Letting go

[Anonymous 54]

Aw..now you got me feelin bad. I was just trying to fill Old Bills Shoes.
I gotta tell ya though..yeah Ive been there. But Im not there now.
Reading all your sad posts makes me want to scream Snap out of it at you.
It just takes time I suppose.

[Anonymous 12]

Billy&The Cloneasaurus wrote:

Can one of you guys give me a kick in the ass please?I need it.

Homework for today titled:
Why i am here
without going on a Rage fueled Rant, please list 5 bulletpoints why Your ex is Your ex.
5 Points, one sentence each.

[FunInTheSunParticipant 8283]

Billy&The Cloneasaurus wrote:

I’m really struggling with my past relationship right now. I miss her a lot.

It’s natural to miss someone. I think you’re missing the GOOD TIMES you had with her, not the negative stuff that led to your breakup. I don’t think you should try to force yourself to forget about her. It will happen naturally as you focus your attention on your hobbies, goals, and other aspects of your life that are meaningful to you.

Don’t sweat it, bro! Romantic relationships are wonderful to experience, but remember: life has a lot of other experiences that are amazing too.

And if you get to the point where you want to try dating again, you may find that some women are more fun to be around and easier to deal with than your ex.

"I saw that there comes a point, in the defeat of any man of virtue, when his own consent is needed for evil to win-and that no manner of injury done to him by others can succeed if he chooses to withhold his consent. I saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ‘No.’" (Atlas Shrugged)

[JVBParticipant]

No need for a kick in the ass bro. Reality is she’s not thinking about you and has moved on. Now so do you. Good luck bro.

Peace is > piece.

[AwakenedParticipant 35202]

Jack Harper wrote:

I still struggle sometimes too. Remind yourself of this truth; it’s not really her you miss but the fantasy you projected onto her. That person on your mind never actually existed. It’s hard and I still have to remind myself as well. We miss and/or long for something, a type of woman that really just doesn’t exist. It’s gotten easier for me over the last 4 years and I think it will continue to get easier. It was just a dream. Some parts pleasant, some parts not so much. But you took the red pill and the dream is over now. You’re awake.

READ^^^^^^^READ^^^^^^^^^^READ^^^^^^^READ^^^^^^^^^BELIEVE^^^^^^^^^^^BELIEVE^^
BELIEVE^^^^^^^^^BELIVE”””””””””””TRUTH^^^^^^^^^^TRUTH^^^^^^^TRUTH^^^^^^^^^^^TRUTH^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Anonymous 42]

Anonymous wrote:

Homework for today titled:
Why i am here
without going on a Rage fueled Rant, please list 5 bulletpoints why Your ex is Your ex.
5 Points, one sentence each.

I can do all that with allot less explanation and straight to the point!

Here’s my novel on the issues at hand:

C~~~!

[Anonymous 12]

I got some Headwind when i showed my Mgtow Tattoo to the local Guys.
But Every day when i see my ugly Mug, i also see the Symbol.
And i remember.

It is also a good idea to Challenge the good and bad memories –
There are Memories that we cherish.
Not everything is bad.

Pain can be a helper, sadness a reminder of us being humans.
stay strong. stay human.
You are allowed to.

[SkeptiskParticipant 3679]

Westcoasttrendkill wrote:

It was about 11 years ago when I was stupid and weak. I strung her along for months before caving and officially getting back together. One of the worst mistakes I ever made.

The anal was definitely fun at the time, but not worth it in the long run. At least she hated it as much as I loved it.

And what do you think she was doing the months you were “stringing” her along? She was never alone at any time.

"Expecting to find a decent woman on a dating site is like dumpster diving and expecting to come out with a gourmet meal." Won'tGetFooledAgain

[WPLParticipant 2390]

It’ll get better with time. I know this sounds dismissive, but it’s the truth. Even when you think that you’re over the pain, things will creep in and remind you of the good times and you’ll start to miss her — but as time passes, this happens with less frequency. In the meanwhile, do what brings you happiness. Focus on that as much as you can.

[Anonymous 0]

She lied and cheated on you then and she will lie and cheat on you now. That goes for any woman.
There is another MGTOW that lives a few hours north of you. Pick up a case of beer and go talk to him. He’s a good man.

[ghostParticipant]

Do you miss wearing the handcuffs? How about the assault charge?

Do you really want her back after Chad has touched her?

[WestcoasttrendkillParticipant 234]

Skeptisk wrote:

Westcoasttrendkill wrote:

It was about 11 years ago when I was stupid and weak. I strung her along for months before caving and officially getting back together. One of the worst mistakes I ever made.

The anal was definitely fun at the time, but not worth it in the long run. At least she hated it as much as I loved it.

And what do you think she was doing the months you were “stringing” her along? She was never alone at any time.

You’re absolutely right. Like I said, I was young, stupid, and weak. Sometimes the only way to learn is to get burned. I was fortunate enough to never have been trapped with a ring or diapers. If any of the young guys are reading this, NEVER get back with an ex-girlfriend. Never!

[Billy&The CloneasaurusParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

She lied and cheated on you then and she will lie and cheat on you now. That goes for any woman.
There is another MGTOW that lives a few hours north of you. Pick up a case of beer and go talk to him. He’s a good man.

Yeah man, he’s a really good dude. He calls me every now and again to see how I’m doing. 100% solid guy.

I appreciate the comments from you all. It’s funny how the mind filters out all the bad s~~~ i.e, reality, and idealizes things. Hence the need for a MGTOW reality check.

The answer, is no.

[KaidoParticipant 2395]

Women have multiple personalities. Their moods are all over the place. Don’t fall for her bulls~~~ anymore. Move on and evolve!

What people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle. Rise above. Focus on science.

[DocParticipant]

Billy – I totally understand.
I miss my ex but I honestly don’t know why.
She is emotionally unstable even by women’s standards.
She often cries when she’s over at mine collecting or dropping the kids.

I am thankful that I don’t have to be part of that vortex of emotional instability.

I often find myself missing her but then I reality check myself and go through things in my head asking heather is it exactly that I miss.
It makes it easier but I still miss her.

But there is so much self development going on right now I am happy things have turned out like they have.
Had she not thrown me out and forced the divorce I would be a miserable cucked husband to an emootnally unstable, never satisfied women who I would chase my tail trying and failing to please.

So I please myself now and heal a bit more each day.
I know we discussed my pain on the thread I put up 24 hours ago. Thanks for posting there Brother.

I’m returning your advice That you gave me I guess – hang in there brother becaause we are suffering together and that makes it a bit easier to handle.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Anonymous 2]

The problem with longing for past relationships that went sour is that you remember that “honeymoon period” where things were new and exciting and you want to recapture that magic and make it last forever. It NEVER works that way. As relationships go on, you start to see the person’s true character, because now they are no longer hiding their flaws to rope you in. Usually what happens is you eventually break up with them, and look for a new woman, telling yourself “THIS time is going to be different! This time I’m going to find a woman who gives me that excitement of the honeymokn period every day!”, and then repeat the cycle all over again.

Accepting the fact that expecting a relationship where the honeymoon period lasts forever is unrealistic is a tough pill for many to swallow. Pop culture always pushes this narrative of “finding the perfect partner”, and we constantly see television shows and movies that portray couples with that perfect relationship of undying love, and it makes us feel like we’re pessimists if we admit that the reality is that such a relationship really doesn’t exist.

The problem for men is that we’re expected to bring a lot more to the table, so we take all the risk. A marriage is nothing but a legal agreement that allows the government to come in and force you to hand over your money, assets, parental rights, and future salary to your woman whenever she decides she no longer has any interest in being with you.

If you know that marriage is a s~~~ deal, why bother with relationships. The woman will ALWAYS want the relationship to eventually lead to marriage. Stick to one night stands.

[QuellParticipant 2538]

We’ve all been exactly where you are my friend. One day you are living your life in a certain familiar reality. Things are comfortable for you then one day your current outlook on life is changed suddenly. You find yourself alone and your biggest and most familiar life connection is gone.

I’ll be honest with you, it fricken sucks. It will suck for along time, day in and day out it will suck.

Then little by little you get used to your new situation and the old life you once knew, specifically, the old “you” you once knew will begin to fade away.

My advice from going through a very painful experience after an LTR dumped me.

1) Move out of your current home or apartment. Subconsciously, being around your old life is not healthy. Way too many memories. It’s even worse if you lived together. I wish I would have done that earlier.

2) Do not contact her whatsoever. Delete her from your social media. She chose to leave you. You must have enough dignity to accept that and not enable her. This woman chose to hurt you.

3) She will come back at some point. It will be a random text or email on a Tuesday at work. Whether you like it or not, she does miss you. You were a big part of her life and an emotional attachment. You can’t cut those emotional responses out of your psyche that easily. When she does come back, DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE HER. Women breakup in stages. It takes them awhile to settle on their decision. First they breakup, then they come back, then they breakup again once they finally get you and the thought of missing you out of their system.

4) Hit the gym and start eating better. Do a little bit every day but don’t overdo it. It’s good for your mental outlook.

5) Remember to eat and if you are not sleeping well go get some temporary sleeping pills from a doctor. My sleep patterns were majorly disrupted after a bad breakup. Looking back my mind was a mess. Not sleeping well screwed me up even further.

6) Do not drink or rely on drugs. Bad move all around and will lead you into an even deeper hole to climb out of.

7) Do not date or think Tinder is some kind of magic rebound tool. It will depress you and even if you do meet someone you will be comparing her to your ex. I would wait at least 1 year before dating or pump and dumping again.

8) Hang out with your mates. Enjoy reconnecting with your buddies when you can. If you have good connections with your family lean on them for some support.

9) Engage in old hobbies or take up a few one. Once again, don’t over do it. Try one small thing you’ve always wanted to do and do it.

10) Drive… one of the most therapeutic things I’ve always done is just get in my car and drive to “see what I can see”. It helps me think and gets me away from my trigger points in my city. Do not visit old places where you and her used to go. They are dead, leave them be.

It will eventually be ok. I will be honest with you though; she will never completely go away. You will think about her often for the rest of your life, even if you do find someone better along the road. Something people never acknowledge is that we all think of our exes often, both men and women. The emotional bond is always there. It will take you at least 2 years to be decently okay again and about 3-4 years to move on with your life.

It does indeed get better in time. Hang in there bud.

[Billy&The CloneasaurusParticipant]

@quell I appreciate your response, thank you. The biggest thing I need to implement is to take better care of myself. I’m not doing great on that front, but that’s depression for you.

100% spot on regarding women breaking up in stages. She already did this to me, so I essentially had to go through it twice.

I know things will get better eventually, but it was over a decade together and we have kids so I can’t completely delete her from my life.

I appreciate the comments from you all.

The answer, is no.

[RedDawnParticipant 1391]

Jack Harper is really on the money here.

Romance is a delusion, fantasising about someone who isn’t as we think they are. It’s predicated on our emotional need for security and this delusion helps us alay our anxiety, though this comes at a long term price. Personally, the loneliest times in my life were when I was with people who made me feel alone (gf’s). I’d recommend doing some people watching to assist you in being grateful for being single. See the faces of defeat on the married men in the mall and maybe you’ll feel a little better.

It’s OK to have thoughts of missing someone, but that doesn’t mean you have to act on your thoughts or identify with them. I personally have days where I fantasize about sex with my ex. But would I ever get back with her? Never.

Being in control is not about never having thoughts we are averse to, it’s about choosing whether to act on them based on our own logic.

To be in control means you first become concious of your thoughts, with this awareness you actively make the decision to say no to engaging in a certain behaviours.

So in your instance you can learn to be more cognizant of the thoughts of you missing your ex, but then you can tell yourself that, that’s OK and you need not punish yourself by getting back with her, the feeling will pass.

Lastly, I use the urinal metaphor from Tom Leykis to detach from women. You use the urinal and then go about your business, no point in getting emotionally attached to them. We know how that works out. We can save our vulnerability for friends or therapists.

Courage is the key to life itself - Morgan Freeman

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Billy&The Cloneasaurus wrote:

I’m an idealist. I have a hard time facing reality on its own terms.

I’m really struggling with my past relationship right now. I miss her a lot. I know that makes me sound like a simp, f~~~ sakes, but it’s a reality for me.

Can one of you guys give me a kick in the ass please?

I need it.

You need time.
I was there twice.
The first time I was alone and I filled the void with another woman and she f~~~ed me over big time.
The second time I would have caved, but I had heart issues and was offline for almost 6 months. During that time I found MGTOW.com and learned a lot of things. It just takes time to get used to being alone. It’s a huge adjustment. My advice is hunker down like you would in a storm. You will get used to the silence, then you will love it and wonder how you ever lived in the clatter of a woman’s shadow.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[Author]

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