Making a Will

[AutoliteParticipant]

Colin Combover in a Coma wrote:

Yeah, I will check this out, not many more morrows for this shell of a parody me thinks.

Another option (at least here in Canada) is ‘Simply Cremations’. It a company that offers no-nonsense cremations on the cheap!

I have a standing contract with them. No funeral, no service no fuss. I will be getting tossed into the oven inside a cardboard box. Literally, an actual cardboard box.

Conventional funerals and services are just big unnecessary, overpriced rip-off scams. No different than conventional marriage ceremonies really…

[HermitParticipant]

Colin Combover in a Coma wrote:

Not available(yet) in blighty my old bean.
Yeah, I will check this out, not many more morrows for this shell of a parody me thinks.
Don’t want a memorial though. Want to be forgotten, like I never existed.
Yeah……

Who are you anyway?

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[HermitParticipant]

Autolite wrote:

Colin Combover in a Coma wrote:

Yeah, I will check this out, not many more morrows for this shell of a parody me thinks.

Another option (at least here in Canada) is ‘Simply Cremations’. It a company that offers no-nonsense cremations on the cheap!
I have a standing contract with them. No funeral, no service no fuss. I will be getting tossed into oven inside a cardboard box. Literally, an actual cardboard box.
Conventional funerals and services are just big unnecessary, overpriced rip-off scams. No different than conventional marriage ceremonies really…

Why waste a cardboard box even? Someone could use that for when they move.

Weddings and funerals are so very similar.

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[AutoliteParticipant]

Colin Combover in a Coma wrote:

Don’t want a memorial though. Want to be forgotten, like I never existed.

There’s nothing wrong with that! I too intend to leave behind the smallest existence ‘footprint’…

[AutoliteParticipant]

Hermit wrote:

Why waste a cardboard box even? Someone could use that for when they move.

I just assume that the box is for ‘ease of handling’. Who would want to mess around trying to stuff a fat, bloated corpse into an oven once the rigor mortis wears off???

[Colin Combover in a ComaParticipant 5068]

Autolite wrote:

Colin Combover in a Coma wrote:

Yeah, I will check this out, not many more morrows for this shell of a parody me thinks.

Another option (at least here in Canada) is ‘Simply Cremations’. It a company that offers no-nonsense cremations on the cheap!
I have a standing contract with them. No funeral, no service no fuss. I will be getting tossed into the oven inside a cardboard box. Literally, an actual cardboard box.
Conventional funerals and services are just big unnecessary, overpriced rip-off scams. No different than conventional marriage ceremonies really…
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I don’t want any specimen at my passing, including that pedo Priest.
Left no legacy, leave no footprint.

[Colin Combover in a ComaParticipant 5068]

Hermit wrote:

Colin Combover in a Coma wrote:

Not available(yet) in blighty my old bean.Yeah, I will check this out, not many more morrows for this shell of a parody me thinks.Don’t want a memorial though. Want to be forgotten, like I never existed.Yeah……

Who are you anyway?

A Hapless Haploid who desperately tried to avoid a paranoid humanoid.

[Branched offParticipant 10958]

Checked back in here a bit late. Stealth it was not meant to be a hit that Beta cuck remark. I just hate the idea that a man feels obliged to pay a woman for doing what she wanted to do anyway. Your companionship has value and she has received it. Men have value.

Colin -surely you want to be remembered for your verses?

On the subject of funerals, I want to be buried in the woods with no memorial. I think in a decade or so I will dig the hole myself so it is all ready, cover it with iron sheets so no one falls in, make a coffin from nearby trees and set aside a gold coin for everyone who puts me there. Its totally legal in the UK. People don’t get it but I like the idea that every species I hunted will get to dance and pee on my grave. Its how it should be. Life wins. In particular, I am going to find a spot where the Roe deer dance their courtship rings.

A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own

[Colin Combover in a ComaParticipant 5068]

Branched off wrote:

Checked back in here a bit late. Stealth it was not meant to be a hit that Beta cuck remark. I just hate the idea that a man feels obliged to pay a woman for doing what she wanted to do anyway. Your companionship has value and she has received it. Men have value.
Colin -surely you want to be remembered for your verses?
On the subject of funerals, I want to be buried in the woods with no memorial. I think in a decade or so I will dig the hole myself so it is all ready, cover it with iron sheets so no one falls in, make a coffin from nearby trees and set aside a gold coin for everyone who puts me there. Its totally legal in the UK. People don’t get it but I like the idea that every species I hunted will get to dance and pee on my grave. Its how it should be. Life wins. In particular, I am going to find a spot where the Roe deer dance their courtship rings.

Who is going to remember my ditties? I will be sneered(rather than revered) by mine enemies of whom there are 8billion, all pouting they’re genitals in the vicinity of said canal.

[StealthParticipant 5347]

Colin Combover in a Coma wrote:

Branched off wrote:

Checked back in here a bit late. Stealth it was not meant to be a hit that Beta cuck remark. I just hate the idea that a man feels obliged to pay a woman for doing what she wanted to do anyway. Your companionship has value and she has received it. Men have value.Colin -surely you want to be remembered for your verses?On the subject of funerals, I want to be buried in the woods with no memorial. I think in a decade or so I will dig the hole myself so it is all ready, cover it with iron sheets so no one falls in, make a coffin from nearby trees and set aside a gold coin for everyone who puts me there. Its totally legal in the UK. People don’t get it but I like the idea that every species I hunted will get to dance and pee on my grave. Its how it should be. Life wins. In particular, I am going to find a spot where the Roe deer dance their courtship rings.

Who is going to remember my ditties? I will be sneered(rather than revered) by mine enemies of whom there are 8billion, all pouting they’re genitals in the vicinity of said canal.

One of my greatest thrills in life is when I get to inspire meaningful conversations like this one. Branched off, no worries, I found humor in being called cuck of the first degree. I also love your sense of fairness and good humor in being buried under where the wild game will s~~~ on your corpse. And if pressed, I’d even call this a similar idea as to leaving stuff to my borderline…

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Autolite wrote:

I don’t personally know any other MGHOW.

Then pick one at random.

What matters is that you send it somewhere, because if you don’t, your local feminist government’s probate courts will decide what to do with your accumulated wealth, and we all know governments cannot be trusted with money.

Monk wrote:

I have yet to find a modern charity that isn’t crooked. They all have CEO’s on vast salaries, and invariably employ armies of useless wimmin. No way am I paying for them.

Even the worst, most corrupt charity is better and less corrupt than any government.

Hermit wrote:

I’m not sure where he lives, but in the U.S. it is illegal to burn money, so doubtful.

So what are they going to do about it? Put his corpse in jail? That’ll teach him.

Autolite wrote:

Have you checked into ‘alkaline hydrolysis’ instead of cremation? It is suppose to be the most environmentally friendly method of body disposal. Apparently when they’re done they can legally just pour you down the sink…

Or toilet.

I wonder if they can have you served at your wake? I’ll have to ask.

But seriously, even so-called “wet cremations” use some nasty ass chemicals and a lot of energy. Just not as much as fire cremations. For something truly environmentally correct, take a page from Diogenes. Like most things, he had all this sh​it worked out thousand of years ago.

That being said:

Autolite wrote:

There’s nothing wrong with that! I too intend to leave behind the smallest existence ‘footprint’…

Not me. I intend to use up as much as I can as long as I can, and if I can consume a little more after death? Bonus!

Let the meek inherit what’s left.

Autolite wrote:

I just assume that the box is for ‘ease of handling’.

Naw. It’s because even people in the funeral industry can have an issue with looking at corpses more than they have to. Also it helps contain some odor and drippings and holds the dry ice close to the corpse (for delaying those odors and drippings).

Who would want to mess around trying to stuff a fat, bloated corpse into an oven once the rigor mortis wears off???

They have special carts for that. Seriously.

[AutoliteParticipant]

sidecar wrote:

They have special carts for that. Seriously.

Yeah, I’ve heard that. Apparently some places don’t even bother with putting you in a box…

[Branched offParticipant 10958]

In planning one’s funeral, it is also worth considering those left behind. There may be people who care left behind and a man’s death is more the survivor’s affair than his own. It is probably a good idea to leave some gap in the plans somewhere where people can arrange to waste money on holding some sort of funeral if they want.

Funerals seem to matter to some people. I have buried a young wife and I realised I had to ignore my own inner leanings towards simplicity and ignore the advice of people around me at the time and take her to her home town to be buried for the sake of her family. Turned out that hundreds of people came to the funeral and it seemed to matter.

I do mean to make most of my own arrangements -simple burial on my own land in the woods, no embalming, no headstone, home made coffin, I will even dig the hole to make it easy for them so my body does not get too stinky while they wait for someone competent enough to do the job but I am also thinking that if people do decide they want to hold a party or something, I should not be so rigorous as to forbid it or so vain as to encourage it. “Burn me quickly and dispose of my ashes or boil me in caustic soda and pour me down the drain” may be just a bit too spartan if you do leave grieving close friends and relatives. Life is a long journey, just because you fear there will be no one now does not mean it will end that way. To buy a plan for such a thing before 40 (or 50 or 60 or 70 for that matter) might be a bit pessimistic and might also turn out to be wasted money.

A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own

[AutoliteParticipant]

Branched off wrote:

Funerals seem to matter to some people.

I don’t want any money spent on a funeral. I’d rather my survivors just take their inheritance and spend it on drugs, pizza and beer. They can do that if they want to honour my memory…

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

@stealth
Are you doing it yourself? I need to do one, but I’ve paid lawyers $25k over the last year and I don’t want to give a lawyer another cent right now.

As for who I am leaving it to: I have 2 kids and my son is a strong young man – worked construction for 3 summers during high school / college summers and just graduated. In less than 2 weeks after graduation he landed a great job in his field.
Whenever I have a big project that I need help with he is here and only asks for Beer and Wings afterword. He gets it all.

My daughter is a totally bitch to me and rarely even returns texts or calls. So, I don’t even try anymore. She’s a miniature version of my spoiled Ex.. AKA the Selfish One.

So, My boy gets it all.

[MonkParticipant 17008]

CombatRoll wrote:

So, My boy gets it all.

Better make your Will watertight, because if there’s any real money, she will contest it.

When my wife died and the assets were divided up (me, her 3 daughters and 1 son), one of the daughters conned the son out of his share.

So better brief your son, too. Make damned sure that when his sister comes wailing, he tells her where to get off.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Autolite wrote:

Apparently some places don’t even bother with putting you in a box…

Is that a picture of Auschwitz or something?

There’s a potential poor taste joke in there somewhere about Jews appreciating getting a free funeral, but I don’t want to bait the usual suspects from /pol/.

Branched off wrote:

There may be people who care left behind

Those people do not include wives, and usually not even daughters. They only care about your money. Plan accordingly.

Monk wrote:

Better make your Will watertight, because if there’s any real money, she will contest it.

This. And then the lawyers will make damn sure most everything goes to them.

@combatroll: You’ll probably need to at least mention her in the will, and maybe give her a small token (like $10 and a bus ticket out of town) while explaining your reasoning for doing so. That makes it much harder for her to contest based on “daddy forgot about me in his old age”.

Or convert everything into a trust fund for your boy. That would be a lot harder for her to attack or sweet talk out of him later.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

there’s a company in Florida for scuba divers that will cremate your body, mix the ashes with concrete and use the concrete to make a small headstone/monument with name/date/epitaph inscribed on it. They then sink the concrete block in the ocean next to a reef. In a short time, coral and barnacles will attach to and grow upon the concrete block. Eventually, with enough growth, the block essentially becomes part of the reef. In the interim, if any of your scuba diver friends and relatives want to visit your grave site, they need only to get a full air tank and scuba dive down to the reef…

For me, underwater, scuba diving on a reef somewhere is the closest thing to complete peace I have found in this life. Fish don’t make any noise. The only noise under water is my breathing/bubbles. But if I’m dead, there won’t be any of that. The coral and the fish are beautiful. None of the people who have brought the most trouble to my life are certified to scuba dive, so I’ll be rid of them as much as they will be rid of me when I’m dead. And any of the people who do come to visit my grave are going to have a pretty nice day scuba diving, instead of a depressing day in a cemetery…

As for my money, I hope that I spend my last dollar on my last day doing something that makes me smile, and that my last check will be to the Tax Office… and that that motherf’ker WILL BOUNCE!!!

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[AutoliteParticipant]

sidecar wrote:

Is that a picture of Auschwitz or something?

I think it’s a pic of some guy’s basement. They said that he used to do amateur cremations himself and that he charged by the pound. They said that he’d do pet cremations too! A mid-sized dog would only cost you a case of beer…

[AutoliteParticipant]

This thread reminded me of the ‘will scenes’ from both Gran Torino and Rainman…

[Author]

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