclosure and car repo after the divorce.

Why do i want THIS condo? According to court documents we can’t move more than 25 miles away from where the kids lived when we were married, this is why I really can’t move. Even though she didn’t follow the order I don’t want to give her any ammo against me. She was able to get the CS payments doubled…FROM ATLANTA.

If I buy my condo my monthly housing payment WILL be reduced. Using this reduction in housing payments is how I plan to pay for a lawyer to fight my ex-wife.

Is this the ideal time to buy … no, but this is my only option to be able to fight for my boy.

Any advice or help would be appreciated.

Again.. IM NOT LOOKING FOR A HAND OUT!!!! I’m looking for help in securing a loan to buy my condo.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

The big thing about owning are the unknown expenses. I could afford to buy right now but I refuse to. I know EXACTLY what my monthly expense will be. And that’s worth it’s weight in gold. Let’s say he buys the place and 2 months later he needs to pony up a couple grand to the HOA because an unexpected expense comes up. Then what?

Keep your powder dry. Cash is king. Stop putting money into the 401k for a little while if you have to, but horde cash. And buying a property can be a huge money pit. Plus, with the new tax laws, you may not even get the mortgage interest deduction. Your interest, property taxes, and state taxes have to add up to over $12k before you are better off than the standard deduction. Let’s say you get to $14k. You did all that for an extra $2k write off? That’s worth maybe $500. Not worth it.

Order the good wine

[A mean cup’a joeParticipant 15]

Not with my work. They don’t allow that.

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

I do not like to be the bearer of bad news,but our brother is going to need to rent somewhere else. I do not have enough information to say for sure, but the credit issues and lack of down payment are going to be the problem. The child support issue is for the lawyers. If I were him I would try to stay as long as he can because the landlord seems reasonable and given the credit problems renting a new place might be a challenge. He is definitely between a rock and a hard place. I hate to say it,but if he has family to live with he might take advantage of that for a while. Joe if you see this feel free to PM me and we will talk. Best of luck Sir!

[Anonymous 42]

Can you secure a lease with option to buy? Owner finance? Or move into a house trailer in a trailer park and live like a scrooge for a few years focusing on your credit repair. Sucks to be forced to downgrade but sometimes that’s what it takes.

Trust me, I know!

[A mean cup’a joeParticipant 15]

thats what I have. I just need to secure a loan now

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

A mean cup’a joe wrote:

thats what I have. I just need to secure a loan now

Not to make matters worse, but you are runing out of time. Start calling lenders today and ask about FHA loans. Google it before you call so you will know what it is. I am not optimistic about the outcome, but there might be a chance with the FHA guidelines being so loose. Of course it will be an expensive loan with a high rate.

[A mean cup’a joeParticipant 15]

MarketWatcher wrote:

A mean cup’a joe wrote:

thats what I have. I just need to secure a loan now

Not to make matters worse, but you are runing out of time. Start calling lenders today and ask about FHA loans. Google it before you call so you will know what it is. I am not optimistic about the outcome, but there might be a chance with the FHA guidelines being so loose. Of course it will be an expensive loan with a high rate.

Yeah I know and I have been for the last few days.

[narwhalParticipant]

A mean cup’a joe wrote:

Why do i want THIS condo? According to court documents we can’t move more than 25 miles away from where the kids lived when we were married, this is why I really can’t move.

That’s smart. Don’t know where you live and if there are other options, but don’t move out of the zone. I wouldn’t worry much about providing a place for the kids to stay since you can’t afford to have them travel to you at this time.

A mean cup’a joe wrote:

Even though she didn’t follow the order I don’t want to give her any ammo against me.

A lawyer or judge may tell you that it’s not a concern since she moved first. Still, it’s better to play it safe for now.

A mean cup’a joe wrote:

She was able to get the CS payments doubled…FROM ATLANTA.

Can you provide more info on this? Did she just tell you she wants and you’re assuming it’s true. Did you get a letter from a lawyer, or do you actually have a document signed by a judge? If it’s a legal document, does it have her Atlanta address on it or did she lie about that. Did you miss a court date or something of that nature? In my date, the child support is collected by the state, and therefore the state knows how much I should pay. If your state works the same, can you contact the state authorities to verify what your CS payment is? Something tells this isn’t legally binding.

I know you’re concerned about living arrangements right now, but I think you could get some financial relief by confirming your actual CS payment at the same time. You should be able to find time to do both. I know you probably feel defeated, like an animal trapped in a corner, but it’s time to fight back.

Ok. Then do it.

[A mean cup’a joeParticipant 15]

Can you provide more info on this? Did she just tell you she wants and you’re assuming it’s true. Did you get a letter from a lawyer, or do you actually have a document signed by a judge? If it’s a legal document, does it have her Atlanta address on it or did she lie about that. Did you miss a court date or something of that nature? In my date, the child support is collected by the state, and therefore the state knows how much I should pay. If your state works the same, can you contact the state authorities to verify what your CS payment is? Something tells this isn’t legally binding.

I know you’re concerned about living arrangements right now, but I think you could get some financial relief by confirming your actual CS payment at the same time. You should be able to find time to do both. I know you probably feel defeated, like an animal trapped in a corner, but it’s time to fight back.[/quote]

I received a letter from the state saying “hey you were paying $xx.xx but now we are going to take $xx.xx”

[narwhalParticipant]

A mean cup’a joe wrote:

I received a letter from the state saying “hey you were paying $xx.xx but now we are going to take $xx.xx”

There should be a number or address there on the letter. If you haven’t already, contact them to find out where this is coming from. The State can’t just tell you that you have to pay more. There has to be a legal document with a judges signature on it. I would think it would also require your signature, but that could vary state to state.

Do you have your wages garnished to pay for child support? Were you told to provide this letter to your employer?

I know I’m asking a lot of questions, but these are definitely the kind of questions you should be asking. If the increase in CS is not legit, then don’t pay it. Be absolutely sure that letter came from the state. If it didn’t, then it’s fraud. Fraud plus breaking the divorce decree is going to severely damage her case when you bring this back.

Again, lawyers are great, but they are not magical. You can do a lot of this work yourself.

Ok. Then do it.

[Author]

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