Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › It seems hard to be a better man
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Chase Pesos 2 years, 7 months ago.
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Anonymous3Haha what I’ve learned, far too late in my life, is most people are full of s~~~. The person that is bragging about being so great is usually the most pathetic and worthless, and this is especially so on the internet, but certainly also in person. It’s just usually funnier in person, because it gets exposed very quickly.
But even exposed, these people never stop. They just keep talking. It’s actually exactly like women. Women will talk s~~~ about how awesome and great and perfect they are, yet will f~~~ up and fail or just not even try to achieve even the barest level of competency at anything. They just feel they can run their mouths and that is enough, and honestly I guess it is.
It takes a wise man to understand how much of it is bulls~~~, but then wise men tend not to bother sticking around with fools. Look it up and you’ll see this MGTOW mentality is even in the Bible. Foolish people are nothing new, and wise people shutting up and going their own way is nothing new either.
I used to feel inadequate too. But then I actually entered a lot of competitions and started going at people, and usually in actual comparisons I was better than the vast majority of people. Especially the talkers, who would almost never enter and when forced to compete stunk at everything. They much preferred to stand on the sidelines talking themselves up, acting like they had all the answers.
Oh and my favorite part of it all was always how they all ran sub-5 minute miles or benched 500 lbs or other ridiculous claims. The claims are ridiculous but they always make them with such assurance you sort of believe it, except when you actually start competing and being around other high achievers and realize how idiotic those claims are. There is something about foolish people that makes them brag about such ridiculous things and lie about how easy it is. I don’t quite understand their mentality, but I don’t care enough to even try anymore, and haven’t for a long while.
The best thing you can do is surround yourself with high achievers. Ironically enough, they will always encourage you and praise you for less, probably because they remember how hard it was to start on their own paths. Whereas low achievers will attack you as much as possible, then resent and hate you as you quickly surpass them, and bury their lies.
Anonymous3Labels are everywhere. Everyone is using them, even people who disagree with “putting labels”, use them. You’re right when you say not to care about it, but it is kind of hard.
Labels is what we call things. We have to verbalize information in a compressed format to be able to communicate.
Unfortunately we confuse the description with reality.
As an example: I once asked my physics teacher how science explained something. Before addressing my question he simply noted that science does not explain anything, it describes the behavior of a physical reality using a model. That model is not reality.
Getting back to labels, there are some great Taoist stories about this subject:
The Absolutely Useless Tree
Useful By Being UselessLao Tzu and his disciples came to a forest where hundreds of woodcutters were cutting on felled trees. The forest had been cut down except for one big tree with thousands of branches. It was so big that ten thousand persons could sit in its shade.
Lao Tzu asked his disciples to inquire why the tree had not been cut down. They asked a woodcutter. He replied, “This tree is absolutely useless. You cannot make anything out of it because every branch has so many knots. You cannot use it as fuel, for the smoke of this kind of tree is dangerous to the eyes. The tree is absolutely useless, that’s why we haven’t cut it.”
The disciples told Lao Tzu. He laughed and said, “Be like this tree. If you are useful you will be cut and you will become furniture in a house. If you are beautiful you will be sold at market, you will become a commodity. Be like this tree, absolutely useless, and you will grow to be a wonderful shade for people.“Lots of great advice and experience has been shared with you so far.
As has been suggested previously, you need to decide if you are going to better yourself. There is no magic book or potion that will do this for you.
My suggestion is two fold:
1) pick one thing that you want to change about yourself and develop a realistic plan to achieve it
and 2) decide what new “thing” you want to learn/do and develop a realistic plan for achieving that as well.Once you have completed one or both, then pick two more. Even those born with a silver spoon have life issues. In response to questions like this my Father would always say, S~~~ or Get Off The Pot. The choice is yours, best of luck to you.
"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." - Clarence Buddinton Kelland
I am 24. I don’t have or had a job. I’m still living with my parents, though in my country is a normal thing. Never had a real relationship. I don’t know how to drive yet, I have social anxiety, I’m a bit overweight (but not too much), and have no friends. I had one but turned out he’s a person that can’t be trusted. There were two times when things were pretty bad and I considered giving an end to my life, but I thought “It’s a shame, I am too young”. (Naive thinking, there is never a right age for that. Never do it).
What I hear is this. YOU HAVE THE WHOLE F~~~ING WORLD AHEAD OF YOU. Want advice? Do something with it.
If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
The best thing you can do is surround yourself with high achievers. Ironically enough, they will always encourage you and praise you for less, probably because they remember how hard it was to start on their own paths. Whereas low achievers will attack you as much as possible, then resent and hate you as you quickly surpass them, and bury their lies.
Words to live by.
"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." - Clarence Buddinton Kelland
That’s how I feel now. For years I wanted to be an “alpha male”, a strong, confident, smart man. I discovered MGTOW and wanted to be a member of it. I have come across many men here who are confident, intelligent, and who have self knowledge. But with loggin in, it doesn’t mean I am like them, like you guys. What it takes for a man to be all that, is it so difficult? Could every man be like this?
There are members here who have a very nice job, their life seems to be very cool, as they’ve mentioned. There is even a guy who is only 21 and is about to invest the money he has made from past jobs, in buying a house.
I am 24. I don’t have or had a job. I’m still living with my parents, though in my country is a normal thing. Never had a real relationship. I don’t know how to drive yet, I have social anxiety, I’m a bit overweight (but not too much), and have no friends. I had one but turned out he’s a person that can’t be trusted. There were two times when things were pretty bad and I considered giving an end to my life, but I thought “It’s a shame, I am too young”. (Naive thinking, there is never a right age for that. Never do it).
How can I, after all these, be an alpha male, when it’s feels like being a “beta” one? It’s like climbing mount Everest. Is it possible now on, or I’ll be like that forever? How did you do it?
Alpha and beta social ranking is perpetuated as control scheme by society. It is a scheme that values power, money, sex, and possessions over happiness and satisfaction. Is the s~~~iest lawyer living in his/her huge house more alpha than the guy who runs his own landscaping business? It’s all a system to make people unhappy with what they have.
It is social commercialism at its peak. No matter where you are in life, there is some other person that society deems better than you. Just as MGTOW throws off the yoke of women defining a man’s worth, you should do the same with society. Focus less on what society wants to define you as and more on what you want to be.
A co-worker recently told me, "If you want to see who someone really is, divorce them." I have found out how true this is. When your wife drops the façade of being the caring partner, you will witness all of the greed, hate, and spite that she has masked. It is truly breathtaking!
Anonymous3Great post & a lot of excellent responses.
I failed out of college 6 times on the 7th time I buckled down stopped the insane ” party”I thought I was having & graduated Cum Laude ( with praise ).
I was 45 when I finally got a degree.
If you compare yourself to others you will always be miserable.
I found myself at the age of 40 with nothing but a garbage bag full of clothes & a jar full of change.
But here is the attitude I carried with me. ” Drop me off naked in the streets of Calcutta & I will still make out better than 99% of the rest of you assholes. ” It got me through. I kept my own counsel for a long time. Kept my eyes open & my head down. I watched & learned.
Your a young man. All you really need to know is what to hold onto & what to throw away. Live from your last best decision. F~~~ all that Alpha, beta bulls~~~. An Alpha male is a man who knows himself. Know Thyself.
I really let go on this post b/c these MGTOW guys are the best. Stick with the winners. Stick with MGTOW. I guarantee your day will comeAt some point you have to make the decision to live your life and be independent. Having a job, doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. I know lots of guys who have jobs and feel f~~~ing miserable. But working hard at something, accomplishing it, and seeing the results of your labors is what makes one feel good about themselves.
Money is necessary to take care of things in life we need to take care of. So many guys take pride in the fact that working hard provides them with a check. That’s cool. But some guys have a job, don’t do s~~~, get paid and have zero pride. It’s all up to you.
You’re young enough and advantaged enough where you can find the things you are passionate enough and talented enough about to turn into a career making money. So that that “job” is less of a “job” and is instead something fun you get to do while making money.
You don’t know how to drive? Get someone to teach you! Did your parents fail you that badly that at 24 you don’t know how to drive yet? For f~~~’s sake man! You’re almost 30. Did your parents drive you around to hang out with your friends in high school? When I was in high school I was driving. I was meeting up with my friends at the mall, at the movies, wherever. Control your own destiny.
Why do you want to be an “alpha male” so badly? They make enough of their own mistakes with women. You’re fortunate enough to have so little experience with women that you haven’t made your mistakes. You haven’t been taken advantage of like guys on here have, you haven’t been subject to female s~~~ tests. It’s not a badge of honor. It’s not a notch on a bed post. You’re fortunate. Count your blessings instead of being disappointed you haven’t taken yourself down the road of those experiences.
Friends in the grand scheme of things means nothing. The majority of people are fraudulent. That’s why so many people count their “real friends” on one hand. The people who would stick their neck out for them, would help them move, would lend them money in a tight pinch, would give them bitter pills about life….
Social media, esp facebook is littered with people who openly brag about their friend count. “I have 5000 friends!!!” How many of them do you hang out with? How many would drop what they were doing to come and help you? Virtually none. So amassing friends is useless. Surround yourself with QUALITY people. Discover people’s character. Then decide if you want to be their friend or not. Most people do it the other way around. They friend someone and then discover their character out later. No. Do it first. You’ll prevent yourself from being taken advantage of by users.
Okay. So you have social anxiety. Big deal. You can overcome that. Most guys who get into all the PUA dating stuff do so because they have social anxiety, and the biggest lesson PUA’s instill in them is REPETITION. You have to get used to talking to people. The more times you step out of your comfort zone the easier it becomes. Almost everyone is terrified to jump out of a plane at 20,000ft. Once you get by the fear of doing it once, it’s easier to do it the second time. After the second time, it’s easier to do it the third time. That’s how you overcome social anxiety. By stepping out of your comfort zone time and time again.
I can say this because I went from the kid who was deathly afraid of public speaking to f~~~ing SINGING in front of large groups of people. And not just singing, but ENTERTAINING. Engaging the crowd. I’ve been in singing tournaments all over the country. Is it nerve racking? fk yeah! Does it get easier? Yes. Eventually you have to muster the b~~~~ within yourself to step off the cliff. But if you believe you’re going to die jumping off that cliff, you will never jump. Do it dude. Jump. Jump off the cliff. There’s wonderfully cold water waiting for you below. Full of fish and coral… There’s a waterfall nearby.. The jump is not as far down as your eyes are deceiving you that it is. And c’mon! It’s hot out.
But psychologically, your brain instills fear in you as a natural mechanism for protecting. Fear of rejection is your mind’s way of protecting you from getting hurt. So it fills you with self doubt. Tells you not to do things because something bad will happen. Bulls~~~! Nothing bad will happen. Approach a girl, she rejects you. So what? Move on. You went in for that job interview and bombed. So what? The solution isn’t to stop taking job interviews, the solution is to take more so you can get better at it and get that job. Fear is meant to keep you in a comfort zone. Fear is easily conquerable when you understand how it works.
All these things will take time, and some of them need courage, like the social anxiety thing. I think I must start from now.
Anonymous42I can’t help but dub this place “the book of wisdom”, it’s light years ahead of the dead.
No comparison, it’s a perfect gem, like a seamless clear diamond that weighs a ton!
alpha and beta are terms used for people still in the system.
The 3rd category are mgtows, where it doesn’t matter if you have an “alpha” or “beta” personality, you simply go your own way. There are many men that previously would have been classified as both alphas or betas that are now mgtow
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you don’t “learn to be an alpha” unless you’re some sort of psychopath. It’s almost like learning to be a completely different person with different personality. Many people pretend to be, such as pick up artists, who act in a way they think will help them score with women. PUAs aren’t sustainable for the long term because they’re pretty much putting an act on 24/7 for women’s approval. And no matter what you do, it is never good enough for women. So it is doomed to failure.
"He didn't marry until now, so he won't ever do it. Think about it, why would a man like him ever marry? It's too late to catch him. " ~some cunt
There were times in the past when, after I was being registered in a forum or an online group, I would think that I was already a part of that community. For example, I once joined a group on facebook which was about guitar lessons and I thought “Ok, learning the guitar is very easy from now on”, but it wasn’t. I had to learn how to play it, learning the chords, the position of my hands etc. Eventually, I quit it.
You quit because it was too hard, or because you thought success at it should be easy? I also stopped playing guitar rather quickly. It wasn’t so much because it was too hard, but because practice was frustrating and I was seeing myself getting to a place where the payoff was worth the frustration.
It sounds like you looked at it a little different. It was just hard, so you quit. If that’s all it was, you need to rethink your out look. When you look at people who are successful at what they do, there is always two reasons for it. First, they enjoy doing it, and second, they worked hard for it. Never look at someone who is successful and be jealous of them, thinking that it was just easy for them while it’s hard for you.
That’s not to say that some people don’t get a big genetic break, or get really lucky somehow. It does happen. However, there is a hollowness to that kind of success that doesn’t bring near the same satisfaction.
So stop worrying about all the things that you are not. Having those things handed to you wouldn’t make you happy anyway. Start working on the things you enjoy that get you where you want to be.
Ok. Then do it.
Anonymous3There were times in the past when, after I was being registered in a forum or an online group, I would think that I was already a part of that community. For example, I once joined a group on facebook which was about guitar lessons and I thought “Ok, learning the guitar is very easy from now on”, but it wasn’t. I had to learn how to play it, learning the chords, the position of my hands etc. Eventually, I quit it.
You quit because it was too hard, or because you thought success at it should be easy? I also stopped playing guitar rather quickly. It wasn’t so much because it was too hard, but because practice was frustrating and I was seeing myself getting to a place where the payoff was worth the frustration.
It sounds like you looked at it a little different. It was just hard, so you quit. If that’s all it was, you need to rethink your out look. When you look at people who are successful at what they do, there is always two reasons for it. First, they enjoy doing it, and second, they worked hard for it. Never look at someone who is successful and be jealous of them, thinking that it was just easy for them while it’s hard for you.
That’s not to say that some people don’t get a big genetic break, or get really lucky somehow. It does happen. However, there is a hollowness to that kind of success that doesn’t bring near the same satisfaction.
So stop worrying about all the things that you are not. Having those things handed to you wouldn’t make you happy anyway. Start working on the things you enjoy that get you where you want to be.
Successful people are also known to be quitters. When there is something that there isn’t a payoff to, or they don’t believe they can achieve proficiency in, they stop doing it and allocate that time to something that has a better success rate, and as you write, that they enjoy.
Malcolm Gladwell writes about this in one of his books or essays. I don’t remember which one unfortunately, but I’m fairly certain Gladwell wrote on it. Possibly “Outliers” which is a good book in general and I recommend.
It’s said to take 10,000 hours to achieve mastery in something. For most people that’s around 10 years, although you can do it in 5 or less when you’re younger and you devote most waking moments to it. Most people can really only learn 2-3 skills to that level in their life, and honestly it also requires maintenance so really only one skill at a time and then 2 others at a very high level. The older you get, the harder it is to add new skills, but you can do that to an extent too.
Nothing wrong with quitting guitar IMO if it’s not something you think you’d enjoy. Playing guitar is for self enjoyment, and I think for self enjoyment mastery is not really ideal at all. When you’re getting to the mastery level I think it has to be for something more, whether competition or for money or something else, but at the least you have to enjoy building proficiency.
And no matter what you do, it is never good enough for women. So it is doomed to failure.
Yeah, you got a point on this.
Every one has delivered great material.
Just live for you and the few you care about–if any.
What people think or feel about you is often wrong and frankly doesn’t matter anyway.If people spent more time doing, instead of thinking about what others were doing,this society would be in a better place.
The beauty of MGTOW is you are the captain of your fate. We all have things that we are skilled at and enjoy,tap into that area of your life and attack it like there is no tomorrow.
Like Venom, Phoenix and many others said,things move at light speed when you tap into your potential.
You are who you are brother, now go find him.
Chase a check, never chase a chick...
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