Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › Is my conservatism holding me back from experiencing life to its fullest?
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Ancientwisdom 4 years, 2 months ago.
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Greetings, gents. Allow me to elaborate.
I’m twenty-one, almost twenty-two, and I’m in university, about to finish my fourth year.
I’ve spent this year much as I’ve spent the last three years, usually alone, studying, playing video games, jerking off on the internet, reading, writing, playing piano—in a word, mostly sober, mostly alone. On a weeknight, I read, trying to drown out the noise just outside my window of intoxicated coeds. On a Saturday night, while all the boys and girls assemble in their neat little groups to go off on an adventure, whether that’s to run on the frozen lake or to vomit in the elevator, I head on down to the basement of the music building and bang on the piano till I feel like I’m the Phantom of the Opera (and about just as charming with the ladies too as he!).
I hear stories of debauched, depraved, dangerous adventures, and when I hear of this I have strongly mixed feelings.
The thought of running on the frozen lake while drunk seems an incomprehensible and horrifying risk. But I see the shadows of others sailing off into the distance, and through the void of the night I hear their cries of unrestrained joy.
The thought of going to a random house party, showing up uninvited, trespassing, seems to me in the best case odd, and in the worst case rude not to mention illegal. Yet it’s a favorite past time here.
The thought of having unprotected sex with a stranger absolutely horrifies me. Yet the nurse at the health clinic tells me that they just keep seeing more and more cases of gonorrhea there, a lot more than last year.
The thought of getting so drunk that I pass out and wake up naked in a field somewhere seems dangerous and unpleasant. But I knew somebody who would always talk as if it happened so often to him, and he talks with glee.
The thought of getting drunk and going to bed late on the night before a big test seems irresponsible. But Homecoming wasn’t too long ago, and I know that some people came to that test on Monday hungover.
I know someone who never goes to his classes, never does any of his assignments, and it seems like he’s having the time of his life. I know someone who tells me that unprotected sex with strangers is the only way to have sex. I even have a really good friend who did so much heroin hours before his exam that he was nodding off during the exam, who also completely missed the midterm since he just “forgot” about it—and he does better in school than I!
When I talk to my more “liberal-minded” friends, my peers, and the like, and they tell me how they spend their free time, they’re absolutely amazed at my horror of their actions. When I explain all the risks, all the dangers of their actions, they look at me, not as if they don’t understand, but as if all the risks I described didn’t even matter.
In a word, gentlemen, part of me is glad that the choices I’ve made and the people I’ve surrounded myself with have not put me in a position to have something really dangerous happen to me. But another part of me thinks that if I weren’t so uptight, conservative, and generally risk-adverse, I’d be enjoying school a bit more, life a bit more. Because college sucks. Really, it does.
Any way to improve my situation? Does it need improving? What’s your take, gentlemen?
". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée
Do not feel bad about this. This merely proves that you are a sane man in an insane world.
Also, keep in mind that most the greatest risks in life are not the ones you take. The greatest risks are those whom find you, and the risks you don’t see coming.
In other words, watch your back. Be careful around other people. Especially women. Always wear a condom when having sex. And do not get married. And think very hard before thinking about having children.
I think you may have answered your own question. Those ‘living life to the fullest’ activities are great fun, until they’re not. Bad decisions make good stories. Only you can say whether the fun is worth the risk, for you. Thirty years from now, will you be saying, ‘Man I wish I’d done that,’ or ‘I’m so glad I skipped that part?” No one can decide that for you, but whatever you do, try to be smart about it.
Safety rules: All guns are loaded. All knives are sharp. All stoves are hot. All women are like that.
yes it can be holding you back , but that’s a double edged sword …it holds you back from insanity , injury , disease , failure in school ,…
but it also holds you back from a s~~~ load of fun you may be missing out on ….. why not start out SLOWLY ..bring a friend to watch your back and agree on certain ground rules , limits you will adhere to …hey , if you can’t f~~~ up in college ..when CAN you ? ..try to enjoy brother ..Well, let me put it this way:
Would you like to blindly enjoy(all the possible craziness, sex, drugs and rock’n’roll) 4-5 years of your life, without having the experience or knowledge to actually appreciate said enjoyment to the fullest, and then slave away the rest of your life in a meaningless job never having enough money and being tied down by diseases and financial obligation…OR
Take your studies seriously and have less enjoyment(music, books, conversations) for 4-5 years, and then after fully maturing and having firmly established your financial security and also your character, spend the rest of your life fully enjoying the best experiences that can possibly be lived in this world and knowing exactly what you want and what you like and doing it?
I would suggest the latter. And remember, you can still get high, f~~~ random people and do illegal stuff at 30 if you so choose, but it’s almost impossible to repair your academic record, go back to school and become successful if you restart at 30 after a long decade of drug abuse, STDs, illegal stuff, 3 or 4 kids and a couple divorces.
The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!
Anonymous18You bring a number of good points. I am 28, graduated medical school ealier this year. Grinded it in my undergrad days but towards fourth year didn’t quite care we much. Then came 4 years of wonderful med school. So I can related to how you feel.
But I see the shadows of others sailing off into the distance, and through the void of the night I hear their cries of unrestrained joy.
Those folks, as you so eloquently and metaphorically put, are having fun. Some of them just have it. They can enjoy their lives to the fullest. Make lifelong friends they meet at a party while drunk. Go on to have successful careers and a very positive impactful life. The rest (95%) are living the best of their life. They never opened a savings account. And their future self would consider college years as a highlight of their lives. “I f~~~ed bitches man and lived life”.
Now people (like you and me) have to put in the hours and effort in getting the grades or barely passing some exam we can’t seem to find any interest in studying. It’s a struggle. I understand.
But the thing is… You opened a savings account when you enrolled in college. And by spending the time you are depositing in your account. You have accumulated some knowledge.
You know life in its boring glory. You don’t have much reference point to what’s fun. Perhaps it’s not that great in all its glory. But at the same time you are not spoiling your life by increasing the threshold of what’s fun by doing crazy s~~~ every weekend. These people would drag their feet for the rest of their lives when they have the social responsibilities and a 9 to 5 job. Exceptions exist. And we can have a drink and bitch about those lucky bastards.
I even have a really good friend who did so much heroin hours before his exam that he was nodding off during the exam, who also completely missed the midterm since he just “forgot” about it—and he does better in school than I!
He is an exception. I had a friend in medical school who wrote his MCAT and got accepted after his gf dumped him a year before when she got accepted at medical school. She left him because he was a fat gamer with a GPA of 2.5.
Now he is training to be a general surgeon at a prestigious University Center.
In a word, gentlemen, part of me is glad that the choices I’ve made and the people I’ve surrounded myself with have not put me in a position to have something really dangerous happen to me. But another part of me thinks that if I weren’t so uptight, conservative, and generally risk-adverse, I’d be enjoying school a bit more, life a bit more. Because college sucks. Really, it does.
Closing in on 30, all the things I considered negative about studying and more studying have turned into a positive today. I see life through completely different set of glasses. I see the young 20-some crowd at libraries in a group talking about their most recent adventures. I wouldn’t trade places with them.
You are finding yourself. And it will come around when you go in to the real world. It is lonely out there if you are going to see the world through others judgments and approvals. No matter how many people you surround yourself with.
Once you earn what you have, no one can take that away from you.
As a man you don’t need others to give you your sense of worth. Consider this uncomfortable position as a transition from boyhood to manhood.
You will know what I mean when you close in your 30.
In the meanwhile go out, step outside your comfort zone and do crazy s~~~ for a change so you realize there isn’t all that much to it.
Do not feel bad about this. This merely proves that you are a sane man in an insane world.
Yep. I agree with the crowd on this one. You are there to get a degree and launch a career like @john Woods 13 says so well.
I have done a turn or two at “debauched, depraved, dangerous adventures.” Luckily, the worst that happened was cured with modern antibiotics. Also, no potential employers found pictures of me on social media — more good luck. Anyhow, I do not recommend self-destruction. Do positive and enriching things instead.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Anonymous11Thirty years from now, will you be saying, ‘Man I wish I’d done that,’ or ‘I’m so glad I skipped that part?” No one can decide that for you, but whatever you do, try to be smart about it.
I have very little to regret from 20 to 30 years ago, and I did some dangerous potentially fatal s~~~ involving very high speeds on land and water. It was a thrill but looking back a total waste of time. You are truly going your own way and will be better off in the future.
My one regret other than being really stupid with women are all of the beautiful days of my youth that I let slip away forever due to being hungover.
My first wake up moment came on my 25th birthday after being pitched off of a 4 wheeler. Had I not landed in soft sand, I would have been killed. It took another 8 years and a mountain bike crash up in the mountains to realize that I am not invincible. I still like risky activities though it’s now restricted to open water sea kayaking. There’s nothing like the thrill of being 3 miles from land offshore alone in a 21 inch beam craft. I fear the power boaters more than the sharks and Neptune.
I made it through college partying with a respectable GPA too. I took STEM courses too so it was not easy like gender studies would be. The trick is to not be partying when you need to be working. The same rule applies in the working world too. I refuse pussy on a regular basis due to STD fear. That’s just common sense.
Hard to determine if you are lamenting the fact that you are slugging it alone through college or just missing out on partying.
Honestly, I think you are better off without the heroin, mind-numbingly stupid drunk escapades on a frozen lake, gonorrhea or worse, and anything else that stupid ass college kids get up to.
However, I would never voluntarily forego the opportunity to meet a lot of people and enjoy time spent with them. I certainly enjoyed my fair share of partying with my good friends during college. I think some of those experiences build character.
Thirty years from now, will you be saying, ‘Man I wish I’d done that,’ or ‘I’m so glad I skipped that part?”
Doesn’t everyone fear the former?
Well, let me put it this way:
Really good point.
But, then again, one could say “you could get hit by a cement truck tomorrow” or “no one says on his deathbed that he wished he worked a little harder.”
You know life in its boring glory. You don’t have much reference point to what’s fun. Perhaps it’s not that great in all its glory. But at the same time you are not spoiling your life by increasing the threshold of what’s fun by doing crazy s~~~ every weekend. These people would drag their feet for the rest of their lives when they have the social responsibilities and a 9 to 5 job.
Really good point, amazing post!
“Wonderful years of med school”? I heard that med school was specifically designed to break you, to weed out everyone who isn’t prepared, with absurd hours, absurd amounts of material and work, absurd situations, etc. To hear that it’s “wonderful,” well, that must take a special kind of person!
Find a passion project.
If it makes cash, all the better.I’m working on a novel right now, it’s about at 75k words, and I’ve almost finished its second act. I hope to appeal to both the modern crowd, with its thirst for action, tight, understandable plot lines, and romance; but also to the literary crowd, with an impressionistic, romantic prose style, meaningful, timeless conflicts, and vivid, memorable characters.
". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée
You are simply acting like an intelligent man @rockmaninoff.
You see, there is nothing intelligent partaking in something that could endanger your life, without the proper amount of reward for it. You will be taking risks, the intelligent way, through your work of skill, to gain more wealth or expertise, in your field.
I tell you this, because I’ve been one of those, “on adventures”, with others, like some random mature comedy movie. And it truly only lives on as something stupid that could have ended terribly wrong, but luckily didn’t.
I often think back, at some of those “adventures”, and wonder at how incredibly dead I could have been if just one of many very likely scenarios were applied to some of these “adventures”.
Don’t think bad, of having used your intelligence and deduced the utter insanity, of going out and doing something “exciting”. It’s simply wasting time, and risking your life, with nothing but a possible story to tell, which later never gets told again any way. Because no matter how cool it seemingly felt, the day after, it ain’t nothing compared to the f~~~ing Goonies movie, any way.
I would gladly have gone back, and invested my “fun times”, into studying and aiming for what I do today, and thus having reached that vision and dream, sooner, and much much safer.
Because in the end, the most fun times I have had, is when I’m working on my own personal projects, not while out on “adventures”, while high/drunk, or what the heck.
So I say to you, you have been doing it right, all along, better than most men, could ever hope and dream of doing, by logic and common sense standards, you are at the peak. And I envy your early willpower, ambition, and determination towards your education, which often comes later in life, to some of us others. Now use that lead well.
Well, let me put it this way:
Would you like to blindly enjoy(all the possible craziness, sex, drugs and rock’n’roll) 4-5 years of your life, without having the experience or knowledge to actually appreciate said enjoyment to the fullest, and then slave away the rest of your life in a meaningless job never having enough money and being tied down by diseases and financial obligation…OR
Take your studies seriously and have less enjoyment(music, books, conversations) for 4-5 years, and then after fully maturing and having firmly established your financial security and also your character, spend the rest of your life fully enjoying the best experiences that can possibly be lived in this world and knowing exactly what you want and what you like and doing it?
I would suggest the latter. And remember, you can still get high, f~~~ random people and do illegal stuff at 30 if you so choose, but it’s almost impossible to repair your academic record, go back to school and become successful if you restart at 30 after a long decade of drug abuse, STDs, illegal stuff, 3 or 4 kids and a couple divorces.
Well said sir. You took the words right out of my mouth. Its exactly like this. When you wake up one day and your 30 and you have a good job, finances in order, no baggage, money to spend on hobbies, going out to eat, traveling, etc…and you realize all the people who were “having fun,” digging themselves into piles of debt, f~~~ing everything that moves, doing drugs, etc, are all dead end burn outs, you just smile and think to yourself f~~~ yeah, I won.
Its just a matter of instant gratification and if you have self discipline or not. You can spend your 20s working hard and getting your s~~~ together so you can enjoy the rest of your life, or you can enjoy your 20s while you dig yourself into a hole that’s going to lower your quality of life for the rest of it.
Anonymous5Your a good guy I already know and you’ll kick ass in the work world trust me. voted.
Dogma is for Dogs. Every one is trying to tell you want they thing you should do.It is often not what they do it’s what they say.I have know people that have done every thing “the right way” and it still went wrong check these song listed out out.There was a man with a two inch dick and some one asked him who did he think he could satisfy with that? He said ME
I am an old retired Sea Captian and my tip is keep only things in your life you enjoy.It took me years to learn life is easier if you keep the b.s people out. MEn are stupid and women are crazy
and my days are filled with outstanding memories of living it to the max that keeps me worm to this day
Happiness the is Holey Grail. find out want makes YOU Happy.This sounds easy be it is the hardest thing.
People, places and things don’t make you happy
Happiness is an inside job
You can never make anyone happy at best you may help them find happiness from in them self
every one is responsible for their own happiness
The thing most people regret the things you did not do
greed and excess areThere is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go no one may follow
That path is for your steps aloneI am 24. I have never had sex, I don’t drink, I don’t indulge in drugs, and I generally avoid all processed foods and focus on eating what is natural. My only “vice” is video games and occasionally anime. All my other time is spent on my hobbies and school work. Don’t let your peers distract you. They may seem happy, but don’t be fooled. Their kind wears their heart on their sleeve and if you stick around you get to see them at their lows. They live life on a emotional roller coasting, they lack stability. Pour your heart into your work and hobbies and they will reward you with a feeling of accomplishment and strengthen your character. You might not have “fun” like they do but you will feel a sense of contentment. Those pleasure junkies live life always waiting for the next high. I choose a life of discipline and will not allow myself to be fooled by such debauchery. Preserve brother, you can do it!
@JohnWoods has I think summed it up best. I’m basically saying the same thing, but whatever. Random thoughts after a long day.
and he does better in school than I
I’m going to bet his major is easier than yours, too, and will be worth far, far less when he gets out.
Or, just that he’s taking easier classes, and isn’t learning s~~~.
One of my myriad degrees is in history. History is an odd major – it can be a really, really easy major, or a really, really tough major, depending upon how much effort you put into it. Even at the graduate level it varies in rigor. I worked my *ass* off for my degree, took the toughest classes I could find, stayed up many, many late nights, read extra books, all that good stuff. I was invited to join the honor society, which I am still proud of. Decades later, I still read history for fun.
But *BEFORE* that point . . . I was an idiot. I did stupid things, I partied, I got through some worthless classe, which material I do not remember, I hooked up, leading to getting married, leading to moving across the country because soooullmateunicorn said so . . . I wasted years of my f~~~ing life, which I will not get back. I partied, I passed out drunk, repeatedly, I made out with strangers . . . I had an awesome time.
It was a lot of fun. I just wish I hadn’t wasted money and education having fun. I would have been better off being a part-time student and full-time drunk. Or having had a real degree and actual money in my pocket, and having fun. This would have been a more logical order. Years later, I’m paying for these bad decisions. And I no longer, drink, ever, since I seem to have acquired a difficulty stopping drinking during those awesome times.
And I’m still planning to take my terminal degree. At age 45. Kinda wish I had just plowed through, and gotten the doctorate back in the day, rather than a random bunch of pieces of paper.
Yeah, I’d keep the nose to the grindstone if I were you. *shrug*
The thought of having unprotected sex with a stranger absolutely horrifies me.
As well it should. If gonorrhea (sp?) is bouncing around campus, nastier things are as well – be sure of it.
Find a passion project. If it makes cash, all the better.
Bingo.
“no one says on his deathbed that he wished he worked a little harder.”
I disagree with that. I love what I do, and am planning to do. I wish I had spent more time doing it.
***
Again, all my experiences. Your mileage may vary, disclaimers apply.
"You can either love women, or understand women. You can't do both. Because once you understand women, you realize that there is really nothing to love."
I’ve had similar questions and concluded that, in aggregate, the risks were not commiserate with the rewards.
The sixth of Robert Greene’s Forty-Eight Laws of Power states that “everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing.” Bastiat, in his discussion of the broken window fallacy discussed the necessity in taking in to account “that which is not seen”, in this specific case, economic activity that was prevented by the eponymous broken window.
Both must be taken in to account in this circumstance as what are on display are the desirable attributes of such behaviour i.e. merrymaking, the romantic recklessness of youth, and of course coitus. However, what is not on display are the repercussions in addition to the opportunity cost of said behaviour i.e. venereal disease, false accusations of rape, and poor marks from not having done the one is supposed to do in college: studying.
An important part of going one’s own way is to weigh benefits, risks, and opportunity costs without undue influence from others or from the mass media.
In passing, I would be remissed if I did not counsel you to remove yourself from campus if at all possible and either learn a trade or pursue a degree online as the former is a lion’s den and you, being a man, are walking around with a steak tied around your neck.
OP,
Ultimately only you can answer this for yourself. My thoughts – you dont strike me as the type thats going to wake up naked in the woods or on a frozen lake with zero memory of how you got there. So, if you feel like your missing out on a bit of fun, try going to one of the parties. Have a few beers and see of you enjoy it.
The college I went to was hardly a party school and I lived off campus, but I did plenty of my own partying. Its really not difficult to graduate from a University even if you party, because most people who get into a descent University are intelligent enough to pass and also know how to study well (circumvent all the “required” reading and read between the lines/work the system).
If you think your missing out, break down some of your barriers. Have a beer. Chat people up. Its not all or nothing. If you dont enjoy it, you stop. If you do, dont let it get out of hand.
Btw your story about the friend who did heroin but is also a better student than you rings true to some of my experiences. Not that Ive ever done heroin or even had friends that do, but some of the people that get the best results are not because they were so disciplined or even so intelligent, but because they had raw talent at knowing what was required of them. What mattered and what didnt. He might have missed an exam, but in the grand scheme of things I bet he knows how to toe the line and work the system. Thats not me condoning drugs or saying the successful people Ive met in life do drugs. It has nothing to do with drugs. It has everything to do with what some successful people realize what matters and what doesnt as far as producing results within a system theyre relegated to.
Resident cynic.
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