7 Years…

Two things jumped out. Three actually.

1. Yep. Probably the wrong forum for you. I feel for you – I really do – and the worst thing you want right now is for someone to snap you right out of it. I would be happy to do you the favor but Im just not up to shattering a guy’s illusions today. Prepare for someone else to do it though….because this is place where guys will sugarcoat nothing for your benefit.

2.

Jon92 wrote:

I just don’t get how all of a sudden the past 2 years I was an asshole…. I get no credit for it, its like out the window.

Hate to break it to you. Women don’t see it as an “investment” on your part. That means nothing to them. It’s Briffault’s Law. They base everything on how they feel “right now”. Last two years don’t count. And in 5 more years, the last 7 years won’t count. When a woman tells you how she “feels”, always append it (in your mind) with the words: “right now”.

• “you’re the love of my life”…..right now.

• “you’re the most wonderful man I ever met”…. right now.

• “I see us staying together forever”…. right now.

That’s the bottom line, and it will prepare you.

3.

Due to this I wasn’t communicating with her like I should have been wasn’t driving down to see her as much….

Did you do the best you could? There is a reason you didn’t. You’re accepting responsibility for s~~~ you may not have to. Is it really your responsibility to drive down to see her all the time? DOn’t be so hard on yourself. First thing guys do when s~~~ doesn’t work out, they blame themselves. Remove some of that baggage — TODAY. You’re dealing with your Dad’s heart attack and 2 deaths in the family. Come on! Give yourself a break, man.

Perhaps I ended up shattering some illusions after all.
Those are the things that jumped out at me.
Perhaps none of it is of value.
Discard it if you must.

Jon92 wrote:

No, I feel I didn’t do the best that I could.

That’s natural. But very often it’s not true.

The “right now” gimmick is a parachute so you don’t crash when you’re standing there scratching your head wondering where you went wrong.

Before I begin, please understand that this may come off as very harsh or me sounding like a jerk. If you are not ready for this, then hit the back button and come back to this response when you are (if ever), but I think this is something you need to hear.

First of all, you are placing way too much responsibility on yourself for the ending of this relationship. The woman had surgery – you had 2 f~~~ing deaths, one of which is your father and most likely your biggest role model (I know I would be absolutely devastated the day my father passes away) and you’re the wrong one here? How exactly did you rationalize that? I’ll tell you how – woman’s manipulative and emotional games. Without you knowing, she got inside of your head during one of your many conversations and f~~~ed your thoughts up to the point where you believe you were WRONG for not putting her before the death of your father… This is a common character trait of the classic female – mind games and always being the victim no matter what. This is red flag # 1 that she is not the “princess and NAWALT” she has you believing that she is.

Second, why was all of this on you to “communicate” and “drive down to see her” all the time any way? I understand she had surgery, but what about outside of that? All the times she could have come to see you but didn’t. No excuse for it. You were required to be her emotional tampon by “communicating” with her and a “resource dispenser” by spending your money in gas, wear and tear on your car etc to come visit her. It may have been subtle, but this is another common character trait of the classic female – exploiting a man for his resources. Wait until you marry her and see how much she starts exploiting from you then. This is red flag # 2 that she is not the “princess and NAWALT” she has you believing that she is.

There are many more points I can make here, but I will wait until you ask to hear them. I think the above is hope shattering enough and I don’t want to overdo it for you right out of the gate. Just remember, we were all blue-pilled and blind at one point… You’re eyes will only open when you let them.

Jon92 wrote:

Just to clear things up, My dad had a massive heart attack but survived. It was my grandparents that died 5 months apart which was way worse than losing my parents in a way. My grandfather was my f~~~ing hero. He was the man! Please carry on sir….

OK – but regardless, it was still 2 people with whom you actually strongly loved (and who actually truly loved you back) that you lost in a very short window of time – much bigger deal than any surgery in the grand scheme of things.

Reading through your post, the only things that I see that seemed to have impacted the relationship were things that if changed would only benefit the woman and subsequently hurt you at the same time. first off, you were in a stressful and difficult job and always tired. I too have been in a stressful and difficult job and know the wear and tear it has on a person’s well-being and how tired that makes you. What do you expect yourself to have done differently? Quit your job so that you aren’t tired and can go spend more of the money you are no longer earning to go visit her? Great – she now has a more available emotional tampon while you are now more stressed at the end of the day trying to figure out how you are going to pay your bills. Her 1, you 0.

She simultaneously tells you you have power to help her with her child but then overrides you every chance she gets. How exactly is that power? I have dated a single woman with 3 children before. I was given full permission to discipline the kids as needed and I was never once overridden. Those kids were out of control when I first started dating her and by the time I had decided to go my own way and split up with her, those kids were well behaved. That is power being used for good. No, what your purpose was was to be there again, as an emotional tampon, while she vents to you about all the bad s~~~ her kid does while not letting you do anything to change that. So you now have to deal with a misbehaving kid and her bitching in your ear about it at the same time while being tied to the chair not allowed to do anything while she also simultaneously fills her daily dose of drama needs all in one shot – bonus for her! Her 2.5, you 0.

You didn’t f~~~ up one bit by not moving back in with her – you made the absolute correct choice. She wanted you back in there because she realized everything that was gone and selfishly wanted to regain it. It had nothing to do with your happiness. They all start out great, because they are on their best behavior while they work on setting the trap – its all part of the plan.

I am sure others can elaborate on this even further and I hope they do.

Jon92 wrote:

I think what really happened here was between me not being there and her perception that I didn’t like her kid is that she found someone else. She’s kinda hinted but nothing definitive. To flip the script like this fast, it has to be because of another dude. We still talk and communicate . Im trying to work on this with her still but the walls are up

I don’t think he is ready for us or MGTOW. He clearly isn’t hearing us at all because he continues to reference working it out with her and none of the pointers we are attempting to give him. He sees that it is highly likely she met another man but still wants to communicate and work with her to try and get her back regardless as well. I wish you luck my friend – the red pill will be here and waiting for you once the inevitable occurs.

Man, if you’re not her priority, you’re only an option.

If you even THINK there could be someone else…. pull away. Immediately.

No calls. No texts. No returning calls for at least 24 hours. No emails.
If she told you she “needs time’ or “needs space”…. give her the goddam galaxy.

Don’t “be there for her”.

SIDECAR SAID:

Did she do the best she could?

Bingo.

John, you are making a classic mistake after a woman f~~~s you over – you are trying to find reasons to blame yourself.  It’s all over your writing how you are blaming yourself … for her being an absolute c~~~.  She is a c~~~ because she thinks you should f~~~ over your own mother and grandparents to pay for her kid and do/live as she says.

Now I ask you, John, why the hell would you put yourself thru a half a second of anguish, self-blame, and pity for a pure bitch like she is, and beyond that waste more time wondering how you can get a pure bitch like that back?  That’s a very serious question you need to think about.  If you don’t think about it now when you are forewarned, you will def be thinking about it in a few years when that bitch chucks your ass onto the street penniless and after she’s ruined your relationship with your mother.

Best of luck.