Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › Im 27 and Im pretty much in sexless relationship
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KanyeMGTOW 4 years, 6 months ago.
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Im with my girlfriend just over a year. We are both 26 years old from Europe. Our sex life has never been crazy, especially at the start of relationship (Im reading my diary: we had sex 4 times in first 5 months, 7 in 6 months) and now after a year (we had sex like max 20 times). We do not live together and we live 15 minutes apart (driving).
Im pretty unexperienced and not ‘that’ sexually agressive – we had sex 6 weeks after we met.
When we have sex she comes to my parents house when i m alone on Fridays or Saturday (im usually alone for weekends – almost every weekend and that is when i invite her to come) for a movie night/me making dinner,having sex… She sleeps over and go home the next day after breakfast – usually till noon she is gone. She is rarely initiator (cca 3 times since we are together). We have never had sex twice in the same day and never had morning sex not even on vacations.
It started slow – after 1st sex she had many excuses and do almost everything to avoid any situation that can result into having sex again (she rejected, had excuses when i was inviting her to come to sleep over). An example – after just 3 months since we met she invited me to her mothers 50s birthday which was in 1.5 month (like she is very serous about us), but when i invited her to sleep over the next day she had bs excuse even thoug i invited her one day before so she could make plans. Things like this happened few times…
So after that i gave up/stopped inviting her but we were sill together, and few weeks went by, I was already looking for other girls but then things improved. She was more eager to have sex, when she realized Im not inviting her anymore and dont give a f**k anymore. She was inviting herself to my place… she also bought a new bigger bed for her room (she lives with her parents in the house) so i could sleep over too. At the beginning i refused to sleep over there because i felt uncomfortable since her mothers bedroom is next to hers. And also if im honest – because i was still so angry/hurt at all her rejections in the past. That effected me and my confidence badly – i remember I stopped inviting her back then because I rather didnt ask and not get rejected/heard BS excuse. I have always had bad feeling in my stomach when i invited her over so this was me getting little back at her… stupid i know… So after cca 1 year mark sex went down to like once every 4,5,6 weeks – just like in the beginning She just wasnt bothered. She still always touches me, initiates contact, kissing me, is very affectionate , wants to see me, but with sex she just isnt bothered. I talked to her about it but nothing change in the long term – we had sex soon after the conversation/argument about it and then the cycle continue. When i bring it up again she responds – thats life , things comes up in life, what can I do etc.. again lots of excuses because she in not bothered by the lack of sex but she wont admit it. She said it bothers her too, but when there is a chance to do it she always find something more appealing/important. She always had the same defense – we are both to blame and how many times did you sleep over in my room? I said not as many times as id like… BTW she has never denied my advances once we are in the bed, but to get her there is an art…
Few weeks back we had our 1st year anniversary. We also havent had sex for like 6 weeks at that time. I bought her a gift, she had nothing for me (which surprised me since she alwas brings me small gifts when she is abroad, on vacation with family, etc… she said she wanted to create something for me but didnt like it, and that she didnt want to buy me just something). I made her a painting and bought a coupon for 40 euros in her favourite hobby-art shop. The next day we went for a dinner – she payed for it. After the dinner i suggested – invited her to come to my place for a weekend and she said she will not come because her best girl friend is coming back from vacation (she was gone for 14 days). She said they will have a drink in her (my gfs) house. So I suggested to come to sleep over at hers. She said ‘fine’ but wasnt enthusiastic about it by the sound of her voice. The next day i called her to make it sure and she said – id put you in my bed but my sister brought her dog to watch it over and dog can only sleep in my room otherwise it barks around the house. So I said ‘did you just rejceted me for the dog??’ She said ‘no, come on…’
I do not like the dog because it s not civilized – it barks and jumps when people come and i just hate it. She knows it. She threats that dog like a person – like a human being.. its so stupid like the dog is a baby. I was so angry at her that i was punching the door afte phone call ended. She rejected me twice after 6 weeks without sex and for what? To have a drink with a friend and for the dog. To feel like an even bigger fool, she ended conversation with the question if im gonna drop by to se her anyway. I said i ll see. After couple of hours i texted her – im going to have a beer with my friends, when you realize that you rather have a bf in your bed then a dog let me know…
How would you react??? Dont know how to proceed.. I feel disrespected and unvalued. I mean its pretty much a sexless relationship at 26 and we are together for little more then a year.
I think you should take the time to read what this website is about and maybe learn from the many other threads around here. Anyways, my philosophy is that if a girl gives me problems, I walk/tell her to walk.
Seriously mate get out of it. If you talked to her and it didn’t change much it’s obvious that this is about power. by MacVx” target="_blank" href=”#93649145″> Women
use sex as a weapon, but the thing is that secretly they want it even more than you do. Don’t give her a bar of it. She is trying to make you behave so twist it on her. Show her that you don’t need her pussy, you have all the power, you just have to stop grovelling. Hope i helped bro. I’d react by showing up after grabbing a beer with mates, with a much hotter girl than her, and insisting that she leave my property and make room for my new girl…How would you react???
I would dump her. The truth is, I have broken up ‘relationships’ for less provocation.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Kick her to the curb, she’s useless. Not just because she won’t have sex with you, she also doesn’t do anything for you. If you want sex you can find someone else. She isn’t worth the effort obviously. Don’t even contact her just disappear because it’s obvious what’s going to happen. You do not even owe her that you want to break up with because it has already happened really.
"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle
No, no. Don’t tell her that you WANT to break up with her. Just tell her that you’re done and walk away, ignore all attempts at contact.
This could be a power thing; it could be a deep compatibility issue or she may even be a lesbian that hasn’t figured out how to accept it. Could be any number of reasons. Thing is you’re unhappy, she’s making you feel inadequate and there’s no forward progress. Inertia is death mate.
Get out and move on.
"This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags. - Sheriff Buford T. Justice"
Knowing that most chicks are good for nothing except getting dicked( since the smart ones tend to be pretty damn rare
->Insta-dumped if I were you.
It is a common failing of childhood to think that if one makes a hero out of a demon the demon will be satisfied.
As bad as it is now, it’s only going to get worse.
So bail and move on.
You don’t need this crap at your age. No man at any age should tolerate it, but certainly not in your mid 20s.
You already know the answer: end your relationship with her. Women don’t improve as a relationship progresses – they get worse. If you’re neglected now, imagine what she would be like after marrying you and having kids. You don’t want to go there.
How do you know she’s not getting her fill of tingles banging someone else?
She’s probably still sore from getting humped by some thug’s 12incher that’s why there’s none left for you.
Apologies for my tone, but I think you know the answer to all your problems.
Your fatal weakness is that you care. Dump that s~~~ baggage overboard.
She is exploiting that. I doubt she cares for you except in as much as she can exploit you.
She probably loves that s~~~ty dog more than you. Switch off your feelings for her, they will destroy you.
It sounds to me like she is trying to ‘string you along’. You are going to end up being a total loser if you stay in this.
more throttle ..... less brakes.....
Tnx for replies…
ALSO:
She has never orgasmed during sex with me. Not even oral… After few failed attempts i was direct and I asked her what should I do, but she said she likes everything, she is not demanding and that i shouldnt worry about it because she has never experienced orgasm with any boyfriend.
I asked her can she get herself off by masturbating and she said yes… its hard to practice when it happens once every 4,5,6 weeks and she doesnt want things to improve – she never guide me, tells me what she likes,etc… or maybe she lied to make me feel better? I dont know… i also dont understand why she was eager to have sex for like 3 months in the middle of our relationship….and why it went back to old ways after that… im confused.Im sure she is not cheating on me since we live in a very small town – everyone knows everyone and i know a lot of people!
i cant understand how a healthy woman at 27 is not bothered without sex for 6,7 weeks in a row. She just doesnt care. The big problem is we do not live together. But she likes kissing, hand holding etc… the last time after 6 weeks of getting NONE i told her i cant go on like that and she said the lack of sex bothered her too and that she would mentioned it if i didnt. Yeah right…after that we had sex the next week and then nothing for another 7 weeks in a row. She always had excuses or find something more appealing to do then spent a night in the bed with me. The sad part is i have feeling for her and want to make things work but there are two in relationship, cant do things if she is not willing to work on it too. She was very eager to talk about the problem but didnt do anything to make things work after that. one of her solution to have more sex is to move in together, hotel rooms,… i laughed.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
Trznik – I posted the video above to inject some humor.
Sex is an important aspect of a relationship. That is if you are going to have one.
If this woman has lack of interest in sex at this age, her interest in sex will only wane as the relationship progresses.
I can say from experience that you will NOT be able to fix this. You don’t have the power to alter her psychology or body when it comes to her sexuality.
I’m sure she is a great girl in other ways but everything you have said so far indicates that she has a lack of emphasis on you in so far as the relationship.
You will NOT be able to fix this. You can’t MAKE someone demonstrate your actual importance in a relationship.
No matter the quality of a woman, they are not worth your sacrifice. Especially when there is a lack of reciprocity. Again, any reciprocal consideration will only wane as the relationship progresses.
I say this not just from my experience, but from the voiced experience of almost every man here.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
Im with my girlfriend just over a year. We are both 26 years old from Europe. Our sex life has never been crazy, especially at the start of relationship (Im reading my diary: we had sex 4 times in first 5 months, 7 in 6 months) and now after a year (we had sex like max 20 times). We do not live together and we live 15 minutes apart (driving). Im pretty unexperienced and not ‘that’ sexually agressive – we had sex 6 weeks after we met. When we have sex she comes to my parents house when i m alone on Fridays or Saturday (im usually alone for weekends – almost every weekend and that is when i invite her to come) for a movie night/me making dinner,having sex… She sleeps over and go home the next day after breakfast – usually till noon she is gone. She is rarely initiator (cca 3 times since we are together). We have never had sex twice in the same day and never had morning sex not even on vacations. It started slow – after 1st sex she had many excuses and do almost everything to avoid any situation that can result into having sex again (she rejected, had excuses when i was inviting her to come to sleep over). An example – after just 3 months since we met she invited me to her mothers 50s birthday which was in 1.5 month (like she is very serous about us), but when i invited her to sleep over the next day she had bs excuse even thoug i invited her one day before so she could make plans. Things like this happened few times… So after that i gave up/stopped inviting her but we were sill together, and few weeks went by, I was already looking for other girls but then things improved. She was more eager to have sex, when she realized Im not inviting her anymore and dont give a f**k anymore. She was inviting herself to my place… she also bought a new bigger bed for her room (she lives with her parents in the house) so i could sleep over too. At the beginning i refused to sleep over there because i felt uncomfortable since her mothers bedroom is next to hers. And also if im honest – because i was still so angry/hurt at all her rejections in the past. That effected me and my confidence badly – i remember I stopped inviting her back then because I rather didnt ask and not get rejected/heard BS excuse. I have always had bad feeling in my stomach when i invited her over so this was me getting little back at her… stupid i know… So after cca 1 year mark sex went down to like once every 4,5,6 weeks – just like in the beginning She just wasnt bothered. She still always touches me, initiates contact, kissing me, is very affectionate , wants to see me, but with sex she just isnt bothered. I talked to her about it but nothing change in the long term – we had sex soon after the conversation/argument about it and then the cycle continue. When i bring it up again she responds – thats life , things comes up in life, what can I do etc.. again lots of excuses because she in not bothered by the lack of sex but she wont admit it. She said it bothers her too, but when there is a chance to do it she always find something more appealing/important. She always had the same defense – we are both to blame and how many times did you sleep over in my room? I said not as many times as id like… BTW she has never denied my advances once we are in the bed, but to get her there is an art… Few weeks back we had our 1st year anniversary. We also havent had sex for like 6 weeks at that time. I bought her a gift, she had nothing for me (which surprised me since she alwas brings me small gifts when she is abroad, on vacation with family, etc… she said she wanted to create something for me but didnt like it, and that she didnt want to buy me just something). I made her a painting and bought a coupon for 40 euros in her favourite hobby-art shop. The next day we went for a dinner – she payed for it. After the dinner i suggested – invited her to come to my place for a weekend and she said she will not come because her best girl friend is coming back from vacation (she was gone for 14 days). She said they will have a drink in her (my gfs) house. So I suggested to come to sleep over at hers. She said ‘fine’ but wasnt enthusiastic about it by the sound of her voice. The next day i called her to make it sure and she said – id put you in my bed but my sister brought her dog to watch it over and dog can only sleep in my room otherwise it barks around the house. So I said ‘did you just rejceted me for the dog??’ She said ‘no, come on…’ I do not like the dog because it s not civilized – it barks and jumps when people come and i just hate it. She knows it. She threats that dog like a person – like a human being.. its so stupid like the dog is a baby. I was so angry at her that i was punching the door afte phone call ended. She rejected me twice after 6 weeks without sex and for what? To have a drink with a friend and for the dog. To feel like an even bigger fool, she ended conversation with the question if im gonna drop by to se her anyway. I said i ll see. After couple of hours i texted her – im going to have a beer with my friends, when you realize that you rather have a bf in your bed then a dog let me know… How would you react??? Dont know how to proceed.. I feel disrespected and unvalued. I mean its pretty much a sexless relationship at 26 and we are together for little more then a year.
Hi Treznik87;
1.) Welcome to the forum; your situation jumped out at me as it mirrored my own and I was hoping to provide some advice.
2.) My ex wife and I had almost identical demographics as you and your girl friend when we were first dating. I had little experience with girls and romantic relationships at large; I did not have a comparison at the time and made a huge mistake of staying in the relationship, getting married, and having it fall apart shortly thereafter. Hopefully I can prevent you from making a similar mistake. My guess is your girlfriend is more experienced then you.
3.) You girlfriend sounds passive – aggressive. I am going to make some educated guess on your posting. Correct me if I am wrong. Like you stated; you only initiate sex. Same with my relationship. Also, sex is infrequent at best – 1 every 4-6 weeks for your age is not typical in a healthy relationship. The excuse making, once a secession lovemaking, no sex in the morning, no sex with the lights on etc. smell of power/control/father issues. It will not get better – identical to what I experienced. I would not be surprised if she will awkwardly try and initiate at an time when your obviously not in the mood – I.e. Sick, exhausted, stressed. This will justify her withholding to herself.
4.) One of the many risks you run, if you continue in the relationship, is that you will begin to accept this as normal. You will rationalize that everything else about the relationship (affection, I love you, etc) is great. I sure as hell did. Wait another 5 years especially post marriage – your in for a unpleasant surprise.
5.) Simple fact, as painful as it might be to accept, is that she is not that into you. You serve her on one of two levels A.) A place holder until someone more exciting comes along, B.) A sperm donor to gift her with her kids, and then an ATM thereafter when she moves onto her next conquest. She is getting older, her biological clock is ticking. She is essentially trying to convince herself that she can make it work long enough with you to get her children. The relationship will then be over.
6.) When she ends the relationship, she will spin it back on you, to justify the breakup. You will more then likely get some or all of the following: A.) We are not sexually compatible. I only really ever viewed you as a friend. B.) I am bored with your performance/too predictable – even though all her prior “rules” made you that way in the first place. C.) Throw grievance that you turned her down too frequently or missed some magical cue she was sending.
7.) The decision is ultimately yours. Good luck.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
As my Brothers have stated. dump her. She probably has it in her mindset that she can control you along with you being with her for a good while.. which I hope you won’t be.
you are 26 and having sex so infrequently? this sounds like a friends with benefits – or in this case deficits – thing for you. at 26, i was crazy up the wazoo about sex and pussy. today at 39, i still am (oh yeah, still love pussy and those curves) but now i know my options and how to indulge safely and with zero consequences. in other words, i am in the driver’s seat, not the other way around. and i drive often. i don’t pay for a car rental and then let it tell me that there’s a check engine light thingie going on.
i wish i could go inside your body and tell her off. anyway, you should leave the relationship, the end. if you can’t confront her, just up and quit. don’t call or txt back. just walk away. remember that everyday you allow this to continue, you kill a part of yourself and your happiness. what p~~~ess me off is that you are buying her things. wtf. money ain’t free.
Hi Treznik87;
1.) Welcome to the forum; your situation jumped out at me as it mirrored my own and I was hoping to provide some advice.
2.) My ex wife and I had almost identical demographics as you and your girl friend when we were first dating. I had little experience with girls and romantic relationships at large; I did not have a comparison at the time and made a huge mistake of staying in the relationship, getting married, and having it fall apart shortly thereafter. Hopefully I can prevent you from making a similar mistake. My guess is your girlfriend is more experienced then you.
3.) You girlfriend sounds passive – aggressive. I am going to make some educated guess on your posting. Correct me if I am wrong. Like you stated; you only initiate sex. Same with my relationship. Also, sex is infrequent at best – 1 every 4-6 weeks for your age is not typical in a healthy relationship. The excuse making, once a secession lovemaking, no sex in the morning, no sex with the lights on etc. smell of power/control/father issues. It will not get better – identical to what I experienced. I would not be surprised if she will awkwardly try and initiate at an time when your obviously not in the mood – I.e. Sick, exhausted, stressed. This will justify her withholding to herself.
4.) One of the many risks you run, if you continue in the relationship, is that you will begin to accept this as normal. You will rationalize that everything else about the relationship (affection, I love you, etc) is great. I sure as hell did. Wait another 5 years especially post marriage – your in for a unpleasant surprise.
5.) Simple fact, as painful as it might be to accept, is that she is not that into you. You serve her on one of two levels A.) A place holder until someone more exciting comes along, B.) A sperm donor to gift her with her kids, and then an ATM thereafter when she moves onto her next conquest. She is getting older, her biological clock is ticking. She is essentially trying to convince herself that she can make it work long enough with you to get her children. The relationship will then be over.
6.) When she ends the relationship, she will spin it back on you, to justify the breakup. You will more then likely get some or all of the following: A.) We are not sexually compatible. I only really ever viewed you as a friend. B.) I am bored with your performance/too predictable – even though all her prior “rules” made you that way in the first place. C.) Throw grievance that you turned her down too frequently or missed some magical cue she was sending.
7.) The decision is ultimately yours. Good luck.
Im in the really great shape (better then 95% of guys – but she still refused to f*ck me on regular basis…) since i play semi pro basketball (im 6’4, but pretty average 6′ down there…) and im going to the gym for 4 times a week now. She acts like she doesnt appreciate it…
She is my 1st serious gf… only had flings before. She had few serious relationship before me. She hasnt had a BF for 3 years and said to me she hasnt had sex for 1.5 year before we did it for the 1st time. that shocked me since she is a really good looking girl – face 9/10 for sure, body is average… She can get almost any man she wants but chose to be with me but looks like she doesnt desire me sexually. i do not ahve much money – was even unemployed when we met and I told her that it right away.
It was like this since the start. She initiated sex like maybe 3 times. Only once she was really direct. the lack of relationship experiences makes me tolarate many things. I do not know what is acceptable.
One time when we were out she was drunk and she said to my friend (i was standing behind and heard it): ‘Im almost 28, Ill have a child in a year or two, its gonna be his (mine) or some one elses. Friend turned around and congratulate me and laugh.
She also said once she was drunk: ‘friends first, then boyfriend’. The fact is im not her priority most of the time since the start – very beginning. Many times she could come (was invited) to come and sleep over when i was home alone but rather spent the night having a drink with her friends…
And one more thing that might be important but i havent mentioned yet – she was fatherless since she was really little. She has some major issues about her father. When we argue she often brought her fathers behaviour towards her mother up. He cheated and left her mother when she and her sister was very very young. They still have contacts but she has major issues about him. every time we argue she said something like ‘thats how my father acted/behave towards my mother’ and stuff like that. She almost cry when say words like that. She has issues about him thats for sure…
My confidence is very low right now .All those rejections has taken a toll on me. also the feeling of not being desired sexually is very bad. To not even mention that the dog had priority in her bed over me…
And one time when i brought the issue about the lack of sex she said SHE HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED PROBLEMS LIKE THAT WITH ANY EX BF…
maybe i jsut suc*k in the sack… as i said she is my 1st serious gf and she is already melting my head…
<span style=”font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: #fbfbfb;”>” And one time when i brought the issue about the lack of sex she said SHE HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED PROBLEMS LIKE THAT WITH ANY EX BF…”</span>
– I got almost the exact same thing from the ex. This is classic gaslighting; she is trying to pin her problems and issues on you and make you feel like your damaged. Your not. The issue is with her. Make no mistake, this is psychologically abuse.
– Unfortuantely, I was almost 100% correct – daddy issues and all. Time to extract yourself. She will trap you with an unplanned pregnancy. Then you will have to deal with this bitch for the rest of your life.
– I also bet it feels like you walking on egg shells when around her? She is probably prone to periods of being aloof or almost detached from the relationship that make you feel unsettled? Typical boarder line personality disorder with passive aggressive tendencies if I had to make a guess.
– Your still a young guy; time to move on. Casually date other women if you choose – always with protection.
– Don’t base you self worth as a man on her happiness or any woman’s happiness. The social conditioning stops here. This is your red pill moment; your crossing of the Rubicon.
– You are at a crossroads. Your girlfriend is akin to my ex. Learn from my mistake. Save yourself a decade of psychological trauma. Ditch the bitch.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
This is classic gaslighting; she is trying to pin her problems and issues on you and make you feel like your damaged.
A-Friggen-Men
I would like to point out a corollary.
Are you unhappy?
If so, what are you unhappy about? – Girlfriend perhaps?
Would not having the issue that make you unhappy, relieve a lot of you unhappiness?
I leave you to fill in the blank spots.
This may sound counter intuitive, but this is a place where we want you to feel safe, and would see you spared from pain.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
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