Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › This man could use some MGTOW
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FunInTheSun 4 years, 4 months ago.
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Found this here:
http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/35a9y3/my_31m_wife_30f_of_five_years_tricked_me_into/
I am here for advice and perspective. Thank you in advance.
My wife and I have been married for five years. We have a three year old son. She has made it clear that she would like a second child. I have made it clear that I wasn’t ready until we got our relationship and finances in order, and then planned properly. We planned properly for our first, why not our second?
She informed me this week that she was pregnant – at most six weeks. She told me she stopped taking birth control in March because she “ran out”. We have insurance and disposable income – “running out” is no excuse. She also never initiates sex. She initiated sex in April while she was not on birth control.
I feel like a tremendous breach of trust occurred. I feel violated. She stands firm that she did not intentionally trick me into getting her pregnant. I stand firm that deciding to stop taking a daily pill and deciding to keep it from your husband is willful.
Additionally, we had an amazing European vacation planned over the summer. We would have flown into Amsterdam for a few days, do a day trip to Brussels, train to Paris for a few days, then train to Barcelona for a few days. She didn’t want to do the sightseeing in Brussels and Paris. She wanted to enjoy the vices Amsterdam and Barcelona have to offer. I modified the itinerary to suit her preference. Everything is paid for and nothing is fully refundable. We will waste ~$1,500 on penalties and refund fees.
This timing also will likely result in double deductibles for insurance. We also have an insurance plan ill-suited for pregnancy because we were planning on not having a baby. I would have much preferred to be able to switch to a plan that would provide better service at a better price. On top of that, we just slashed our emergency fund to the bare minimum to pay off a chunk of debt.
We are both generally against abortion. I contend that conception does not equal personhood. Personhood begins once the brain is formed/functioning and the fetus responds to stimuli. I do not feel week six meets that threshold. Our prior discourse on abortion in general was 10 weeks being the legal stopping point. Her position has instantly changed. She is adamant about going through with the pregnancy. I am not here to argue abortion, for or against, with anyone. Thank you.
I am disgusted by this. Imagine if the roles were reversed for a moment: Wife doesn’t want to get pregnant, husband wants a child, wife and husband agree to use condoms, husband damages condoms in order to force pregnancy on wife. That’s f~~~ing horrible right?
Our relationship hasn’t been great since our son was born. We disagree on pretty much everything, the division of labor in the household is quite unequal, and our sex life is unhealthy. Our three year old son is the glue that holds us together.
I am seriously considering divorce. I seriously don’t want divorce. I don’t want to lose my son. My whole reason for waking up in the morning is my three year old son. I want to provide the best possible chance at life he can get. I don’t believe that is possible with divorced parents. I don’t want to see him only eight days out of the month if I am lucky. Just thinking about it is soul crushing.
And how would picking up my son eight days a month go? I would also be picking up the new child. The new child that I resent for destroying my marriage and taking away my son. Do you know how bad that sounds? I feel like the worst human being in the world for resenting a child that doesn’t even exist yet. And how do I morally divorce a woman pregnant with my child? I break down thinking about it.
Divorce has other problems too. Child support will likely consume 40% of my pay due to our income disparity. I expect even more due to increased taxation for being single. Then I will have alimony and residual debt to pay down at less than 60% of my normal income. Also, my work is determined by annual contracts. If for whatever reason I don’t get on the next contract or I get lowballed, I will have to move out of the area to find work.
So what do I do? Do I just humbly accept that I am f~~~ed and live unhappily and hurt for 18 years? The alternative seems just as appealing.
TL;DR: Wife quit birth control without informing husband. Wife knew husband wasn’t ready for second child. Husband considering divorce. Everyone loses.
My Advice, he needs MGTOW.
Clearly she used this guy and has been using you since he began the relationship and is hoping that the new child will fix the relationship. Pretty typical actions of a woman who is seeing her male provider/workhorse beginning to distance itself. He feels violated and trust was breached because it was. Look, it’s only going to get worse from here on out and divorce is a guarantee.
I say this to everyone planning on getting a divorce, stash away as much money as you can that only you know about. Be it a hundred dollars or a thousand, begin hiding your wealth.
You want to know where women like that come from? Don’t ever think this is a rare exception or special case:
/video/wendy-williams-teaches-women-to-trap-men-into-fatherhood/
Look at the unanimous female response at how (almost 100% of them + one man!) think it’s acceptable. Laughing and clapping about trapping a man into fatherhood against his own will and FAR better judgement. And when that bitch says “ooops! I’m pregnant”, they think he should be HAPPY about it.
It’s a PERFECT fit to this story you found. Send him that link.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.This is the sort of horror story that reinforces my belief in the lifestyle that is MGTOW.
Marriage? No thanks, i'm not ready to be THAT miserable.
His first error, allowing birth control to be HER responsibility. That’s just stupid. She has shown she is not trustworthy so he should divorce her and be done with it.
It is important to build and maintain mutual trust as it is the basis for effective relationships, she is incapable of the task, so continuing would be futile.
I’m just sayin’
Keith
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a man who never found a wife and he lived happily ever after. The End.
And how do I morally divorce a woman pregnant with my child?
Do you think any of her actions have been moral?
Is it moral to leave someone who is not?
Yes. I would. And have.
It’s radical, but the gloves have to come off for this kind of s~~~ women pull. It applies to girlfriend who pull this stunt (have done it myself) but whether or not he has the cojones to do it with his wife is really up to him.
You look her straight in the eye, and with a calm voice without blinking you say: “OK. Maybe you will get my money. But you and your bastard child will never – ever – see me again. Starting right now.” Then exit.
(would have to be re-written for husbands)
It’s all in the delivery. And if you do it right, when she realizes her plan to trap and control you HAS FAILED, you have just multiplied her chances of her running out to get an abortion by the end of the week. Don’t forget, it’s not about “the baby”. It’s about ENSLAVING you . She knowingly does it against your will to enslave you on purpose. Make sure she knows she will not get away with it.
PLUS — if she does get an abortion (and she will) it PROVES that it’s not about “the baby”.
All it was about was herself – and enslaving you.After you tell her, make her f~~~ing HISTORY. But you have to be prepared to walk and NEVER look back.
Don’t even feel bad about it. She doesn’t, and the child shouldn’t have been born anyway.Do not let your natural male empathy get a hold of you here. It’s what she’s counting on.
You must be prepared to be ultra-rigid and unforgiving in your stance.This s~~~ is the worst form of evil. There is to be zero remorse in your tone.
I’m not for abortion either. That’s not the point. The entire “abortion debate” is designed to DISTRACT men from the reality that it simply doesn’t matter what a woman does AFTER she allowed herself to pregnant with an unwanted child – and without consent. It shouldn’t even be legal in the first place and should be considered cruelty to children and fathers. Women should get a life sentence for this crap.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.1. If she has this kid get DNA
2. Why should he walk? Make some s~~~ up, go for divorce & restraining order. Stay in house with son and let legal time pass. With luck you will have set a stable home with your kid when it come to custody.
3. Do it to her, void yourself of all feelings or pity. She will devour you given the chance.
4. It’s time to stand and bring forth your inner warrior.
Good luck
Wow, and I thought having children should be a decision based on commitment to the child, since the reality is kids need both parents to be healthy (though newer studies are showing that kids raised by single dads do better overall, statistically). Nope, marriage is the union of two people there is no more yours and mine, a relationship should be the reflection of self in another person not a path of deceit and manipulation to get what you want this second. I’m pretty sure her husband is like “no, I’m thinking on my way out anyway lets not complicate it again.” I wonder if her “friends” that apparently give great advice have anything to do with the fact he doesn’t want anymore children with this woman. hmmm . . . I’m not a scientist, but . . .
Gentlemen, leave no stone unturned. I recently asked my dad why he didn’t tell me not to get married, he said “you wouldn’t have listened.” The folly of youth and the error of invincibility!
You look her straight in the eye, and with a calm voice without blinking you say: “OK. Maybe you will get my money. But you and your bastard child will never – ever – see me again. Starting right now.”
I always just told them I’d be a father to the kid but they could go get f~~~ed, I wouldn’t have a damn thing to do with them. Every guy I’ve ever known who stuck with a woman because of an “accidental” baby ended up f~~~ing miserable with a woman that treats them far worse than the average woman treats a guy. You pretty much know for a fact at that point the woman is manipulative, deceptive, and a liar. You can’t even trick yourself into thinking you got a good catch at that point, she is the scum of all scum.
Yeah when you’re red-pill truly honest with yourself (and her) about it, you break down ALL of this crap women put up. Being totally direct about this cuts right though her entire rationale and motivations. She doesn’t win. SHE loses. When women pull stunts like this, men need to make HER deal with it.
SHE did it.
SHE will pay and deal with single motherhood herself.
Bed. Made. Lie.Gone are the days when I would look at a single mother and think “poor girl”. I don’t think I ever did, but you see my point. I feel nothing for them. It almost makes me giddy. In this kind of situation, an unwanted child is 100% a woman’s fault 100% of the time. And f~~~ her for expecting man to pay the 216 monthly payments for her greedy, selfish ass.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.WHATEVER YOU DO … when a woman says “OOPS! I’m pregnant”, DO NOT invite her into a hot tub with champagne to celebrate.
This can cause a miscarriage and she could lose the baby!!
REPEAT: He should NOT under any circumstances do this.
…. as quickly as possible.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.@keymaster – I agree man. I have pretty much adopted a mutual destruction mind set on the issue. Girls I’ve gotten serious with in the past, I told I want to have kids…just that I wanted to wait until I was a little more set up financially, done with school, etc. If they were willing to be deceptive to get what they wanted right now, that was pretty much saying I don’t care about your goals or what you want, its all about me. If they were willing to s~~~ on me to get their way, the last thing I would ever do is give them what they want.
I only had a girl try it once. Looking back at it I was retarded for agreeing to trust her on the birth control after a few months, but she fessed up one night she had “forgot” a few days worth of birth control before our weekend romp. I asked her why she didn’t just say something, and we could have wrapped it…”I don’t know” was all I got for an answer. I made her get a pregnancy test that day, and dumped her soon as we both saw negative. I almost think looking back at it now she never stopped the BC, but was planning on it at some point, and just wanted to gauge my reaction to a possible whoops baby, to see if I was bluffing or not with what I had said to her. She found out I wasn’t bluffing.
But as far as sympathy for single mothers go…I had a lot when I was a little kid. My first experience with a single mother family was a school buddy who’s father had died in a car accident, leaving his mother to raise 3 kids on her own. So early on, I had associated single motherhood with widows…and I felt sorry for them. As I grew up and saw the reality of it though…I realized decent women who had a decent husband who had an unexpected death were probably about 1% of single mothers…and the rest were women you’d want to avoid like the plague. I’ve since come to realize the only thing worse than a single mother is a single mother after they find a sucker to marry them.
I work with a guy who writes a monthly check to a single mother – enough to put him in a new BMW …. 5 series, M. She has THREE kids from 3 different dads, sits on her ass, and lives with her Mom. Then… he MARRIED a single mother with two kids. And had a third (one) of his own with her. On pay day, when he gets handed a check, he gets up out of his chair and DRIVES TO THE BANK MACHINE to deposit it.
That’s what I would call… “HELL”.
I deposit mine 3, 5, 7 days later or whenever I happened to get around to it.
He hates my f~~~ing guts.
He could use a little “MGTOW” himself. In the form of a boot straight up his ass.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.My horrible c~~~ of an ex-wife did this with my second child — we had gotten married because of first “accident” (back when I still thought there was some merit to being a “white knight”. After the first child was born, we didn’t have sex, but one night, she went out with girlfriends, came home and climbed on top of me, drunk. I was asleep, woke up to her mawing on me, didn’t argue because I didn’t want to start a fight. F~~~ed me basically without my consent. I’ve told her so and she laughs it of, says there’s no way she could rape me.
ONE TIME and we were pregnant again. I divorced her four months after that one was born, because she insisted on having both kids in daycare even though she didn’t have a f~~~ing job.
Keymaster, what I SHOULD have done is with kiddo number one, done the “you’ll get my money but not me” speech. Wish to hell I had.
None of this means I love my kids any less, although I’m sorry as f~~~ I gave them a s~~~ty mother like her.
In my view: she stood in a church and swore in front of everyone they knew to “love, honor and cherish…” this guy for as long as they both lived. That oath is laughable now given what she’s done. The marriage ended the day she made the decision to stop birth control without telling him and get pregnant without his consent. I therefore see that he has no longer any moral obligation to lift a finger to ‘love, honor and cherish’ this lying, larcenous parasite anymore than he would have for any other woman who he had never even met. If he think’s that HE is better off staying married, I won’t criticize him. If he thinks that HE is better off dumping her, I won’t criticize him. If he does, or does not choose to have any relationship with her, or either of these kids, I will not criticize him.
Any decrease in standard of living, mental health or comfort of her or him or either of those kids that results from ANY option he needs to choose to take care of himself now …is now 100% her responsibility. She is responsible because she made the decision that precipitated whatever happens next. It is 100% up to this guy to decide what is the best he can do for himself, and whatever he thinks he is able to do for these kids… WITHOUT INPUT FROM HER OR CONSIDERATION FOR HER.
He has an obligation to do what he can for his kids, but it’s now completely up to him to decide what is his best effort. Anyone not content with whatever his decision is, can take it up with the lying parasite that engineered the ruin of the marriage that would have served everyone’s purposes much better had she not chosen to ruin it.
I don’t have a reddit account to address his question about that vacation he reserved. But if I did, I would suggest to him that he cancel it and use what refund could be salvaged from that to finance a vasectomy. After the vasectomy, he could tell her he did it, but that he really didn’t intend to …and that it was all just an accident. There’s no reason for him to act honorably toward her anymore, and the cancelled vacation with her spouse is a natural consequence of the decision she made to wreck the marriage.
In fact, I would suggest that the assumption by her that there would be no consequences for her played a big role in her decision to do this in the first place. Failure to provide those consequences invites more of the same…
Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you
SHE did it. SHE will pay and deal with single motherhood herself. Bed. Made. Lie.
This for sure. If he delivered her divorce papers right now? Well let’s run down the situation: She’s 31 with a 3 year old and one in the womb. She doesn’t do equal household labor so we know she is the stereotypical “princess” if she gets divorced then what? What are her options, we know how well single 30+ year old mothers do on dating sites, let alone one with an infant and the wall is approaching fast. That would be a real shock of reality.
None of this means I love my kids any less, although I’m sorry as f~~~ I gave them a s~~~ty mother like her.
Ugh, sorry to hear. This happened to my cousin and he stayed for two months then split, leaving her with nothing. He has been avoiding his court ordered payments sadly and would be tossed away for ever as a dead-beat dad. No one in my family, not even his mother knows where he is, he went total ghost. Hell we don’t even know if he’s alive, no one has heard from him in ten years.
What are her options, we know how well single 30+ year old mothers do on dating sites
That’s my point. When she realizes she is on her own, and you are absolutely rigid in your stance that you will WALK – even if she gets your money – she will run to that clinic. You can even rub it in and be relentless. “you know all your single mommy girlfriends? THEY create that. Men don’t want to date that s~~~”. Just turn her into a sobbing puddle with no remorse. F~~~ HER and her “oops”. The situation was 100% avoidable by her.
Even when a man is responsible and wears a condom to protect himself – AND HER – and an unwanted child(!) … these bitches reach into the garbage to pull the sperm from a discarded condom to fertilize themselves. “OOPS????” F~~~ off.
In the news today.. THREE WOMEN RAPED A MAN TO STEAL HIS SPERM
There is to be ZERO remorse for single mothers.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.My first experience with a single mother family was a school buddy who’s father had died in a car accident, leaving his mother to raise 3 kids on her own.
That’s not a single mother. That’s a widow. There’s a difference. Single motherhood is INTENTIONAL.
After the vasectomy, he could tell her he did it, but that he really didn’t intend to …and that it was all just an accident.
I don’t think he should tell her anything at all. Personally I think he should just divorce her straight up, but if he stays he should leave her completely in the dark about being deactivated so that when baby number three inevitably comes around, and it WILL, he can drop the hammer when he divorces her then.
I work with a guy who writes a monthly check to a single mother – enough to put him in a new BMW …. 5 series, M. She has THREE kids from 3 different dads, sits on her ass, and lives with her Mom. Then… he MARRIED a single mother with two kids. And had a third (one) of his own with her. On pay day, when he gets handed a check, he gets up out of his chair and DRIVES TO THE BANK MACHINE to deposit it. That’s what I would call… “HELL”. I deposit mine 3, 5, 7 days later or whenever I happened to get around to it. He hates my f~~~ing guts. He could use a little “MGTOW” himself. In the form of a boot straight up his ass.
Wait, wait just a second… I need to see if I am processing this correctly. This co-worker, he married a woman with THREE kids from THREE different dads, got a divorce and now pays alimony judging from that fact he has to write a monthly check to her. He then got re-married and had a kid with another single mother who has TWO other kids? What… the… f~~~… is wrong with him????
He has been avoiding his court ordered payments sadly and would be tossed away for ever as a dead-beat dad. No one in my family, not even his mother knows where he is, he went total ghost. Hell we don’t even know if he’s alive, no one has heard from him in ten years.
I can’t tell you how tempting that is. When you love kids, you put up with s~~~ that would make you otherwise go underground in a heartbeat. If he wasn’t able to develop a connection with the kids, or if he was in a position where he had nothing to really offer, I can completely see how he would do that.
I do lie awake at night pondering escape routes myself. The power that a woman has over a man when she has is kids is INCREDIBLE. It has completely woken me up to what a lie “male privilege” is. You spend your whole life as a male grooming yourself to be a “husband and father” and then you get there, and discover that you are a slave. That your job is to grovel and beg for the approval and cooperation of a woman who needs nothing from you — she’s got the government and society to support her completely.
The only way you can earn a “place” in your family is by showering her with MORE wealth than she would have living as a single mom. Which is a lot these days — a single mom on minimum wage basically receives the support equivalent of a woman with a husband who makes $60,000 a year. And when you DO make more than that, she’ll not be grateful – she’ll say “this proves what an AMAZING woman I am! Look what I can get a man do to do for me!”
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