Just got threatened with violence – Did I do the right thing? -Need advice

[Anonymous 11]

@bd: I lost my mom to a stroke 6 years ago. She was in bad health for about a year and a half. You can’t abandon her. It’s not right.

Sidecar is right too. Your cousin is the force behind this. The disrespect shown to you was unreal.

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3725]

Thanks guys, I really have to say that this has helped hugely to make me feel better. I was feeling pretty alone there for a while except for my kid who unfortunately had to witness all of this.

I have an update too.

I called mom to let her know what was up, figuring that she’s be pretty upset with the cousin for threatening her son. Instead she said said she still hadn’t forgiven me for what I did to her place (she insists it was fine) and she hoped he would beat me up.

Again, this in on speakerphone with her granddaughter listening.

I think I’m done. I’m a little stupified since these cousins NEVER come to visit her, never call. She only sees them once a year when I take the time and effort to load her and her wheelchair/walker into the car, pick up her granddaughter, listen to her complain about my driving for 40 miles (each way), and then deal with helping a disabled person over unpaved dirt and gravel from the car to the house, fix a plate for her, get a lap blanket because she cold, etc etc etc.

I’m done.

I don’t deserve this and I’m just done being the good son. I honestly thought my own mother would care enough to lend a sympatheic ear when cousins we only see once a year start being abusive.

She can enjoy Sunday dinners and future thanksgiving with her cat from now on.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[Anonymous 11]

No good deed goes unpunished. It really is a shame. People who hoard are just wired that way and freak whenever their hoards are disturbed. I’d just give it some space and let things cool.

Whenever someone gets angry at me, my attitude is that they’ll get over it. Many times they are just trying to manipulate us.

I’ve got a hoarder friend who brings me old computer parts. I toss them right after he leaves. I really don’t care about ISA anymore.

[NeroParticipant 1466]

I gave you sound advice, and I stand by it. I am sorry, though.

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3725]

Nero wrote:

I gave you sound advice, and I stand by it. I am sorry, though.

Thanks bro – it’s good advice and I will heed it.

I think what really hurts the most is that they honestly think I was just goofing off on facebook or something like that. They have no concept that someone might use a lobby internet connection to vpn into the corp net, and then connect to a sever that has a problem, diagnose and fix it during the only available and agreed to downtime.

Or lose my job basically.

That’s the part that hurts is that they honestly think I’m a bad person because their poor mom came all that way to help me and I Was on facebook or something.

I was doing real, actual, work.

It just sucks. Your family is supposed to care about you and this is what you get.

At least my Dad understood. His advice was the same – just walk away.

I love my Dad. Always been there for me, even when my mom made it hell. I was glad I could be there for him too when he needed it.

Thanks guys.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[Big BossParticipant 4496]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

So cut to a couple weeks later, the cousin’s son texts me threats because I took 20 minutes out of the 2 hours his mom was there helping to handle a work crisis. Threatens me with physical violence and sends extremely demeaning comments.

20 minutes. I was on call, working on about 3 hours sleep (BEFORE we started cleaning), and out of sick leave. This is an IT job. It was basically do the work when it had to be done, or I’m out of a job.

For this her son first texts then calls me up and threatens to “grind my face into the pavement” for the heinous crime of taking 20 minutes to save my job while his mom was out there helping me.

I told him I would call the police if he took any action.

You should have a block call option. Or just ignore his calls. Let him text you all that crazy s~~~ and report it to the cops with the text evidence.

[Tiga KParticipant 1693]

Sounds like he is too alpha for you…

Just kidding! You’ve definetly done the right thing. If your family wants you back, they can give you a sincere apology at least. On the bright side, I suppose this serves as an opportunity to show your kid how to handle these situations properly. I wish you luck with however this plays out.

[Anonymous 54]

You deserve better.

[IAmManParticipant 228]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

Instead she said said she still hadn’t forgiven me for what I did to her place (she insists it was fine) and she hoped he would beat me up.

That’s terrible. I’m sad to hear that she said that to you man. No matter what s~~~ she’s done in the past, that would hurt even me to hear. I hope you’re taking that in stride.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

I would have done that except it was at like 8:00 at night and the hospital said my mom might get out the next day so it was “now or never” and that left me with only one option. The building was going to evict her if something wasn’t done and there’s no way we could do it if she was there.

Yeah, a tight sudden timetable like that does kind of suck. So did you do anything to thank your cousin for even the small amount of time she was there? You really should have even though she wasn’t nearly as much help as she could have been. And if you did then her kid is seriously off base for threatening you.

What’s you current transportation situation? If dealing with your mother’s hoarding is going to be an ongoing thing for you, you might want to get a cheap trailer or something you can tow from whatever vehicle you have. Even a little one would help, especially if you start incrementally eliminating the hoard while your mother isn’t looking: a load here, a load there…

Grumpy wrote:

Give no warning or signal of your intent. Just do it, then the law will handle it.

In many places you can’t legally record a phone conversation without letting the other party know. I don’t know what the law is about recording voicemails, so maybe it’s better to let every call from him go to voicemail and record that. The police aren’t going to take seriously any reports from a man about threats without something like a recorded conversation to go on. You need some sort of proof anyways for a restraining order, and a restraining order really is the way to go here, because once that’s in place you don’t need to tell the police anything: he shows up and he gets arrested and that’s it. If things escalate to where it’s a choice between calling the police or dealing with him yourself, well then things have gone too far because there’s a good chance you’ll be arrested as well at that point.

Which is why the best course of action really is the no contact restraining order. It tells the little bastard in a very definite way to knock his s~~~ off, and if he doesn’t listen, well then it’s very cut and dry what happens to him next. And if you do end up having to deal with him yourself anyways it shows the courts that you really were trying your best to give him every chance not to go there, making any additional legal trouble for you very unlikely.

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

I called mom to let her know what was up, figuring that she’s be pretty upset with the cousin for threatening her son. Instead she said said she still hadn’t forgiven me for what I did to her place (she insists it was fine) and she hoped he would beat me up.

Seriously? Is there anything that ties you to her other than blood?

If not, then f~~~ her. Walk the f~~~ away, no f~~~s given. Let her learn to appreciate what you only used to do for her by not doing it any more.

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

At least my Dad understood. His advice was the same – just walk away.

Your dad is a wise man. Wise enough that I’m guessing he also walked the f~~~ away from her some years ago.

[uchibenkeiParticipant 7965]

tell him to come over so you can beat the s~~~ out of him. if he comes over, beat the s~~~ out of him. if he doesn’t, send his demeaning comments right back at him.

I bathe in the tears of single moms.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

uchibenkei wrote:

tell him to come over so you can beat the s~~~ out of him. if he comes over, beat the s~~~ out of him. if he doesn’t, send his demeaning comments right back at him.

That would only get Biggvs arrested, because for all his cousin’s kid’s tough talk, I guarantee the little bitch would be the first to call the police on Biggvs should Biggvs kick his ass.

Send all his calls to voicemail. Record the voicemails. Use them to get a restraining order. Then, if the kid really is an idiot and escalates, Biggvs can call the police, proceed to kick his ass, AND THEN hand it over to the police when they show up for further butthurt. Scott free. Then sue his ass in civil court. And always remember, using the law as a blunt instrument to bludgeon him is the soft option.

[$$$Crenshaw1118Participant 516]

I agree with sideca. I’m sure this bitch blew the whole situation out of proportion. I’d have to say she went home crying to her son that the whole time she was there helping that you never lifted a finger to do anything. I can pretty much bet my left nut on it. As we all know how bitches like to take credit for everything.

[Deadly RaverParticipant]

Call the cops. Let them deal with Mr. tough guy. He’ll take the bass out of his voice when he realizes he might get locked up for barking too loud. After that, Block him and your cousin’s number on your phone and do not respond to them if someone else asks on their behalf. Get a restraining order if you have to.

Learn from the past, Control the present, and you will know the Future.

[hansmolemanParticipant 194]

What the f~~~…

Your family is f~~~ed up dude.

[uchibenkeiParticipant 7965]

sidecar wrote:

uchibenkei wrote:

tell him to come over so you can beat the s~~~ out of him. if he comes over, beat the s~~~ out of him. if he doesn’t, send his demeaning comments right back at him.

That would only get Biggvs arrested, because for all his cousin’s kid’s tough talk, I guarantee the little bitch would be the first to call the police on Biggvs should Biggvs kick his ass.

Send all his calls to voicemail. Record the voicemails. Use them to get a restraining order. Then, if the kid really is an idiot and escalates, Biggvs can call the police, proceed to kick his ass, AND THEN hand it over to the police when they show up for further butthurt. Scott free. Then sue his ass in civil court. And always remember, using the law as a blunt instrument to bludgeon him is the soft option.

i was half joking, but if he came over after a heated texting exchange, self defense would be easy to claim. but the kid is just a loud mouth and i doubt he would do anything.

I bathe in the tears of single moms.

[Author]

Posts