Tough Situation, Ex-Wife, Mother-In-Law, invitation to enter my OWN place

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Ok guys, this posting is not going to be pretty. I’m just typing this stuff out, and not making much to stop and think twice. I’m feeling like I need to strengthen my position without being an asshole. I want to strengthen it with reason as to using brute disgust (which I do like to use at times by the way). But here’s the thing, well, in particular today was tough because, firstly, I had a tough day listening to some person go on and on about what I need to do to stand out and get a job (with competitors being like 250, 500, even 1000 applicants… and wow, you got to come in FIRST! , well thjat’sw the only way to land the job )…any how.. so I get out of that meeting, blah blah blah , and I have a headache from the crap… then I have to rush home and eat something fast , because i have to be somewhere else on time for my visitation rights. so then I’m doing my best to ignore my headache and I get to the spot where I have to meet my sons… we sit down and talk…my older son is practiacally a teen and well, he got onto some topic and got insolent and I was not in the mood, so I didn’yt feel good about that and I turned to my younger son and gave him my attention, so anyhow, after the visit I bring back the little guy, and I knew I’d have to see ,very likely my ex (who I have being trying to avoid like the plague)…and then I get to MY property and the ex is there, ,, with her mother (and I get along with her mother) and my sons are there too, and then of all things…my ex INVITES me in to MY place (I can only go in if invited, ) well needless to say I didn’t go in, but her mom came out, and I talked with her mom, and it was tough because I have nothing against her mom, and we get along annd like each other ….but damned I’m MGTOW enough to know that she’s on Team Girl… but I can’t help it and she came all the way from s. america..and Ihadn’t seen her in a couple of years, and I was ,,,yes affected at seeing her, and also affected by my ex who invited me in even though this week we had a nasty email exachange that contained stuff that was not really nice on either side… so I got all confused and just turned away from them all and walked back a little….then I went back and spoke to my mother -in -law…and we talked for like 30minutes… and..well…Team Girl is all set up…and I’m all alone…and I know my ex’s mom means well for me… but I need to strengthen my way…but I need to have reason behind it…not just red pill hate or women-disgust (both of which I have and can use at a moments notice)…but with her mom I don’t want to use those ammunitions…I want to use reason…anyhow..what a damned mess this post is…I just needed to get this off my chest REALLY BAD

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Please share your input on the above. Anything helps

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

It’s okay. If you want to have a relationship with your son’s then you will need to understand one thing. You can’t fire emotional email bombs. You can’t. You can’t say whatever you are thinking. You cant.

You must be an oak. It’s all about exit strategy.

As long as your son’s live she will be their mom. You will have to deal with their mommy.

When they get over 18 it helps. But, she will always be in the picture.

This is just the crap we dad’s have to deal with. You get the s~~~ that you get.

Good luck.

Peace brothers

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Get used to taking the high road. There’s way less traffic, and no women. Remember that you have to look yourself in the mirror every morning and lay down with your thoughts every night.

Your ex mother-in-law is Team Girl. So treat her that way. It’s collateral damage in a divorce. If you stay in contact with her everything you say can and will be used against you. You have to right to remain silent. You just have to have the capacity.

Order the good wine

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

I was very careful in my email so I’m not worried about that. The harsh stuff is insinuated and can’t really be held against me (I know I’ll have some of you say anything can be used against me, but in anycase I’m not worried about the content.) But yes, I told myself that would be the LAST “explanatory” email (and yes I know it goes against my signature…but as I said in another post …the art of ignoring takes practice, I don’t pretend to be a master there by far.)

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[narrow road travelerParticipant 1680]

Fcin F¡%g

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. --Sun Tsu

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

In my situation my ex wife’s family sided with me but she was their daughter, sister, etc.

Generally speaking:
They have to deal with her. They don’t want to get in the middle, blah blah blah.

I made every mistake possible so I am not saying to use me as an example of what to do.

I am saying that if I had it to do again I would have learned quicker to be a rock, oak, etc.

All of the emotional stuff is just garbage.

Concentrate on your boys. They are what matters. Mommy, mommy in law, etc is just extraneous garbage.

Learn to be an oak for your son’s.

Peace brothers

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

TaxGuy wrote:

Get used to taking the high road. There’s way less traffic, and no women. Remember that you have to look yourself in the mirror every morning and lay down with your thoughts every night.

Your ex mother-in-law is Team Girl. So treat her that way. It’s collateral damage in a divorce. If you stay in contact with her everything you say can and will be used against you. You have to right to remain silent. You just have to have the capacity.

Somehow, my gut tells me that my mother-in-law does not want to throw me under the bus, she doesn’t act that way either. I thinks she is being genuine in her feelings. But yes, I’ve told her that there are somethings we will NOT be able to discuss together…she said she’s ok with that. I know I have to take the high road, but, I don’t have much in terms of support so, my MIL offer to hear me out is tempting … I don’t think she would use it against me. … and by the way what’s up with my ex inviting me in to her place… I wasn’t weak enough to fall for that…but she did invite me in in a matter of fact kind of way…still , I thought better…you stay away from her space …where she can even see your position (feelings whatever) so that I did…I declined to go into the place… crap what a ball of stuff to deal with …what with my sons there…and all this…man, this goes on for what 12 , 13, 14 years still….crap …that’s a long time to have to “deal with it” … I don’t want to put myself through a grinder all the time… I need to be free from that kind of thing. so I need to keep a certain distance.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

DorkShit wrote:

In my situation my ex wife’s family sided with me but she was their daughter, sister, etc.

Generally speaking:
They have to deal with her. They don’t want to get in the middle, blah blah blah.

I made every mistake possible so I am not saying to use me as an example of what to do.

I am saying that if I had it to do again I would have learned quicker to be a rock, oak, etc.

All of the emotional stuff is just garbage.

Concentrate on your boys. They are what matters. Mommy, mommy in law, etc is just extraneous garbage.

Learn to be an oak for your son’s.

Wow, that’s tough… With my ex it’s pretty easy, because I can see through her crap… I just need to go to a snooping app and I can pick up all her s~~~ she posts on Instagram and stuff… So she’s dumb enough, desperate enough for validation ,and careless enough to give the window to me. I look in and I see hypocracy… so it’s easy to deal with the ex… but the MIL is a different matter…. and btw Darksith…if they sided with you then what were you concerned about? what makes you think that having the rock-or-oak approach is still best? I want to try and understand , if you don’t mind telling, because I need something concrete to use, to “go rock-or-oak” myself if that really must be.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Inviting you into her place is not that big a deal. The sooner you can interact the better.

Remember, she is your son’s mommy. You WILL have to interact with her.

I’m not saying to be best buds.

Interact with an exit strategy.

This is why a divorced father shouldn’t get involved with another woman.

Imagine your predicament when you start dating a single mom and have time deal with her ex husband and she with your ex wife.

Break open the Tylenol

Peace brothers

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Point Of No Return wrote:

I don’t have much in terms of support so, my MIL offer to hear me out is tempting … I don’t think she would use it against me.

I was in your spot brother. In fact, my ex and my ex MIL don’t talk to each other any more. But you’ve got to find your own support, or just learn to be the oak that Darksith is talking about. No one cares about you as much as you do.

I promise you that a year from now you will be amazed at how strong you are and you’ll wonder why you ever doubted yourself. Wasn’t it Churchill who said “If you’re going through hell, keep going”?

Just keep going. It gets better.

Order the good wine

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Point Of No Return wrote:

Darksith wrote:

In my situation my ex wife’s family sided with me but she was their daughter, sister, etc.

Generally speaking:
They have to deal with her. They don’t want to get in the middle, blah blah blah.

I made every mistake possible so I am not saying to use me as an example of what to do.

I am saying that if I had it to do again I would have learned quicker to be a rock, oak, etc.

All of the emotional stuff is just garbage.

Concentrate on your boys. They are what matters. Mommy, mommy in law, etc is just extraneous garbage.

Learn to be an oak for your son’s.

Wow, that’s tough… With my ex it’s pretty easy, because I can see through her crap… I just need to go to a snooping app and I can pick up all her s~~~ she posts on Instagram and stuff… So she’s dumb enough, desperate enough for validation ,and careless enough to give the window to me. I look in and I see hypocracy… so it’s easy to deal with the ex… but the MIL is a different matter…. and btw Darksith…if they sided with you then what were you concerned about? what makes you think that having the rock-or-oak approach is still best? I want to try and understand , if you don’t mind telling, because I need something concrete to use, to “go rock-or-oak” myself if that really must be.

I was on the pedestal of truth with self righteous indignation. I had the moral high ground since she abandoned me and my son for a Chad, etc.

I did the classic rub her nose in it with thoughts that her family would force her to be a decent person and come back and we would be a perfect family again for the best of our son etc, blah blah blah. All bull s~~~.

I had a father and he told me to wake the f~~~ up. No one gives a s~~~ about your family drama.

You can’t force her to be what you want.

Finally, I looked forward. The water calmed and life went on.

A few years later she married Chad. They are miserable. Her family doesn’t give a s~~~. She is the same person she has always been. We all have to deal with her.

But, I give my son a hug as i exit stage right.

Today if you would ask her how we were she would say that Darksith and her are friendly, bestties, or some similar sappy s~~~. I hate her guts but you nor any other person would know it. The less she knows the better.

Peace brothers

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

DorkShit wrote:

Inviting you into her place is not that big a deal. The sooner you can interact the better.

Remember, she is your son’s mommy. You WILL have to interact with her.

I’m not saying to be best buds.

Interact with an exit strategy.

This is why a divorced father shouldn’t get involved with another woman.

Imagine your predicament when you start dating a single mom and have time deal with her ex husband and she with your ex wife.

Break open the Tylenol

Thanks for the reply. I will think about your comments, they seem like good material. As for interacting sooner, I know you are perhaps right… but man, do I find that idea hard to deal with. I’d like to just tell my ex over and over again how much of a lusty desiring-for-the-c~~~-caroussel bitch she is. Man I’ll have to think long and hard on that part of your good advice.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

TaxGuy wrote:

Point Of No Return wrote:

I don’t have much in terms of support so, my MIL offer to hear me out is tempting … I don’t think she would use it against me.

I was in your spot brother. In fact, my ex and my ex MIL don’t talk to each other any more. But you’ve got to find your own support, or just learn to be the oak that Darksith is talking about. No one cares about you as much as you do.

I promise you that a year from now you will be amazed at how strong you are and you’ll wonder why you ever doubted yourself. Wasn’t it Churchill who said “If you’re going through hell, keep going”?

Just keep going. It gets better.

I’m doing that: finding my own support… It’s just that, ‘my own support’ does not necessarily offer me something that looks like ‘kindness’ , or how should I say… a connection that is …perhaps heartfelt to some extent… If my MIL looks at me with heart-felt kindness…well I’m not robotic enough to not perceive… it does affect me…

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Point Of No Return wrote:

Darksith wrote:

Inviting you into her place is not that big a deal. The sooner you can interact the better.

Remember, she is your son’s mommy. You WILL have to interact with her.

I’m not saying to be best buds.

Interact with an exit strategy.

This is why a divorced father shouldn’t get involved with another woman.

Imagine your predicament when you start dating a single mom and have time deal with her ex husband and she with your ex wife.

Break open the Tylenol

Thanks for the reply. I will think about your comments, they seem like good material. As for interacting sooner, I know you are perhaps right… but man, do I find that idea hard to deal with. I’d like to just tell my ex over and over again how much of a lusty desiring-for-the-c~~~-caroussel bitch she is. Man I’ll have to think long and hard on that part of your good advice.

Ohh yes. That is the hard part. It feels good to tell a whore that they are a whore. But, in the end, does a whore care?

It’s just all wind blowing in the air. You son’s are what matters.

An oak of a man stands with his feet firmly planted on the ground with his face into the storm of the wind with his mouth firmly shut.

Bring it on bitches!

(I don’t say this because of some court or societal reason. I say it because it is the path a man should take. Your son’s matter. Everything else is just giant turd fog b~~~~ in the wind)

Peace brothers

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

DorkShit wrote:

Point Of No Return wrote:

Darksith wrote:

In my situation my ex wife’s family sided with me but she was their daughter, sister, etc.

Generally speaking:
They have to deal with her. They don’t want to get in the middle, blah blah blah.

I made every mistake possible so I am not saying to use me as an example of what to do.

I am saying that if I had it to do again I would have learned quicker to be a rock, oak, etc.

All of the emotional stuff is just garbage.

Concentrate on your boys. They are what matters. Mommy, mommy in law, etc is just extraneous garbage.

Learn to be an oak for your son’s.

Wow, that’s tough… With my ex it’s pretty easy, because I can see through her crap… I just need to go to a snooping app and I can pick up all her s~~~ she posts on Instagram and stuff… So she’s dumb enough, desperate enough for validation ,and careless enough to give the window to me. I look in and I see hypocracy… so it’s easy to deal with the ex… but the MIL is a different matter…. and btw Darksith…if they sided with you then what were you concerned about? what makes you think that having the rock-or-oak approach is still best? I want to try and understand , if you don’t mind telling, because I need something concrete to use, to “go rock-or-oak” myself if that really must be.

I was on the pedestal of truth with self righteous indignation. I had the moral high ground since she abandoned me and my son for a Chad, etc.

I did the classic rub her nose in it with thoughts that her family would force her to be a decent person and come back and we would be a perfect family again for the best of our son etc, blah blah blah. All bull s~~~.

I had a father and he told me to wake the f~~~ up. No one gives a s~~~ about your family drama.

You can’t force her to be what you want.

Finally, I looked forward. The water calmed and life went on.

A few years later she married Chad. They are miserable. Her family doesn’t give a s~~~. She is the same person she has always been. We all have to deal with her.

But, I give my son a hug as i exit stage right.

Today if you would ask her how we were she would say that Darksith and her are friendly, bestties, or some similar sappy s~~~. I hate her guts but you nor any other person would know it. The less she knows the better.

Woah, thanks for sharing Darksith… That’s some heavy stuff you got going there… I really appreciate the insight… I value stealth, and I can only hope to be as stealthy as you are… I guess even though it’s been 6 months since we separated, there’s still more time needed for me to adjust. I can’t get over how long it can take, to adjust, to find the strength and indifference needed to do the MGTOW-correct thing. I will just keep trying. It’s all much easier for me to do vis-a-vis women I don’t know, and that, but here, now, with the MIL , and the ex being so willing to be like ‘do you want to com in?’ indifferent… That’s a tough one. I just also feel like my ex is doing that to actually be able to SEE my weakness. because I think she wants to see it. sigh.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

DorkShit wrote:

Ohh yes. That is the hard part. It feels good to tell a whore that they are a whore. But, in the end, does a whore care?
It’s just all wind blowing in the air. You son’s are what matters.
An oak of a man stands with his feet firmly planted on the ground with his face into the storm of the wind with his mouth firmly shut.
Bring it on bitches!

Just remember that when you are thinking about telling her off, she’s wondering what color to paint her nails. She doesn’t care.

And Darksith is right, it’s all about the kids. They don’t want you guys fighting anymore. Think anything you want, write it down and then throw it away, whatever works for you. But in all likelihood she feeds off of drama, so denying her that drama is the best thing you can do: for you and for the kids. As for her, who cares? She’s someone else’s problem now. Your job now is being the best dad you can be in the limited time you have with your kids. Your kids are who you love, they are who matter.

Sometimes we say we would do ANYTHING for our kids. Unfortunately, now is your time to prove it.

Order the good wine

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Point Of No Return wrote:

I just also feel like my ex is doing that to actually be able to SEE my weakness. because I think she wants to see it. sigh.

See, you know what’s going on. Just keep it up.

Order the good wine

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Point Of No Return wrote:

Darksith wrote:

Point Of No Return wrote:

Darksith wrote:

In my situation my ex wife’s family sided with me but she was their daughter, sister, etc.

Generally speaking:
They have to deal with her. They don’t want to get in the middle, blah blah blah.

I made every mistake possible so I am not saying to use me as an example of what to do.

I am saying that if I had it to do again I would have learned quicker to be a rock, oak, etc.

All of the emotional stuff is just garbage.

Concentrate on your boys. They are what matters. Mommy, mommy in law, etc is just extraneous garbage.

Learn to be an oak for your son’s.

Wow, that’s tough… With my ex it’s pretty easy, because I can see through her crap… I just need to go to a snooping app and I can pick up all her s~~~ she posts on Instagram and stuff… So she’s dumb enough, desperate enough for validation ,and careless enough to give the window to me. I look in and I see hypocracy… so it’s easy to deal with the ex… but the MIL is a different matter…. and btw Darksith…if they sided with you then what were you concerned about? what makes you think that having the rock-or-oak approach is still best? I want to try and understand , if you don’t mind telling, because I need something concrete to use, to “go rock-or-oak” myself if that really must be.

I was on the pedestal of truth with self righteous indignation. I had the moral high ground since she abandoned me and my son for a Chad, etc.

I did the classic rub her nose in it with thoughts that her family would force her to be a decent person and come back and we would be a perfect family again for the best of our son etc, blah blah blah. All bull s~~~.

I had a father and he told me to wake the f~~~ up. No one gives a s~~~ about your family drama.

You can’t force her to be what you want.

Finally, I looked forward. The water calmed and life went on.

A few years later she married Chad. They are miserable. Her family doesn’t give a s~~~. She is the same person she has always been. We all have to deal with her.

But, I give my son a hug as i exit stage right.

Today if you would ask her how we were she would say that Darksith and her are friendly, bestties, or some similar sappy s~~~. I hate her guts but you nor any other person would know it. The less she knows the better.

Woah, thanks for sharing Darksith… That’s some heavy stuff you got going there… I really appreciate the insight… I value stealth, and I can only hope to be as stealthy as you are… I guess even though it’s been 6 months since we separated, there’s still more time needed for me to adjust. I can’t get over how long it can take, to adjust, to find the strength and indifference needed to do the MGTOW-correct thing. I will just keep trying. It’s all much easier for me to do vis-a-vis women I don’t know, and that, but here, now, with the MIL , and the ex being so willing to be like ‘do you want to com in?’ indifferent… That’s a tough one. I just also feel like my ex is doing that to actually be able to SEE my weakness. because I think she wants to see it. sigh.

Yep. 6 months explains allot. I am 15 years plus.

As for her seeing a weakness, etc, the quicker you get to “no f~~~s given” the better.

The biggest thing you need to worry about is another woman. As in you meeting a perfect woman that is your new best emotional support.

You might think you need support but all you need is you. Get your s~~~ straight and focus on being a father and being able to be present with her….

Peace brothers

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Yeah, I’ve been feeling pretty confident lately about handling my MGTOW-tools like Indifference, NFG, Focusing on myself and my sons, ignoring women that are obviously just seeking attention for their own gain… I just have a hard time reaching into the toolbox when I’m actually physically standing in front of my ex or my MIL. I know why though… I have lost something I can never regain… That family I thought I could have for… well …longer than the 14 years that I did have it.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

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