New member intro

[BadgerSwagParticipant 70]

Just found this site, love it… registered… and now want to make an introduction. As I was reading the nine pages of stories, at first I was laughing harder than I had in years. You know how comedians like to take real life scenarios and make them into jokes, because the audience can relate?

Well, once the laughter subsided, I was pondering what I had just read and my mind soon drifted to wondering if the rafters above my desk would be strong enough to hold the other end of the rope I wanted to put around my neck.

All that aside, glad I found this site. I’ve been pouring through it with extreme interest.

I actually stumbled into it as I was researching personality disorders, which I had finally come to the conclusion was at hand here. I had just read several papers on Vulnerable Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It was as if the entire study was done on her. Then came the eye opener reading all the other posts here and I realized this is far from an isolated issue. It’s an epidemic. It wasn’t that I was just unlucky and happened to stumble into the path of a sociopath; the odds were actually very, very high.

So, the actual story in summary…

Married my college sweetheart.
We had a terrific time in college and all was great and wonderful.
She would actually wear me out.

Then, exactly on our wedding night as we arrived at the hotel – “I’m actually way too tired, but I feel like it’s something we have to do.” That college sweetheart had now shed her disguise and turned into a brain-eating zombie right in front of me. Then came the panic. I could almost hear the trap door close behind me. Dozens of witnesses to the vows earlier that afternoon. We went on with things. Now it was no longer about doing what we liked together. It was all about her agenda. I had no idea what to do.

I figured I must have done something wrong and just needed to be a better husband. I did all the classic mistakes – abandoned my friends, did mounds of housework, and complied with the agenda – complete with targeting that next house move-up. There came a point, years later, when I very nearly left. I was handed a gift. My employer wanted me to relocate, but she refused to go. My plan was to take the relocation and move on, with them even picking up my move expenses. Instead, I continued in my stupidity, and tanked my career there. But then there was peace. I thought everything was better now. It seemed like old times. Nope, I’d now fallen for “the big one” – the biological clock was driving all that nice-ness. Yep, after that, everything returned to normal, only worse than before. I wouldn’t give back my kids for any cost, including my own life, so I don’t regret that part. Today, I’m 51, and 28 years into this mess.

I now consider it fortunate that our sex life has gone from ICU to the Funeral Home. It’s allowed me to clear my head. I’m no longer entrapped by things. I don’t have to take her out, I don’t have to buy her things, I don’t have to waste my precious holiday time off with the in-laws, and I don’t need to spend a fortune on family vacations that nobody but her wants to go on. I can spend my time at the gym, mountain biking, etc. I can make my own decisions about what I’m going to do, regardless of how that fits into her agenda.

A lot of that involves doing things with my kids – things she doesn’t want to do and places she doesn’t want to go, so she stays home. Please do! All she’ll do is p~~~ and moan and ruin it for everyone else, anyway. Naturally, she’s totally off the rails about not being able to control me anymore – drives her absolutely mad. I’m not mean to her and I do still help out quite a lot just because it needs to get done; I’m just not going to be controlled. Naturally, I’m being unfair and she says our biggest problem is that we need more “God” in our marriage. Really? Where is He not? Because I don’t lavish you with gifts, trips, dinners and obey your whims? I’m familiar with the Scriptures. That’s not a requirement. In fact, they warn against it. They do say a husband and wife should be having regular sex. Don’t be trying to use Him to support your sociopath ways, chick.

So, back to the site…

I was finally at the point about to start proceedings. But I think I need to spend some more time getting educated here, and planning a proper strategy. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some slanted court system determine the fate of the assets I’ve built. I’ll do what I can to make sure I decide what they’ll get their hands on. My youngest is 15, so in three years child support won’t be an issue. Not that I won’t help my kids; I just don’t want it going through the courts and her. Next, I busted my butt saving for their college (in classic fashion, she has refused to enter the workforce, but has no problem imprinting her fat butt on the couch binge-watching some Netflix series, Judge Judy, and such). If I split now, that’ll probably just get divided and I’ll wind up paying for their college out of what little is left for me, rather than community property. In three years when the last one enters college, the second one will be almost finished. At that point, there won’t be much to divide and I can probably scrape by to finish that one. I can rebuild. I guess that makes us essentially DIPs – divorced-in-place. She no longer controls me, and I won’t be getting any sex either way, but at least this way I can keep some control of the assets, for now, until I decide when it’s the right time.

By the way, I saw a few of the posts (by women, of course) recommending marriage counseling. We did that for a time. I did a lot of research on that, too. It is rarely successful. Don’t do it. We went to three different ones! Every one we went to was dismissed the moment they even hinted that she could possibly have any part in the issues. It wasn’t “counseling” – she clearly viewed it as arbitration – seeking not reconciliation, but vindication! The point for me was when the last one asked me about what I believed about her and I gave some basic observations, without being harsh, and some were even positive – she’s an incredible cook.

Then she was asked about what she believed about me; without hesitation, the first one – “I believe he’s very selfish.” I thought my head was going to explode. That sealed it for good, right there. (Yes, I cancelled Netflix last night and she has four months to find meaningful employment before I release the housekeeper). End of my rant as most everything else I have to say is just repeats of what the rest of you have been through, too. Plotting my escape from this tragic mess.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

BadgerSwag wrote:

Then, exactly on our wedding night as we arrived at the hotel – “I’m actually way too tired, but I feel like it’s something we have to do.”. That college sweetheart had now shed her disguise and turned into a brain-eating zombie right in front of me.

Wow. An IDENTICAL story to a man who wrote “an open letter to his wife” to be read on the radio. He confronts her on how she misrepresented herself up until the wedding…. and finally on their honeymoon, she couldn’t be bothered anymore.
/audio/women-who-use-sex-as-a-bargaining-tool/

It’s also uncanny, because I would tell you about my cousin who also married his “college sweetheart” who just surprised him wth a divorce announcement after 30 years and 2 kids. But I’ll save it for another time.

Enjoyed your intro tremendously and – if you don’t mind – I broke it into paragraphs for an easier read. But the big reveal is in the way you found us and your reaction to it. First with laughter ( we don’t laugh because it’s “funny”, we laugh because it’s TRUE ) and you made up your own mind on what it really means.

Big pleasure to welcome you.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Welcome. I join Keymaster in admiring your light hearted approach when finding us.Now the hard part is the gradual split from your wife. 28 years is a long time to be tethered to anyone.
I am sure as you read more our brothers will have much wisdom to share.

[Anonymous 42]

Welcome BadgerSwag, Your intro is CLASSIC MGTOW! Welcome to the herd walking away from narcissistic gynocentric misery!

I haven’t been harnessed for extraction like you have, instead I popped out of the plantation of extraction and spending my time like Peter Pan and going where I wish.

Enjoyed your intro, you really see the magnitude of the narcissistic personality EPIDEMIC! It’s like the black plague!

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome home, BadgerSwag

If I could give you +10 for that intro, I would.

I found MGTOW eleven months ago today and have read many stories of “bait and switch” including my own. So much so that I believe most women start planning their divorce as soon as you say “I do”. Plan your exit well and make it at the time of YOUR choosing.
I look forward to hearing more from you.

[BadgerSwagParticipant 70]

Thanks for the encouragement and advice to a junior member. Much like I would with a classroom course, I sat back to reflect on my new education here and identify a couple of top take-aways… the WOW! moments.

1) I had it completely backward. I always thought that women started out normal and then certain ones BECAME like this. It seems now that is actually their DEFAULT setting (combination of genetics, chromosomal and wonderful modern-day feminist training) – it is only that some do break out of it. Like any disorder there has to be – recognition of a problem, understand the need for change, take action for change – at the end of that process is the unicorn. Few would even get past the first hurdle. Maybe technically there is NAWALT, but odds seem much better at Powerball (and you’ll lose a lot less money).

2) You can’t really be true friends. There’s always the disorder lurking in the background. Those I do have as really good friends, I didn’t get rid of, but do keep a caution flag handy now. True trust can’t really be achieved, unlike with a brother.

[Ned TrentParticipant 4894]

If I’m not mistaken it was Bob Marley who came up with that famous timeless song “No woman no cry”. Now if he was still alive to see and know what we know now, chances are he could have re-written it…

Anyway, welcome to the place of knowledge, BadgerSwag and consider yourself home.

I'd rather die a natual death with a clear MGTOW conscience somewhere off the grid than one within "modern" civilisation with a big stress mark on my forehead and a couple of dozen tubes plugged into my body. Back to the plantation..? Me..? Hey, literally: I won't ever fucking kid myself...YZERLMNTSIC

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Welcome Badger Swag
Good Intro.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome! I’m glad you made it!

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[FermatParticipant 3478]

Welcome! Great intro and congratulations on giving this site a chance. As you can see it’s worth it.

BadgerSwag wrote:

I now consider it fortunate that our sex life has gone from ICU to the Funeral Home.

We all know the sex life doesn’t even make it to the ICU. It goes straight to hospice after the honeymoon phase.

I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.

[Better without YOUParticipant 234]

BadgerSwag wrote:

As I was reading the nine pages of stories, at first I was laughing harder than I had in years.

That got my kickstarted on my journey to mgtow, actually my wife’s s~~~ty behavior did. Anywho those comments from married men are treat. What better way to finally realize you aren’t crazy. THEY are.

BadgerSwag wrote:

Then, exactly on our wedding night as we arrived at the hotel – “I’m actually way too tired, but I feel like it’s something we have to do.” That college sweetheart had now shed her disguise and turned into a brain-eating zombie right in front of me.

Terrifying. I’m sure many have had the same experience, or something similar.

BadgerSwag wrote:

Naturally, I’m being unfair and she says our biggest problem is that we need more “God” in our marriage.

Read The Manipulated Man and read the section under religion to find all these little gems as to why women benefit so much from religion, or in their minds they do.

[RedDawnParticipant 1391]

Welcome Badger! Sounds like you really kept your cool and let your logic do the talking.

I recommend to anyone who plans to break up with someone to move their most valuable personal belongings the day before dropping any ‘nukes’ eg. passport, car registration, cash, sentimental stuff including your pet rabbit, so that when the s~~~ hits the fan you simply walk out and don’t return. Otherwise you put yourself at greater risk of false accusations and so forth when trying to collect your belongings.

If you do need to go back and get stuff always take a witness with you.

Glad to have you on board and look forward to reading your future posts.

Courage is the key to life itself - Morgan Freeman

[TrapperParticipant 2912]

Welcome, hell of a read. showed it to a couple coworkers. One became pretty upset, kept nodding in agreement as he read it.I’ve never went through anything that compares to it myself, but you’ve found a place with folks that have.

[DanceMyOwnWayParticipant 2097]

Welcome. You will find many men here who’ve experienced similar situations to you. I’ve never been married but have dated women with NPD and BPD and quite frankly even the short involvement time was enough. Ugh.

If you fall down 7 times, get up 8

[MGTOW_MedicParticipant 184]

Welcome,

You have just taken your first step into a larger world.

Let see, I knew my now ex-wife since I was a young teen. I believe I was getting ready to be a junior in High School. I met her at a party. We exchanged AOL instant messenger usernames…I know, right?

We met back up in college under pure coincidence. I was a skinny American Eagle wearing, vegetarian, Buddhist. She was in like flynn!

Got married a year later, as I grew older my life experiences and continued studies in Human Psychology and Philosophy led me in different directions in life and she didn’t like it. When I refused to yield to her demands, her ultimatums, to change who I was then I had to say goodbye to my kids and marriage. She decided to text me that she wanted a divorce on the day I got offered a new job. Her literal text was: “Now that you have a new truck and a new job, I think it’s time for us to Separate.”

No amount of asking her to goto Marital Counseling worked. She would concede from time to time, say she would go, but “her heart wouldn’t be in it” Other times when I would try to talk to her she would stonewall me. Try to tell me things like “I know your not happy Chris.” As if she had a hardline into my brain and she knew exactly how I felt. lol

Recommendations?

1.Hop on the Top Gun section here.
2.Find your very best music (for me its my never ending library of Death Metal)
3.Hit the gym
4.Make that money
5.Living exceptionally well is the best revenge.

MGtOW_Medic - EMT - P, Firefighter Lvl 2, Hazmat Ops

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

Welcome from another Badger. I hope some of the MGTOW veterans of divorce here will give you some sound advice on how to proceed to protect yourself as much as possible.

[Anonymous 3]

Welcome BadgerSwag,

BadgerSwag wrote:

I can rebuild. I guess that makes us essentially DIPs – divorced-in-place. She no longer controls me, and I won’t be getting any sex either way, but at least this way I can keep some control of the assets, for now, until I decide when it’s the right time.

Yes I understand this DIP. I am in the same situation.
But in my case my wife is not aware of her impending doom. Its a grenade waiting for me to pull the pin.

Sex.

I am slow. It took decades to learn. I used to be desperate for sex. I used to think it was sex I wanted.
But one day I learned that it was not really sex, it was the connection that we men associate with sex.
And I was not getting it because in reality there was no such connection.

My fear, when I removed the sexual instinct part, was: “she doesn’t love me”. That was what I didn’t want to face.

Then one day it hit me. SHE REALLY DOES NOT LOVE ME! That was a huge relief, because it was not something I was doing wrong. Like you I had done everything, I had sacrificed myself so many times.

Now I know that she never did. Maybe a little in the beginning, just enough to fool me and herself.

Sex?

I don’t want it. I actually prefer to jerk off.

[BadgerSwagParticipant 70]

[If I’m not mistaken it was Bob Marley who came up with that famous timeless song “No woman no cry”. Now if he was still alive to see and know what we know now, chances are he could have re-written it…]

Should make a list of the warnings songs gave us –

“Woman was born to lie. And make promises she can’t keep, with the wink of an eye.”

[Blackagar BoltagonParticipant 64]

Welcome Home Brother,

I admire the fact that you can see the Gallows humor in the situation. It is better to laugh then to waste time crying. I am lucky in the fact I have never been married or cohabitated with a woman. For me, it was always that last minute survival instinct that kicked in.

My point in writing is to suggest you start looking into bitcoins. Since they are not currently considered financial assets, it might be a good vehicle to help prepare for your future plan. Operational security is key, have a plan, have it in place so it can be triggered at ANY time. I am not an accountant or a lawyer, so it would be a good idea to get some professional help and advice. It is just a good idea not to let her get wind of your preparations.

Speak softly, strike accurately and hit with the force of a thermonuclear bomb

[BadgerSwagParticipant 70]

GhostDog, yes, I went through that. If I could live with just the occasional poke of just-get-it-done sex (and could ignore the very obvious disinterest on her part) I might be able to just get by. But I was stuck on that “shared” thing. I thought it was supposed to represent sharing of love. I actually wanted real intimacy; not just intercourse. Silly me. First of all. You can’t have that with a “narc” as they aren’t capable of loving you back. Second, since a woman’s priorities are different (“correct”, according to her) she’s largely not interested in your petty needs that have nothing to do with her priorities. And, you’re right, with all the baggage that comes with just trying to do the proper thing and make love with your wife, it’s just not worth it. I can take care of it myself minus all the drama.

[Author]

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