Men & Depression

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

I want to hear some other mens perspective on depression, because I think most men are shamed into not discussing and admitting to it in real life. A part of me believes that men are more prone to a more substantive existential depression than women, contrary to what the media tells us. Especially today. This isnt the world my father experienced.

Everytime I consider depression Im experiencing such as, is the juice really worth the squeeze, in terms of what I have to put in and NOT get out, I subconsciously hear “man up!”. But culture today is a vastly different experience for men, than at other times. The deck is stacked against us. So a few questions:

1. Do you deal with depression?

2. How do you deal with it?

3. Do you think men are more proned to a TRUER sense of depression than women? And by “truer” I mean on a much more pervasive and deeper level than a whimsical fleeting females emotions.

Honest input is appreciated.

Resident cynic.

[DiygkasParticipant 103]

I think in our current society, most men went through this, in many degrees. My father told me once about a time went through this. It was weird to hear, back then, because i was a child, but he said he locked himself inside his house for many days. He said, at one point, he could hear the cars coming and know which car belonged to each house, just by the sound. He ate all the food in the house, and when the food was over, he starved.

And eventually he left the house and went on with his life, but i can only imagine the loneliness he was going through. And today i can see this is just a symptom of our current society, that makes men think they have to “man up” through all their problems.

 

About the third question, i would say yes, totally. Last week i saw a girl commenting on a band’s page, saying she felt so sad and was cutting herself. But i went to her facebook page and she was constantly uploading pictures of herself and had many friends, male and female, saying how she was beautifull and stuff. A man won’t have that. Male loneliness is a boulder so big, only a man is strong enough to carry.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

I’m curious are you over weight? Depression is due to stress/diet. Eating plenty of vegetables and moderate amount of fruits is ideal. Anywhere from 5 to 10 servings is ideal. If you’re overweight weight loss is ideal. If you’re doing all that you need to deal with the things that are stressing you out.
I deal with my depression by fasting daily. I eat from noon to 8 pm.
http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/intermittent-fasting-and-depression-an-inflammation-link/
http://www.malandarras.com/stickwith-leangains
http://www.nationalelfservice.net/mental-health/depression/can-intermittent-fasting-improve-mood/

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

@ crazy cunuck,

I am refferring to depression based on losing loved ones, losing money (2008), and simply the human comedy of the irony of our experience in this world. To answer your question I have been depressed when I am in great shape, and typically the only time I am out of shape is the EFFECT of being depressed NOT the CAUSE. This is the case because I become more of a recluse, just like the poster above you stated about his father’s story.

Resident cynic.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

I don’t give a f~~~ anymore. Losing loved ones, money etc. The stress isn’t worth it.

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[HitmanParticipant]

brothers, when situations get bad enough only a fool wouldnt get depressed. how you handle it is the key.so,so many options exist, many free or inexpensive..i went thru a “grow-up quick” experience a few years back.19 cents to my name and bills to pay {court ordered } .so,had to sell almost all i could to get past that..exercise,spirituality,friends,books..you can survive if you can intellectualize your feelings ,be honest with yourself..ride out the storm.sometimes you just get drunk.tomorrow is always a new day…NEVER GIVE UP !

[HitmanParticipant]

i have gathered strength and wisdom ,had my spirit lifted when i found this site. thank you mgtow.

[SnakeSpectator 2080]

Life is suffering, this is the teaching of the Buddha. Why is it suffering? It must be that something makes this suffering. Yes, it is true; it is something rooted within, and when it is activated, it bursts out and gives rise to the fruit of suffering. Then we ask “What is the root of suffering?” The answer which the Buddha himself gave, in Itivuttaka, is that the root of suffering is desire, which consists of three roots; greed, hatred and delusion. If the roots of suffering are eliminated, life can be extremely happy.

What is next when the roots are already known? The answer is, to learn the method which can get rid of them and apply this method in life. What is the method mentioned? It is the purification of the mind. Why purify the mind? Because it is a producer which can create everything from small to big, so greed, hatred and delusion try to conquer some parts of the mind, or the whole of it. If the mind is pure, nothing can take root in it; as the Buddha said in Dhammapada, “Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts, happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow”. Take good care of your mind, then your life will be safe.

http://www.buddhapadipa.org/dhamma-corner/what-is-the-root-cause-of-suffering/

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

@ snake,

I agree. There is a proverb that states – “he who has no rule over his spirit (mind) is like a city with its walls torn down”. In other words, if you have no rule over your mind/thpughts, then ANYTHING can be taken from you OR toxically placed in your head.

I personally struggle the most with hpw to get out of the depths of it once its already kicked in.

Resident cynic.

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

@ diygkus,

Totally relate to the story of your father and thanks for sharing. Much appreciated.

@ zone,

Thanks for your input as well and your past situation.

@ Crazy cunuck,

I appreciate your input as well. There is a difference between the “stress” you mention and what Im refferring to. The “f~~~ it” attitude works for me when Im stressed. But the “f~~~ it” attitide in respect to depression would lead one to not think life is worth living. Big difference.

Resident cynic.

[IGMOW (I Go My Own Way)Participant 2572]

Some tips I can give, as I have had to deal with it:

* Study positive psychology. When dealing with life circumstances, try to avoid making them personal, persistent, and pervasive.

* Favor self-compassion over self-esteem.

* Get off the comparison treadmill wants to get you on with power structures and rankings and so on.

* Watch your diet.

* Try to do things to empower yourself.  Make things, and create.  If you can do such and be selfless (get focus off yourself) do it.  That is part of autonomy, which is a motivator.  Others involving mastering things, finding purpose, and connecting with others help.

* Try to find good, and savor it. Try not to dwell in the depressing.

* Make the better way a lifestyle choice you do, and develop habits.

* Avoid toxic people and those who will drain you and put you down for trying to go your own way.

 

Depression will sneak up on you.  Be aware of it.  If you are prone to depression, be aware it stalks you like a wolf.

"I am my own thang. Any questions?" - Davis S Pumpkins.

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

@ richard hutnik

Thanks for the good words.

I honestly thought more guys would chime in. I do NOT think its uncommon given our environment, but I know dudes are predisposed not to discuss the subject. I thought this forum would be a good place to talk about it.

Much appreciation to those who commented so far. If anyone else has anything to add, that would be cool.

Resident cynic.

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

To this day I MUST work at keeping away from ‘shadow people’

Shadow people suck life and light from your soul.

A ‘person of light’ cannot put light in a shadow person. They can’t fix them.

So the shadows will win every time.

The trick is spotting and avoiding them. As soon as I meet a life leech …. I make my excuses and leave.

I married a shadow person and have the wounds. I’m very susceptible and will fall easily if trapped by them.

My guard is always up.

[experiencedParticipant]

Diygkas, “I think in our current society, most men went through this, in many degrees. My father told me once about a time went through this. It was weird to hear, back then, because i was a child, but he said he locked himself inside his house for many days. He said, at one point, he could hear the cars coming and know which car belonged to each house, just by the sound. He ate all the food in the house, and when the food was over, he starved.”

Thank you for sharing this. A very real threat to men after getting divorced is the proclivity to “get in increasingly smaller social boxes.”

Why?  because SO much of society believes the lies of the matrix that you end up directly&indirectly getting pushed / shoved/squeezed.  It’s only natural therefore to accept the allure of smaller boxes, IMO.

BTW just looked up ‘allure’ = all laydeez in white.  Today’s brides, all things considered, – – ‘s~~~ brown’  would be most appropriate.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[EntropyParticipant 902]

“Find out what you’re afraid of and go live there.”  – Chuck Palahniuk

Depression is the fear of [death, being alone, failure, success, etc.]

Immersion therapy is a psychological technique which allows a person to overcome their fears through a gradual exposure to those fears in a controlled environment.  Therefore…

Step 1: Think about what is REALLY keeping you in a state of depression.

Step 2: Own it.

However, don’t forget that it is human nature to NEVER be completely satisfied… there is no “finished”, there is no “perfect”, there is no “enough” there is no “relief”.  If this realization is the cause of your depression… welcome to level 2.

"Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves" -BBR

[BDParticipant 1146]

Ancientwisdom wrote:

1. Do you deal with depression? 2. How do you deal with it? 3. Do you think men are more proned to a TRUER sense of depression than women? And by “truer” I mean on a much more pervasive and deeper level than a whimsical fleeting females emotions. Honest input is appreciated.

I believe most depression is caused by expectations, the harm is caused by the difference between what you project and what happens in the real world(reality).

I always knew something was wrong when growing up, but it didn’t come to me until later, Our society has a sick Value System Disorder,

The disorder is riddled with ridiculous traditions (marriage for one example), people rioting over hockey games,  people ignoring scientists yet they will listen to mindless celebrities, people working jobs of modern slavery so that they can consume more, we pay someone who hits a baseball 50 times more than a doctor who saves peoples’ lives, we destroy the environment for profit, the examples are endless….

Mind and body, two separate things, are important, feed your mind and body properly, exercise your mind and body sufficiently, get out of your comfort zone, feel alive, challenge yourself, remove negative people.

IGMOW (I Go My Own Way) wrote:

Some tips I can give, as I have had to deal with it:

Great share RichardHutnik!

Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

@ bullet dodger:

“I believe most depression is caused by expectations, the harm is caused by the difference between what you project and what happens in the real world(reality).”…

That is very true. It reminds me of the scene in Fight Club, where Brad Pitt is explaining that we “thought we would be rock stars” etc, but we realized it was ALL a lie, and now WERE p~~~ed. Very true.

One can not seperate expatations and their discomfort in this world. I know I had much higher expectations than this world ACTUALLY offers.

I still dont think the relationship between what a man puts forward and what he receives is at an eulibeium.

We receive LESS.They receive more.If were disgruntled in the process, than we are met with a vaccuous plattitude “man up”.

Enough of my thoughts for now… Ranting a bit.

Resident cynic.

[timbannisterParticipant 8]

We all on this site have had problems with women and I have suffered a bit myself. But in talking about depression I do suggest it could be extremely unwise for anybody to rely on information from others as appropriate for them. Everybody is different and what works for one guy may be highly inappropriate for another!. Also I think you really need to self assess yourself and try to work out whether you are really clinically depressed, or just a bit p~~~ed off something that happens to most people at times but in such cases it is very wring to use term “depression” which is a clinical diagnosis.

Also please recognize there are various different sorts of clinical depression like manic or bipolar depression, cyclothymia, dysthymia also called chronic depression, postpartum depression, and seasonal affective disorder. They are all different So I suggest you might find it a good idea to self diagnose yourself which you can do just as well as a mental health doctor can by taking a test on line through :-
http://www.depressedtest.com/

If you do have clinical depression just to generalize – there are different treatments for different degrees of depression. 1/Psycho-therapy is one kind of treatment whether by yourself or in a group. That works best with guys where their personality and life experiences are the cause of their depression, which may be the case with you but you would need to see a doctor to get that arranged

2/Drug treatment is ok if your symptoms are predominantly physical and according to medical data it seenms anti-depressant drugs work well in about 75% of guys provided drugs are taken in sufficient dosage over a long enough period of time.

3/The third treatment is called ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) which you only get under a general anesthetic in hospital. but that is reserved for treating severely depressed people especially if suffering from delusions or if they have failed to respond to other forms of treatment. ECT is effective and safe and reports say it can be “life saving” and medical trials reveal it can relieve severe depression faster than drugs.

Trust this advice is helpful and good luck, i hope you will be able to become a contented happy individual again in the near future with very best wishes.

[Anonymous 12]

I have been depressed a number of times throughout my life. Life is a series of ups and downs and I am not one for the positive all the time, happy, happy, happy joy, joy, joy bulls~~~.

I get through it on my own. Right now I feel I am almost obliged to write that, that wasn’t meant as a sympathy ploy or anything else. I have learned throughout my life that a man’s suffering, depression etc means little and further more unless someone truly understands what you are going through and how you are as a person  than they can’t help and usually p~~~ me off by reciting cliches. Just hoping I will smile so they can feel they have made a difference.

Why have I been depressed at times? A few years back I was really copping it at work plus I was doing a lot of long shifts and night shifts so everything was piling on. Forget about talking to anyone at work obviously. When I was younger I was prone to be depressed about not fitting in, feeling like an outcast but that is long past.

Are men more prone to true to depression than women? I don’t know, the thing is we all respond to problems differently, what is a big deal for you may not even be a blip on my radar if it happened to me. But that doesn’t mean it can’t greatly upset you all the same. I will say that I have noticed that women do get affected by a lot more than men but also I would say that is because they are free to become emotional and upset about things, cause disruptions without having someone shut them down the way they would a man if he were depressed and upset.

 

 

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

@ morlock,

Thank you for a thought out reply. I will say this: I believe women are less likely to suffer real depression than men, because not only are they lacking in analytical thought (they dont get depressed at the purpose of life, questioning the true purpose and value of existing etc, but become “depressed” because their ass is fat, or they didn’t get asked out)

but also because they not only cry out EVERY emotion, but are ENCOURAGED to do so by supplicating men and women who soak up their tears.

Life is FAR from a box of chocolates, from my experience. I, personally, can only have my teeth kicked in, while playing the game with my best intentions, before concluding: GAME. F~~~ING. OVER.

I dont want to re-live an argument from another thread, but when people reply with “are you over weight?” I do not only think that is a feminine respnse, but it tells me they have NEVER suffered real loss…”I dont give a f~~~ about losing FAMILY or money”. REALLY? So neither the loved ones in your family blood line matters, nor does losing your ENTIRE net worth AND you abstain from SEX. WTF are you living for?…F~~~ing INSANE reply. That was directed at crazy canuck btw. I simply can NOT fathom such an irrational line of thought.

Resident cynic.

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