Staying with abusive single mom-Please Help

[Shaka ZuluParticipant 72]

Its not easy for me to come to such a public platform and confess my personal problems concerning my abusive mother, but i literally have nobody to talk to , nobody cares if males are being abused by females even if its they’re own moms, ive been keeping this rage/sadness locked inside cos i dont want people thinking im a softy, but when it does boil over it usually results in an ugly fight between mom and I…its tearing me apart so i figured sharing this with MGTOW guys wont get me shamed cos we support each other irrespective of nationality or race right??…

Im 30, staying with my 60 year old mother who is a wealthy black woman who identifies as a feminist. We reside in one of the snooty suburbs of Pretoria here in South Africa. Thing is cos of her age, gender, high income bracket (race aside) she is generally respected and people have this rosy image of her especially at work and her church… Its only behind closed doors that she becomes abusive, throwing personal insults at me and shaming me saying i dont have a job, im broke, ill never be successful, ill be an abusive bf or husband, or bringing up past relationships to shame me, she says ill never be anything without her, she makes me feel inadequate cos i still stay with her i could go on and on. This abuse isnt new she’s always been like this, it used to be physical when i was a boy but everyone just brushed it under the carpet, except for my late grandma, once she phsyically had to stop my mom from beating me when i list my lunchbox in grade 1.. its just that as i get older she adjusts her methods..

…Tonight we had an ugly fight, cos i told her she must stop interrogating the few friends i have when they visit me she likes asking them (where do u work, where do u study, where do u live etc) so i told her to stop this cos its scaring my friends away and without them ill always be alone locked up in the house while she is out and about doing her business..She then told me she doesnt need permission to talk to my friends, she literally started laughing at me throwing emotional insults until i snapped and threw her with food 🙁 Also she doesnt want me to have any girls over, she literally found me in bed with my ex gf over a year ago and chased her away while i was naked, i was so humiliated. The gf broke up with me and ive never dated since.. not cos im an incel i just dont have a place to bring girls to, i might not be rich but im still good enough to snag a young 20somthing or late teen with or without a car or thick wallet…Anyway she kinda does the same with my male friends, she always finds a way to make sneaky remarks about me which are embarrassing or to do or say something that makes my friends not wanna come through to my place to hang out. Its at a point now where i almost have no friends and no way out cos all job prospects seem bleak though im trying my best to set up my website or loan money from some of my rich friends to help me pay for a 6 week cabin crew course…But even while im trying shes always over me like a dark cloud raining misery and striking me with demotivating thunder bolts…You see she forced me to go to varsity when i was 18 and abandon my entrepreneur ventures, more than 10 years later the journalism qualification is completely useless and has not put a single cent in my pocket, she basically wants me to apply for jobs and wait while im twiddling my thumbs, ive been doing that for 10 years and look where Im at… its like she is psychologically draining my youth but acting like its not her intention and using the fact that shes my mother to shame me for questioning her…

Taking the red pill has also shown my moms true nature, she can be really toxic,like an energy vampire draining my youth. I really want to go my own way, im trying my best but this woman really does a good number f~~~ing up my self esteem as a young man in his physical prime. Is there any MGTOW who has a similar background and overcame it? Can anyone offer me advice on dealing with abusive single moms when ur my age and moving out is not an easy viable option?

[Anonymous 7]

Hey bro I was wondering what happened to you.
Welcome back.

You know what you have to do.
As long as you are under her roof and eating her food she has the power to f~~~ with you. You know this.

You need to find work and get your own place. You know this.

Until you do these two things you are f~~~ed. But you know this too.

Good luck.

[MACHOParticipant]

You are in a tight spot kid!

Shaka Zulu wrote:

Im 30, staying with my 60 year old mother who is a wealthy black woman who identifies as a feminist. We reside in one of the snooty suburbs of Pretoria here in South Africa.

Join something to get out, I joined the military at 20, but you might be too old for that now.

Shaka Zulu wrote:

i almost have no friends and no way out cos all job prospects seem bleak

From my perspective you have only one option Move out of your mom’s house! You have to kiss goodbye the high standard of living that you were raised in. Either you do it or slowly become a vegetable! Good luck.

Shaka Zulu wrote:

. Is there any MGTOW who has a similar background and overcame it?

Yes it’s possible but you need a good pair of B~~~~! Sorry for dispensing tough Love but someone eventually will have to wake you up!

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[Shaka ZuluParticipant 72]

Dudes, please understand before u comment… Im not a spoiled brat by any means, im the most down to earth guy, and im far from materialistic.. Im certainly not like an entitled white south african screaming white genocide give me a free passport to EU or a feminist shouting rape give me free stuff feel sorry for me. The world owes me nothing, im not living in self pity..

Like i said, Im working on website, i create content and I signed a 500Euro deal with a client in London to film stuff for them here. That is by far the biggest once of deal ive had as a freelancer…I also indicated im trying to hustle the money necessary for a cabin crew course. Working as cabin crew is the best way i can get away for extended periods of time…Moving out is a definate i dont dispute that guys

…What im asking for is advice on dealing with her while im still living with her and working on my exit plan…

[MACHOParticipant]

Shaka Zulu wrote:

…What im asking for is advice on dealing with her while im still living with her and working on my exit plan…

She is your mother! you owe her your life dude! you will always owe her your life no matter what she is like! I went through that s~~~ myself! you asked advices from someone whom went through the same thing you got it! Get Out! No Lame Excuse!

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[JB BooksParticipant 3182]

It’s said that sharing a problem halves it. IMHO, detaching with love is one of your best moves. Also, find activities that keep you out of the house as much as possible. Try to develop a timetable/goal for when you’ll be able to move out. Good luck!

We just don't realize life's most significant events while they're happening. Back then, I thought, "Well, there'll be other days". I didn't realize that that was the only day. - "Moonlight" Graham

[Anonymous 54]

Dont fight with her.
Remind yourself that is only your opinion of yourself that matters.
Keep a low profile.

Plan your escape.

[Shaka ZuluParticipant 72]

MACHO wrote:

She is your mother! you owe her your life dude! you will always owe her your life no matter what she is like!

She didn’t make me by herself, if i reasoned like that then i could say the same about my dad, he is the one who put life in my moms womb. AS MGTOW we both know ALL single mothers are like that by choice–unless the man died or she was raped…The whole reason why women get away with abuse, whether moms, wives, gfs is cos they are women! We talk about this as MGTOW all the time. I didnt make any lame excuse i explained in detail im actually making moves and im doing my f~~~ing best bro, try getting caucasion’s in London youve never met in person to trust u enuff to send u 500Euro per gig as a ‘sub-saharan african’ and see ifs its easy, IM TRYING MY BEST. If all ur gonna do is shout at me with bold letters and judge me like u holier than though then best u say nothing. Like i said the world owes me nothing and i dont live in self pity and entitlement unlike some of my fairer skinned south africans, notice how i dont blame apartheid, or the government or anyone.. im actually taking responsibility and TRYING MY BEST to go my own way.

if u went through the same s~~~ then please share ur story bro, cos it might motivate me…but please dont be condescending to me

[MACHOParticipant]

Shaka Zulu wrote:

if u went through the same s~~~ then please share ur story bro, cos it might motivate me…but please dont be condescending to me

Kid I’m in my late fifties without a single relative to help me survive, I moved out when I was twenty to escape her! I joined the military but it didn’t end there! for years she harassed me since there was no one else around (my father committed suicide when I was 13) A woman, Any woman can really f~~~ up your brain real bad if you don’t watch out! I can’t take you by the hand to help you understand this! Good luck.

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[Shaka ZuluParticipant 72]

JB Books wrote:

It’s said that sharing a problem halves it. IMHO, detaching with love is one of your best moves. Also, find activities that keep you out of the house as much as possible

Thanks for the good words JB, yes it wasn’t easy putting my dirty laundry out there for strangers of different races to see cos u know how people stereotype but ur words make it worth it…My activities that don’t involve staring at a screen are working out at the gym and ice skating…But i will try looking for more outdoor activities, maybe i should do more calisthenics in the park…

[AttonParticipant]

More and more men from Africa how interesting.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[MACHOParticipant]

Atton wrote:

More and more men from Africa how interesting

Yes the feminism disease has spread all over the globe!

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[Anonymous 5]

Single mothers often mistakenly project their marital AWALT behavior onto a son.
You’re lucky she’s not poor because many single mothers project the same resource expectations they’d have on a husband, straight onto a young son.
They can be ruthless in this regard but at least it’s open and easy to see by all.
Unfortunately for you, she acts out her “Care” gene on anything else but you. She’s probably far kinder and more understanding with complete strangers than she is with you.
She probably has more empathy with her pet, or her garden or her hobby than she’ll ever have with you, AND THAT IS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE.

Sometimes, coping well, can be extremely toxic.
Your ability to tolerate her abuse is extending and enabling it.
If you’d been less strong, less tolerant, you would have been out of there long ago.

Grue and Macho offer the only solution. There’s no other options. She’ll never be reasoned with, she’ll never change her perspective on you.

[JB BooksParticipant 3182]

Just keep hangin’ in there Shaka. I work out every morning, so can you and you’ll feel better. Also, try keeping a calendar that your mom doesn’t have access to. Mark in it the things you want to do each day. It provides a purpose when you look at it, no matter how humble the entries. It sure helped me a number of years ago when I was looking for a job!

We just don't realize life's most significant events while they're happening. Back then, I thought, "Well, there'll be other days". I didn't realize that that was the only day. - "Moonlight" Graham

[Anonymous 7]

Shaka Zulu wrote:

please understand before u comment… Im not a spoiled brat by any means,

I don’t think that you are and I doubt anyone else does either.

Truth pill, your mother is going to f~~~ with you until you leave.

I have punted family, it is a difficult thing to do.
Still, it had to be done.

You are getting ‘tough love’. There is a reason why tough is the first word.

Good luck.

[Shaka ZuluParticipant 72]

MACHO wrote:

Kid I’m in my late fifties without a single relative to help me survive, I moved out when I was twenty to escape her! I joined the military but it didn’t end there!

Ok old man, thank u for serving…must i shine ur medals?

there have been plenty of war heroes who have come home, only to be taken down by a street thug… I know all types of dirty criminals who come from f~~~ed up single mom households…but i dont associate with such people, unless they come to me for help when they want a way out, then i shall provide assistance without any condescending tone cos i care for men no matter what age or colour or nationality, i hate seeing men suffer…

Dont make the mistake of thinking im a whimp cos im here sharing my problems old man, keep the macho act for the Vietnam vets in ur old age home

[Shaka ZuluParticipant 72]

Anonymous wrote:

Here’s three quick reads that explain MGTOW: The Manipulated Man by Esther Vilar The Anatomy of Female Power by Chinweizu The Predatory Female by Rev Lawrence Shannon.

Just perused Anatomy of Female Power, damn you bringing out Nigerian writers for me?? Thanx a lot fam Im really going to devour these books

Otherwise You hit it right on point lol she actually likes gardening a lot and cares for her plants like they were pets lol, i help her sometimes but she is never satisfied. Its only after i took the red pill in May that i was unashamed enough to look through the whole “shes your mother” facade and really starting analyzing my mom and u basically summed it up. I wish i knew what i knew now 10 years ago, but i had no male figure to tell me these things, its easy to judge now but as an only child who is isolated some life lessons/wisdom came later to me than most other people. The Red Pill really woke me up

[Shaka ZuluParticipant 72]

Atton wrote:

More and more men from Africa how interesting.

I’m not sure about the rest of Africa but South Africa is a liberal extremist/feminist stronghold for this continent, before people ramble on about this country cos of some exaggerated s~~~ on YouTube made up by bitter white expats living overseas, keep in mind the men of this country have been emasculated like nobody’s business, we are the only country in Africa allowing gay marriages and affirmative action which places women of all races ahead of men while disguising it as ‘black empowerment’. As a red piller it pains me seeing Black and white men slitting each others throats here cos the media and politcians put us against each other… but thats only cos 95% of SA men are blue pilled and dont even know what gynocentrism means. 99% of men in SA have no idea what MGTOW is but im hoping to change that with my webpage soon…

[OldBillParticipant]

Shaka Zulu wrote:

Dudes, please understand before u comment… Im not a spoiled brat by any means,

Not spoiled? You’re thirty years old, have never held a real job, are p~~~ing around with worthless side hustles, and are wholly dependent on your mother.

If I had a son still living at home and not working at thirty, I’d be interrogating their s~~~head friends too in the hopes of finding out why my son is still a child at thirty.

Don’t pin all your hopes on a this cabin crew position. If you’ve never really worked before – and you haven’t – a close quarters service position like isn’t going to sit too well with you.

As for “trying your best”, your best hasn’t been good enough for thirty years. Start trying harder.

Also, Macho brought up his military service as an example of what you can do to get away from your mother and not as a suggestion that he is somehow owed your respect.

Just find a job, any job, and get out. You just might find some self-respect in the process.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[CoolbreezeParticipant 442]

My daughter will be on her own at 18 just as I was.

You have been enabled. See that and change your situation because it is abuse.

[Author]

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