Just can't do it again.

[VulcanParticipant 16]

So I got married twice. First time we were together nearly 5 years, married 3. Caught her in bed with another man. 2nd time we were together for a delightfully happy 3 years, got married, 6 months later she decides to go for a ride on her co-worker in the backseat of his car on their lunch break.

During my 1st divorce I had to go out of town for the weekend. My 1st ex backed a horse trailer up to the house and unloaded everything. I was left with the coffee table my mother gave me, my desk in my office and my computer, along with about $50k in debt. I slept on the floor for about 6 months and had to sell all my stock in Netflix (Which was trading for about $25 a share at the time) and re-finance my house just to get my head above water. But..I kept the house and kept my pension.

2nd divorce. Meh. We were married for 6 months. It utterly destroyed me that someone who helped build something that made us both so very happy (I thought) for 3 years would walk out on it all overnight. In hindsight I realize that it was because we got some shared debt and had to start budgeting for a while, which meant we couldn’t go out all the time anymore and we couldn’t afford to just buy her anything she wanted on a whim anymore. 3 years of happiness while spending my money like water. 6 months after it’s time to get real world about bills I’m alone.

Now I’m with a girl who makes me happy. Our issues and disputes are really very minor and we really enjoy each others company….but…she’s marriage obsessed. I told her early on within the 1st month of our relationship that I didn’t want to get married again, and we even took a couple weeks break for her to decide if that’s what she really wanted. She came back saying she was good with it, but the last 2 years I’ve gotten on again/off again pressure to get married from her. Guilt trips, suggestions, outright pressure. I get pressure from her family too, they treat me differently then they treat her sister’s husband, and he’s a complete Chad who cheats on her sister all the time and has even hit her sister before. But he’s husband not boyfriend so he’s automatically 1 step above me even if they don’t actually say it.

Hell even my therapist who I see once in a while as needed has even tried to pressure me into getting married again.

All this pressure to get married again had me saying that I wasn’t totally closed off to the idea again. But in my heart I just truly don’t ever want to do that again. Ever. With anyone. Emma Stone could declare her undying love and devotion to me and I still wouldn’t want to get married.

I finally confessed last night to my girlfriend that my gradual openness to marriage was a response to the non-stop pressure I was getting from everyone and that wasn’t how I truly felt. She distanced herself from me last night and hasn’t really said much. So, who knows what the heck I’m going to have to deal with today.

Honestly it was this forum that made me realize I’m not alone in this world when it comes to just not having the ability to sign that marriage contract again.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

First off, welcome.

Look, if she wants to get married and you don’t then long term you aren’t compatible. It doesn’t make either of you bad people, but no one can blame you for not wanting to get married again after two divorces, and especially when they both cheated on you. And screw anyone who doesn’t get it.

If she loves YOU, she will understand. If she loves MARRIAGE, she won’t. My guess is she won’t. No offense to you.

My advice, not that you asked, is to cut her loose. Then watch as she is married within a year to the next guy. That will be a bullet dodged. No need to get shot in the chest AGAIN.

Order the good wine

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Never give in to pressure. Your experience and instincts are what is and should guide you. If it were me, I’d stand my ground and tell your girlfriend if a legal document (or lack of it) is worth loosing you over – the relationship was not based on what you thought.

[AwakenedParticipant 35200]

Be Careful !!

She has “invested” years in YOU, and SHE thinks that you OWE her !!

And, marriage (IE: a man slave) is what she Thinks she has bought and paid for !!

You must have HER take herself, and all her s~~~ OUT of YOUR life before any of the following happen: accidental ?? pregnancy, LEGAL accusations of abuse, rape, or whatever.

Don’t GIVE her the chance to make ANY of the above happen !!

Regardless of how “nice” YOU may Think she is, or how much you Think that you know her, She can turn on you in a second, and YOU will see/experience what you would perceive as a completely different person, and this one won’t be so “nice” !!!

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[AutoliteParticipant]

What’s the point of this thread? If you’re living with this woman you’re almost as good (under the law) as legally married anyway…

[Anonymous 0]

Truthseeker82 wrote:

Never give in to pressure. Your experience and instincts are what is and should guide you. If it were me, I’d stand my ground and tell your girlfriend if a legal document (or lack of it) is worth loosing you over – the relationship was not based on what you thought.

Truthseeker82 has got it right. There are plenty of women that think just the way you do.

[joetechParticipant]

I see bad things in your future if you stay with this girl. She’s obviously trying to manipulate you into doing what SHE wants. Haven’t you had enough? Just a friendly warning.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[WPLParticipant 2390]

A friend of mine showed me a video once — it was intended for women, and it outlined a “sure-fire” method to get married within one year, just for the sake of being married fast. Of course, a good portion of the program dealt with sneaky ways to determine a man’s wealth, how the woman should conduct herself prior to the marriage to not seem crazy/desperate, etc. Had a couple men (manginas, mostly — and a token “alpha”) on the panel telling women what men see as red flags so that women can suppress these sorts of things.

It was simultaneously hilarious, ridiculous, absurd, and terrifying.

Be careful. Women are very precise and calculating about these things.

[SamsquanchParticipant 4226]

Get out while you still have a choice brother.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Sorry Vulcan, please don’t take what I’m about to say as criticism but: WTF? You’ve been burned twice and like a moth you’re fluttering back to get burned again? How many times will you have to get burned before you realize that ALL women are toxic, selfish, immature, lying, psychotic narcissists? What is it going to take for you to get the message? Waking up one morning with your throat cut because she was being “moody”?

I will never understand self-destructive behavior—and that is what you’re doing. You’re wrapping yourself in explosives, and handing her the fuse and a lighter.

My advice—bail-out brother and don’t look back.

[Y_Participant 4591]

PistolPete wrote:

Sorry Vulcan, please don’t take what I’m about to say as criticism but: WTF? You’ve been burned twice and like a moth you’re fluttering back to get burned again? How many times will you have to get burned before you realize that ALL women are toxic, selfish, immature, lying, psychotic narcissists? What is it going to take for you to get the message? Waking up one morning with your throat cut because she was being “moody”?

I will never understand self-destructive behavior—and that is what you’re doing. You’re wrapping yourself in explosives, and handing her the fuse and a lighter.

My advice—bail-out brother and don’t look back.

What PP said. 110%.

Are you for real? After what happened you don’t get it?
Ok – I guess you need to find out the hard way (again).

Good luck – you’ll need it. Sheesh.

By the way this is THE MGTOW site – no offence but I don’t think it is suited to you. You are far far from understanding what a red pill is – nor are you trying to. Sorry.

You and your bride – happy forever

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Welcome to the forums.

Always use the word “contract” after the word “marriage”.

First, it completely and permanently f~~~s with a woman’s head to hear “contract” after “marriage”. It de-romanticizes the entire endeavor and brings it in to the harsh light of reality.

Second, get a vasectomy. She will be sabotaging the birth control efforts soon, if she hasn’t done so already.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[Knight ErrantParticipant 179]

Hi Vulcan,

Can I ask you how you found about your 2 wives cheating? Did you hire a detective, or followed them around? How did it happen?

I'm no white knight, Sir. Give me a strong suit of armour, a swift steed and the open road and stick the hand of the princess up your arse. I've no ring to put on it and I'm fresh out of fucks to give.

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

Welcome to the forums; you’re in exactly the right place to see you through this.

When you have the time, read as many these forum posts as you possibly can. Consider it a life-saving medical protocal.

You already know what you need to do to rectify this situation. Good luck.

[I left it all behind meParticipant 68]

“women sell positive pregnancy tests on Craigslist $25.00 – and there is no shortage of motivated buyers” Maybe you, my brothers have seen this before. I left the States and now living happily in Thailand and just saw this. It is on youtube. put there by a female. 900,000 views. Type in the above quote and pass it on. A new low? or another new low?

This is what you are dealing with, can you imagine faking – lying about a pregnancy test? or selling it to another woman to get a man??

[Y_Participant 4591]

I left it all behind me wrote:

This is what you are dealing with, can you imagine faking – lying about a pregnancy test? or selling it to another woman to get a man??

He’s done for. This time it will be really nasty. I can see it coming.

[AutoliteParticipant]

Y_ wrote:

Are you for real? After what happened you don’t get it?
Ok – I guess you need to find out the hard way (again).

Good luck – you’ll need it. Sheesh.

By the way this is THE MGTOW site – no offence but I don’t think it is suited to you. You are far far from understanding what a red pill is – nor are you trying to. Sorry.

That was my initial reaction too! I couldn’t figure out why the guy is even posting here.

But now that you’re here Vulcan, please enlighten us. Help us to understand. After two divorces, please tell us what makes you think that hooking up with another woman is a good idea? How are you able to reconcile or justify this in your own mind? What exactly were you thinking?

I’d honestly like to know…

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Vulcan wrote:

get married

This is worth repeating. You used the term “get married” ( or “getting married” ) quite a few times, but as soon as you mention “the marriage contract” you don’t need to explain anymore. They get it.

Vulcan wrote:

I told her early on within the 1st month of our relationship that I didn’t want to get married again, and we even took a couple weeks break for her to decide if that’s what she really wanted. She came back saying she was good with it, but the last 2 years I’ve gotten on again/off again pressure to get married from her.

Instead of saying “I don’t think I want to get married”. . . .
Try “I will never sign a marriage contract under any circumstances.”

The word “contract” de-romantizes it.

Vulcan wrote:

Guilt trips, suggestions, outright pressureo

You forgot “knock down drag out fights”.

Vulcan wrote:

I get pressure from her family too

No man should ever considering marrying a woman who hates him enough to actually let him go though with it. THat’s what pressure to sign a marriage contract is: HATE. She doesn’t “love” you. She would have to HATE you to want you to place yourself in that position again. Think about it.

I could have been married at least 5 times in my life, but one of the most creepy and terrifying realities is how I have not met one marriageable woman who I thought would be a suitable mother for my kids…… but they would marry the very next guy.

It was as if it doesn’t matter who he is….. as long as she “gets married”.

—

Have you ever sat down and written your own marriage contract?
Do it! It’s fun!

Hold nothing back and write out EXACTLY what you expect and what you are prepared to do.

….. and then hand her a pen.

I remember once writing out my own “marriage contract” for fun. I put lots of thought into it and decided to lay out the terms exactly as I want – with no restrictions. Right at the top, the #1 thing I expect from my “wife” is for her to stop talking when I request it. Special thanks to Einstein for the inspiration.

When I showed it to a woman, she thought “YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS”.

“Goddam right I’m serious. “Not talking” takes less effort than applying lipstick. It takes less effort than talking. It’s literally asking NOTHING from her. So for all the outrageous things my wife expects in order to “be happy”, if my bride is not even willing to “do nothing” to please her man…. then she is simply NOT MARRIAGEABLE.”

I wish I had a photo of the expression on her face.
Bottom lip quivering and all.

She ended up marrying someone else.
Better him than me.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

I once had an honest conversation with a girlfriend who really wanted to “get married”.

I was willing to stay with her for as long as she remained a joy to be around. Freely!! No contract or obligation. Isn’t that better? Knowing she can leave any time she wants? It lets me know that every minute she is there, it’s because she WANTS to be. Isn’t that spectacular?

For some reason, it still wasn’t enough for her. But why?

I would take the same attitude with any employer who would shove a contract and a pen in my face when an honorable handshake will do. He can fire me anytime he wants, and I can LEAVE anytime I want. Now we both have to work at keeping the other one interested in continuing “the relationship”.

They pressure you to sign for a backhanded reason.
They don’t want to do the WORK at keeping you interested and around.

They prefer to “own” you and keep you out of sense of obligation and resent.
Once that contact is signed, they/she doesn’t think they/she needs to “work” anymore.

I expect my employer to WORK and keep my interest with a periodic raise, and benefits, and daily politeness and courtesies, and little perks ….. just like I have to work and put in extra to keep the job. But they don’t think they need to “work”. They think they are doing you A FAVOR.

Same with anyone who pressures you to “get married”.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Y_Participant 4591]

Keymaster wrote:

I wish I had a photo of the expression on her face.
Bottom lip quivering and all.

I have that photo…

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