Hello Gentlemen,
I’m coming to MGTOW later in life than most at 56 years old. I’ve lived a pretty pathetic blue pill life until now.
I met my first wife in the spring of my senior year of High School. She was a sophomore, two years younger than me. A couple months later I left home to begin my four-year enlistment in the Army. We kept in touch. About a year later I came home on leave to join my family at a rented beach house. My Mom, sensing my loneliness, invited this girl to join us. During those two weeks our casual relationship turned serious.
A few months later, I managed to get transferred to a base close to home. The relationship intensified. She was a senior in High School when we got engaged. We married shortly after her graduation. I was 20. She was 18.
She got a secretarial job. Almost a year after that she got pregnant. Our daughter was born a few months before my hitch was up. We moved back to our hometown and I got an entry-level corporate job. Our son was born six years later.
Once the kids were on the scene the dynamic between us slowly changed. She became totally focused on the kids and developing her career. My needs didn’t seem to matter her anymore. She got what she wanted from me. I was no longer a priority in her life. Ever so slowly we drifted apart.
My first red pill moment came in 1999 at the height of the dot com boom. I taught myself web design. I built some sites as a hobby. At the time I was working a customer service job that was making me miserable. I saw tons of opportunity on the web and wanted to change careers. I landed a web-design job at the dominant media outlet in our region. That day, I came home excited and told my wife the news. The first words out of her mouth were, “How much are they paying you?” I told her. When she found out that it was less than the miserable customer service job, she just groaned and walked away. No congratulations, no hugs, no “I’m happy for you”. My happiness didn’t matter to her. Her only concern was the size of my paycheck. Bitch.
Within a few years, I was making way more money than that s~~~ty customer service job. I became a trusted technical guru, leading the way in the company’s digital advertising effort. Those were the best years of my career.
We began taking separate vacations. I did some traveling and spending weekends with friends including some long-distance bicycle tours. I repeatedly asked her to join me, but she would always decline
Fast forward to 2003. I felt lonely in my marriage. We had drifted apart. I was at my breaking point. I finally issued an ultimatum. We ether get help to fix the marriage or divorce.
After a few counseling sessions, she agreed to spend time with me. I agreed to stay closer to home take care of things around the house. I took on several DIY home improvement projects including a total gut and re-build of our bathroom. She did spend time with me. But, her idea of recreation is to sit on a beach somewhere and read all day while I sit there bored. I had pretty much given up bicycle touring . I abandoned my dreams of adventure and travel.
By 2006, I had felt like I sacrificed way too much and got very little in return. I ended it. We divorced in 2007. Our kids were grown by that time. So we didn’t have to deal with custody and child support issues. Our incomes were about equal, so I didn’t have to worry about alimony. We went to a mediator who helped us negotiate a 50/50 split of the assets. She kept the martial home paid me my share of the equity. I considered this fair, since we both started with nothing and we both worked hard and contributed financially to the marriage. The mediator prepared the documents and we filed a joint-petition for divorce without lawyers.
One week after our divorce was granted, my mother died of cancer. 2007 was brutal year.
I took the proceeds from my share of the marital house and bought a modest town house condo
I got back into my outdoor pursuits. I got into hiking and backpacking. I joined a hiking club and started hiking again.
A year after the divorce, I started dating women I met on dating sites. OMG! What a collection of train wrecks! One was bi-polar. Another was a recovering alcoholic with more issues than Time Magazine. Most had unrealistic expectations.
After a few months of dating crazies I met my current wife. She lived about an hour away. She was older than me. She was not the active outdoorsy woman I was seeking. She didn’t have any obvious mental health issues which was good. But, she had chronic health issues. She gave me love and attention I craved. The sex was pretty damn good. I was hooked.
We spent every weekend together and talked by instant message every night. I got her to go camping with me. I bought her lots of gifts including a kayak. I bought a pop-up camper so she would be comfortable camping with me.
She had a knee replaced. I took a couple days off work to be at her side during the surgery. I spent the rest of the week commuting between my work and her house, where I would cook, do laundry and any thing I could to help her recovery. She acted like a total bitch to me during that week. I attributed her behavior to pain. I simply did not see the huge red flag waving in front of me.
Another red pill moment came that Friday night. I drove 3 hours through sleet and freezing rain on treacherous roads to see her. When I arrived she admonished me for not bringing her a present. WTF?
But, she healed from the surgery and her behavior improved.
Four years into the relationship she got laid off from her job. The job market is not kind to folks in their 50’s. I spent countless nights coaching her on her interview skills, helping her with her resume and cover letters. She managed to find part-time per diem work. But, nothing that would sustain her.I helped her financially to the extent that I was able to.
After a year without health insurance and her unemployment running out, I was very worried about her. I suggested that we get married so she could get on my health insurance. She could sell her condo. Without a mortgage and condo fees hanging over her head, she’d have many more options including working part-time if she wanted to.
I spent countless hours getting her place ready for sale. I patched drywall, scrapped paint, painted, fixed railings, scrubbed her deck. I also helped her clean out the considerable clutter she accumulated. It took about a year to sell her place.
In the meantime, she landed a part-time job. Within a few months, they made her full-time employee.
I didn’t ask for any money for the household expenses until her place was sold and she was fully employed. After that I asked for a small amount to cover her share of the household expenses and other shared expenses such as car insurance and our cell phones.
Just about the time, she got back on her feet, my work situation went to s~~~. The company I worked for was sold three times in less than two years. I survived several brutal layoffs. The writing was on the wall. The job I loved and where I enjoyed rock star status was going away. It wasn’t a matter of if. It was a matter of when.
I spent a lot of time exploring my options. I briefly considered starting my own web design and digital marketing business. I also started a YouTube channel. I learned video editing skills and really sharpened my SEO and social media knowledge.
She became very resentful of the time I spent preparing for my career transition. To her it was all frivolous time wasted on the computer. To me, it was survival. I knew i was going to have an uphill struggle finding employment in my field being over 50 years old without a degree.
She had always had a tendency to be negative. By now the loving woman I knew turned into a bitch. She became highly critical, shaming me at every opportunity. She showed no empathy to my situation whatsoever. This really p~~~ed me off. I sacrificed my time, money and my hard won freedom to help this woman. And this is the thanks I got.
I started paying down debt aggressively. I sold the camper to get some money in the bank to help weather the coming storm. It killed me to sell the camper. Again, no empathy was shown. Instead, she berated about my financial situation.
Finally in June, our Advertising Director resigned. I knew the end was at hand. Two weeks later I accepted a company-wide buyout offer and walked away in July after 17 years with a measly 10-week severance package.
I was able to file for unemployment right away to the legalities of the severance agreement. I put the severance money in the bank. I also went back to my previous employer as a contractor to help them with a system migration for a few days. I banked that money too.
The job search turned out to be way tougher than expected. I sent out hundreds of resumes and only got a few call backs.
In the meantime, I did some part time photography work and worked on a side project for one of my former bosses. Anything to keep busy, keep networking and keep some cash trickling in.
It was about this time I discovered MGTOW. I heard it mentioned in a YouTube video. So, I did some research. I discovered this site. I also started watching MGTOW videos from Sandman, Howard Dare, and MGTOW is Freedom. The red pill message really resonated. I also started listening to Paul Elam who I find very insightful.
A few days before Christmas, she announced she was visiting her relatives out of state and I was not invited. I was humiliated having to explain to my kids why my wife and I are not spending Christmas together. She finally pushed me past the point of no return. I promised myself that as soon as I got back on my feet, I would end this miserable marriage and show the bitch the door.
In early February, I finally got the break I desperately needed. I landed a contract job at a technology company maintaining the corporate website. I am replacing an incompetent former employee who couldn’t code and didn’t have the first clue about responsive web design. It’s a perfect opportunity for me. Eager to prove my value, I dived right in and started fixing everything that is broken on the site. It feels really good to write code and solve problems. I’m hoping to get hired as a permanent employee.
Two weeks into the new job, the wife tells me she is looking for an apartment and plans to move out. I told her that was fine with me. I gave her $2000 of my survival money to help her with the move. I didn’t do that to be nice. I just want the bitch, her negativity, and her clutter out of my house as soon as possible.
Unbeknownst to me, before I had a chance process my new reality, I get a call from my Dad in Florida asking if we’re separating. Turns out the bitch posted on Facebook that she is looking for an apartment. She has no f~~~ing consideration for me whatsoever. I sent her a sarcastic text message thanking her for humiliating me on social media. I walked to a neighborhood bar and got stinking drunk that night,
She hasn’t found an apartment yet. I don’t want to be anywhere near her. I’ve been eating in restaurants and going to the movies at night just to avoid being around her. You know it’s s~~~ty when you don’t want to be in your own house.
Part of me wants to throw the c~~~ and all her crap out in the street. But, my personal sense of decency won’t allow that. Also, I need to temper my anger and not provoke her into lawyering up. Since it was a 3 1/2 year marriage, I’m hoping for a mediated settlement. The ideal outcome would be where we each keep our own assets. I don’t want her getting a piece of my condo or my retirement money.
For now, I am seething with the red pill rage. I’m kicking myself for my pathetic blue pill white knight behavior. Why the f~~~ didn’t I learn my lesson the first time?
I plan to work for another three years. At 59 1/2, I will sell my condo, buy some kind of camper and spend the rest of my life traveling and living as a nomad on public land out West. I’m done sacrificing myself to ungrateful c~~~s, greedy corporate assholes and predatory creditors. I’m going to give them all the finger as I drive off into the sunset.
Guys, if you’ve taken the time read all of this. Thanks for listening. I needed somewhere to vent and this seemed like a good place to do it.
Tom
"Nobody loves me, but my mother, And she could be jivin` too." - B. B. King
onmyway 2 years, 10 months ago.
