looks like my core is still blue…

[treznik87Participant 570]

Im so annoyed with myself… Really i am.
Last night we were out on some concert near my hometown. I run into my ex gf. We were together for year and a half. Almost every experience about relationships I have posted on this forum so far is from a relationship with her. She was my first ‘love’. There is no need to tell me what so called ‘love’ actually is. i know.

So I saw her last night with a guy she is with now. She got with him just 2 or 3 months after we split. Their group was almost next to my group. We never locked eyes or said hello. But I know she saw me. When I went to my other group of friends, she went to my best friend and talked to him and asked him where am I, etc… My friend brought that up after we were driving home.

When I saw her… old feelings resurfaced… not just the good one. everything. To tell you the truth, i wanted home. It hit me right in the feels. It was sickening. I cant believe I felt that way. Its like I disappointed myself – to be that f~~~ing weak. Even now, when Im here more than a year. I thought I was stronger but now Im wondering if am i really over her after more then a year of NC. Is that even normal??? Yes she was my first gf but still…

What angers me the most is the fact she treated me / our relationship like CRAP – I was never a priority, she was emotionally abusive, manipulative, cared only for her needs and was avoiding sex with me… when i look back i can say she has 8/10 signs of being a pathological narcissist.

Half of the relationship with her was pure crap anyway, but i was hanging so long in there like a fool. trying to fix things…thinking something is wrong with me, not being good enough… trying to talk to her… waiting for her to be the way she was in honeymoon stage…but it was never upon me to fix things… and in the end she was the one who ended things. Such a fool. Im still ashamed. And after all this she still has an effect on my emotions. Sick… at the same time i have said to myself many times ‘thank god its over and she ended it. Because i wouldnt.’

What always hurt me is a quote one of you brothers posted here some time ago:

I was always bewildered how easily a woman can just end a relationship with NO intention on fixing it.
When she decides it is over … IT IS OVER.

Its like im red on the inside but my very deep core is still blue. Looks like blue pill is still strong in this one. I AM DISAPPOINTED. I had to rant/share this with someone… Have any of you ever felt that way?

I just wanted to share that with you guys.You have always put my emotions where they belong and never steer me wrong. For that I am thankful.

[SOLI2DEParticipant 746]

It’s ok. Progressive steps. I just recently did something very smurf-like(blue pill). Keep moving forward and try to not beat yourself up about things and your feelings. We are here for you.

“Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.” -Proverbs 31:3-

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

treznik87 wrote:

Its like im red on the inside but my very deep core is still blue. Looks like blue pill is still strong in this one. I AM DISAPPOINTED. I had to rant/share this with someone… Have any of you ever felt that way?

Don’t sweat it, man. I’d be willing to bet we’ve all got at least one woman who caught us in the feels and still has the power to f~~~ us up now and then. Mine was several years ago. I don’t see her any more but I am reminded of her now and then and it still stings.

It’s not so much her… I know she is done and out of my life for good… it’s more that she represented the hope that maybe there was a woman out there for me. The loss of the hope was the hard part and it was my struggle with her that lead me into the “manosphere” in the first place. So for that, I have to say that I am fortunate.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again… being “in love” with that woman felt like having a deadly disease but in truth was more like getting a vaccine. I got a painful but relatively small dose and now that I’ve survived it, I won’t get sick again.

Hopefully your experience was similar and you’ll have that going for you for the rest of your life.

[GreekDragoonParticipant 460]

Social programming that has a basis on hardwired biological programming is what afflicts you.

Back when humans were still several million years in the future some stupid monkey that had a bigger lizard brain than a mammalian realized that protecting one’s females and offspring was the only way to make certain that one’s genetic material would pass down the line.

Guess where the gynocentric bulls~~~ aims in order to take as deep roots as possible.

I have had the same thing happen to me, I shook it off after realizing that it was just a hormonal imbalance that my monkey brain gave me because it still believes that I am a monkey with a larger lizard brain than a mammalian one.

[DeepInThoughtParticipant 2710]

treznik87 wrote:

What angers me the most is the fact she treated me / our relationship like CRAP – I was never a priority, she was emotionally abusive, manipulative, cared only for her needs and was avoiding sex with me… when i look back i can say she has 8/10 signs of being a pathological narcissist.

And now the new guy is getting exactly that. Think about it objectively, you aren’t missing anything!

[treznik87Participant 570]

And now the new guy is getting exactly that. Think about it objectively, you aren’t missing anything!

yes, i thought about it the very first time i heard they are together… i said to myself ‘lucky guy’…

but last night, when i saw them, i was like ‘maybe she is different with him’… ‘maybe she was like that with me’… ‘maybe he knows how to put her on her place’ – I surely didnt – i was too blue…. who knows…

the fact that i had few beers didnt help either. its funny how emotions can f~~~ with you. The fact is if you are having such problems SO EARLY in relationship (in the first 18 months) it surely wont work out longterm. That I am certain of…

[BrujahParticipant 579]

If anything, MGTOW isn’t a flip of a switch. It takes time for old feelings, old desires to burn out. I know how you feel. Girl I use to see also makes me feel this way whenever she randomly appears in my life. The rush of old emotions come flooding back, makes your heart skip a beat. On more than one occasion, even after finding MGTOW, still somehow let her influence the way I feel.

Don’t beat yourself up. It just takes time to let it all subside.

[Anonymous 1]

I only see a red pill in this post, my friend.

[Anonymous 0]

treznik87 wrote:

[…] What angers me the most is the fact she treated me / our relationship like CRAP – I was never a priority, she was emotionally abusive, manipulative, cared only for her needs and was avoiding sex with me… when i look back i can say she has 8/10 signs of being a pathological narcissist.

Half of the relationship with her was pure crap anyway, but i was hanging so long in there like a fool. trying to fix things…thinking something is wrong with me, not being good enough… trying to talk to her… waiting for her to be the way she was in honeymoon stage…but it was never upon me to fix things… and in the end she was the one who ended things. Such a fool. Im still ashamed. And after all this she still has an effect on my emotions. Sick… at the same time i have said to myself many times ‘thank god its over and she ended it. Because i wouldnt.’ […]

It doesn’t sound like you’re falling back in love with her or anything. Rather, when I read the excerpt above it sounds like you’re going over in your mind what the hell happened in the old relationship and maybe you’re realizing that you don’t have any more answers now than you had back then, and it’s leaving you feeling kind of vulnerable.

After all, narcissists are all around us: Family members, co-workers, bosses. Anyone can abuse your confidence if you don’t see it coming.

So maybe running into this old narcissist girlfriend is leaving you feeling a little paranoid and vulnerable. All of a sudden you remember how easily she screwed with your head, and maybe you’re still not even sure exactly how she did it or how you should have handled it differently.

Anyway, that’s what I’m seeing in your post. Just guessing, of course. I’m not a shrink or anything.

Anyway, if that sounds about right, then reading up on how narcissists operate (and how you can spot them) might help you get over it.

[VarunParticipant 2981]

Its perfectly normal. Everyone gets it; we were programmed to ‘commit’ ourself with a ‘perfect one’; like Mr. GreekDragon says: Social Programming muxed with Biological Programming.

Having these feelings doesn’t make you weak or turn you ‘blue’. You’re still conscious that these emotions are hazardous in the long term, right? You must have thought “There’s no way I’d try to get back with her” <- that, my friend, is the red pill working.

Its just been a year of NC? No wonder you have these feelings. Your old brain cells that secreted the dopamine whenever you were with her are still alive; they will die out eventually, if you do not give them the chance to re-grow. That means don’t follow-up with her; cut off any contact you think you might have in the future. In case she tries to contact you, don’t succumb to it.

It will be all right. Give it some time, focus more on the other things in your life. Good Luck.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

treznik87 wrote:

When I saw her… old feelings resurfaced… not just the good one. everything.

You are progressing from the “feminine” blue pill state [controlled by feelings, emotions, desires] to the “masculine” red pill state [using reason, conscience, logic, and judgement] to make your decisions. Do NOT beat yourself up too much over this. Keep up the good work.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[Anonymous 42]

treznik87 wrote:

Im wondering if am i really over her after more then a year of NC. Is that even normal???

Totally normal, it’s my opinion that men carry a pair bonding gene and women carry a breed with alpha enslave beta gene, the two opposing genes leave modern men severely disadvantaged ever since the changing of marriage laws and giving women advantage to act on their genetic blueprint, ruining modern men by taking advantage of our pair bonding gene, making men nothing more than disposable utilities (both the Alpha for his sperm, and the beta for his resources), it’s a perfect environment for the advancement of women at a tremendous cost to men.

I chemically altered my pair bonding gene to bond to myself! It’s a reprogramming that happens somewhere deep in the subconscious, I can remember the day it happened,
it was a firm and permanent thought that struck my soul like a forging hammer hitting iron! I knew then that I would never go back to the slaughter house of disadvantage, for the first time I was in total and utter control over my life, I knew the misery was over and ended forevermore.
Keep dwelling in logic and critical thinking, you may have already altered your pair bonding gene, it’s an iron guard to permanently cover our Achilles heel from the Cupid arrows of pair bonding. It puts us back in charge!

[Anonymous 11]

There is a little blue pill monster in all of us. You’re moving forward, and that is all that matters.

It does hurt to see an ex out with a new guy. Trust me, she will do to him exactly what she did to you in time. It’ll be even worse if he marries her. Celebrate him as he took a bullet for you.

[Anonymous 1]

Anonymous wrote:

It does hurt to see an ex out with a new guy. Trust me, she will do to him exactly what she did to you in time

This is how I saw it with my ex – a huge problem offloaded on some poor sucker.

[Prefer Peace to PieceParticipant 10809]

Think about how she emotionally abused you and manipulated you. Think about how many times she refused to have sex with you. Think about how your love towards her was never returned and was trampled.

Now think about the new guy. He is now the recipient of her abusive behavior. That new guy could be you. Thank God you are out of that hell hole.

We tend to play mind games. “Wouldn’t it be great if we were together and she loved me?”
That’s not reality. She never treated you well. She never loved you. You deserve better.

What you are going through is quite normal. All of us have probably stayed in a bad relationship too long hoping it would change. The good news is it will get better. As time goes by you will tolerate less and less abusive behavior from women. Thanks.

[Anonymous 54]

This means that you have a big heart. That you are human.When the logical brain makes a decision ,the heart and emotions take a while to catch up. Give it time.Most of us have probably been there. I know I have.

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22641]

You are looking for someone to spend time with whom cares and respect you. That is not being blue bill in your core, that is being human with feelings and needs.

Being blue bill is accepting the bulls~~~ from women and others for a relationship that does not really exist and is just a long term con as your expense.

You are not blue pill. Just making the top post, and asking for advise, proves you know better.

Most women and many men in this present age never grew passed the emotional maturity of between ten to sixteen year olds. Not wanting to have anything to do with such people is a natural reaction by sane, emotionally mature adults.

But, longing for friendships due to lack of options in mature adult interactions is also natural.

What you should worry about is if you ever stop have feelings in your core. Because then you are worse than dead. Because even the dead can care.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Hey man, you’re

1) on a path of self-improvement, which is f~~~ing hard in and of itself,
2) working against millions of years of biology, and
3) pushing back against daily social programming, that’s been around for generations.

Yup, it’s hard. It’s supposed to be. The mountain is steep, but the view is out of this world.

[Anonymous 9]

DeepInThought wrote:

treznik87 wrote:

What angers me the most is the fact she treated me / our relationship like CRAP – I was never a priority, she was emotionally abusive, manipulative, cared only for her needs and was avoiding sex with me… when i look back i can say she has 8/10 signs of being a pathological narcissist.

And now the new guy is getting exactly that. Think about it objectively, you aren’t missing anything!

This.

OP the only thing you’re probably missing is the sex. Other than that think about what she offers you?

Women can not move on without carrying baggage from past relationships. I’m willing to bet she’s lashing at at the new guy over the same s~~~ you experienced, but now that you’re gone it’s more than likely worse.

[Anonymous 1]

The players may change, but the game remains the same.

[Author]

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