Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › Im 27 and Im pretty much in sexless relationship
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KanyeMGTOW 4 years, 6 months ago.
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100 things are running through my mind right now… dont know what to think. my confidence is at all time low.
from the start – our 1st sex sucked (She was dry as a desert, I had a hard time making it hard, I had health issues – injuries from sport back then so i was unable to do many sex positions – i told her that). After that she did every possible thing to avoid spending another night with me but at the same time was introducing me to her family – inviting me to her mothers 50s year bday.. talking about things we will do months from now… just strange. The excuses she made let me clearly know that they were exactly that – excuses.
An example – I usually invited her 1 day before to sleep over at my place so she can make plans, but the next day she made new plans with her friends. that happened few times in the first 4 months of relationship. We were together 3 months and had sex only ONCE. Im pretty direct person and confronted her about it, asking her where is the problem? she said she didnt have time and will gladyl come the next time i invite her. Well she did for the next 2, 3 weekends but then things went back to the old ways. I confronted her again, acting like i dont give a fuk anymore – stopped inviting her – thats when things went better – she was eager to have sex for the next 3,4 months, was talking about sex, giving me BJs, inviting herself to my place for weekends etc… that stopped after few months and things went back as they were at the beginning – like sex doesnt exist, like thats not something normal couples do, she wasnt bothered. When comfronted again she told me it bothers her too, but did absolutely nothing to change things for the better. She puts literally zero effort to make it work.
I brought that topic up for few more times and i have always got the same answer ‘WE ARE BOTH EQUALLY TO BLAME.’ and ‘HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU SLEEP OVER AT MY PLACE’ (as i said in my 1st post she lives with her mother in the house. her bedroom is right next to her mothers and im not comfortable having sex there. I also dont like waking up in her parent house in the middle of the work week and wait to be my turn to go to the toilet, make breakfast, etc… thats the reason i refused to sleep over at her in the middle of the week. I told her that. (MAYBE I F~~~ED UP RIGHT THERE – if i wasnt such a pussy maybe thing would work that way.) So i suggested that i come sleep over on Fridays or Saturdays. She agreed but plan didnt work. not because of me… she always had excusess – dog, was sick, period, her sister and her bf who are from another town came to visit and they slept in her bed. That happened many times – she put her on her own bed before us… i was never a priority.
In the last 5 months she has never invited me to spent the night in her place, never suggested or invited herself to come to my place to spend a night. like sex doesnt exist. On rare ocassions when we did it i initiated – she was waiting if ill make a move – if i didnt there would be no sex after 7 weeks of dry spell.
When trying to talk about it and telling her things havent changed she told me thats life, you REAP WHAT YOU SOW, what can she do if she is sick, on period, has visitors… but when the opportunity presents herself she rather spent the night out with her gfs, go to the party (im alywas invited). THE FACT IS I TOLD HER WHAT BOTHERS ME, HOW MUCH IT BOTHERS ME, WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME BUT SHE DOESNT DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT BETTER. NOTHING. I suspect there is something wrong with me she is not willing to talk about it- why wouldnt she told me then?.. i mean… she knows where the problem is but doesnt care about my needs. maybe im bad at sex – dont satisfy her, and she lied about not getting orgasms with anyone before?! its a headwreck… the sad part is that i love her but it doesnt look like she loves me back. I BET HER GIRL FRIENDS KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, BUT SHE DOESNT TELL ME AND IM LEFT TO BE THE DETECTIVE.Im going for a drink today with her. Ill try to reason with her for one more time. It shall be interdasting. I will post an update.
I suspect there is something wrong with me she is not willing to talk about it
There is NOTHING wrong with you. That you’re thinking that makes me think she’s manipulating you more deeply than you realize.
Im going for a drink today with her. Ill try to reason with her for one more time. It shall be interdasting. I will post an update.
Why bother? The relationship is a dead end, and you’re only giving her more opportunities to try to drag you deeper into that dead end.
The only possible reason I could see for having any further contact with her is if you maybe want to turn the tables a bit and do a little monkey branching on her, and that’s not much of a reason.
You should be dumping her yesterday.
Dude!!
Don’t have one more attempt to reason with her, you’ll get no worthwhile response. Reason and logic play no part whatsoever in a womans’ thinking.
Just tell her you’re done, wish her the best of luck and walk away with your head held high.
"This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags. - Sheriff Buford T. Justice"
Triznek87,
My friend, what are you doing? Don’t get sucked further down the Rabit Hole. Let’s look at this rationally, something most(all) women are unable to do. The following red flags are just jumping out at me.
1.) Unresolved father issues. Bad news. You cannot reform or save her; trust me. She will play out this negative dynamic in your relationship again and again. The fact that her father has supposedly adandoned her will cause her to act passive aggressive. She will setup situations where you will eventually walk- that way she can play the victim card again with her mom and friends. “See, see, all men hurt me.” This further justifies her negative treatment of you or any man. If by some miracle you make it work, she will end it citing some perceived or concocted issue. Either way, dead end.
2.) She has admitted to her friends that you or some other guy will make Her pregnant. Get prepared for an unplanned pregnancy if you continue. Worse still, it might be some other mans kid she is screwing on her girl nights out that she will claim as yours.
3.) 27-28 and she is still living at home? Does she work? Sounds like she might be co-dependent on mom.
Man, run.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
Tnx for advices but its too late. I already went to see her. We went for a walk today… to make long story short: SHE DUMPED ME AFTER AN ARGUMENT!
Something you should know to understand the story: My grandparents has made reconstruction in their old house (I have my own entrance and apartment now in the upper floor of the house for a 2 months now). She has a job but is paid very poorly and thats why she lives with her mother in her house. thats something normal in our country since recession.
So last Wednesday I invited her to come over for the 1st time and she agreed, the next day she called early and canceled on me because her aunt invited her in her house for a bday (drinking, eating, talking with family members of hers) it was unplanned. I said I wont go (because I was disappointed since I expect her to come to my place for the 1st time since I have a furniture) so I said I ll not go and rather work for my job (Im sick of this bday parties especially unplanned in the middle of the week – every month one of her relatives has bday or something like that and im just tired of it, last week I was on her mothers bday which is reasonable but im not going to aunts bday for sure, especially unplanned). She was deeply offended and angry at me.
I told her she is offended because I wasn’t there (for her needs) but when it comes to my needs she isnt bothered and puts zero effort to make it work.
She said we wont try anything anymore, that we are not compatible and she is breaking up with me. That we are not functioning together and if we could we would make it by now.She also said how i did not invite her to move in with me. 2 months ago we went buying furniture together for my place and apearantly I was looking at a closet that was small in her eyes and when she asked me ‘isnt it small?’ I replied ‘its big enough for me’ She said that was the moment she has realized I do not see her in the future… She said at this age and at that stage of relationship i should think differently, and that our relationship should progress – we should have move in together and that her plan is to have a baby in a year or two because she is almost 28 now. Talking about plans??? We never had that conversation.
When i said we havent had sex for another month she said ‘DISASTER’…I asked her what is her issue with sex, she said to me she has none, i asked her does she even like it she said yes, i asked if is it true she has never experienced an orgasm with any bf, she said Yes I told that already. I asked her do you even enjoy having sex with me, she said yes, and WHY EVERYONE IS ASKING THAT QUESTION WHEN RELATIONSHIP IS OVER! She also said im not spontaneous – she said how im always making plans and she hates plans ands stuff like that. Of course i have to make plans, im a bussy man.
So yeah, she dumped me in the end, making me look like a bad guy for not suggesting to move in with me. At the same time she always had problem to come to my place and/or have sex with me. Its over now. I am a FOOL.
BTW now i know what she meant a month back when we were talking about the lack of sex and she said to me ‘you reap what you sow’… never talked about moving in together, never ever and now the bomb… like i should read her mind but at the same time her actions are not even close to show me she wants something as moving in together. She also said how everyone at her home were wondering why i did not invite her to move in. They all expected it and i didnt deliver… I was expecting form her to by at my place more often now and more sleep overs and then eventually we would move in together. She expected to be invited right now and since i didnt deliver i think she punished me for it – close her vagina and emotionally checked out of relationship. God forbid to communicate her disapointment or to talk to ME about it.. i know she talked about it to her friends and family but not with me. she just resented me instead. She should at least said something like ‘where do you see us in the future?’ anything.
Also telling me im predictable and not spontaneous…etc. the whole relationship she has never said anything like that and now when its over she is able to communicate what bothers her about me. Such a headwreck. Also telling me im not an animal lover, that i hated that dog and she just hate that in me. its a f*cing dog for gods sake and its not even hers. its her sisters. i told her why i do not like it – because it is not civilized, doesnt behave. i like other animals – even own a cat for 18 years. she knows it. She rubbed everything in my face she could come up with… When i told her how dog was a priority over me in her bed she said ‘i didnt want to stand between you and my sister dog’ Stupid woman, you didnt stand between us, you ditched me for a dog…and that after 6 weeks of no sex and 1 year aniversary a day before. I dont know what to think, how much i am to blame, etc… I still love her. but i know its over.
She also said she has never dated any ex again. Never! She was also pretty emotionless when she dumped me, that hurt quite me a lot… im wondering if she even loved me/was with me because of me or because she considered me alright and thought i m alright enough to be the one to settle down with. The thing that eats me up the most is that i was playing games when thing were alright/improving- not sleeping over at her place when she bought a new bed for us at her parent’s place and was eager that I sleep over there. She was inviting me but i refused to sleep there to get little back at her, after that things went downhill i think. Im wondering how things would turn out if i did the right thing and sleep over constantly every week. Im a mess right now.
We did try to tell you dude. You should’ve just ended it and not given her the opportunity to shift all the s~~~ onto you. Which she has just done.
Hopefully you’ve learned a valuable lesson. Now just calm yourself down, take a walk and do some good deep breathing. Don’t acknowledge any attempted contact, and don’t attempt to contact her. Change your number as soon as you can and above all get a good nights sleep.
You’ll wake up one day this week (hopefully tomorrow) and realise what an enormous weight has gone from your shoulders. Trust me, you will.
"This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags. - Sheriff Buford T. Justice"
She has never orgasmed during sex with me. Not even oral… After few failed attempts i was direct and I asked her what should I do, but she said she likes everything, she is not demanding and that i shouldnt worry about it because she has never experienced orgasm with any boyfriend.
Essentially she is a frigid woman. This is often tied to other psychological problems. In fact the one woman I dated who was like this did enjoy sex, but did not like having orgasms and wanted me to stimulate her, but not to the point of her orgasm. It was a control mechanism, and I later found out that she was a complete sociopath. Sociopaths can not share with people, and literally lack empathy, so one can understand them not wanting to open up enough to cum around anyone.
I asked her can she get herself off by masturbating and she said yes…
She might be lying, or she might be telling the truth. Tell her you want to watch, in fact make the next date you watching her masterbate to orgasm several times. If she is reluctant maybe talk her into a little bondage: tie her to the bed and give her what the Japs call “a good toying”. Let’s see what her orgasmic response is really like. What happens if you hold one of those big Panasonic plug-in vibrators on her clit for 10 minutes. (Make sure no one is around, it could get noisy.) This would start to demonstrate that 1. you know what you are about. 2. You know what she is about and 3. You are in charge.its hard to practice when it happens once every 4,5,6 weeks and she doesnt want things to improve – she never guide me, tells me what she likes,etc… or maybe she lied to make me feel better? I dont know… i also dont understand why she was eager to have sex for like 3 months in the middle of our relationship….and why it went back to old ways after that… im confused.
I’m reminded of an old joke: Guy: “Why is it so hard for woman to orgasm?” Other Guy: “who cares!”The net net she’s reduced you to a mass of quivering jelly, where you want something can’t have it, feel inadequate, are confused, etc. That sucks, and experience shows that she has done that because that’s what she wants, she wants you frustrated and weakened.
In general the easiest and most sure fire way to deal with this type of bitch is to follow the advice of everyone here: BAIL, BAIL, BAIL !!!
If you really are intent on trying to “fix” things I would say tell her she has to do everything you want (at least in bed) for a month. If she says no, then how much does she really love you? Walk away.
Im sure she is not cheating on me since we live in a very small town – everyone knows everyone and i know a lot of people!</p>
Don’t be so naive. I was cheated on by a GF and a guy who was my friend, they both knew, and all their friends knew, and lots of my friends knew. It went on for several years until someone finally had the decency to tell me. (Strangely when I found out I didn’t care and just broke up with her and moved on. I f~~~ed her cousin about a week later, a one night stand which I was sure she’d find out about, just because I could.
i cant understand how a healthy woman at 27 is not bothered without sex for 6,7 weeks in a row. She just doesnt care.
Or: She prefers masturbating. Or she’s got another dude who is f~~~ing her. Or she’s a closeted lesbo. Or she’s not a healthy woman but has some pretty serious psychological problems. Or it’s worth it to her to keep control of your relationship by dangling and denying sex to you. Or some combination of the above.The big problem is we do not live together. But she likes kissing, hand holding etc… the last time after 6 weeks of getting NONE i told her i cant go on like that and she said the lack of sex bothered her too and that she would mentioned it if i didnt. Yeah right…after that we had sex the next week and then nothing for another 7 weeks in a row.
;
Either she will agree to be your sex slave or not. If not, find someone who actually likes sex. Trust me, they are out there.She always had excuses or find something more appealing to do then spent a night in the bed with me. The sad part is i have feeling for her and want to make things work
Why? Why do you “have feelings for her”? It sounds like the biggest feeling you have is “frustration” followed by “self doubt”. Why would you want to continue in a “relationship” with someone who makes you feel that way? Just tell her it’s over, if she says she wants to stay together tell her she needs to prove it by having sex, in exactly the way you want, every night for a month or two weeks or something. If she refuses just tell her: “I’ve invested too much time on you considering you are asexual and frigid, I need a real woman who can be a partner and enjoys sex and is excited by a man who wants to f~~~ her all the time. I’m sure there are lots in impotent men out there, hopefully you can find one to have the exclusively emotional / friendship relationship you’ve tried to have with me.”
but there are two in relationship, cant do things if she is not willing to work on it too. She was very eager to talk about the problem but didnt do anything to make things work after that. one of her solution to have more sex is to move in together, hotel rooms,… i laughed.
Move in together? Why? You aren’t having regular sex. That’s a terrible idea. The hotel could be good. It might be that having parents in both locations is a turn off. Take her to a cheap motel, bring ropes, vibrators and dildos and see what you can make her do. After you’ve used her like a piece of meat dump her. That really is my best advice for you. Your self-esteem will grow, you’ll be done with her, you’ll have proved some things to her that might help her in the future, and more importantly to yourself.
Good luck, what ever you decide, but please don’t be a chump and let her move in and still not have open access to her wide open pussy at your command.
She said we wont try anything anymore, that we are not compatible and she is breaking up with me. That we are not functioning together and if we could we would make it by now.
I will translate here.”You called me out and are now going to be much harder to manipulate in the future. We are over I need a new sap.”
So yeah, she dumped me in the end, making me look like a bad guy for not suggesting to move in with me. At the same time she always had problem to come to my place and/or have sex with me. Its over now. I am a FOOL.
You are not a fool unless you don’t learn from this. She did that specifically to emotionally manipulate you on the way out.
im wondering if she even loved me
No. You were a utility.
tnx for the long post Silver Surfer!
Well I guess you missed my above post, but she already dump me so its over either way… I just hope ill get some confidence back.. hitting a gym 4 times a week helps alot i think…
You are not a fool unless you don’t learn from this. She did that specifically to emotionally manipulate you on the way out.
No. You were a utility.
So you think the stuff about moving in was an excuse? I did notice back then (the closet incident) she began to pull back and was kinda withdrawn so Im not completely sure if that is not true.
What do you mean by utility? Idont have much money and im pretty much a normal dude with an average job. Do you think she likes a relationship more then she likes me? Or do you think she considered me ‘alright’ and i was a sperm donor in her eyes because her clock is slowly ticking…
The fact that she was already upset about the closet you bought 2 months ago, show that she was planning on using you as a “utility” long ago. She is a classic female “consumer”, whether she wanted a place to live or a baby – she saw you as the “vehicle” to get there.
Women do not “make”, they are programmed to “take”.
Sovereignty above all else.
The fact that she was already upset about the closet you bought 2 months ago, show that she was planning on using you as a “utility” long ago. She is a classic female “consumer”, whether she wanted a place to live or a baby – she saw you as the “vehicle” to get there.
This is nail on head. The only other thing I will add is, you said she was emotionless when she broke it off. This is either because
A) She never was into you. You were nothing more than the right person for the moment.
or
B) This is a s~~~ test. She wants to see if you will “fight to be with her”
Either way break off contact, if she contacts you, ignore her no matter how desperate her pleas are.
Its either u suck in bed mate, her libido is really low or shes using sex to dictate the terms of the relationship. Either way, set the frame and demand more frequent sex, if she continues her bullsh*t, replace her.
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