Slightly abused, and caught up on her 'cool' job – flight nurse

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LightBringer

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This topic contains 29 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by LightBringer  LightBringer 4 years, 4 months ago.

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  • #108500
    +3
    LightBringer
    LightBringer
    Participant
    440

    Hey brothers, it’s been a rough 2 months getting away from this f~~~ed up woman who I was lured into by my desperate need for attention and validation and addicted to the sex.

    She would emotionally abuse and sabotage me like crazy, nearly everything I ever said was put down – I’d tell stories of motorcycles, sky diving, rock climbing and it was all the same ‘dangerous, dumb, or boring’, meanwhile she would endlessly brag about how cool she was at work, which is a flight nurse on a helicopter, how she saved this guy, saved that woman, the doctors all love her, its ‘no big deal’ ‘oh got to go on a flight bye~!’ coyness.

    The problem is, her abuse really f~~~ed up my mind, where ever with her out of here, she is still in my mind. I can’t enjoy any place anymore because of that fact she might be there on a call, or that she actually had been there before, hiking in on a trail, riding an atv etc. Its f~~~ing with me SOOO bad, that I have this insane fantasy that they are these badasses that no other job is anything like it where you could go anywhere, do anything, and meanwhile I’m slaving my ass in an office.

    She did a huge number on me, and dismantling this would be a step in the right direction, but its hard to NOT be like ‘well, Yeah, that is true, guess she is badass and you are just a loser like she said’.

    S~~~…

    #108506
    +2
    Fermat
    Fermat
    Participant
    3478

    This is the world of relationships we live in today. What this woman is doing to you is standard. Women are now using intimacy to tear men down mentally and emotionally. It’s where we are the softest. Leave this parasite. Don’t let her suck you esteem away just because you enjoy her company now and then and like the sex.

    I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.

    #108509
    +3
    Qcummer
    Qcummer
    Participant
    652

    why are you concerned about some bulls~~~ job?
    the only one that matters is the blow job.
    you are seeking approval from others, plain and simple.
    you must approve of yourself…that is the only requirement.

    #108526
    +2
    Myself
    Myself
    Participant
    353

    Dude, you have GOT to drop this s~~~ somehow.

    You need to take a chisel, and a great big MGTOW sledgehammer, and drive a wedge between how you view yourself and her.

    It’s fine to look at what she does with some admiration and respect – she obviously worked hard to get where she is. Good for her. But don’t beat yourself up over it. There is absolutely no reason to.

    People do cool s~~~ all the time. I’d count myself among them. Are you gonna spend the rest of the week worrying about how fricking amazing I am??? Thought not. Chisel. Hammer.

    And by the sounds of things you’re not exactly sitting around 24/7. Motorcycles, sky diving and rock climbing are the furthest thing from boring I could imagine. Sounds like you could teach HER a bit about “living each day like its your last”. Try riding in a helicopter some time – aviation is one of the most regimented safety-first industries on the planet.

    Think back and look at her behaviour. It may very well be that she degraded your accomplishments in order to upgrade her own to mythic proportions.

    #108529
    +1
    Hmskl'd
    hmskl’d
    Participant
    6406

    I’d probably gmow.

    #108532
    +9
    EscapedMentalPatient
    EscapedMentalPatient
    Participant
    1489

    Hi Brother Lightbringer. Hope you’re well this evening.

    It seems, from several of your posts, that you are really searching, “Career-Wise”. And in most of your posts, you seem to be really looking for something that would be “Cool”. “Dangerous”. “Awe-Inspiring” to others. Something where you do [insert amazing job title here] and when you tell people, they say “Wow man. Now THAT’s F~~~ING AWESOME”.

    And it seems to be coupled with your posts about this Flight-Nurse, who has by your own omission, really been f~~~ing with your head, your self-worth, and self-esteem.

    First, I’m really glad you’ve been away from her for two months. Hopefully let’s make this forever, man. I hope you will cut off all semblance of communication with this woman. Somewhere, deep inside of you, she’s managed to strike a chord that is resonating off of something, or some type of insecurity which was probably already there. This woman has not only fed her ego by stroking your insecurities, she’s managed to affect you in a manner where you might well base your damned career choice off of a negative broad who was using you to feel better about herself.

    As a guy who’s changed his job probably as often as he’s changed his underwear, I can tell you this: While certain elements of my work over the years have led to some really neat experiences, this work has not 100% defined me. Nor should it.

    Were you viewing this relationship as you “f~~~ing a flight-nurse who was a woman”? Or were you “F~~~ing a woman, who happened to be a flight-nurse”? There’s a big difference. Sometimes, we gravitate towards, or covet that which we admire on some level.

    I’ve noticed in some of your posts for example, that you were asking some MGTOW’s if they thought that being in the military, as a soldier was a valid and admirable pursuit. And also if flying helicopters was a valid and viable pursuit?

    I guess I just wonder if you are feeling so f~~~ed up over this relationship because you are really soul-searching hard over what you’d like to pursue as a “Meaningful Career”, or career that would be of great magnitude to you. This woman comes along, and she happens to have a semi-cool job, and maybe it’s left you feeling a little behind on the matter or such. That sounds like a pretty volatile combination of things, and again brother, I’m really glad you’re out of her grip, and I hope you’ll stay out of it, for the sake of your skull health.

    My friend, at the end of the day, I hope you’ll find something which YOU genuinely find rewarding, or is at least semi-rewarding to you and pays the bills. Realistically, even if you become a Search and Rescue Diver / Caped Crime Fighter At Night / Secret Agent / Next Eddie Van Halen (but only on Tuesdays), there won’t be an audience of people waiting in the wings to say “LightBringer. You man…………….are f~~~ing awesome.”. You might experience this once or twice in your life, but the true rewards of any endeavor that you pursue and succeed at are going to come from within.

    Take a walk around a hospital. In that building, there will be hundreds of absolutely remarkable people, who do absolutely remarkable and heroic things. And if it weren’t for a name tag, you wouldn’t even know their name, or knew they existed. There are no people lined up to tell them how awesome they are.

    Take a walk around a National Defense base. In that base will be thousands of absolutely remarkable people, who do the most dangerous, breath-taking, stunning s~~~ you can even imagine. And if it weren’t for a name tag, you wouldn’t even know their name or knew they existed. There are no people lined up to tell them how awesome they are.

    Take a walk by a fire station. Hell, you probably won’t even get to see any name tags. Inside that building are some of the most remarkable people you’d ever meet, and never mind people lining up to tell them that they’re awesome? Most people drive by that fire station without even acknowledging that as they sleep at night, a group of 40 guys are sitting on pins and needles, waiting to save someone’s f~~~ing life.

    In the long run, my brother, the only one standing in line to tell you that you are awesome, will be you. At the end of your life, when everyone you know is long dead and gone, and everything you’ve ever done has been forgotten about, except for a few framed pictures, and your own memories of the best times of your life, what you’ve done will turn to dust.

    I really feel that this woman has reached down inside of you, and electrified a desire within you to “BE SOMETHING”.

    Well, my friend, you already ARE. Whether you’re being paid to do it or not, you’re YOU. And I hate to sound like a Hallmark greeting card, or some overly sympathetic t~~~, but in the end…………..the people in your life, including yourself, that really care about you, and really want to know you? They won’t give a solitary s~~~ what you do for a living. And if you were to do something mindblowingly cool and had a throng of people around you, admiring it?

    Those are called groupies, and the moment someone does something slightly cooler than you? They’ll be f~~~ing standing in a line next to THEM, not you, brother.

    I hope you can remove yourself enough from this broad to just sit back and be yourself, with no expectations from anyone at all but yourself, and allowing for some fresh air and clarity.

    F~~~ em all, my friend. In the end, your happiness lies right at your feet, waiting for you to take the next step.

    I hope you’re doing well this fine evening sir, and I look forward to more of your posts.

    #108605
    +1
    RoyDal
    RoyDal
    Participant

    The problem is, her abuse really f~~~ed up my mind, where ever with her out of here, she is still in my mind.

    You, and only you, are in charge of what is in your mind. I recommend solitude. First, break up with her and move out. That done, go on a solo hiking and camping trip as long as you can make it. Just you, mind and all, and nature.

    This is the world of relationships we live in today. What this woman is doing to you is standard. Women are now using intimacy to tear men down mentally and emotionally. It’s where we are the softest. Leave this parasite. Don’t let her suck you esteem away just because you enjoy her company now and then and like the sex.

    Fermat is right. And so is every one of your brothers who posted before me.

    Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

    #108606
    +1
    Phantom
    Phantom
    Participant
    3328

    Hey bro, EMP already went all out here. I would only add this…

    She did a huge number on me, and dismantling this would be a step in the right direction, but its hard to NOT be like ‘well, Yeah, that is true, guess she is badass and you are just a loser like she said’.

    My 2nd XW was a master mind f~~~ ninja with this kind of shaming tactic BS.

    I spent almost 8 yrs going through it, before divorce and getting away from her.
    I don’t know how long you have been dealing with this from her, I suspect way longer than the rough 2 months you have spent just to get away from her.

    You have got to nail that loser BS to the damn wall so to speak, as well as her doing the cheap shots regarding

    I’d tell stories of motorcycles, sky diving, rock climbing

    I don’t get the vibe on her being a bad ass, just an ass, from what you shared.
    Once you dismantle that, then everything else that has already been said, will fall into place easier and faster.

    #108607
    +1
    RoyDal
    RoyDal
    Participant

    http://eingleses.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/get-out.jpg
    Get The F~~~ Out!

    Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

    #108608
    +1
    BigD
    BigD
    Participant
    3024

    If you are such a loser like she keeps stating, why was she with you? Wouldn’t that make her an even bigger loser where she can only be with a loser? And her telling you how much of a badass she was? I’ve worked with real badasses. Not a woman was with these bearded American Ninjas of Death. If the doctors love her so much, let them lick her badass ass in the night. I do believe she is trying to make herself seem more important than she really is.
    Sounds like she has a superiority complex and just wanted to control you emotionally and physically. If you were still with her you should have just p~~~ her off a bit and do what you want. If she cooks dinner, go get a burger from a fast food restaurant and eat that instead. If she expects you to make dinner, buy her a salad with sugar free and fat free dressing with no cheese or meat. If she asks you why you bought her that, you should just say, “You know why. I love you.” Do your own laundry and don’t do hers, because you “can’t figure out what settings for her delicates”. You know, crap like that. When she starts a fight just smile and say, “You’re so right, baby. No idea what I would do without you and your insightful knowledge.” Then just go do what you want to do. On your days off, go to the bar and get a drinking. Buy yourself some expensive toys, like new top of the line computer parts and build a beast. Then when she says she wants to go out, tell her, “Sorry, babe, I’m tapped out until payday.”

    Don't stick your dick into anyone you aren't willing to put up with for eighteen years and nine months.

    #108639
    +1
    StandUpGuy
    StandUpGuy
    Participant
    334

    This woman has not only fed her ego by stroking your insecurities, she’s managed to affect you in a manner where you might well base your damned career choice off of a negative broad who was using you to feel better about herself.

    This simple.

    #108702
    +1
    LightBringer
    LightBringer
    Participant
    440

    Thanks for the responses, it is nice to have someone to talk to that understands woman and the s~~~ we go through.

    EMP ‘Somewhere, deep inside of you, she’s managed to strike a chord that is resonating off of something, or some type of insecurity which was probably already there. This woman has not only fed her ego by stroking your insecurities, she’s managed to affect you in a manner where you might well base your damned career choice off of a negative broad who was using you to feel better about herself.’

    This is very true. I was unemployed/underemployed most of my 20s and because of that had a inferiority complex, and I met her while unemployed and ‘won her’ by ignoring that and talking about cool things, so I think it set the stage of proving I wasnt as much of a loser as I felt. Esp. after the first couple nights of sex she went silent on me (had a husband but I only realized about a year later) and EVEN THAT f~~~ed with me.

    So yes, I felt like I ‘need to matter’ and it was hyper addicting with her endless f~~~ing narcissism about ‘Oh i matter, oh i matter!’ that dropped me into the pits. I was as close to suicide dealing with this bitch as I EVER had in my life – and i’d never been close ever before. I would bring up problems and itd be “Oh, well I dont mean to hurt you you can leave whenever you want, but it will leave me devastated as this is the worst month in my life, but I guess that my fate isnt it?”

    What a stupid bitch…yet I still have some feelings for her toxic ass….

    #108792
    +2
    EscapedMentalPatient
    EscapedMentalPatient
    Participant
    1489

    Thanks for the responses, it is nice to have someone to talk to that understands woman and the s~~~ we go through.

    We are legion in number.

    This is very true. I was unemployed/underemployed most of my 20s and because of that had a inferiority complex, and I met her while unemployed and ‘won her’ by ignoring that and talking about cool things, so I think it set the stage of proving I wasnt as much of a loser as I felt. Esp. after the first couple nights of sex she went silent on me (had a husband but I only realized about a year later) and EVEN THAT f~~~ed with me.

    So yes, I felt like I ‘need to matter’ and it was hyper addicting with her endless f~~~ing narcissism about ‘Oh i matter, oh i matter!’ that dropped me into the pits. I was as close to suicide dealing with this bitch as I EVER had in my life – and i’d never been close ever before. I would bring up problems and itd be “Oh, well I dont mean to hurt you you can leave whenever you want, but it will leave me devastated as this is the worst month in my life, but I guess that my fate isnt it?”

    What a stupid bitch…yet I still have some feelings for her toxic ass….

    We all want to break these situations down as logically as we can, to their core level. Yeah, we’re men. We see broke s~~~. We want to fix broke s~~~. Then we fix broke s~~~; sometimes even if it’s not that good a job, we fix it. Hence Duck Tape. But some things can’t be pulled off with a Duck Tape fix. It does for the time being, but ends up leaking or bending under pressure over time.

    You’ve managed to Duck Tape yourself back together over a period of time, and from the outside? It would appear to some that the repair held. But now it’s time to get out the 4 inch Robertson all-weather decking screws, and a 20V Impact Drill.

    You’ve peeled away the trappings of the problems you’ve faced, but then comes the residual part.

    For a lot of crises and traumas in a human being’s life, it’s not the direct impact of an event which causes so many problems. We’re designed, as a species, to withstand blunt-force trauma pretty well. It’s all that pesky infection and bleeding that usually brings us down, and slowly, to our demise. Bandages are great for the time being, but highly-developed medicine will ultimately bring a guy back from death. Physically and mentally.

    You’ve got a LOT going on. Over-simplifying any of it can seem a bit fruitless, and at times, even insulting. But in reality my friend, sometimes the simple things DO have to enter the equation.

    What a stupid bitch…yet I still have some feelings for her toxic ass….

    Time to isolate this in my opinion. Your words are right there. “I have feelings for someone who literally hates me, albeit indirectly”. Because we, as men, are human beings (although a feminist would have you believe otherwise, and this wench is doing a pretty goddamned good job, man), we are at a disadvantage when we are caring for something which is not caring back. It’s hard for a guy to put himself out there, and it can be a train wreck when that hand is slapped away.

    This f~~~ing using bitch, has probably had a self-hatred brewing within her for a long time. So many women do. They feel that they’re “lacking”, deep down, because so many of them are. It’s interesting that over time, they’ve taken their thoughts of the invalidity of being a vagina and womb attached to a life support system; and they’ve tried to turn it on to us as a deflection. “Men are just walking hard-ons”. “Men are just Dicks”. THEY feel this way, and would like nothing more than for us to. Fortunately for us, we know from history, and present circumstances that this is not the case. They can edit Wikipedia all they like. We’re great. Men are great. We always have been. We do great things, and they sit on the sidelines, watch, try to participate every now and then, fail, get mad, and make us responsible for their failure. It’s a bitch for them, but it’s not our f~~~ing problem as much as they are demanding that it be so.

    Somewhere along the way, this little girl felt that she was worthless and was probably told so repeatedly by someone in her past…..OR……. and here’s what I think might possibly be the situation. HER HUSBAND, currently and regularly probably tells her or makes her feel that she’s not worth s~~~. She’s gone out of her way to do something AKA “Flight Nurse” that makes her feel of substance. Since her husband is not particularly impressed by it, she’s trying to find someone who will damn sure tell her that she’s all that. Who knows? It might have started way back with her father. All of that s~~~ isn’t our or your problem, man. It’s hers. Unfortunately, she’s dragged you, rather unwittingly, into this self-loathing goddamn mess.

    She doesn’t love you man. She doesn’t even like you. Most of all, she doesn’t even like herself. You have been a teddy bear for her to grasp on to, cry on, punch repeatedly and then toss aside.

    In her quest for validation, she’s used you, and god knows how many others along the way in an attempt to elevate herself, in her own mind, to a position of importance. This is why every time you attempt to bring something up about yourself, she tosses it aside, and minimizes it so that the conversation can return to her.

    It’s time to start viewing this “Princess” for what she really is. This is a married woman, cheating on her husband (who she hates), with someone she can hurt and get away with it (who she hates), all because she can’t stand herself (who she hates).

    This woman needs to stop existing for you, brother.

    You’ve put on band-aids, you’ve taken aspirin, you’ve even tried to sleep it off. I think you’ve reached the point where you need to cure this, brother. You need anti-biotics to kill this s~~~.

    This c~~~ is trying to make you be her.

    You know you’re not. We know you’re not. You’re you.

    It’s time for you to get out there and kick some ass, and this f~~~ing broad is not going to be part of your victory, sir. YOU get to hold that trophy; she doesn’t even get to be in your company when you receive it.

    Cheers, man.

    #108891
    +1
    Phantom
    Phantom
    Participant
    3328

    Every time I think about t~~~s like the one you have had being a parasite to you, this song comes to mind.
    I still can’t bring myself to link the offical video, it’s just hard for me to watch it.

    I was as close to suicide dealing with this bitch as I EVER had in my life – and i’d never been close ever before.

    I have shared in other posts of mine, about how close I once was with suicide.
    Don’t know if it still has a strangle hold on you now or not…but if it does bro, just take it easy, day by day,and moment by moment if need be, as you implement all the great insight guys here are giving ya.

    We are pulling for ya man, we are all in this s~~~ together.
    SHOUT OUT: I am so thankful for this site & all that Keymaster & crew do to keep it up & running…as well for all the gents here!

    So good to be home

    #109131
    LightBringer
    LightBringer
    Participant
    440

    Man guys, these posts are really helpful, I feel a weird friendship with people I likely will never meet, almost akin to like soldiers on a battlefield that we realize we were at different sectors of the same war and can be quick friends because of it.

    EMP- your posts are amazing man, they almost make me want to cry (no homo)
    ‘This c~~~ is trying to make you be her.’ – What do you mean by this?

    Its so crazy I look at some of the good things she did, like she took care of animals, she read this really long book I wrote, and I think ‘she was actually a good person’ but I try to objectively tell myself this is the oxytocin talking, the sex talking, the loneliness talking, and the toxic narcissist abuse talking.

    Again, I consider(ed?) myself really badass, I went through a lot of tough stuff like a fire fighter academy that wiped out 27/30 of the people in it, graduated from a tough school, strong etc, but this bitch and my desire to PROVE MYSELF to her, and to GET RECIPROCAL love left me on suicides door. I do not say that lightly, I considered calling the hotline but didnt want the police to be notified. ALL BECAUSE OF THIS BITCH and her subtle manipulations of hot/cold push/pull ‘love you but cant see you bulls~~~’

    Holy s~~~…this stupid bitch f~~~ed me up so bad, and there she stands behind her innocent little smile ‘I didnt mean to hurt you!~’ it fills me with f~~~ing rage. ‘I never willing lied to you!’ or ‘its not like you are the only one making sacrafices here…oh, time to go save someone, bye!’ ‘about to go on a flight, but wanted to hear your voice!’

    She gets to go back to the hospital where she is supposedly loved by all, fly around and be the hero (‘had a school field trip here today, they all said they wanted to be a nurse like me when they grow up! heehee!’) and I’m left with the emotional wreckage of getting involved in some backdoor affair bulls~~~ that ruined my life temporarily and is getting better but still not gone away as it exposed my neediness, desire for external validation, JUST WANTING TO BE LOVED and her coy f~~~ing ass moves on like nothing, going back to her job which was part of the addicting mystique to begin with.

    Guess theres not really a question there, more just a rant and looking for some understand or sympathy. Thanks bros.

    #109145
    Phantom
    Phantom
    Participant
    3328

    Its so crazy I look at some of the good things she did, like she took care of animals, she read this really long book I wrote, and I think ‘she was actually a good person’ but I try to objectively tell myself this is the oxytocin talking, the sex talking, the loneliness talking, and the toxic narcissist abuse talking.

    Whether these are actual “true” qualities of hers or not, she has shown her true colors of utter contempt & manipulation, to say the very least. There are actually other shady/seedy points, but those are only red flags, compared to the nukes she has used on you.

    but this bitch and my desire to PROVE MYSELF to her, and to GET RECIPROCAL love

    And she was well aware of this and used it as one of the main ways to leverage said manipulation.

    Holy s~~~…this stupid bitch f~~~ed me up so bad, and there she stands behind her innocent little smile ‘I didnt mean to hurt you!~’ it fills me with f~~~ing rage. ‘I never willing lied to you!’

    Both of those are blatant out and out lies. One cannot be manipulative and shaming, and then down play it & say I am innocent & I didn’t mean to hurt you. Well, one can say it. I can also say I have a 50 FT C~~~.

    or ‘its not like you are the only one making sacrafices here…oh, time to go save someone, bye!’ ‘about to go on a flight, but wanted to hear your voice!’

    Nothing like grandstanding? Translation: I just wanted to pour gasoline into the open wound I just cut deeper into your soul & hear you verbalize the pain.

    desire for external validation, JUST WANTING TO BE LOVED

    And with her ripping your heart & soul apart, it amplifies this exponentially.

    I don’t hear her saying sorry & really owning what she has done to you, by truly putting herself in your shoes, if the table was turned around. I don’t hear her saying I love you, please don’t leave me, let me try and earn your respect, etc. by showing you I have a heart & it would destroy me, if you did it to me, etc.

    Anyway, I digress…It is sad & it sux beyond belief. I realize trying to get a woman to love me more than money, new shoes, or loving to power trip me & be vindictive mind f~~~ ninja is not gonna happen in this day & age we live in.

    I love myself and respect myself even if every woman would have me do the opposite. It took along time to get to where I am now, mentally & emotionally, but it can be done.

    When it comes to women, give zero f~~~s and really mean it within yourself, and the BS will start to fall off of you, and you will no longer feel like you have this 1000lb weight upon your shoulders.

    Be patient with your self, allow yourself time to go through this without using her or anyone else, other than yourself, on how and what you think about yourself. That is easier said then done, I know…but you must push yourself to base your self worth on what you think, not what she or anyone else thinks.

    I spend a great many days relaxing and doing those things that give me that peace & tranquility. Others may look at me as being lazy, unambitious, etc.
    News flash…I don’t give one f~~~. Why? Because it is what I need to recharge & keep my head & emotions clear & in check.

    Your mileage may vary. You may need a completely different approach, minimal downtime, workouts, projects, etc. The key here, is to do what makes you happy & mentally healthy, at the bare minimum. Then, to do that as much as possible. The emotions, of anger, betrayal, etc will subside more & more. You will start focusing more & more on how you are becoming more & more free, having more energy & overall just feeling better.

    This has helped me so much, from being border suicidal to being happy & enjoying my life.

    Guess theres not really a question there, more just a rant and looking for some understand or sympathy. Thanks bros.

    At least for my part, with my own life….I do.

    Cheers Bro

    If none of it helped, yell and scream at me :). Or print it out and make it a dart board. Just have some fun one way or the other!!

    #109201
    LightBringer
    LightBringer
    Participant
    440

    ‘I don’t hear her saying sorry & really owning what she has done to you, by truly putting herself in your shoes, if the table was turned around. I don’t hear her saying I love you, please don’t leave me, let me try and earn your respect, etc. by showing you I have a heart & it would destroy me, if you did it to me, etc.’

    For what its worth, she DID cliam she ‘loved me’ but that was very late and after sex, and when I broke up with her she was saying to not leave her. But too little too late. i think it was all manipulation.
    The worst part is I am sitting here my room at 1 am and thinking how I still miss her. This toxic abuse s~~~ is extreme, never knew it could be like this. ::(

    #109309
    Phantom
    Phantom
    Participant
    3328

    The worst part is I am sitting here my room at 1 am and thinking how I still miss her. This toxic abuse s~~~ is extreme, never knew it could be like this. ::(

    Yeah man, that can become codependency if it’s not already. She has sunk her talons in deep. The purging process and extraction of her out of you will take some time.

    It is a damn f~~~ing s~~~storm you are in with the emotions and feelings all amped up. You have been given some great insight in this thread, and I have tried to add anything that I can think of, that has helped me.

    I don’t know how many times you have reread this thread, but EMP and others have given you a slew of tools to help you sort it out.
    You gotta get your focus off of her, especially when it’s 1 am in the morning, and you may be weaker mentally at that hr being tired.

    Perhaps you are even entertaining the notion of she could be there in bed with you instead of you missing her, etc.
    I know it’s harder than hell to really break free and get clear, but it can be done.

    Strengthen your resolve and preoccupy yourself with things that interest you. In those long lonely hrs at night & early morning, if you must be awake, try to focus your energy toward reading a book you enjoy. Listening to music that will help you mentally, play a game, watch a movie that you like. F~~~, anything but thinking about missing her at this point would be better. Even if it’s 3 hrs of freakin porn.

    And yes, the toxic abuse s~~~ is extreme…and your plan will need to counter in kind.

    #109434
    LightBringer
    LightBringer
    Participant
    440

    Man, is this normal to bounce between rage, then sadness and missing her? I wonder what she is doing right now, is she playing with her dogs, is she riding around the mountains in a helicopter ‘saving the day’, is she strutting around being ‘badass in her flight suit’ (she told me this a few times). Would she answer if I called? Etc etc

    She made me suicidal, and here I am MISSING HER, it makes no sense….

    #109595
    Phantom
    Phantom
    Participant
    3328

    Man, is this normal to bounce between rage, then sadness and missing her?

    Yeah bro, I went through that damn mind f~~~ circle too.

    One of the main reasons for my last post.

    Extraction of her out of your soul is gonna take time & diligence on your part with no small measure of resolve to carry out & follow through with the tools men have shared in this thread & website.

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