The easy answer is the wrong answer

[Buller100Participant 2189]

As has been said drinking too much is not a good life choice , I must confess I have been a binge drinker , one beer ends up as 12.

Life has to be better without the crutch of booze

[JVBParticipant]

Princekie wrote:

I live somewhere fairly rural, with mainly middle class neighbours.

On recycling day, I hear the same sounds and witness the plethora of wine and spirit bottles being thrown into the sides of the truck. Truth is that there are a lot of people out there that are just hanging on to life. Behind the smiles, there are a lot of tormented souls, bitter marriages, and soulless lives. People who can only bare the company of their spouse (or themselves in some cases) through an intoxicating mix of booze and television. As for that addicting idiot box that allows you to put up with a woman’s company for years without having to communicate…well that’s for another thread.

I remember going back to a friends house when I was in my teens, just after we’d finished school. He lived in a nice place; all nicely cut privet hedge and roses in the garden type area. Anyway he opens the door and the first thing I saw walking into the kitchen was literally hundreds of empty gin bottles scattered all over every surface. The second thing I saw was his mum slumped on the sofa, with a half-finished bottle tipped on its side, covered in vomit. F~~~ing awful sight, and I felt bad for him.
Poor lad’s dead now, after getting into hard drugs, but seeing that made an impression on me. I always thought that they were the nicest, happiest and most upstanding family around: just shows you that everyone has an Achilles heel.

Wow!! Sobering stuff!! And you are spot on.

Peace is > piece.

[ZarathustraParticipant 2246]

Greg, much like you I sedate myself in the evening, except my poison is weed. I find no problem with this behaviour, I see it as a kind of medicine that helps me cast away the day and fall asleep without anxiety. But I also believe in moderation. So, I set a couple of small goals for myself and I do not partake of my “medicine” until I have accomplished these goals. Each night I cook dinner, read for an hour, practice my guitar for an hour and then get about a 1/2 of exercise. By the time I do all of these things its 8:30-9:00 and I do not feel guilty taking my “medicine”. The key is to do these things every night, whether I want to or not. It keeps me grounded.

I also wanted to say you are one of the best and most respected posters on this site. I won’t name names, for fear of leaving someone out, but there are a half dozen guys on here who I consider the “all-stars” and it is on account of guys like you I joined the site. So, its not like you are leading a wasted life, since I am sure I am not the only one who enjoys your posts. Keep Truckin’!

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Buller100 wrote:

one beer ends up as 12

One is too many and 1000 is never enough. You realize the problem and can now work on it. That is literally the first step.

[IRuleMeParticipant]

ghost wrote:

Everyone should do what works for them. It goes back to the spirit of MGTOW.

Yes, but there’s a difference between what works for you a constructive way, and what “works” for you in a destructive way. Destructive tendencies aren’t beneficial to your personal growth which is ultimately as much a part of the journey of “going your own way”.

Drinking is a coping mechanism for stress. In the same way smoking, and doing drugs, and biting your nails, are a coping mechanism for stress. I talked about this in the boundaries topic I made. Because when you allow stress into your personal boundary it comes hurt and loss.

Notice how when Honda was in his destructive relationship with ex girlfriend, he engaged in drug use, just like he did after the death of his wife. The reasons were slightly different, but the mechanism behind it was the same. In the case of his ex, instead of building his boundary up and dumping his then gf, he tolerated behavior where she was demeaning and saying hateful things. Thus in turn, having emptied his self esteem. In the case of his wife’s passing the despair thought that he would never find another “unicorn” like the woman he had, lowered his self esteem, causing depression, thus turning to drinking and smoking as a coping mechanism.

A person of high character, a person full of confidence and self esteem doesn’t need to engage in drug coping. I’m not saying Greg has no character. Not at all. I’m simply saying he needs to rebuild the holes in his boundary and that comes from building his esteem. Establishing loving relationships with others. Which is very possible to do here. And we do. Which is why so many of us care about people we barely know, or have not even met in person. Because by forging relationships, we’re building love. And building our internal worth back up, whereby patching the holes in our boundaries.

[Author]

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