Letting go

[Jack HarperParticipant 2863]

Quell wrote:

We’ve all been exactly where you are my friend. One day you are living your life in a certain familiar reality. Things are comfortable for you then one day your current outlook on life is changed suddenly. You find yourself alone and your biggest and most familiar life connection is gone.

I’ll be honest with you, it fricken sucks. It will suck for along time, day in and day out it will suck.

Then little by little you get used to your new situation and the old life you once knew, specifically, the old “you” you once knew will begin to fade away.

My advice from going through a very painful experience after an LTR dumped me.

1) Move out of your current home or apartment. Subconsciously, being around your old life is not healthy. Way too many memories. It’s even worse if you lived together. I wish I would have done that earlier.

2) Do not contact her whatsoever. Delete her from your social media. She chose to leave you. You must have enough dignity to accept that and not enable her. This woman chose to hurt you.

3) She will come back at some point. It will be a random text or email on a Tuesday at work. Whether you like it or not, she does miss you. You were a big part of her life and an emotional attachment. You can’t cut those emotional responses out of your psyche that easily. When she does come back, DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE HER. Women breakup in stages. It takes them awhile to settle on their decision. First they breakup, then they come back, then they breakup again once they finally get you and the thought of missing you out of their system.

4) Hit the gym and start eating better. Do a little bit every day but don’t overdo it. It’s good for your mental outlook.

5) Remember to eat and if you are not sleeping well go get some temporary sleeping pills from a doctor. My sleep patterns were majorly disrupted after a bad breakup. Looking back my mind was a mess. Not sleeping well screwed me up even further.

6) Do not drink or rely on drugs. Bad move all around and will lead you into an even deeper hole to climb out of.

7) Do not date or think Tinder is some kind of magic rebound tool. It will depress you and even if you do meet someone you will be comparing her to your ex. I would wait at least 1 year before dating or pump and dumping again.

8) Hang out with your mates. Enjoy reconnecting with your buddies when you can. If you have good connections with your family lean on them for some support.

9) Engage in old hobbies or take up a few one. Once again, don’t over do it. Try one small thing you’ve always wanted to do and do it.

10) Drive… one of the most therapeutic things I’ve always done is just get in my car and drive to “see what I can see”. It helps me think and gets me away from my trigger points in my city. Do not visit old places where you and her used to go. They are dead, leave them be.

It will eventually be ok. I will be honest with you though; she will never completely go away. You will think about her often for the rest of your life, even if you do find someone better along the road. Something people never acknowledge is that we all think of our exes often, both men and women. The emotional bond is always there. It will take you at least 2 years to be decently okay again and about 3-4 years to move on with your life.

It does indeed get better in time. Hang in there bud.

This is some amazing insight and advice right here. Parallels my own experience exactly. I just don’t agree with the part about possibly finding someone ‘new’. As MGTOW after taking the red pill I think we have to accept we won’t be able to see women the same ever again. But the rest is gold, man.

[MaddladParticipant 765]

Jack nailed it as far as im concerned.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

It’s hard, but doable. I’ve tasted it for sweet moments… The joy of being free of c~~~. UNC~~~ED as Stealthy used to say. It’s a process, you need distance, you need to be able to pat yourself on the back, you need lulls in the difficulties you face, you know, good moments where you can feel good about your own experience, and just be you own best pal. I know this may sound a little weird, but say, if I’m alone in the woods walking, I’ll talk to myself in my head like I’ll answer my own questions the way I’d want a good buddy to answer them, and yet it’s ME doing the talking. Yeah, a good dog is nice too if you have the space to keep it happy and outside enough, spend time with it. Guys here with good-boy dogs know their value… A dog is an amazing companion. A good one, that is. No bitches, no unicorns, it’s all smoke and mirrors. You know a NAWALT are unicorns of a temporary nature. Sooner or later there is the Exit Tax to pay , as I’ve said before. We’ve got an Exit Tax here in Canada, so if you want to leave the country , say bye bye for good, and take your cash with you… You will have to pay the Exit Tax. NAWALT make you pay an exit tax too at the end. sucks.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[QuellParticipant 2538]

Billy&The Cloneasaurus wrote:

@quell I appreciate your response, thank you. The biggest thing I need to implement is to take better care of myself. I’m not doing great on that front, but that’s depression for you.

100% spot on regarding women breaking up in stages. She already did this to me, so I essentially had to go through it twice.

I know things will get better eventually, but it was over a decade together and we have kids so I can’t completely delete her from my life.

I appreciate the comments from you all.

A decade is a long period of time Billy, heck maybe even 1/4 of your life if you are 40 years old for example.

Think of it this way: We simply morph into different versions of ourselves from the day we are born until the day we die. The “You” at age 15 had a very different life than the “You” at age 47 or the “You” at age 78.

This decade long version of you has just ended and it will be a transition to the next version of “You” is awaiting to begin. It is sad to see it go; your relationship was like a warm blanket. It was always there for you until it wasn’t.

The worst thing I’ve done in my life is ponder what could have been. I’m naturally creative and overthink everything. I used to get so down on myself for failing at this or that. It would eat me up.

I now try to look at life now more as a journey that I can’t control nearly as much as I think I can. I don’t even view money the same way anymore. When I lose it in the stock market or spend it I don’t view it from the standpoint of ownership. It’s all just some number in a bank account to me now.

So many unknown and unpredictable things happen in life that will derail your plans lickity split. Just accept the new change even if you have to call it a failure… accept it because it has already happened. More often than not you will lose more times than you win in life, that’s just the way it is. Nobody wins 100% of the time. Cherish your victories when you can but don’t dwell on your defeats. You are just punishing yourself by mulling over it constantly.

Like I said, I would move to a new city or home and start over fresh. A decade of memories is nothing to scoff at. Also ignore any idiot on here or in your personal life that says “Get over it.” No. It doesn’t work that way, it takes time to change your behavioral, mental and emotional state.

[foghornleghornParticipant 3449]

You don’t need a kick in the ass man. What you are feeling is normal. Even MGTOW deal with loneliness.

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