7 Years…

Jon92 wrote:

I can’t stand the thought of her with another man? Or what she will do or what she has already done??? Anyone here relate? How do you overcome this?

Well…. it’s cliché , but its true. When your woman is with (or pulls towards) another man, the best thing is to let him keep her.

…I can’t stand the thought of her with another man

-Because you still CHOOSE TO BELIEVE that she has something special and unique that is not available from 3 billion other women on this planet… Around here, we call this the ‘beautiful lie’.

You don’t like the way it feels but you continue to VOLUNTEER to believe that lie. If you acknowledge that this was a lie, and that there was nothing really special about her, then you’ll feel bad about all the time and effort you wasted on someone who wasn’t really worth it, and maybe you’ll feel scared or sad that the unicorn is not really out there.

Which belief feels least unpleasant to you?

If you accept that there are no unicorns, you’ll feel sad for a while (ONCE). If you continue to choose to believe that there is one out there somewhere, you will be disappointed over and over again by a string of women masquerading as your unicorn who will progressively take from you everything you believe that a unicorn is worth sacrificing for.

At the end, you’ll have nothing left, and you’ll still get to feel that same sadness from being forced to accept that there are no unicorns. Choose to accept it now, or be forced to accept it later.

First option is the cheapest.

Well I will offer my opinion;

I believe brainpilot’s analogy of the two trucks and the driver is spot on. I have found it immensely helpful as your situation and mine are similar in terms of length of relationship and demographics; except my ex-wife was not a single mother. Forget about her; it’s time to cut your losses at this stage and focus on yourself.

Lets try another approach – I am a numbers guy and this might put things in perspective.

Your soon to be ex, and mine, as with all contemporary women, viewed you simply as a resource conduit. This is based in evolution; but that is a debate for another time.

She was into the relationship on the onset because you brought resources in the form of monetary, emotional, novelty, and time to her and her son. I hate to say it, but she did not truly love you, but what you brought to the table; either consciously or unconsciously. She is dynamically performing an opportunity (what you can provide) / cost (effort she has to put into the relationship versus bailing for greener pastures or newer experiences) analyst; when the faction becomes too small, she will bail.  Relationship= O/C

You might be successful in temporary boosting the value of the numberator (O) by increasing any combination of time, emotional, or monetary support, yet, their are finite limits. There is only so much money, so much time, so much emotional garbage you can take. Yet, you are fighting a every increasing denominator that will grow with the erosive effects that time has on any relationship. (C). She will try and gaslight you to illicit as much (O) as she can get while she contributes as little  as possible to not prematurely increase (C).  I believe this is what she is doing now. Yet, once the fraction is lower than her acceptable threshold, which varies from women to women, she will find someone else and “monkey branch”. You will notice loyality does not factor into her analyst.

In this equation, there is nothing inherently special about you, or her, or your coupling. You are interchangeable, as much as she is. Once the feeling of “love” is stripped away I believe that these are the only dynamics at play. Stripping it down to these base levels, might help – there is truly nothing in it for you.

Hope this helps.

Good expansion of the concept Brain pilot.

Realising the reality of the dillusion is painful at first, then demoralizing, and will eventually transition into liberating; along the lines of the stages of grief.

Yet, I do believe that our fore-fathers realized the destabilizing nature of “feminism”/ matriarchy to society and civilization at large. Laws were established so a man could head the household, control his wife, but also be responsible for her.

Yet, I will say that I DO NOT condone any form of violence or mistreatment of any group; including women.

Decisions were based on logic and to ensure Abraham Maslows Hierarchy of Human needs were met. By removing the ability for a women to just walk away, the cycling nature of the denominator becomes meaningless.

Women are emotional creatures, the value of the denominator above can fluctuate wildly given her mood, whims or what perceptions of her social circle are; to name a few. When decision are not made on an iota of logic, decisions are arbitrary in nature and stability to society is non existent. We only need to look at the extinction of the nuclear family and the rise of the welfare state as justification.

I am going to go out on a limb and guess that she is a single mother for a reason – some combination of poor reproductive choices and/or fickle behaviour. Past poor decisions are an indicator of future performance. As with any experiment, garbage in, garbage out. I totally understand the investment you made over the last few years. But, like brain pilot stated she is nothing special.

Watch this video first before reading below…

50 percent of people fail this test. Your attention is on something else, now consider what the gorilla symbolizes in your failed relationship. You have been so focused on the people passing the ball (maybe this was sex, good memories) that you failed to see the gorilla(red flags, her ignoring you, maybe another guy, and the fact that she does not want to be with you).  Perception and having full situational awareness is beneficial in all aspects of life. I hope this helps.

Kudos to you at the end of the day man!

Dude, seriously…. stop, you’re giving me gas. She is playing you, and you’re letting her. There is no good outcome to continuing with her, none, zero, zip zilch, nada, nyet, nein, naught. I have been where you are, and heard the same f~~~ing song and dance. Say you get back together with her, what exactly do you have to look forward to? Your situation hasn’t changed, she still lives over 100 miles away. If you have the sense God gave a turnip you will walk away and never look back.