The Ex-Wife Just Sent Me A Snotty Assed Mean Email

[PuniShredderParticipant 2268]

Sir. She is baiting you. Put up the wall of silence. Send her a one or two word response. Keep all emotion out of it that is bulls~~~ female crap and don’t play into her games.

Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

[Anonymous 12]

No email.
Written statements signed by your lawyer.
No word from you, only from your lawyer.
heed the words of your own signature.
she is the enemy.
she pushes your buttons.
do not be tempted, not in good, not in bad.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Agreed to the above in principle… What do I do about this though? —-

“She’s using the radio silence I’m providing her (the result of my going No Contact) as an excuse to play the “He doesn’t participate” card. Any surprise?”

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[narwhalParticipant]

Point Of No Return wrote:

I give her the minimum. I follow the agreement, but she thinks I’m not following it, and so she is making a fuss. That’s why I contacted my lawyer. I did tell her that I thought she was making a big fuss out of nothing. I’m trying to limit myself as much as possible.

I understand why you might want to get into what exactly she is fussing about, but I don’t see how you can get good advice without giving more details. It is possible that she is right and you are wrong.

Regardless though, don’t tell her she’s making a fuss over nothing. Don’t tell her how she should be feeling. Listen and tell her where you disagree (or agree) and nothing more.

Ok. Then do it.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

narwhal wrote:

Point Of No Return wrote:

I give her the minimum. I follow the agreement, but she thinks I’m not following it, and so she is making a fuss. That’s why I contacted my lawyer. I did tell her that I thought she was making a big fuss out of nothing. I’m trying to limit myself as much as possible.

I understand why you might want to get into what exactly she is fussing about, but I don’t see how you can get good advice without giving more details. It is possible that she is right and you are wrong.

Regardless though, don’t tell her she’s making a fuss over nothing. Don’t tell her how she should be feeling. Listen and tell her where you disagree (or agree) and nothing more.

I think there are elements that are debatable (she may be considered ‘in the right’ as much as I could be), this is why I let my lawyer know. I think I kept pretty plain in defending myself in the email I sent in reply. I’m not being too revealing because I have concerns with regards to what may fall into “enemy hands” (via doxxing or whatever).

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

I think she is glad that my son is the focus of one of the debatable items because I can’t easily ignore her on child items, for fear of being accused as non-participatory. I can say I really enjoy it when I can have long stretches of No Contact. I cherish those ‘moments’ (that’s what you wind up cherishing at the end of a relations~~~… the blessed radio silence!)

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[narwhalParticipant]

Point Of No Return wrote:

I think there are elements that are debatable (she may be considered ‘in the right’ as much as I could be), this is why I let my lawyer know.

The it would be a good idea, I think, to let her know this, if you know her to be reasonable in anyway. If it’s possible, meet her half way on this. Let her know that you hear her and will consider her point of view if the issue comes up again…even she didn’t communicate her concern to you in a civil manner. Set the tone for how you would like negotiations to take place in the future, and that you can be objective.

That can work for you later. It doesn’t mean she will always be objective with you, but it helps. It also helps insulate you from reacting to her emotionally.

Play the long game on this. This is a minor battle only.

Ok. Then do it.

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Check to see if your jurisdiction offers you the right to demand that the children be handed off in the presence of an independent third party. If so, then simply ask the court to require that she bring you the kids at your local police station where the entire exchange can be filmed and supervised each time.

Then ignore the s~~~ out of her and perform any interactions you must through your lawyer or with the utmost business-like impersonal demeanor you can. Think of her like you think of the IRS or the DMV.

It really sounds like you’re trying to score some points here and believe me, brother, it isn’t worth it.

[narwhalParticipant]

Stargazer wrote:

Check to see if your jurisdiction offers you the right to demand that the children be handed off in the presence of an independent third party. If so, then simply ask the court to require that she bring you the kids at your local police station where the entire exchange can be filmed and supervised each time.

I strongly disagree with that. That sounds like a rather unnecessary escalation. You don’t want to take it to that level unless you absolutely have to, because it’s difficult to come back to a civil arrangement after that point. Everyone is going to be better off if you can work this so it’s civil.

One thing I told my ex a couple years back that I think set the tone well.

I don’t understand why we can’t be friends.
We’re divorced, it’s a naturally antagonistic relationship. What did you think was going to happen? It’s not personal.

I think it sunk in at that point that any disagreement we had wasn’t about what I thought of about her. I was only interested in what was good for me and my kids.

Ok. Then do it.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

I like Narwhal’s approach.

Let her know that you are totally over her and any emotion/hurt that you may have shared, but you created a human being together that you absolutely want to be involved with every opportunity that you have… and that that young person is the only reason you will ever usage to respond to her.

All demands or requests should come through your lawyer. The only time she should contact you directly is when chances to be there for your mutual child are concerned. At least until everything is settled and you’ve both had time to heal.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

narwhal wrote:

I strongly disagree with that. That sounds like a rather unnecessary escalation. You don’t want to take it to that level unless you absolutely have to, because it’s difficult to come back to a civil arrangement after that point. Everyone is going to be better off if you can work this so it’s civil.

Agreed. There is the letter of the arrangement, and the spirit of it. If the agreement says they come back to her at 5 o’clock on Sunday evening, you don’t want to be dragged into court because you got a flat tire on the way and you were 15 minutes late. Also, you should be able to say “Hey, we are having a good time, can I take them to dinner and drop them off at 7 tonight? It will save you from a night a cooking.” Not that you make a habit of it. And be agreeable the other way too. It’s about the kids and them having as much of a normal life as possible.

Remember they have to stick to that schedule as well, and they may be having a tough day and just don’t want the disruption. For as much of a bitch as my ex usually is, and can she ever gaslight, we left the arrangement pretty loose. And I have given WAY more than she has. But a year and half in, at all works out ok. She knows that I’ve given way more than her, so she can’t really come back and say “The agreement says this” and put her foot down because I can name 10 times where I let it slide.

While we’re on the subject, one of the things I did up front that my kids were most thankful for was telling them not to worry about getting invited to someone’s house during my time. A birthday party, a sleepover. It happens on your time half the time when you have every other weekend. Don’t make your divorce their problem. Life is a marathon, not a 100 yard dash every day. I remember too many times having to work my kid’s birthday party around the schedule of someone else’s divorce. Don’t be that dad and your kids will appreciate it.

Order the good wine

[Mr. SpockParticipant 10911]

Point Of No Return wrote:

Agreed to the above in principle… What do I do about this though? —-

“She’s using the radio silence I’m providing her (the result of my going No Contact) as an excuse to play the “He doesn’t participate” card. Any surprise?”

Inform her that all future communication will be handled by your attorney. Now you are participating through your attorney.
Do not speak or communicate with her regardless of what she writes, texts or messages your voicemail. Everything you say/ write can and WILL be used against you.
Document ALL communications from her regardless of what is says or whether it is relevant to the situation. Forward copies to your attorney.
Despite her attempts to bait you, let your attorney speak for you. Saying how you feel or what is on your mind will not help your situation.
Get into CYA mode and stay there until your attorney says otherwise.

Feminism isn't about equality with men, it's about leverage over men.

[joetechParticipant]

I don’t know, and I’m no expert. But, if I were in your position given the history you’ve provided us, I would defer all her e-mails to my lawyer and block her from contacting me directly. I would stonewall her with silence at every turn until the papers were finalized. End of story.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[Blue SkiesParticipant 15665]

what a c~~~.

minimize interactions with her as much as possible.

MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.

[Can’t Stump TrumpParticipant]

Can you write letters to your son? Old fashioned snail mail letters? I hear where you’re coming from with her playing the “he doesn’t participate” card, but I agree with the brothers that NO CONTACT with her is the way to go. It’s worked pretty well so far, right?

Women are better at multitasking? Fucking up several things at once is not multitasking.

[JackinovParticipant 5229]

Mr. Spock wrote:

Point Of No Return wrote:

Agreed to the above in principle… What do I do about this though? —-

“She’s using the radio silence I’m providing her (the result of my going No Contact) as an excuse to play the “He doesn’t participate” card. Any surprise?”

Inform her that all future communication will be handled by your attorney. Now you are participating through your attorney.
Do not speak or communicate with her regardless of what she writes, texts or messages your voicemail. Everything you say/ write can and WILL be used against you.
Document ALL communications from her regardless of what is says or whether it is relevant to the situation. Forward copies to your attorney.
Despite her attempts to bait you, let your attorney speak for you. Saying how you feel or what is on your mind will not help your situation.
Get into CYA mode and stay there until your attorney says otherwise.

THIS.

It will be better to straight up IGNORE her, letting the lawyer handle it ALL. If she will get irate over no contact with you, GOOD. That gives you more ammunition against her, and that’s what you want.

are you a chia pet in man drag

[AttonParticipant]

The best legal defense you have is to move out of the Country.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

I had gotten the impression from OP’s story that it had already gotten to the level of the extreme. Perhaps I was mistaken.

Snotty, mean emails… court threats… nasty bitch. How much worse does it need to get? Does she have to literally stab him with a kitchen knife before he considers her the enemy and takes appropriate defensive measures?

Or should we just be nice to women, no matter what they do? I WISH my father had had the b~~~~ to simply say “Son, your mother is crazy. It’s not you, it’s her. She did this crap to me which is why I divorced her. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but as soon as you’re old enough, I’ll make sure you never have to see her again if you don’t want to.”

No, it took me going through a decade of fear, pain and self-doubt before I finally figured it out myself and cut her from my life. All because my father felt it was best to be “civil”. Motherf~~~er should have identified her as the enemy she was and declared WAR on her. Silent, stealthy and ruthlessly efficient war, of course, but war all the same.

But hey, I didn’t put “Nasty Bitch” in the tag field. Maybe his ex is really sweet and they can be friends. You know, for the kids.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

I consider it nasty to send someone an email with accusations that clearly have as their goal to make me look bad. At this point, considering that there is an interim agreement that should be adhered to, there should be no need to be accusatory comments in my opinion. It puts me on the defensive and almost requires me to defend myself, and break No Contact. I’m then obliged to highlight flaws in her reasoning regarding her accusations. As I have said earlier, I don’t feel comfortable at this point exposing too many details in order to keep stuff from possibly falling into enemy hands (I know it’s unlikely but I don’t want to risk it, I have enough on my plate at this point). If I was grossly at fault I would say so, but I’m not in my opinion. In any case her personal attacks have no place in communications that should be considered strictly necessary. I’ll say this: she’s new to the whole single motherhood ‘lifestyle’ and had no idea what the hell it entailed (no dear, sorry, I guess you’re learning that when you are post-walled it’s not that easy to find a Captain Simp). Now that it has been several months and the reality is sinking in (hello kitty, wine bottles, mounting debt, etc.) she’s just looking for her one-time favourite punching bag, me. Getting involved with MGTOW has changed my vision and she can sense that I’m not who I used to be. It’s all very upsetting to her and so she’s out to make me look bad, if not to try to get me in some kind of trouble. I agree with Doc, she has to be treated as the enemy. I’m not thrilled by this idea, but you have to do what you have to do. It’s either you stay strong or you revert to letting blue pill secondary effects take over like instinctive the-male-wanting-to-protect-the-mother-of-said-male’s-children reflexes, or a similar instinctive reflex of being provider. Thing is, when the tables are turned and they can afford to walk away from the table with a pussy pass, then all’s good, right? Where are the women from the hive telling them single moms to get back to the table and behave civilly? Forget it! This third wave feminism deal doesn’t give two flinging monkey turds about what the guy is going through. Instead the laydeez stick squarely to what works for them: shame the guy, and guilt trip him! (cuck him too maybe while you’re at it). I believe strongly in the No Contact Rule method and have been able to distance myself from my ex in astounding strides because of this method. Had I let my blue pill tendencies work with her while she still had a hold on me (before I joined MGTOW) I’d be a mess still and probably still in a really bad space. I’m all for being civil, but it has to go both ways. She should not drag personal things into an email like that. It should be facts only. If it needs to be, then she should present things in a purely factual way. Or get her lawyer to work a little and send something that I know has some legal sense to it and that I can objectively present to my lawyer. When you have lost almost all trust in someone it’s hard not to treat them as the enemy. Nobody wants to get caught off guard with a clever strategy from an opponent that may cause even more ruin than already exists. Taking revenge and dishing out crap in an email because you feel resentful about your situation is nasty, yes. And as for bitch, I could go on but I think I’ve filled up this space enough already.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

By the way, thanks to all those who responded. I read all of the postings and processed them, in my own way. I take what I need and leave what I feel I can’t use. I’m just glad to know that this place is the real deal here on MGTOW.com. Another thank you to those of you that help keep this place tuna free.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Author]

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