Jokes

[Bob DylanParticipant 1352]

An airliner was headed to Hawaii and a twenty-something blonde saw an empty seat in 1st class and decided to upgrade herself. Flight attendant tried to move her back to her actual seat. Blonde felt entitled and was escalating the disagreement to the point where the captain was called in. Captain whispered in the blonde’s ear and she immediately moved. Flight attendant looked amazed and asked the captain what he said to get such a quick resolution. He said “I used to be married to a blonde, so I told her that 1st class wasn’t going to Hawaii”

..it ain't me babe...it ain't me you're looking for, babe...

[HermitParticipant]

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.” He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[HermitParticipant]

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, “I’m sorry, honey. I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh.” The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. “Do you have a dentist appointment, too?”

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[HermitParticipant]

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[Anonymous 0]

Q: Why is there no blonde national hockey team?

A: Because they all drowned in spring training.

[ScarberianMPTGLParticipant 3286]

Things you can say about your business, but not your girlfriend:

“It’s open 24 hours.”

“I just leased out some space to a buddy of mine out back.”

“Parking in rear.”

Phrases to describe your truck, but not your girlfriend:

“Wow, you can fit 4 in there!”

“Hey, you ARE RAM tough!”

Things you can say to your dog, but not your girlfriend

“What did you just do? What did you just do?! Am I gonna have to rub your nose in that?”

“I’m gonna give you a bath and then a nice bone.”

“Grab the ball! Grab the ball, come on, grab the ball!”

“Get off the mailman! Get off the mailman!”

And last but not least…

“Come!”

These are just some of the gems I got off this video. These guys are freakin hilarious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r3Dn_Gy7GI

I, Lelouch Vi Britannia, command you, all of you, to Go Your Own Way!!

[Author]

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