Just got threatened with violence – Did I do the right thing? -Need advice

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3726]

A couple weeks ago a cousin helped me clean out my mom’s hoarder place when I begged her for help. My mom was in the hospital (respiratory due to home conditions) and she(the cousin) was the only person with a truck. Also she’s our only family in the area and I needed the cleanout to be by family consensus since it was without my mom’s consent or knowledge.

She helped for about 2 hours and a single trip to storage and then bailed saying she was too tired. My 13 yr old and I spent the next 5 hours working and hauling until 3am to get it to some level of livability.

So cut to a couple weeks later, the cousin’s son texts me threats because I took 20 minutes out of the 2 hours his mom was there helping to handle a work crisis. Threatens me with physical violence and sends extremely demeaning comments.

20 minutes. I was on call, working on about 3 hours sleep (BEFORE we started cleaning), and out of sick leave. This is an IT job. It was basically do the work when it had to be done, or I’m out of a job.

For this her son first texts then calls me up and threatens to “grind my face into the pavement” for the heinous crime of taking 20 minutes to save my job while his mom was out there helping me.

I told him I would call the police if he took any action. I pay taxes, that’s what their there for. He went ballistic and made all kinds of demeaning comments about my manhood – all while my kid was listening on the phone. That wasn’t intentional, he called while we were driving and it automatically goes to speaker phone – hands free, etc.

There really isn’t any more to this story either – I’m just about as bewildered by it as anyone, and my kid was even more confused and in tears.

Any advice?

I feel like I’ve been s~~~ upon from all directions. This is a guy I used to go fishing and drinking with, and we have thanksgiving dinner at their house ever year, but that’s obviously not happening any more.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[DarkRyuParticipant 2354]

Any advice? Any ADVICE?! Cut that s~~~ from your life. Your hoarder mother, your lazy ass cousin, and her crazy ass kid. Who needs that kind of s~~~ in their life?

In order to survive, you’ve got to remove all the bad influences and bulls~~~ from your life. I recently cut out my sister because…well…I don’t want to talk about it. But I did so without hesitation. I’m thinking about cutting out my mom too, but so far she’s behaving okay so I’m content to leave things as they are unless they get out of hand.

Family can be real piles of s~~~. You choose your friends, you choose your enemies, but you’re f~~~ing stuck with whatever losers your family ends up being. That is, unless you cut them all off. That’s what I’ve done. I now speak to no one in my family except my mother. And we’ll see how long that lasts…

[Anonymous 11]

It’s hard to shake family especially one’s mother. Her son is a jerk and a loose cannon. Telling him you would call the police if he did anything was the right way to handle it and defuse the situation.

I’ve caught flack for taking IT calls from my family and friends. It’s usually those with regular 9-5 blue collar jobs that have this attitude. We’ve chosen this as a career, and being on call is part of the job. I’m sure our MD members know the pain too. Hell, 20 minutes is not bad. I would have told the little bastard he’s lucky that I did not end up working 40 hours straight handling an IT disaster. His actions were selfish and uncalled for.

My best one was being called right as the priest was doing the graveside rites at my cousin’s funeral. I was very popular with my family that day. My brother-in-law was the only one who stood up for me. I’ve handled calls in a sea kayak a mile and a half from land too.

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Call police? Threatens you?

Do you really need to deal with them, ever?

Rent a truck for example. I would think that you have known them for long enough to know them.

I wouldn’t consider them to be family from what you have stated.

Peace brothers

[anonymousyamParticipant 4605]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

Any advice?

1 Cut that s~~~ out of your life you don’t need that.

2 If the person tries to grind your face in the pavement then you need to be ready to kick his ass or if you can’t then you must shoot him (in self defense of course).

These are your 2 options

Just an east coast asshole who likes to curse, If you get offended by words like fuck, cunt, shit, piss, bitch or any racial slurs then you just scroll down.

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3726]

DorkShit wrote:

I wouldn’t consider them to be family from what you have stated.

Well, at this point I think you’re right.

Also, bear in mind, his mom clearly didn’t do anything to diffuse the situation.

I’m just pretty shaken up. Not because of the threats. After I said I would call the police, amazingly he offered a compromise that I simply “stay away” from now on. But not before he bereated my manhood repeatedly because apparently “real” men settle their problems with threats and violence.

I told him I would be happy to stay away.

I’m still shaken though – it hurts when someone who you’ve spent many thinksgivings with suddenly does something like this.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3726]

anonymousyam wrote:

If the person tries to grind your face in the pavement then you need to be ready to kick his ass or if you can’t then you must shoot him (in self defense of course).

Hopefully it won’t come to that, I have the means to defend myself if need be, but it’s pretty unsettling when someone you’ve known for years suddenly makes grave threats, and within earshot of my kid.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[Prefer Peace to PieceParticipant 10809]

Kudos on keeping your wits about you. I understand about being in call. Hey, it’s your job.
I’m often gone for days at a time.

Families can be a drag sometimes. Been there. I think you handled the situation well. The little bastard you dealt with was way out of line.

You want people in your life that add value. You are kind of stuck with your mom to a degree. But the little tyrant is treading on thin ice.

Go have a drink somewhere and forget it. Good luck.

[sidecarParticipant 35862]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

So cut to a couple weeks later, the cousin’s son texts me threats because I took 20 minutes out of the 2 hours his mom was there helping to handle a work crisis. Threatens me with physical violence and sends extremely demeaning comments.

I suspect that was your cousin speaking through her son. She was whining to her kid for sympathy and attention, he took it seriously, he white knighted up, jumped on his high horse, and now you know both their true characters.

Any advice?

Check your local laws, and if permitted, record every conversation with the jackass going forward. The next time he threatens you, get a restraining order / no contact order against him. If he escalates, call the police and get his ass arrested. Give no f~~~s whatsoever.

And next time rent a pickup from U-Haul for a day. It’s easier than dealing with relatives like that.

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3726]

sidecar wrote:

And next time rent a pickup from U-Haul for a day. It’s easier than dealing with relatives like that.

I would have done that except it was at like 8:00 at night and the hospital said my mom might get out the next day so it was “now or never” and that left me with only one option. The building was going to evict her if something wasn’t done and there’s no way we could do it if she was there.

It really stuck me in a s~~~ty position. And ya, he is kind of a piece of s~~~ for not even asking for my side of the story. Even with the information he had that was totally uncalled for.

Thanks guys – even when you know you’re in the right, it’s still nice to have an outside perspective to confirm it.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[NeroParticipant 1466]

@op: That’s what happens when (a) you have a woman help you do something physical, and (b) she raised a mangina for a son.

[Anonymous 42]

Drama trash needs to be abolished in every corner of your life. That was not only abuse, it was CONDONED abuse! You owe them NOTHING! Not even an excuse! Never make an excuse and you owe no apology, you’re dealing with petty tyrants.

They earned a one way ticket to adios amigo!

Biggvs_Dickvs, I know you mean well but cleaning up after someone else really shouldn’t be any of your business, you’ll be hated and ridiculed for butting in.

No good deed goes unpunished, don’t they teach you ivy league at least that? The nicer the deed the greater the punishment!

[GrumpyParticipant]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

apparently “real” men settle their problems with threats and violence.

I have never settled a damn thing with me uttering a threat, nor when anyone uttered a threat to me. Threats are just posturing of a coward trying to intimidate others IMHO.

Violence will always settle the initial conflict. The degree one is willing to perform violence, and the after effects of the violence is a different story.
Perhaps, I am not a “real man” < chuckles here>
IMHO,
below is the best advice.

sidecar wrote:

he next time he threatens you, get a restraining order / no contact order against him. If he escalates, call the police and get his ass arrested. Give no f~~~s whatsoever.

Give no warning or signal of your intent. Just do it, then the law will handle it.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[NeroParticipant 1466]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

I’m still shaken though – it hurts when someone who you’ve spent many thinksgivings with suddenly does something like this.

It only hurts because you care. They don’t care, that’s why they have no problem s~~~ting on you right now. Listen, I come from a white trash family. I have outgrown most of them. Sometimes you have to just take out the trash, white trash, that is. I’ve taken out plenty of trash over the years. I have no regrets about it at all.

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3726]

Anonymous wrote:

Biggvs_Dickvs, I know you mean well but cleaning up after someone else really shouldn’t be any of your business, you’ll be hated and ridiculed for butting in.

I should have mentioned that my mom is fairly severely disabled, mostly wheelchair bound (stroke). I’m all she’s got. Part of me wants to leave the whole s~~~ty situation behind, but she doesn’t have a lot of time left (84, bad health) and I didn’t feel like I could live with myself if I just ditched her.

You’re right though, the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” crossed my mind repeatedly while I was working in the wee hours of the night.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[Anonymous 24]

I personally would have gone apes~~~. I don’t deal with threats well. Your cousin’s kid was classic white knighting after she clearly bitched about you to him. It seems you have a calmer head than I, you are lucky. Get a restraining order, have your kid verify the s~~~ he said. Don’t hang out with that cousin anymore, nor attend family events where she or her son will be. As far as helping out your mother, I am not on the side of the fence of that being wrong.

That’s Joe’s advice-

[Anonymous 42]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

I should have mentioned that my mom is fairly severely disabled, mostly wheelchair bound (stroke). I’m all she’s got. Part of me wants to leave the whole s~~~ty situation behind, but she doesn’t have a lot of time left (84, bad health) and I didn’t feel like I could live with myself if I just ditched her.

You’re right though, the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” crossed my mind repeatedly while I was working in the wee hours of the night.

OK, I didn’t know that, I thought she was cognizant of her surroundings, keep doing whatever you have to do to live with yourself in the end.

Threatening violence is completely out of line and backs a man into a corner where he has to make an ugly decision. Keep your mom, lose the others, next time rent a truck. Peace….

[Silverstone the SecondParticipant]

I won’t give out any advice that I myself wouldn’t do.
-F~~~ those motherf~~~ers. Family can be assholes, you’re NOT stuck with them. If they’re being assholes, get rid of them. They take you for granted, and they need to know that if they treat you like s~~~, you’re not going to hang around and put up with that s~~~.
-You did the right thing. If he is a douche, get a gun and wait. If that’s enough to get his panties in a knot, don’t help do anything anymore. F~~~ em.

Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.

[IAmManParticipant 228]

Sucks to hear this happened to you. I get how that can shake you up to hear family talk to you like that. People do dumb stuff and sometimes they will never understand they were the one in the wrong. If you have a text from him that states a threat of violence then you have a golden ticket to send him to jail. There may be apps you can download that will allow you to record him if he calls you again. In this situation I do not recommend blocking his number. if you thought he would ever make good on a threat it is tactically advantageous to not block him. Sometimes visitations me are preceding by harassing texts or phone calls. Otherwise if he can’t hurt a fly then block him.

I applaud you for helping out family.

[HitmanParticipant]

bro, my family did similar to me.
i now limit seeing my elderly mother to twice a year.
i have as little to do with them as possible.
my kid is robbed of seeing them,
they showed me i can not trust them.
.
treat them like radioactive material,
limit exposure as much as possible.

[Author]

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