Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › Just found out I was cucked…happy new year!
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coolthingy450 8 months, 1 week ago.
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Hello MGTOWers,
My current girlfriend and I dated in college. We met Freshman year, and dated through Senior year. Four months after our college graduation in 2004, she told me that if I didn’t want to commit to her fully, she wanted to give other people a chance. I said that that would be ok, and she broke up with me and proceeded to date someone else (ironically named ‘Chad’) from October 2004 to March 2005. In March 2005, she reached out to me again, but I was dating someone new at the time so I told her I wasn’t available. That was the last time I heard from her for many years…
Fast forward to 2015, 11 years after we broke up. I get an email from her saying she just wanted to reach out and see how I was doing. I write back and say I’m ok. She then asks if we can talk on the phone. I acquiesce and say yes. She calls me and we catch up. In these 11 years, I learn that her relationship with Chad ended in March 2005, and that she then got married, and stayed married for 10 years, but that her marriage was currently on the rocks and she was separated. During the conversation, she asks if she can come see me, and again I say yes. The next day, she drove 10 hours to come see me where I live. We went to dinner after she arrived, and that night we f~~~ed for old time’s sake. A few days later, she left and went back home.
I thought that would be the end of it, but slowly but surely she became a more and more important part of my life. It began with more emails, then we started talking on the phone more often, we texted each other more often, I stopped dating other women, I stopped hanging out and talking with friends, until she basically became 95% of my entire social interactions, and established a long-distance relationship. Frequently, she would drive the 10 hours to come see me, and she supported me through difficult times in health and in losses of family members, most notably my dad.
Two days ago, on New Year’s Eve, we decided to drop acid together. During this trip, in the conversation, she admitted that she kissed Chad before breaking up with me. Although it was 14 years ago, I took this extremely personally and got very mad. For starters, she had repeatedly stated that ‘she has never cheated on anyone’ and I was ‘the love of her life, the person that she dreamed about during her marriage, and that I was the one.’ Instead, not only had she cheated within a relationship before, but she had cheated on me, the so-called ‘love of her life,’ and in fact, I was the only one that she had ever cheated on! So in my head, I went from being the ex-boyfriend who she loved the most, to the only person that she has ever cucked within a relationship.
Part of me wants to say that I’m overreacting, that it was ‘just a kiss’ and it took place over 14 years ago. But the more I think about it, the more this argument falls flat on its face; I have to trust her words that it was ‘just a kiss,’ and I have already established that she has lied to my face multiple times, so she could be lying about this as well. I am also incensed that she didn’t tell me for 14 years. She didn’t tell me when she broke up with me in 2004, she didn’t tell me when she reached back out in 2015, and only on New Year’s Day of 2019 did I finally find out. In the meantime, since we reconnected, we’ve been on trips to the beach, trips to mexico, she’s met my mother, and we’ve even tried to have kids. I would have done none of these things with her had I known she had cucked me.
I told her now that I needed some space and that we are broken up. She has been at my house crying basically since New Year’s Eve, apologizing repeatedly, and drowning her sorrows in cigarettes (she usually doesn’t smoke) and alcohol. She says that she is ‘done,’ that losing me means she’s lost all hope for being happy, all hope of having kids with me and starting a family, and she has said that she is suicidal.
Although she has been for the most part apologetic, she has on occasion thrown into my face that I have cheated on her as well, but I have pointed out that while I told her that I cheated on her immediately after each event, she waited for 14 years to tell me, and in the meantime lied to me repeatedly about her faithful nature.
I feel like an utter fool, taken advantage of and cucked hard. Basically, all the long term relationships that I have been in have cucked me at some point, and this was the only one that I thought had at least been faithful to me. This girl was the unicorn, the only girl who I had been with for a long amount of time who didn’t cuck me, but that illusion has been unraveled as well.
I now am at a crossroads, once again: one path is to forgive her, and stay with her, because we do greatly enjoy each other’s company, I do believe she loves me and cares about me, and because she is 95% of my social interactions. The other path is to dump her once and for all, because I value my own self-respect and my worth as a person, and I don’t want to be the cuck who accepts her back because I’m afraid to be alone and without friends. In my heart, I am leaning towards dumping her, because as much as I love her, I also love myself, and I would hate myself if I accepted forever being her cuck moving forwards.
I am afraid because I am 37, and I do want to have kids and a family, but I feel my runway is so much shorter now. I am relatively attractive, but my self-esteem is in the dumps, and finding out I was cucked has not contributed favorably to my own self-worth. I have been extremely depressed and even suicidal at times. I cringe at the thought of re-entering the dating pool, a dating pool where I am old, as well as obsolete, as I don’t want to use any apps to meet girls. I am afraid of the void that dropping her out of my life will entail, the complete absence of someone to talk to, and the lack of that support that she brings to the table within this relationship.
I expect this site to pretty much unanimously tell me to kick her to the curb. I welcome any thoughts and considerations as well as advice on how to move on and how to cope with being completely, utterly, and crushingly alone.
Thanks in advance.
You will receive a number of standard answers here… most focused on walking away. Mine may be a bit different.
While I think the best move is to just walk away, you have already made up your mind to try with this woman, and hey, go your own way, but realize you are asking for and advice on a site dedicated to avoiding cohabitation with women. You are going to receive that response.
You can read throughout this site, horror stories of relationships, and this one is horribly rocky before you have even begun. I suggest leaving it.
Though this whole thing does sound a bit fishy.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
It sounds like you have a severe case of one-itis. You have worked yourself up into believing that this woman is that special one and that you’re somehow meant to be together. Don’t fall into this trap. Your story is no different from a million others, where women contacted their old boyfriends looking to restart something. Women are hypergamous. They monkey branch. But sometimes they miss the next branch up and fall to the ground. So they have to start over. Don’t be flattered thinking that this woman loves you; she is just using you as her first “branch” again.
Also… I gather from your post that you really don’t enjoy being “cucked.” You may hate hearing this but that’s exactly what you are, every minute you spend with this woman. You cannot change the past, and no amount of rationalizing is going to make your relationship with this woman better.
One chance. Per woman. Per lifetime. No exceptions.
Plus, you say you are 37 and want a wife and family? Dude… take the rose-colored glasses off for a minute and just imagine the living hell you will experience trying to do that with this woman. What’s to stop her cheating on you again after you have a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old in your life? Learn from the experiences of millions of other men: you cannot cure this woman of cheating. It WILL happen again.
If you want kids and a family, nothing will sour those things faster than trying to make a family with a woman like this. For the love of God, DON’T.
Finally…
You speak of being alone as if it were the most horrific thing. I suggest you change your perspective. I thoroughly enjoy my solitude and take advantage of every moment alone I have. It is in those times that I can think clearly and creatively, and recharge myself mentally. I have friends and family, but I am perfectly happy being alone and not interacting with them on a daily basis.
I realize that there are extroverts and introverts, but I suggest developing some self-discipline and independence so that you are not so heavily reliant on others for affirmation. Be your own source of happiness; don’t expect others to bring happiness to you.
I will leave you with a quote from Bambi, the novel written in 1923 by Felix Salten. The novel is nothing like the Disney movie, and I highly recommend it. This passage comes from the last quarter of the book, after Bambi has matured into a wise old stag:
Bambi heard him and again felt that gentle stirring in his heart. But he said nothing. When he was still a child the old stag had taught him that you must live alone. Then and afterwards the old stag had revealed much wisdom and many secrets to him. But of all his teachings this had been the most important; you must live alone, if you wanted to preserve yourself, if you understood existence, if you wanted to attain wisdom, you had to live alone.
"Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife." --Apostle Paul
I think you’re making a mistake. I don’t say that as a default response. I say that because you know deep down that you are too. You wouldn’t of taken the time to post such an honest and detailed story if you didn’t. What you are looking for you won’t find with this gal. We will save a chair for you.
Peace is > piece.
She gave her best years to someone else, and now wants to live out her mid-wife crisis with you paying for everything.
Get down on one knee and propose to her.
Tell her she’s the air you breathe, and you cannot live without her.
Marry her.
Knock her up.
Pay 216 equal monthly payments, for a child that’s not likely yours, when she cheats on you again.You’re the perfect guy to keep this sham going. Happy New Year.
When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.
Why do you wanna have kids?
To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.
You KNOW the Answer, and that’s EXACTLY why you chose to ask thin in this forum.
I expect this site to pretty much unanimously tell me to kick her to the curb. I welcome any thoughts and considerations as well as advice on how to move on and how to cope with being completely, utterly, and crushingly alone.
The Blue Pill is VERY STRONG with you.
NOW, YOU ARE AT THE POINT WHEN EITHER YOU WILL WALK AWAY FROM OR INTO THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE.
Even if you escape this one, with your present mindset it’s only a matter of time before the NEXT one comes along, and then what are you going to do????????????????
The Choice is up to YOU, and so if it isn’t THIS one, then maybe The NEXT one, or the NEXT one after that. Keep it up and one shall TRAP YOU sooner or later…As they say, keep PLAYING with Fire and eventually YOU SHALL GET BURNED.
Good Luck With ALL THAT
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
SOOOOOOOO….
She cheated on you all those years ago. Now, she “tells you” she’s separated and cheats with you on her husband. Cheats ON you, then cheats WITH you. Then when you call her on it, she is suddenly suicidal. So she’s a cheating bitch and it’s your fault if she harms herself for being called out on her s~~~ty behavior.
Yeah, sounds like a f~~~ing unicorn to me.
Dude, grow a dick and start caring about yourself. Why would you put up with this s~~~ty behavior from another person? Take the vagina out of the equation for just a minute. Let’s say it’s your best friend and you just found out he f~~~ed your girlfriend. Do you still talk to him? Of course not.
Dude, I feel for you. Hell, I’ve been you. A couple of times. And I did the mental gymnastics of trying to forgive them and give them a second chance. And it’s a complete waste of time.
Look at it this way: You’re 37 and think your biological clock is ticking. So you have two choices. You can go try to find a unicorn, or you can marry this jackass with a toilet paper roll duct taped on her head and pretend she’s a unicorn. Your choice, but that ain’t no unicorn.
Order the good wine
You KNOW the Answer, and that’s EXACTLY why you chose to ask thin in this forum.
I expect this site to pretty much unanimously tell me to kick her to the curb. I welcome any thoughts and considerations as well as advice on how to move on and how to cope with being completely, utterly, and crushingly alone.
The Blue Pill is VERY STRONG with you.
NOW, YOU ARE AT THE POINT WHEN EITHER YOU WILL WALK AWAY FROM OR INTO THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE.
Even if you escape this one, with your present mindset it’s only a matter of time before the NEXT one comes along, and then what are you going to do????????????????
The Choice is up to YOU, and so if it isn’t THIS one, then maybe The NEXT one, or the NEXT one after that. Keep it up and one shall TRAP YOU sooner or later…As they say, keep PLAYING with Fire and eventually YOU SHALL GET BURNED.
Good Luck With ALL THATI have a hard time believing this is a real story. Its too formulaic, too predictable, too blue-pill wish porny, at least to me.
Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.
To all those that took the time to respond, you have my most sincere thanks.
To Secret Agent:
You KNOW the Answer, and that’s EXACTLY why you chose to ask thin in this forum.
I expect this site to pretty much unanimously tell me to kick her to the curb. I welcome any thoughts and considerations as well as advice on how to move on and how to cope with being completely, utterly, and crushingly alone.
The Blue Pill is VERY STRONG with you.NOW, YOU ARE AT THE POINT WHEN EITHER YOU WILL WALK AWAY FROM OR INTO THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE.Even if you escape this one, with your present mindset it’s only a matter of time before the NEXT one comes along, and then what are you going to do????????????????The Choice is up to YOU, and so if it isn’t THIS one, then maybe The NEXT one, or the NEXT one after that. Keep it up and one shall TRAP YOU sooner or later…As they say, keep PLAYING with Fire and eventually YOU SHALL GET BURNED.Good Luck With ALL THAT
I have a hard time believing this is a real story. Its too formulaic, too predictable, too blue-pill wish porny, at least to me.
It is all 100% true. If you have doubts about any specific section, I can provide further detail. Not sure what the point would be for me to take the time to write a fake story on this site. I have no agenda, I’m just looking for advice because I feel like s~~~ from two days ago.
To all those who took the time to respond: you have my thanks. Some of your comments really hit home, and I thank you again.
To Secret Agent: it is all 100% true. Not sure what the point would be for me to write such a lengthy story on this site if it were all fake. If you have doubts on a specific part of my story, I can provide further detail. No agenda here, just looking for some advice since I feel like s~~~ from two days ago.
F~~~ her sister and wipe your dick on the curtains.
#dumbass
Just rolling down the road
Personally, I think you’re overacting to what happened 10 years ago. The fact that she kissed the guy before she got with you, it was pretty clear that she was ready to move on and just hadn’t told you yet. That aspect doesn’t bother me too much. I think you’re
I’d be more concerned about the 10 year failed marriage, and the fact that she was willing to start dating you before her current marriage was over. You didn’t give details, but why did that end? Why could she not wait till after the D was final to seek you out?
If your goal is to get married and have kids though, I think this is your shot. It’s a s~~~ty option, but this is the devil you know. It’s pretty obvious though that the honeymoon will be over the second you give her a kid. Then you’ll see the real her.
Ok. Then do it.
Personally, I think you’re overacting to what happened 10 years ago. The fact that she kissed the guy before she got with you, it was pretty clear that she was ready to move on and just hadn’t told you yet. That aspect doesn’t bother me too much. I think you’re
I’d be more concerned about the 10 year failed marriage, and the fact that she was willing to start dating you before her current marriage was over. You didn’t give details, but why did that end? Why could she not wait till after the D was final to seek you out?
If your goal is to get married and have kids though, I think this is your shot. It’s a s~~~ty option, but this is the devil you know. It’s pretty obvious though that the honeymoon will be over the second you give her a kid. Then you’ll see the real her.Thanks for the different opinion, you are basically saying that it’s better to go with the devil I know than the devil(s) I don’t if my goal is to get married and have kids. Gotta say this was a pretty sobering comment, but interesting nonetheless.
According to her, the reason for her divorce was verbal and physical abuse, and more importantly, a husband who was into and forced her to engage in cuckoldry.
Personally, I think you’re overacting to what happened 10 years ago. The fact that she kissed the guy before she got with you, it was pretty clear that she was ready to move on and just hadn’t told you yet. That aspect doesn’t bother me too much. I think you’reI’d be more concerned about the 10 year failed marriage, and the fact that she was willing to start dating you before her current marriage was over. You didn’t give details, but why did that end? Why could she not wait till after the D was final to seek you out?If your goal is to get married and have kids though, I think this is your shot. It’s a s~~~ty option, but this is the devil you know. It’s pretty obvious though that the honeymoon will be over the second you give her a kid. Then you’ll see the real her.
Thanks for the different opinion, you are basically saying that it’s better to go with the devil I know than the devil(s) I don’t if my goal is to get married and have kids. Gotta say this was a pretty sobering comment, but interesting nonetheless.
According to her, the reason for her divorce was verbal and physical abuse, and more importantly, a husband who was into and forced her to engage in cuckoldry.And you believe her becouse?
Are you insane.
Ok stop just think for a moment.
She is:
A liar
Unfaithfull
ManipulativeWhy on hells name wold you beliebe anything that woman says?
Just why?You know what f~~~ it, go marry her right now, gave a few kids, when the divorce come and you are about to lose everything PLEASEEEEEE GO ALL OUT AND KILL AS MUCH PEOPLE AS YOU CAN
jesus even my alien is like “f~~~ this guy”
Im out, not answering or reading this anymore.
To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.
Personally, I think you’re overacting to what happened 10 years ago. The fact that she kissed the guy before she got with you, it was pretty clear that she was ready to move on and just hadn’t told you yet. That aspect doesn’t bother me too much. I think you’reI’d be more concerned about the 10 year failed marriage, and the fact that she was willing to start dating you before her current marriage was over. You didn’t give details, but why did that end? Why could she not wait till after the D was final to seek you out?If your goal is to get married and have kids though, I think this is your shot. It’s a s~~~ty option, but this is the devil you know. It’s pretty obvious though that the honeymoon will be over the second you give her a kid. Then you’ll see the real her.
Thanks for the different opinion, you are basically saying that it’s better to go with the devil I know than the devil(s) I don’t if my goal is to get married and have kids. Gotta say this was a pretty sobering comment, but interesting nonetheless.According to her, the reason for her divorce was verbal and physical abuse, and more importantly, a husband who was into and forced her to engage in cuckoldry.
And you believe her becouse?
Are you insane.
Ok stop just think for a moment.
She is:A liarUnfaithfullManipulative
Why on hells name wold you beliebe anything that woman says?Just why?
You know what f~~~ it, go marry her right now, gave a few kids, when the divorce come and you are about to lose everything PLEASEEEEEE GO ALL OUT AND KILL AS MUCH PEOPLE AS YOU CAN
jesus even my alien is like “f~~~ this guy”
Im out, not answering or reading this anymore.Hey Carnage, why are you such a dick? You were a dick with my Introduction post too.
I do appreciate your comments thus far. But you and your alien can f~~~ off now. Thanks.
If she’s cheating on him with you, isn’t THAT “Cuckoldry”????
I’d RUN!!!OATHKEEPERS, not on our watch. MOLON LABE
Thanks for the different opinion, you are basically saying that it’s better to go with the devil I know than the devil(s) I don’t if my goal is to get married and have kids.
To this, I would strongly urge you to ask yourself, Why do I want kids?
Most men in all of human history were not fathers. In our modern, 21st century western lifestyle, most people have the opportunity to sire children, but this is a historical anomaly brought on by false prosperity and a decadent culture. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you must father children in order to be a real man.
So why do you want to have kids?
1. To experience the joy of having children who love you? That is a possibility, but what are the odds that you will only see them on weekends and that they may become completely estranged from you because of the restraining order and parental alienation tactics your future ex-wife will bestow upon you?
2. To pass on your legacy? Please. No one cares. How many people know a damn thing about their great-grandfather? How many people do things in order to venerate the memory of their grandfather or even father? We are not royalty and very few people will remember you when you are gone. You can view it as the “harsh truth” if you like, but personally I find it freeing not to chain myself to non-existent laws of “legacy.”
3. To pass on your genes? This is an even worse idea. There is nothing special about your genes. The human race will carry on just fine without your genes, and without mine.
4. To do your duty to society’s replacement birthrate? Your contributions are a drop in the bucket. They won’t be missed. In fact, you are likely to add to the problem if your kids end up becoming problems in society due to them being raised by a single mother in the end. Statistics show that these kids are a net drain on society.There is meaning and significance to having children, but it is only within the context of tremendous selflessness and wisdom. So far, based on your story, I doubt you have these traits. If you end up having children with this woman, it is incredibly selfish of you to give your future children a mother like that, who has a 99.99% chance of wrecking your marriage and raising your children as a single mom. Single moms are among the most selfish human beings on the planet. Don’t create another one.
You are not thinking straight when it comes to having children. You are thinking of this whole idea in an entirely self-centered way. You are afraid of what YOUR life will be like if you are lonely. You are afraid of how YOU will feel if you miss your chance. You are focused on YOUR feelings about being cucked. You are afraid of what YOU will feel like if you get cheated on.
Do you think you are anywhere near the right frame of mind to consider bringing children into your mess of self-centeredness?
There is nothing more harmful to a child than a selfish parent.
If you want children, your number one priority is to stop being selfish, and stop giving any attention to selfish women. The woman you have described is entirely, 100% selfish. Having children with her would be entirely, 100% selfish of you. DON’T DO IT.
I’m giving it to you straight here because the consequences are dire. Please understand that I am trying to give you the best wisdom that I know. You cannot undo having children. There is no reset button. It is far better to be childless than to bring another dysfunctional child into the world because you and the mother were too selfish to look to the child’s best interests above all else.
"Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife." --Apostle Paul
Kissed = fooled around with or f~~~ed
This post sounds a bit tuna, but benefit of the doubt. She looked you up and you reconnected out of nostalgia. You have a scarcity mindset and low self esteem. She ain’t no keeper and you are better well rid. Good luck to you.If you fall down 7 times, get up 8
According to her, the reason for her divorce was verbal and physical abuse, and more importantly, a husband who was into and forced her to engage in cuckoldry.
Horse S~~~.
When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.
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