Jealousy and Feeling Replaced

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

First off, this is my second topic other than my intro on this forum. I want to thank the people who have welcomed me so far and thank you all for just being here.

I posted my story in the intro under “New and Coping” but I will just re-cap it here. I’m a 37 old male who works retail. Earlier this year I developed feelings for a 40 old female co-worker. We didn’t date very long but we did enjoy the time together. I panicked over something in her life which prompted me to end things. We remained friends and I thought that was that. But as the months went on it turns out I still liked her and was thinking of trying it with her again.

I recently discovered through talking to her that she has very recently moved on and has a new guy, a man who has been friends with her for a few years. Their romance has really taken off and I’m 99% sure they are banging. I suspected this but now it is confirmed. Logic told me that ending it with her was the right thing at the time. Her life and background are chaotic and we likely wouldn’t last in the long term. However, my feelings of jealousy are pretty strong even though I am likely better off. I still work with her and we get along fine but I am trying to be happy for her and move on but it’s a little tougher than I thought. Again, I suspected this for some time, and even though I prepared myself, it still feels like a punch to the stomach.

My question is this- how do, or did, any of you deal with jealousy back in your dating days? How did you cope with being replaced? What helped you heal?

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

My question is this- how do, or did, any of you deal with jealousy back in your dating days? How did you cope with being replaced? What helped you heal?

Think of it as working your MGTOW muscles. You don’t get bigger muscles without using them. And they get really big when you lift really hard. That’s all you’re doing here.

In the short term you may have missed out on some sex, but you already said you didn’t want her long term. So, be happy you dodged a bullet.

If it helps to make it humorous, then just picture him going down on her and you standing next him asking “So, how does my dick taste?”

You’ll be fine. Just a little time and perspective. Wait until their relationship turns into a train wreck and you’ll be thanking god you just had to get over a little jealousy.

Order the good wine

[TuneoutParticipant]

Another thing is,do you really want to date a co-worker?

I have known a few couples that actually make it work out but the majority crash & burn,in fact guys have quit their good paying jobs over a relations~~~ that went south.

Stay friends with her but never let on how you feel,she’ll use that against you if need arises.

Besides,till your ready to go full monk mode there are POF in the sea of life.

Lifes a bitch,but you don't have to marry one!

[RoyDalParticipant]

Tuneout wrote:

Another thing is,do you really want to date a co-worker?

I dated a co-worker. Big big big mistake.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[narwhalParticipant]

My question is this- how do, or did, any of you deal with jealousy back in your dating days? How did you cope with being replaced? What helped you heal?

Heal? You aren’t injured or broken. I get why you are feeling this way, but it’s in your head. You chose not to be with her, and for good reason. You didn’t get replaced because he is not you. I deal with it by remembering who I am and what I like about me. By remember who she is and what I don’t want in my life.

You also realize that women thrive on attention, on validation. She wants you to be jealous. She wants you to feel like you missed out. So, is she paying a little bit more attention to how she looks when you’re around? Smiling a little bit more? It’s her game. Don’t play it.

Ok. Then do it.

[Buller100Participant 2189]

As has been said you never wanted her long term so don’t sweat it,I had the same with a girl I enjoyed her company but was untrustworthy but a quite funny monkey branching witch , I saw her on a part time basis over a number of years , she had a rich guy looking after her.

She has since found a richer one and says they are marrying, I am a bit disappointed thinking I won’t see her again, how she monkey branched was appalling IMHO but I wished her well.

But like the original poster I never wanted her full time, she will extract a lot from this guy and no doubt move on.

I have found the best relations~~~s are part time when they have a main guy looking after them.
They are light and easier…

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

TaxGuy wrote:

Think of it as working your MGTOW muscles. You don’t get bigger muscles without using them. And they get really big when you lift really hard. That’s all you’re doing here.

Excellent metaphor. It’s design law — The Law of Exertion. If you exercise your brain to memorize or learn a piece of music it will grow. If you exert muscles they will grow. If you exercise your “will” it will become stronger, etc.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[SamsquanchParticipant 4226]

Remember that if your instincts told you to get out, you were right. I’ve had the same feeling of regret after dropping girls shortly after I was done with them. Keep reminding yourself that it wouldn’t have worked out long-term, and remember those thoughts you had to make you break it off in the first place. In time- it’ll go away.

[Anonymous 42]

Jealousy and Feeling Replaced

I dunno <scratching my head> In my early 20s the jealousy card was pulled on me by psycho bitch so often she literally broke the mechanism! After her I adopted the attitude of not really giving a s~~~ once it ended. One woman, one chance, one lifetime.

Be happy she hopped on another c~~~ so soon, it’s a sure sign she’s an experienced rider on the c~~~ carousel!

A man that looses a whore looses nothing!

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

Thanks everyone. I haven’t had much luck in the dating world so sometimes I do tend to get attached. In her case, yes I had my doubts, but then regretted my decision when I began to miss her. She has done nothing wrong and is not trying to play me at all. She is going through a rough time right now with a dying step-dad and her family is a bit chaotic. She has developed feelings for this friend that has liked her for a long time and well, good for them I suppose. Logic says to not be jealous and just move along. But it’s those damn things called emotions and hormones that can derail the logic train. If I could lessen the physical attraction I feel I think it would solve a lot of my problem.

Visiting this site offers me encouragement and strength. For years I thought about giving up on women and come to accept being alone. But after coming here I see I am not the only one to think this and it at least seems possible to be alone and still be happy. I’ll admit the it still scares me that there seems to be only two options- live alone on your island, or jump in the water and swim with the sharks (women). If I choose the island I hope at least it’s a nice one.

[Silverstone the SecondParticipant]

In my experience, dating co workers or class mates has never worked out. Because if and when you break up then you still have to see each other every day and be around them and work with them.

For what it’s worth, you and this new guy are the same to her. A tool to be used and discarded. And women love to play the jealousy game to f~~~ with a man’s head. I’d look at transferring departments or finding another job if possible.

Then again, they say the best way to get over an old girl is to get on top of a new one.

Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

I recently discovered through talking to her that she has very recently moved on and has a new guy, a man who has been friends with her for a few years. Their romance has really taken off and I’m 99% sure they are banging.

I feel sorry for the poor bastard already.

If you really give a f~~~ by then, look back in on them in a year or two. You’ll see the bullets you just dodged.

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

I’ve been at my job a long time now, and while it doesn’t pay a lot it does afford me to live on my own. I can’t afford to go back to school and would rather use that money to pay off my mortgage. No matter how bad my life gets I always remind myself that my house is in my name and no woman can ever legally take it from me. If, and big if, I were to find one that is one power she will not have. I can’t just up and quit though I’d love to transfer departments when something good comes along. I don’t want to suddenly just jump depts. and make a big deal by letting people know what went on. It’s best to keep this low profile as possible and try to return to normal.

I’m trying to overcome the male curse- the blind desire of sex. As great as it is and can be, I know it’s not everything and that every pussy comes with a price tag. I’m reading the wisdom of this site, I just hope to be able to live and practice it effectively one day.

[bigboy83Participant 11312]

Her new boyfriend is a friend of hers for two yrs?

Can you say backup!
Perhaps, beta!
When women start dating their friends, 1. She’s out of options, and 2. She’s desperate!

Plus she’s 40, not much you can do with a 40 yr old these days.

Stop talking to her!

Shit Tested, Cunt Approved.

[ShineParticipant 1696]

The answer is to look inwards. Free time equals me time. Go do some s~~~ you want to do with your life, forget about her, you cant change other people only yourself, so use your time wisely. As for dealing with rejection, they put on a show to make you feel hurt by them, must make them feel better. They dump their s~~~ energy on you in a breakup, once they happens treat them like a ghost, like they don’t exist, simples.

"Society is to blame" Denton

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

I’m already dreading this fall/winter when it gets dark early. Sitting in my dark house alone feeling lousy isn’t my idea of a fun or sane time. On the nights I don’t work or with my friends I need to find hobbies outside the home. I have always both liked and dreaded this coming time of year.

And on a similar related note, I don’t think women have much room to complain in relationships. Semi-attractive and attractive women always seem to have men around or can lure them in easily. A pretty woman is seldom lonely. Men, for the most part, do the hunting and face the rejection. This makes it even more difficult to approach women because they probably already have a man around. My brother once heard a saying that when it comes to women there is usually a man on the job.

[Dirtydog73Participant 232]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

I’m already dreading this fall/winter when it gets dark early. Sitting in my dark house alone feeling lousy isn’t my idea of a fun or sane time. On the nights I don’t work or with my friends I need to find hobbies outside the home. I have always both liked and dreaded this coming time of year.

And on a similar related note, I don’t think women have much room to complain in relationships. Semi-attractive and attractive women always seem to have men around or can lure them in easily. A pretty woman is seldom lonely. Men, for the most part, do the hunting and face the rejection. This makes it even more difficult to approach women because they probably already have a man around. My brother once heard a saying that when it comes to women there is usually a man on the job.

Dude….buy a guitar and some music books and learn to play it when you are feeling lonely or its too quiet.
Best thing I ever did.
Its amazing how many songs you can belt out by learning 3 or 4 chords and go from there.It also takes your mind off things.
Get some weights,free weights,machine ,whatever.Alternate between the music and the weights.
Learn to cook something new for yourself,buy some paint and start painting a room of your house.
There are many things you can do

Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

I do like going to the gym when I can but tend to avoid peek hours. I like your ideas and would love to play the guitar, especially metal. lol I’m thinking of doing things to get out of the house. I’m thinking movie nights and pub nights. I just went to one a little bit ago and had a beer and some food.

During the summer and early fall I farm and the crops keep me kind of busy. Tonight at a store I noticed Halloween decorations. Even though I have a love/hate relations~~~ with the fall, seeing those decorations tonight kind of bothered me. I have a doctor’s appt in December that I may push to an earlier date. I think I may need some anti-d’s for awhile and maybe long overdue therapy. I’ve got to work on me if I want to be happier. With all that and these forums I may be able to reach some level of happiness.

[OldBillParticipant]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

Earlier this year I developed feelings for a 40 old female co-worker. We didn’t date very long but we did enjoy the time together.

Mistake number one. Never s~~~ where you eat.

But as the months went on it turns out I still liked her and was thinking of trying it with her again.

Mistake number two. Never go to the same well twice.

Logic told me that ending it with her was the right thing at the time.

You never should have hooked up with her in the first place so ending the “relationship” was both the logical and correct thing to do.

However, my feelings of jealousy are pretty strong even though I am likely better off.

Jealousy? Please. Start thinking like a man.

I still work with her and we get along fine but I am trying to be happy for her and move on but it’s a little tougher than I thought.

You’re extremely fortunate that she hasn’t decided to make trouble for you at work, extremely fortunate. She could still f~~~ things up for you.

As for moving on, doing the hard and tough thing is what men do.

My question is this- how do, or did, any of you deal with jealousy back in your dating days? How did you cope with being replaced? What helped you heal?

I “dealt” with jealousy by telling myself it is a sterile emotion and watching what jealous fools do to themselves. I “coped” with being replaced by reminded myself that I had replaced the previous guy. I “healed” like all men heal; by moving on and doing something else.

Start a new hobby, take up a new activity, begin a new project, set a personal improvement target, and continually remind yourself that, no matter how wonderful she seemed, there someone somewhere sick of her s~~~.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[John DoeParticipant 743]

Dude, I am a decade younger than you but I can state your problem real simply:

We live in a culture, especially for the 30 somethings and under, where everyone is replaceable everywhere in everything. You haven’t accepted this fact…that you are a number. Period.

No applause necessary, I also do birthday parties for children.

[Author]

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